Northwest 50 Plus Portland Metro Edition September 2020 by Northwest50Plus

Complimentary copy please take one home!

YOUR COMPANION FOR LIVING WELL IN THE NORTHWEST

METRO | SEPTEMBER 2020

DIY Decorator

Remodeling neednâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t break the bank

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Editor’s Note

Northwest

50 Plus

VOLUME 23 | NUMBER 9

OREGON’S OLDEST & LARGEST 50+ PUBLICATION 3 Editions serving adults aged 50 and older Portland-Metro-Vancouver, Marion-Polk-Coast, South Valley: Linn-Benton Lane P.O. Box 12008, Salem, OR 97309 4923 Indian School Rd. NE, Salem, OR 97305 503-304-1323 | 1-877-357-2430 | FAX 503-304-5394 info@northwest50plus.com Northwest50Plus.com Subscriptions $26/year | $49/2 years

JENNIFER MCCAMMON Publisher 971-200-9686 JMcCammon@northwest50plus.com MICHELLE TE Editor MTe@northwest50plus.com DOREEN HARROLD Office Manager/Sales Assistant DHarrold@northwest50plus.com DEB JONES Sales Executive 503-910-6067 DJones@northwest50plus.com JENNA WEATHERLY Lead Designer JWeatherly@northwest50plus.com VERONICA MICEK Design Assistant CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Maggi White, Mary Owen, Vanessa Salvia and Grace Peterson Printed by Eagle Web Press, Salem, OR

A NOTE ABOUT ‘REMODELING’

DEAR READERS,

This summer I have embarked on several remodeling projects around my house – the result of working at home so much and fully absorbing all the projects that needed to be done. They have been good changes, but have required a lot of time, thought and effort. Some of the changes wouldn’t be noticed by most visitors to our home, but are important changes, nonetheless. Similarly, Northwest50Plus has been undergoing it’s own internal changes – ones that may not be noticeable to you, but are essential to the overall function of the magazine. I’d like to introduce our new publisher, Jennifer McCammon. She brings 25 years of experience in the magazine and newspaper industry as a publisher, editor, marketing pro, sales manager and business owner. She is excited to help grow the magazine in value and strength for our business partners and readers. Happy reading!

Michelle, Editor

From the publisher Hello! I am passionate about this community, and eager to serve you. My first opportunity to do so was improving distribution to best serve you during the pandemic. Many organizations that have so generously provided convenient locations for Northwest50Plus to be available are currently unable do so. We thank our partner businesses and look forward to being with you again soon. Happily, we have secured alternate locations — 600 total — that are open, convenient, and frequently visited. New locations include all Bi-Mart stores (look for the racks with the Northwest50Plus banner), grocery stores, and other fine businesses. Advertisers will be glad to know the new plan is truly improved, reaching 70,250 readers per month, nearly 1 million readers annually. More than ever, we know the information, resources and companionship of your magazine is important. If you prefer the convenience of receiving Northwest50Plus by mail, subscriptions are easy and affordable — just call Doreen at 503-304-1323 and she’ll set you up. We continue working to make it easy to find your magazine, and to provide content that is meaningful, timely and fun. Thank you for your patience during these challenging times. And thank you for being part of the Northwest50Plus family. We love serving you.

Northwest 50 Plus is published monthly and locally owned and operated by Eagle Newspapers, Inc. The entire contents of this publication are copyrighted by Northwest 50 Plus. Any use of all or any part of this publication is prohibited without written consent of the publisher.

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NORTHWEST LIVING | AT HOME

DIY Decorator

By M AG G I W H I T E

JAN STROMBERGER ENJOYS SAVING MONEY AND DOING THE HOME REMODELING PROJECTS HERSELF

HILE SOME BOOST THEIR MOOD BY spending money, Jan Stromberger finds the opposite to be true – she finds saving money to be “peaceful.” In fact, she has found great delight in remodeling and furnishing her current and previous homes with her husband Ralph. Now, they live in Charbonneau and have done many of the updates themselves. She doesn’t need to feel guilty about spending too much on items; she loves to be in and enjoy her home. For example, she recently refurnished her living room for only $1,200 and breaks it down like this: The sofa ($510), pillow ($47), bolster pillow ( $42), orange pillow ($50), coffee table ($123), orange chair ($228), chair pillow ($19), pouf ($96), rug ($65), rug pad ($20). By setting a budget and staying disciplined, she was able to get everything she wanted. “They aren’t top-of-the-line, but I don’t need them to last for the next 125 years,” Stromberger says. For just $409, she updated the fireplace by keeping the marble, but replacing the doors and adding a floating shelf. The new Above, Jan Stromberger loves to ride horses and this is her favorite saddle. At right, her copper kitchen sink. Opposite page, some decorative features in her courtyard. 4 NORTHWEST 50 PLUS METRO | SEPTEMBER 2020

look “transforms the room,” she says. Above the fireplace she hung an enlarged photo of her father-in-law when he was a young boy standing next to 23 horses hitched to a combine.

