Infinite Space 2023: Is It Still In Me?

The Light we Find, the Truth we Seek

A few weeks ago right at daybreak I spotted it on a whiteboard at a local gym

It was a verse I recognized from the poet Amanda Gorman I stopped and took a photo because I do love that kind of serendipity, of being busy in your world and running into something that causes you to pause, think and tell yourself, “I gotta remember that ”

On the whiteboard, written in green ink, was a verse from a poem that will always resonate with me It read:

There is always light If only we ’ re brave enough to see it If only we ’ re brave enough to be it

Later that day, those two lines reminded me of what I had been reading for days, the work of students and staff and faculty featured in this issue of Infinite Space

Amanda is a lot like them

She’s the country’s National Youth Poet Laureate just a few years older than the students I see interview and talk to often at High Point University She turned 25 in March

The verse I saw on a whiteboard came from her illuminating poem “The Hill We Climb ”

In January 2021, she wrote it and read it at the presidential inauguration of Joe Biden In her poem, she wrestles with big questions about how we as a country need to face our challenges and find hope, unity, and healing during a time when Americans are worried the future of our country

Like Amanda, the writers of Infinite Space wrestle with big questions, too Their questions, though, are much more personal With the questions they ask themselves, they lean into their vulnerability and look within to understand who they are and what they believe

Take HPU student Violet Tetel In her piece “My Faithful

Journey,” she writes about how going to Hayworth Chapel every week helped her to see herself, her whole self

Or HPU senior Harris Goldstein In his piece “A Place of Connection ” he writes about how Hillel gave him a sense of belonging that he had never felt before

Or art professor Benita VanWinkle While photographing vintage movie theaters nationwide for an upcoming book, she writes about how she stumbled onto an abandoned warehouse in small-town Nebraska

Like me, she saw something that caused her to pause I saw poetry Benita saw heaven

Or really a sign that read “Heaven ”

The sign encouraged her to pay attention to the small things we tend to miss in life

Kamryan Collis, the editor of Infinite Space this year, writes about one of those small things

It’s the connected glances she shares with her friend Sara That’s how they met Those connected glances led them to laugh together It also led Kamryan to conversations with Sara that helped Kamryan recognize

what we all can grasp, no matter our age

“No matter what happens in life,” she writes, “ no matter where your faith takes you, if you do nothing in life but seek truth, we will have a life well-lived ”

We all can seek truth everywhere right?

Sam Walter did

He’s a video production specialist and content manager at HPU, and he writes about his visit to Kenya four years ago He went with his church With his video camera in hand, he documented their weeklong trip What he discovered was the present-day relevance of a Bible verse written long ago

“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations I will be exalted in the earth "

That’s from Psalm 46:10 In Kenya, halfway around the world, Sam discovered the importance of letting go and being still to feel the presence of God That helped Sam answer this year ’ s theme of Infinite Space: Is it still in me?

Sam can say yes

Nearly eight years ago I listened to a decorated combat veteran tell HPU President Nido Qubein about his book

and his life Just like the green-ink verse on a gym ’ s whiteboard, the Army veteran told a story that got me thinking

His grandparents gave him a pocket Bible before he deployed to Afghanistan, and before every mission, the Army veteran would tuck his grandparents’ gift into his flak jacket right over his heart

In that pocket Bible his grandfather had written four words he wanted the Army veteran the grandson to always remember He did He repeated those four words every time before every mission

Have faith, not fear

That combat veteran was Wes Moore, a Rhodes scholar and author of “The Work: Searching for a Life That Matters ” Wes is now the governor of Maryland, his home state

Have faith not fear Those four words say so much

It reminds me of something I read in Book of Hebrews, Chapter 11, verse 1 It reads: “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen ” Think about that Bible verse for a minute Faith can reach beyond the conscious mind and fill our hearts with hope and promise

Just like any question can Just like what the writers of Infinite Space are doing here

This issue of Infinite Space encourages us all to look within to think about what we believe and ask ourselves the question the writers of Infinite Space posed to themselves: “Is it still in me?”