Carrying on a legacy

Stromberger, a bookkeeper/accountant, was raised by a stay-at-home mom who taught Jan homemaking skills and how to be frugal. Stromberger’s father was a traveling salesman, but the parents were able to save enough to send their three children to college. She recalls, in learning how to sew clothes for the family, that she disliked sewing similar clothes that also included the family dog, and then being asked to model the matching outfits — in everything from ski clothing to bathrobes. “I didn’t like it,” Stromberger says. “I remember I was 12 to 15 years old, and I thought it was silly, but my mom didn’t care.” Her mother taught Jan at an early age to save money. She taught her to enjoy counting her pennies so she could change her babysitting money into dollars bills. She still enjoys counting money in her professional career. Later, Stromberger opened a savings account with that money and says she never spent it. Her husband Ralph grew up on an 8,000-acre cattle ranch in eastern Washington. He learned fix-it skills by working on the broken farm equipment. “His family worked all the time,” Stromberger says. As a married couple, they bought a 1913 fixer-upper in Portland’s Laurelhurst neighborhood. Together, they did the woodwork and welding, rebuilt furniture and used power tools to get it all done, finally restoring their home to its old-time Portland roots. Those early years under the tutelage of their parents, and the hard work ethic, had paid off. In fact, Stromberger’s parents were able to buy themselves a cottage on Mount Hood and create a cozy place of their own. Now, Jan and Ralph live on the golf course at Charbonneau. They’ve downsized from their Laurelhurst home, which was 3,400 square feet, to a much-more manageable 1,200 square feet. They don’t play golf, so they still enjoy spending their time on remodeling and decorating their home with a modern farmhouse aesthetic. P H OTOS BY B R I A N J I M P H OTO G RA P H Y

Some of the remodeling has included: ▶ Replacing all the molding ▶ Decorating with both antique and modern touches ▶ Refinishing old furniture finds, some brought to her by her late mother. ▶ Painting the white walls a khaki color and removing the old white carpeting. Stromberger also remodeled the kitchen and saved money adding new hardware to make the cupboards look

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like new. She installed a copper sink and new laminate countertops. She hired a professional to install no-seam flooring that doesn’t harbor bacteria. A realtor told them about an insurance policy with warranties that, for a yearly cost of $400, allowed them to replace the old furnace, stove and washing machine at no extra cost. In her office, Stromberger has a custom-built desk made of solid wood she bought from a friend for only $350 after that friend was unsuccessful at selling it online. In one of the bathrooms, the couple found it needed quite a bit of work. “The sink’s faucet leaked and the floors were two levels of linoleum,” she says. “The closet doors were unattractive, too.” It would have cost $4,000 to build new doors. Instead, she and Ralph bought three doors for $50 each. Ralph installed wheels and chiseled the doors so they

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would have handles. Then they installed a mirror. Someday she hopes to install a walk-in shower. Some other fun décor in the home: ▶ An old, rusty ice cream stool that once was used as a plant holder, is now refinished, powder-coated, and has a colorful button top. ▶ They restored an old crank wall phone from the farm that once was used

for party lines. They put the phone in their kitchen. ▶ Old headlights from a 1950s Ford truck are now on top of a credenza in the bedroom. Ralph changed the knobs on the credenza, removed a wall of mirrors and repainted it. The look is much more modern. ▶ They updated their old, heavy front door by replacing the hardware, changing the threshold and painting it a bright yellow. ▶ They also added a new light fixture next to the door. ▶ In the front of the house they spread out seven inches of earth and rock. They also replanted the entire yard and put in pavers themselves to create a small courtyard. By doing it themselves, Stromberger

estimates they saved approximately $400 in labor costs. Her next project: Update the laundry room that adjoins the garage with ample storage and better appliances. These days, Ralph supervises more than pitching in because of a back issue. “I ask him to just be there when I do it,” she says. “I am really good at delegating now.” When she’s not working or fixing up their home, Stromberger enjoys riding the two horses she boards in nearby Woodburn. “I love it so much I don’t want to go home,” she says. But of restoring fixer-uppers, she’s also very clear: “I would do it all again in a minute.” ☸ Clockwise from top: An old crank phone has been refurbished; Jan’s updated living room and bathroom bring her joy.

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Slow Down

NORTHWEST LIVING | YOUR HEALTH

& breathe

AM WILLING TO GO OUT ON A LIMB AND SAY that most of you have never heard of the infamous “Newman’s Energy Machine.”

There was a lot of hype about Newman’s perpetual energy machine in 1979 and 1980. I’m no physicist, but the bottom line was that Joe Newman claimed the contraption produced more energy than was required to run it, making it the consummate perpetual motion machine. He applied for numerous patents, and both the U.S. Patent Office and the National Bureau of Standards rejected it. Despite all of his grandstanding and show-boating, Joseph Newman was found to be completely unrealistic. There’s a funny truth about momentum: even the most finely tuned machine winds down, even the machine with the best mechanics or design breaks.

The garage refrigerator

Not long ago, we put our 20-year-old refrigerator out to pasture. We kind of took it for granted out there in the garage. It was our equivalent of a perpetual motion machine, in a state of constant freezing and cooling. We looked the other way, of course, when we chipped away its inefficient ice build-up or when the freezer motor began its clanking sound, but eventually, its momentum ceased. I’m pretty sure our perpetual motion refrigerator, much like the Newman Energy Machine, lost the momentum and energy ratings of their youthful exuberance. All of this perpetual motion and momentum talk has led me to think about us mere mortals and how we over-strive to maintain momentum. In a constant effort to run our lives in perpetual motion, we are pretty good at ignoring the topic of momentum. We are often working or gathering too much without a break, we drink too much caffeine and energy drinks, we drive through our favorite fast food restaurant after five-hours of sleep, we take loads of supplements never really knowing what we’re taking, or some of us consume too much adult beverage.