That question came from Kamryn, a sophomore journalism major from Henderson, North Carolina It prompted her to dig deep I hope it can do the same for you as well

As for me, I still think about Wes Moore’s story, about the Bible no bigger than the palm of his hand I first heard that story eight years ago It still sticks with me today It’s because of the four-word inscription written by his grandfather

Have faith not fear

May we always have that

Jeri Rowe is the senior writer for High Point University

This year s issue of infinite space s theme is “Is it Still in Me?” When I first thought of the theme I did so with certain hopes I hoped the theme would draw out in every person what it drew out of me A desire to dive deeper within myself and see how I had changed The visuals for the book only brought to life my initial intentions Vast and complex, a canyon tells a story, if you look close enough you can tell where it’s been and what is to come

When looking at a canyon from above it can seem flat and straightforward However, it is not until you go deeper that you see the beauty of it In the depths, there are many curves and lines that connect and make up the canyon much like a person

I think sometimes we get to stages in our life where we must take inventory and see what remains Sometimes that requires going back through all those little caves and corners inside us Taking note of and appreciating the rubble, as well as what has mended together into new and beautiful veins

Through this issue I hope that you are able to appreciate the honesty in all of these stories Each one echoes something in the other Through these pieces I hope you are inspired the way that I was and ask yourself the same question, “Is It Still In Me?”

All branches curl towards the bright light, deep within the dark and shaded night

Wrapped, entwined and soon to be pruned, primed and groomed to heal each wound

Branches bear fruit, flowing and growing, all live in harmony, some even glowing A world abundant with fruit is more lush, fertile and fruitful amongst the harsh brush

None has been known to bear fruit all alone, remain and be nurtured, you can be wellknown Desolate branches are sadly seen withering, thrown in the flames, they can be seen quivering

Delight in the Vine to receive and be flourished, here is where fruit can stay and be nourished Savor this flavor, you can be maintained, trust in the Vine and you will be sustained

Sweet is this fruit, like a syrupy kiss, this kind of life is far more than just bliss Be glad in the Vine and thrive longlasting, this type of fruit is the kind everlasting

and

editor designer

A key part of bringing Infinite Space together is the editor and graphic designer collaborating This year Hillary, our graphic designer and Kamryan, our editor came together to better tell the story of ‘Is It Still in Me’ This Q & A takes readers on a behind the scenes look at Infinite Space and the ideas that inspired this year ' s issue

Q: How did you first get involved with Infinite Space?

Hillary: I got involved with Infinite Space because I was the multimedia assistant for the High Point University Chapel Office for about a year I did the spring issue, volume six I designed that year, and it was a success

Kamryan: I got involved with Infinite Space because I wanted to find a job on campus that was fun since that was one of my New Year’s resolutions So I found the job online and thought ‘this sounds perfect’ then I spoke to Preston about it Originally I thought I would just be helping it with the Interfaith Dinners; however, Preston asked me if I wanted to get involved with the writing side of it and I said absolutely

Q: What inspired you to go with this design for the magazine?

Kamryan: We were going over themes trying to figure out what theme we wanted for the magazine We all had sticky notes with a bunch of ideas trying to pick the one we liked the most I was trying to think of something reflective in nature, something open-ended that would get people talking So, I was thinking about myself, and I thought ‘well this is my sophomore year how have I changed or not changed since freshmen year?’ Because that was a whole whirlwind of coming to college and everything so I wondered if those things that I valued in the beginning of freshmen year or are still the same now I wonder if those aspects of myself are still there so that is what made me think of “is it still in me ” So, when I saw your sending if really made what I was already thinking come to life

Q: What was your creative process like when you were creating the magazine?

Hillary: First I get all my ideas down as soon as they come to my head by writing myself a note, or I ll jump into Canva or whatever program I’m using I’ll either write it down or sketch it out or in this case with Canva they already have all the graphics so I’ll go in and search my topic and just collect what I like into a document and start placing it I also do visual research on Pinterest to create good layouts

Q: Why is Infinite Space special to you?