By J O H N H U G H ES

sometimes hurt; we sometimes need repair. As we age, we can hike, but eventually slower; we can swim or run or even jump, but shorter or with more caution. We can move weights, but less or do modified push ups or play golf. Still we must also acknowledge that if the laws of physics apply to the momentum of perpetual motion machines or refrigerators, why would they somehow skip over us humans? We must allow that it is not wrong to simply rest, to reflect and to understand that in trying to forever achieve momentum, we can actually do more harm than good. Our lives must also be about peace and acceptance of what has passed and the blessings of what is to become. ☸ Borrowed and paraphrased from Steve Gilliland, Author and Hall of Fame Speaker. John Hughes is owner of ComforCare in Salem.

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When do our machines finally say, “Enough is enough?” When do we eventually realize, “I need to rest?” In our quests to maintain the idealized momentum of our lives, we must also allow that we are indeed only human. We METRO | SEPTEMBER 2020 NORTHWEST 50 PLUS 7

s t h g i n K of s a i h t y P ent

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T FEEL YOU

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HE USE OF CBD FOR PET AILMENTS INSTEAD OF PHARMACEUticals is rapidly increasing.

“Why would anyone, human or pet, want unnecessary chemicals in their bodies when there is an herbal solution that is far better without the side effects,” says Christy Marsing, who sells CBD products online throughHempworx. Marsing started working in the hemp industry in 2001 while working for a hempbased hair care product company. “Since then, I have exponentially expanded my knowledge and history of this amazing plant and how it can help all mammals,” says Marsing, who joined the company a year ago when her corgi was suffering from Canine Cognitive Dysfunction. “Since then my business has grown and I am passionate about educating the public.” CBD, or cannabidiol, is a compound found in cannabis and hemp. In most cases, CBD does not contain delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the compound that gives marijuana its psychoactive properties, according to Dr. Jerry Klein, chief veterinary officer with the American Kennel Club. “In fact, most CBD products are derived from hemp and not from marijuana,” Klein says. According to the AKC, no formal study is currently available on how CBD affects dogs. What scientists do know is that “cannabinoids interact with the endocannabinoid receptors located in the central and peripheral nervous systems, which help

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maintain balance in the body and keep it in a normal healthy state,” AKC reports. “CBD or hemp products for pets are extremely helpful,” says Terri Ellen, a pet nutritionist and owner of Bed and Biscuit in Salem. “Dog treats or CBD oil in coconut oil work wonders for the anxious dog or cat. It helps with inflammation and pain and can offer some help with seizures and cancer. “It’s best to purchase CBD products made specifically for pets at your smaller local pet supply store,” she adds. “They are much more apt to have researched the brands and are knowledgeable enough about them to answer your questions.” CBD is quite safe for dogs as long as it’s administered correctly, says Cyndi Michael with HempStars, a small family-owned business in Keizer. “There are many ‘fake’ products out there,” she says. “They use the term ‘hemp extract oil’ which can be used for many different things and doesn’t necessarily mean that the product contains CBD. Hemp extract can be from hemp seeds, which has no CBD in it, although it is great for skin and hair.” Hemp extract can also come from leaves and stems which contain very little CBD, she says. “We make all of our own products from concentrated CBD oil purchased from licensed hemp processors,” she says. “It’s all lab tested to ensure quality and accurate dosing.” Before choosing a product, Michael advises to check the milligrams of CBD in the product. “HempStars Pet Oil is made with only two ingredients, MCT oil and CBD oil,” she says. “The size of your pet and the ailment you are treating will help determine the dosing. We have a recommended dosing chart right on the packaging.” Marsing also advises reading product labels. “Make sure it says CBD,” says Marsing, whose products are THC free and use American grown seed. “Make sure it’s organic. Make sure it’s non-GMO.

Also, make sure it is unflavored or a flavor that is suitable for pets.” Marsing also says to be consistent in servings – every day or twice a day. “This supports the endocannabinoid receptors in your pet and allows their cells to heal from the inside out,” she says. “It’s not an ‘aspirin’ solution. You may increase the serving slightly for situations of added anxiety, but using it consistently will give the best results.” Tralain Benner of Mama T’s Pet Products says CBD has shown to be very effective in treating many doggy ailments: seizures, arthritis, pain and inflammation, anxiety, allergies, focus for training, helping with grooming, and more. “CBD oil, or tincture, is the most effective method for pets,” says Benner, who concentrates sales online. “Second is treats. Topicals can be used on their skin, but it is the least effective method of administration.” According to Dr. Klein, CBD is also used because of its anti-inflammatory properties, cardiac benefits, anti-nausea effects, appetite stimulation, anti-anxiety impact, and for possible anti-cancer benefits, although there’s no conclusive data on this use. Always check with your veterinarian first before using a CBD product, the AKC advises. “The side effects are similar to the side effects in people,” Michael says. “Dry mouth, tremors, low blood pressure, lightheadedness, and drowsiness.” If any of these are noticed, Michael advises cutting back on the product dosage. “If you give too much, especially in a toy breed, they may vomit,” Marsing says. “In that case, give it a day or two. Back way off of the serving size and try again.” Ellen adds that most pets, if given too much, will just take a nap for a while, “which could be a good thing.” ☸

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Estate Sales

NORTHWEST LIVING | AT HOME

By M A RY OW E N

IS IT BUSINESS AS USUAL IN A PANDEMIC?

are lifted, payment is by card only, no cash, and social distancing is practiced, Mangum says. “We still have concerns,” says Mangum of the Phase 1 FTER COVID-19 RESTRICTIONS CURBED reopening allowances. “How can you have 6 feet of separation regular on-site estate sales, Oregon’s estate in a 3 feet hall? How can you safely have hundreds of peosale companies are carefully stretching into ple through a home and control separation, even if you limit business as usual. access? It’s natural to flock to desirable things and frankly, “While we were unable to do ‘estate’ tag-type sales, we consome people are not going to listen or follow direction. tinued with our online antique and collectible auctions,” says “Protecting our clients and our staff is very important to us,” Terry Mangum, who started Capitol Auction & Estate Services he adds. “We won’t be doing a traditional type estate sale for a in 2009 with his wife, Patrice. “They have always been online while.” and live, so we have just dropped the live portion of it and Stacie Drumm with Caring Transitions says with stay-ateliminated any preview.” home orders relaxed in Phase 1, the company held two onsite Mangum says one such event in May had about the same estate sales at the end of April and in mid-May. response as a regular auction, held at the auction house in “Our customers’ health and safety has always been of South Salem. paramount importance with “Our online auctions usually us,” says Drumm, echoing attract 300 to 400 bidders from Mangum’s statement. “Now blocks away from our office to more than ever, we continue across the world,” he says. “In to monitor and improve our recent months we have sent rigorous safety and cleaning items to Spain, Canada and protocols and procedures.” Taiwan. We have always done Caring Transitions ensures our own in-house shipping to social distancing guidelines by ensure our clients receive their requiring customers to wear items safely at an affordable a mask, limiting the number price.” of people who can shop at one Mangum is a graduate of the time, and sanitizing throughout Missouri Auction School, memthe day. People who are not ber of the National Auctioneers feeling well or who are already Association and the Oregon Auctioneers Association. He is also sick are asked to stay home, Drumm says. a licensed real estate broker in Salem. The Mangums are per“We are continuing to serve our community during this sonal property appraisers and have both been trained by the time by holding online auctions,” she says. “We have received Certified Appraisers Guild of America. With these credentials, positive feedback from our local customers to our out-of-state the couple often takes care of everything, including listing and customers as far away as New York and Florida. The stay-atselling the real estate, but how they handle sales has changed. home order gives people an opportunity to participate in estate “We think with more people at home and on the computer, sales without having to leave the comfort of home.” online sales will grow in future months,” says Mangum, whose Because Caring Transitions reach people throughout the last online sale attracted regulars as well as buyers from United States, Drumm says thousands participate in the online Portland and Eugene. auctions. Even with Oregon’s reopening, pickup is by appointment “It’s fun to pull reports after a sale ends to see how many only with items put out at the door. Until COVID restrictions people viewed our items,” she says. “Our online auction items start at $1 so the bidders dictate what the market is for items Terry Mangum holds an auction at Capitol Auction & rather than us pricing each item at a physical estate sale.” Estate Services before COVID-19 restrictions. Caring Transitions ships smaller items, will hold items for a

10 NORTHWEST 50 PLUS METRO | SEPTEMBER 2020

later pickup if needed, and does curbside pickup for small auction lots. “We have all non-furniture and appliance lots out of the house with invoices and names on them so when individuals come to pick up their winning lot we run it out to their car, they sign the invoice, and they are good to go,” Drumm says. “When someone wins furniture or an appliance, we show them where the items are in the house and allow one group to come in and load items.” Caring Transitions is a team made up of almost a decade of social services field work, military experience, property management, real estate brokering, and “seeing families face transitional times and wanting to ease the process,” Drumm says. “Whether you are de-cluttering, downsizing or clearing your estate or the estate of someone who has passed, the project can be overwhelming,” she says. “We are here to take the worry and stress out of those life events so you can spend more time with loved ones. We are constantly brainstorming to expand our services to better serve the community.” Both businesses offer a wide variety of services and sell everything from one-ofa-kind items such as coins, art and other collectibles to furniture, tools and appliances. They also take pride in finding the best possible solutions for families and individuals, whether handling a few valued treasures or an entire household of belongings. ☸

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TIPS FOR HANDLING AN ESTATE SALE • Divide property to be sold into categories. • Assess the quality and condition of all objects to be sold. • Create a catalog of all objects to be sold. • Set up displays for the items in the home. • Price the items. • Take photos of all objects. • Set date for sale. • Prepare home for crowds of buyers. • Recruit helpers. • Sell, sell, sell! According to WikiHOW

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Fitness in the great outdoors

NORTHWEST LIVING | FITNESS

By K I M B E R LY Z . M I L L E R

TIPS TO KEEP YOURSELF READY FOR YOUR NEXT OUTDOOR ADVENTURE

which may lead to an increase in tripping or falls. If you add weight, please make sure it is evenly loaded and close to your body. ☸

OR MANY PACIFIC NORTHKimberly Z. Miller is director of westerners, we love to boast Health and Wellness and Healthy Living about being an hour from for the Eugene Family YMCA. a mountain, an hour from the coast and just minutes from countless hikes and outdoor adventures. Plentiful parks and trails, and the temperate climate draw many of us outside year-round. Trail running, hiking or neighborhood strolls all offer a simple and effective way to improve overall health. Benefits include improved cardiovascular health and balance, and the mental and emotional relief gained from spending time in nature. With a few simple moves using a bench or table, you can turn your time outside into a full body workout. Make sure if you are using a surface that is publicly accessible take steps to sanitize it and yourself before and after. Consider adding walking sticks or extra weight to give your outside time a boost. Walking sticks are a great way to get your upper body in on the action by recruiting muscles in your chest, upper back, shoulders, triceps and core. They also help with balance and fall prevention. Carrying water or snacks for longer journeys is always a good idea. When you grab your backpack, experiment with adding a little extra weight. Additional weight increases the calorie burn and can improve bone density. Note: Adding ankle or wrist weights is not as safe since they can affect your gait

↑BENCH SQUAT: Stand half a step in front of the bench, feet shoulder width apart, press your weight back into your heels and shift your hips back, hinging slightly forward as you keep your eyes forward, bend your knees keeping them in-line with your feet and lower your hips toward the bench. Touch the bench but try not to sit all the way down, press through your heels and stand back up. Repeat 8-10 times for 1-3 sets.

12 NORTHWEST 50 PLUS METRO | SEPTEMBER 2020

↑BENCH STEP-UPS: This is a more challenging move so make sure you are well balanced and have a sturdy surface to step onto. Place your left foot fully onto the bench, press through your foot stepping onto the bench and standing tall. To add a challenge you can drive your right knee up as you step. Complete 10 reps before switching feet or alternate sides for extra balance work. 1-3 sets for each leg.

←BENCH PUSH-UP: Note: the lower the surface you place your hands on, the more challenging this exercise can be. Place your hands on the bench, shoulder width apart and walk your feet out until your torso and legs are straight and your shoulders are squared over your wrists. Engage your core to keep your back from swaying and inhale as you lower your chest toward the bench. Try to lower yourself as a unit and try not let your chin, chest or hips get there before the rest of you. Press through your hands as you exhale back to your starting position. Repeat 8-10 times for 1-3 sets. →BENCH DIPS: Start sitting at the edge of the bench with your hands tucked in close to your hips. Place your feet flat on the ground with about a 90 degree bend in your knees. Slowly shift your hips forward and off of the bench so that your weight is in your heels and your palms. Lower your hips while squeezing your shoulder blades so your elbows go behind you and not out to the sides. Press through your hands and straighten your arms back to the starting position. To increase the difficulty, extend your legs farther out infront of you.

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NORTHWEST LIVING | RELATIONSHIPS

Repairing the Bond By M AG G I W H I T E

IF YOU FIND YOURSELF ESTRANGED FROM YOUR ADULT CHILDREN, BE ASSURED THERE IS HOPE F YOU’RE EXPERIENCING THE PAIN OF BEING estranged from your adult children, be assured there is a way through.

Adult children move out and away from home to create their own separate families, but parents cannot. The distress of emotional pain is real, says Candace Young, a clinical psychologist-psychoanalyst in Portland. Unfortunately, estrangement from adult children is all too common. It is rarely because of “bad” parenting. Rather, Young says, it comes from misunderstandings that build up on both sides; the impact is so strong that neither party knows how to reach out, even if they want to. Distance often happens when an adult child chooses a life that doesn’t match up to the parents’ approval, she says. Common topics include religious beliefs, sexuality, and others. Children feel unloved or not understood and want to establish their own lives. They feel the only way to do it is to distance themselves from one or both parents. Over time the withdrawal from parents becomes more concrete and, thus, more difficult to resolve. If both sides are strong-willed, “it is easy to get walled into corners,” Young says. “Most estranged parents love their children and want to be with them. Separation is one of the most painful things that parents experience.” Often, parents are unaware of what went wrong to cause distress. “Therefore, the sooner the issues are identified, the sooner things can get better,” she says. “If the situation is set 14 NORTHWEST 50 PLUS METRO | SEPTEMBER 2020

in stone, a therapist can help if both parties are willing to talk constructively and let go of anger and resentment. A therapist can help you figure out how you got there.” Here are some tips for reconciliation ▶ Reconciliation requires a genuine desire to understand where the other person is coming from. This requires talking, listening and accepting some of the responsibility. It is not a time to fight for your position. It is time to truly want to reunite, to figure out how you got there. It can be therapeutic for both sides. ▶ “It is not a debate. It is time to listen sincerely,” Young says. “It takes a lot of generosity when you feel hurt by your child’s disengagement. But it is useful to apologize, to own up to the part you did play. Explain why you said what you did and why you felt at the time it was for the child’s benefit. ▶ Acknowledge you shouldn’t have interfered; it was their life, that they are an adult. Listen. Accept. Avoid blame. Avoid defensiveness. Show genuine love and concern. “You can use words such as, ‘I care for you. I want to be part of your life, if you can accept that,’” she says. “No have-tos. It must be unconditional. Get beyond your own hurt and anger, even though it is hard. Most hurts are unintentional. You can say, ‘I think about how much I pushed you and it was not what you wanted. I did not respect your choices.’” Send gifts without expectations. Another way to re-connect if communication has totally stopped is to send birthday cards, presents, anything to show your love without expectations, Young says. Wait until a door opens. “If you get a late thank you for a gift, that is a door,” she says. “Send a note that says, ‘So glad to hear from you. I hope you enjoyed it.’ Don’t force more than is offered.”

▶ Be patient in establishing a connection. “At some point you can say, ‘I know I was not a perfect mother/father and I made mistakes. I would love to understand what hangs between us. If you feel open enough to talk to me about that, let’s do so,’” Young advises. “Here, the tone of voice is important. Say the words with sincerity, gentleness, and lack of judgment, lack of defensiveness. If this is hard to come by, see a therapist.” ▶ Re-establishing a relationship takes time and effort. “You can say, ‘I want so much for you to be happy.’ Be unconditional, no matter the response,” Young says. “Offer yourself to them. Say nothing is more important to me than a good relationship with you. Help me understand what went wrong to make it better.”

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“Most estranged parents love their children and want to be with them. Separation is one of the most painful things that parents experience.” CANDACE YOUNG

▶ ▶ Don’t repeat things of the past. “Some people’s bandwidth of acceptance is narrower than others, especially if there is a certain degree of narcissism,” she says. “For some, it is harder to admit fault because of their own self-esteem issues. Be tactful. Lots of cases of estrangement are reparable.” Some reconciliations where there has been violent physical or sexual abuse, or extreme emotional abuse surrounding a parent’s alcohol or drug abuse, are much more difficult to resolve and reconcile, Young says. “These take such a toll on children for them to have a sense of comfort. If a parent has been very violent, there is no coming back.” ▶ Continue loving gestures. Offer a dinner invitation, a day at the spa or just enjoying something together with no talk of the estrangement at all. Young suggests, “Re-invest yourself. You can say to an adult child that you know they are busy, but you’d like to catch up with them. If you’re able to get together, afterward let them know what a pleasure it was to be with them. Suggest doing it again and make it something they like to do.” She advises not to come on too strong, though. “Don’t sound as if you intend to move in,” Young says. “Offer to babysit. Reach out.” ▶ Sweeten the deal. Tell them you feel out of touch with them, but you are proud of something they have done. Tell your adult daughter she’s a better mother than you were. “These are all talking points moving forward to the hope of normalizing the relationship,” Young says. And keep in mind that most adult children expect more from their mothers and can be more wounded by them. ☸ Candace Young mentors at-risk youth and young adults through the I Have a Dream Foundation. She’s currently working on a book that includes interviews with children who were mentored to determine how well the interventions worked.

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NORTHWEST LIVING | HISTORY

100 Years of Women’ s Suffrage By VA N ESSA SA LV I A

LOOKING BACK ON THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS HISTORIC MOVEMENT

LTHOUGH THE PANDEMIC HAS WREAKED havoc on in-person museum visits (among other things), the exhibits have continued in many cases.

At the Lane County History Museum, the exhibit for the past three months has been “Equality and Nothing Else: 100 Years of the League of Women Voters.” The museum has been closed to visitors, but some items are available to peruse online. The League of Women Voters was founded in 1920 by leaders of the women’s suffrage movement, just six months before the 19th amendment was ratified and women won the right to vote on Aug. 26, 1920. It reads, in part, “The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of sex. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.” Sounds simple enough, right? Yet, it actually took decades of fighting before the government even started to take the idea seriously that women should vote. For 72 years, women petitioned, marched, picketed and lobbied Congress for an amendment to the Constitution to enfranchise women. Under the leadership of Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and other women’s rights pioneers, the women’s right to vote became a mass movement, finally winning approval by the 35 states required to ratify it. Having reached their initial goal, the organizers now needed to help the 20 million newly-enfranchised women A family in 1920s Eugene represents the time when women acquired the right to vote. 16 NORTHWEST 50 PLUS METRO | SEPTEMBER 2020

become informed about issues. They formed the League of Women Voters to help women get involved in politics. State and local chapters soon followed as women applied their new power to influence public policy. The League of Women Voters of Lane County was founded in 1939 with an ambitious program of improving general welfare, raising the standards of government and providing a system of finance that is adequate to meet the state’s needs. “The Lane League has addressed a wide variety of issues in its 80 years, from juvenile delinquency to providing affordable daycare to opposing a nuclear power plant on the Oregon Coast,” says Kathy Madison, chair of the Centennial Celebration Committee of the Lane County League. The national and local leagues that formed in the wake of the voting activism were intended to give a framework of support to women across the country who wanted to exercise their right to vote. In fact, though “women” is still in the name, the organization has been open to men since members voted to admit men in 1974. The change, which passed by a margin better than 2 to 1, was controversial because some members believed that female members would feel intimidated by a male presence in its ranks. Others believed that there was a hypocrisy in fighting for equal rights for women but not extending membership rights to men. In a 1974 New York Times article, League President Lucy Wilson Benson said, “Exclusion of men perpetuates a form of discrimination which I believe it’s time to end. There’s an element of hypocrisy in our fighting for the Equal Rights Amendment when we continue to deny equal league rights to men. If we’re ready for the ERA, then we darn well ought to be ready for men.” The league is nonpartisan, but it has always worked to educate its members and the general populace about issues that are important to democracy and public policy. “Initially, important issues were child labor and working P H OTO CO U RT ESY O F L A N E CO U N T Y H I STO RY M U S E U M

hours in general,” Madison says. “But that agenda soon broadened. Over its 80 years, the Lane League has taken on a variety of issues, including advocating for Eugene’s city manager model of government, long-term support for prevention and control of air pollution, addressing the need for affordable day care and opposing a nuclear power plant on the Oregon Coast, Today, the local league is focused on issues such as funding the public library, pesticide use in Oregon and climate change. Another issue the members are tackling is how the legislature draws political boundaries for congressional and legislative districts. “We study the issue, write a report and reach a consensus on what our position will be before taking action,” Madison says. “We don’t dictate to our membership what our position will be. On a national issue like climate change, we coordinate efforts with local, state and national organizations each working at their level.” Madison has been a member for 25 years and became more active since retiring about six years ago. ☸

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Freshen Up

NORTHWEST LIVING | YARD & GARDEN

Your Fall Garden

By G RAC E P E T E R S O N

AYING GOODBYE TO AUGUST IS NEVER EASY ation point. Winter hardy to -30 degrees F., it will come back for me. Heck, saying goodbye to July, isn’t each successive year. easy for me. I love summer and being outTrumpet Spurflower (Isodon effuses, Rabdosia longituba) is doors. I never get tired of sunny skies, buzza unique perennial from the mountains of Japan that will ing bees and balmy nights to view the stars. be equally at home here in an Oregon woodland or shade With September I feel all the more inclined to make every garden. During the growing season, nondescript, lanceolate moment count and enjoy the outdoors as much as I possibly leaves grow into either a tall, narrow plant or, if you’re like can before the rain and cooler temperatures return. me and tip prune it throughout the season, it’s a four feet tall With that in mind, the last few years, I’ve made an effort and two feet wide bushy plant. In fall the branch tips give way to incorporate more fall blooming plants into my landscape. to wistful panicles of delft blue tubular flowers that continue While anticipating their floral show all season, they offer some- the show for at least a month. A superb cut flower, Trumpet thing new and fresh at a time when I can use a good mental Spurflower will increase mildly in size each year and survive boost. Practically speaking, they Pacific Northwest winters just serve to take over for plants that fine. I have mine growing next to have finished their show. They a Hydrangea whose blossoms take also complement the plants that on a burnished rosy color. The two are still going strong, like hardy work really well together if I do say fuchsias, asters and dahlias. I so myself. thought I’d mention three worthy It took me a few years to figure candidates that are easy to grow out exactly where to situate Salvia and are sure to be a nice summer’s glabrescens “Momobana” in my end reward. garden. Too much shade and it Want a fragrant mint that grows tall, leans toward the light, doesn’t take over the entire yard? flops and doesn’t flower. Too much Chinese Mint Shrub (Elsholtzia sun and it fries. Finally I think stauntonii) doesn’t have the I have it figured out. It receives spreading roots that we associate about two hours of early afternoon with mint. Chinese Mint Shrub is sun and is lightly shaded the rest of a clumping, well-behaved perenthe day which makes for a wellnial with fragrant leaves that is shaped two foot tall and wide plant native to China and can be seen with unique, arrow-shaped leaves. growing both near valley stream In early fall, tropical looking twobeds and also on dry hillsides. In toned pink flowers bloom on the other words, it’s a very adaptable tips of the stems and continue for plant. In late summer, fluffy spikes several weeks. I have mine planted of magenta-pink flowers attract bees and other pollinators. I near an upright fuchsia bush with nearly the same colored have mine in a mostly sunny mixed border. During spring and flowers. Unlike a lot of Salvias, this one will be happy to receive early summer it blends and looks good but not spectacular. But regular moisture during the hot summer months. Also unlike a when the flowers emerge it transforms into a pleasing punctu lot of Salvias, this one is winter hardy down to -15 degrees F. so no need to protect it during the winter months. Above, Elsholtzia is a Chinese mint shrub with fragrant All three plants are available at Dancing Oaks Nursery in leaves and is very adaptable. Monmouth. https://dancingoaks.com. ☸

18 NORTHWEST 50 PLUS METRO | SEPTEMBER 2020

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Canfield Place residents raise almost $2,000 for dog rescue

TAFF AT CANFIELD PLACE senior living community in Beaverton delivered a check larger than puppies to the dog-rescue organization, Puplandia, on July 17. Several puppies were on hand when the check for $1,900 was delivered. The money was raised in a virtual silent auction that Canfield Place hosted in late June. Residents and supporters bid on a variety of baskets that included self-care items, home décor, food and

dining items along with pet-oriented baskets. The donation will help rescue other dogs and provide other services to dogs in need. “At Canfield Place, we have been working hard to create a positive, fun and worthwhile fundraising event during COVID and the stay at home order.” Says Canfield Place general maanger Betsy Upshaw.

“We look forward to working with other non-profits to make virtual fundraisers happen in the future.” All proceeds from the auction went directly to Puplandia. This event was put on with the help of Leisure Care’s One-Eighty Foundation, which provided support by offering the use of a silent auction software product and dedicated hours to make the event a success. ☸

NORTHWEST LIVING | RETIREMENT LISTINGS

Amenities: Independent Living Assisted Living/RCF/Foster Care Housekeeping Transportation Utilities Included Planned Activities Memory Care There’s “No Place Like Home.” That’s why Creekside Village Creekside Village is where you’ll want to hang Retirement Residence your hat. Beautiful grounds w/paths, Serve A “Family Felt” Environment 5450 SW Erickson Ave. Beaverton, OR 97005 503-643-9735 www.creekside-village.com

IHTUP Beaverton Lodge 12900 SW 9th St. Beaverton, OR 97005 503-646-0635 www.beavertonlodge.com

IHTUP Parkview Christian Retirement Community and Assisted Living 1825 NE 108th Ave. Portland, OR 97220 503-255-7160 Laura Mathews

IAHTUP 20 NORTHWEST 50 PLUS METRO | SEPTEMBER 2020

3 fantastic home cooked meals a day by our seasoned chef. Just blocks from the Elsie Sturh Senior Center, Beaverton Library, & Beaverton Farmers Market. No Buy-In, 120 Apts., 568 sf, 1BR/1 BA + Lg storage closet, 801 sf, 2 BR/1 BA + Lg storage closet, 808 sf, 2 BR/2 BA + XL closet & pantry. Some of the largest retirement apartments in the area. Pet-friendly, non-smoking community. Two sets of onsite managers, indoor spa, mineral/saline pool, senior water aerobic classes, scheduled transportation, weekly shopping trips & excursions. Beautiful walking paths & raised bed gardens, Comcast TV & much more. No Buy-In 121 apartments, Large Studio, 1 and 2 bedroom apartments with storage rooms Our 6-acre parklike campus is in a quiet neighborhood near medical services, shopping, & banks. Single-level courtyard apartments with beautiful walking paths. Activities, faith based services, health/wellness programs. We have a wonderful sense of community here at Parkview. Chef-prepared meals and dedicated serve staff. Small pets welcome. 24-hr staff and daily well-being checks. Call for more information and a virtual tour. No Buy-In. Not-for-profit. 115 Retirement Apts. 63 Assisted Living Apts. with special benefits for Veterans.

PETS | FUNDRAISER

Popular Catio Tour goes virtual

HE VERY POPULAR CATIO TOUR WILL BE virtual this year, allowing sponsors to show an even broader and diverse number of cat patios. The 8th Annual Catio Tour on Saturday, Sept. 12 will showcase 10 diverse outdoor cat enclosures. This year’s tour will be virtual with each of the catios professionally filmed to showcase their creative and unique designs, from efficient to expansive. Guests will “take the tour” on Zoom with other catio fans, be the first to see the catio videos, and also interact with catio hosts during live Q&A. Generous sponsors include Catio Spaces, Construction ReConstruction, Humane Society of the United States, and Mr Plywood. Hosted by the Feral Cat Coalition of Oregon and Portland

Audubon, the Catio Tour was created to inspire cat owners to build or buy their own outdoor cat enclosure to keep cats safe from outdoor hazards while also protecting wildlife from cat predation. Funds from the Catio Tour support the Portland Audubon’s and Feral Cat Coalition of Oregon’s “Cats Safe at Home”™ campaign, which aims to reduce free-roaming cats in the Portland metropolitan area with solutions that are good for cats and wildlife. For more information about the campaign, visit CatsSafeAtHome.org. Of note 2020 Catio Tour, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Sept. 12, online. Cost is $25 for full access to the tour, presentation, guidebook, catio videos/images and more. Pay $15 for guidebook and catio videos/ images only. Register at CatsSafeAtHome.org. ☸

NORTHWEST LIVING | RETIREMENT LISTINGS

Amenities: Independent Living Assisted Living/RCF/Foster Care Housekeeping Transportation Utilities Included Planned Activities Memory Care 24-hour staffing. Optional meals, two lovely Courtyard Village courtyards, full kitchens in each apartment. at Raleigh Hills Conveniently located next to Fred Meyer. 4875 SW 78th Ave. Portland, OR 97225 503-297-5500 Joanie Ceballos joaniec@courtyardvillage.com web:courtyardvillage.com

IHTUP Avamere at Bethany Retirement, Assisted Living & Memory Care 16360 NW Avamere Court Portland, OR 97229 503-690-2402

IAHTUPM Knights of Pythias Retirement Center 3409 Main Street Vancouver, WA 98663 360-696-4375 Call Lori Fiorillo to schedule your personal tour with complimentary lunch.

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Scheduled transportation and weekly housekeeping included. Please call for a tour and complimentary lunch. Embrace the beauty of retirement.

No Buy-In, 180 Units Studio: 530 sf, 1 BR/1 BA: 750 sf, 2 BR/2 BA: 960 sf Did you know that Avamere at Bethany offers dementia care in our Arbor Community? Our staff is proud to provide a high quality of care to each resident, recognizing the uniqueness of each individual. We also offer assisted living apartments where residents can start out independent and as their needs grow we grow with them. Bethany has 8 condo cottages that are independent living with all the perks of living inside the community. Call today to schedule your tour! No Buy-In, call for pricing details. Our non-profit organization offers very affordable housing. Amenities include meal program, housekeeping, laundry service, beauty shop, fitness center, art room, library, and a secured courtyard, 24-hr. security, secured entrance, emergency pull cords in each apartment. There are planned activities & weekly shopping trips at no cost. Stop by for a tour and lunch any time! No Buy-In, Subsidized Studios & One Bedroom Apts. 166 Units, private pay rates starting at $820. METRO | SEPTEMBER 2020 NORTHWEST 50 PLUS 21

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