Hillary: Infinite Space is special to me because it’s for the chapel community, and I have grown a lot being a part of it; my faith was not as strong as it could have been before I started working here I’m so glad I did because it grew my faith exponentially The services here really moved me and brought me closer to God and gave me resources to read the Bible listen to the Bible learn the Bible and helped me connect to my faith in a way that I haven’t before So to make a magazine for a community that has helped me so much is really an honor, and it’s really rewarding, and I want to do everyone that is writing content justice by making the best magazine I can

Kamryan: Infinite Space is special to me because I love meeting new people and learning about other cultures Personally, I grew up mainly around other Christian people so it’s really all I know a lot about So especially with how Interfaith united and infinite space are tied together I love reading about people's different cultures and different religions It really inspires me to learn about different people especially their faith since it s something people often shy away from talking about So I love that for this magazine the whole point is to talk about your faith, and the things you believe in or don’t believe in The magazine welcomes different points of view, and we all talk about it together and we ’ re learning and were not afraid to go deeply within ourselves and talk about hard topics and things that move us in a big way I love the openness of it so that’s why it inspires me a lot ”

Q: What is your favorite thing about this year s edition?

Hillary: It’s a unique theme and it’s going to allow me to push myself design-wise because we ’ re being heavily inspired by the Grand Canyon That makes me think about lines, and how rock is formed and just the sedimentary lines as well as the silhouette of the rock Usually, my layouts are heavily involved and really active but this time I think I want to keep it really clean and let the beauty of nature speak through photography and though the lines So it will be a challenge for me to experiment with this new type of design

Kamryan : I think my favorite thing about it is the question Everyone who I have explained it to is like ‘what even does that mean ’ and that s kind of the point It is kind of a hard question, but I think if you just took a few extra minutes to think about it it could open up so many different questions for yourself As well as really get you thinking about yourself as a person and how you have grown or not grown and the things you want to reevaluate in life

Religion and faith have meant two different but important aspects of my life recently As I have grown into the young woman I am today, I have figured out the difference between these concepts in an unusual way For instance, I thought I needed to have some sort of religious connection or experience in college to fulfill that gap But what I needed was a positive, open, accepting, and welcoming community that I could feel myself relaxed and happy in I had a year full of hardships and tribulations all over I needed a fresh start to the new year I chose to put my needs in front of others and chose what makes me happy The chapel and the community built around it has made me smile and cry happy tears again I have had a handful of good religious experiences here at High Point University and around in the area I am grateful for these opportunities and the people I have brought to share them with me I wanted to try something out of my comfort zone and explore a new side of my faith I did not fully understand what faith was until

I joined this community in the Spring of 2022 I came across the term and idea of ‘interfaith,’ which sparked some interest of mine to dive deeper into my faith and others’ around me I wanted to understand where others were coming from, spiritually, and religiously Hearing Preston Davis’ sermons spoke to a whole other part of me that I have not discovered yet I adore hearing others talk about their point of view and their interpretations of religious scripts Hearing others’ opinions and speaking about concepts and ideas that I believe in and have faith in, makes me realize that there is a higher power I just need more opportunity and chances to get to know my belief level and what I am believing in

Through this faithful journey I have felt lost and then found I am a huge musical person and someone who adores singing I have experienced a lot of my life through music, which has helped me through a lot of the tough times in my life To reference one of my favorite hymns, ‘Amazing Grace,’ “I once was lost, but now I’m

JOURNEY MY FAITHFUL

found ” This quote has spoken to me in many ways and through certain experiences For example, I got to witness and be a part of a Baptist church service

The High Point University gospel choir sang at their service, along with two local choruses The music brought many emotions to the congregation, singers, and pastors I had never seen anything like this Being a choir girl most of my life I had seen a lot but nothing along those lines People’s spirits and emotions were high and deeply passionate

By going to chapel every week, I have finally been able to be me, myself, and I without judgement

Although I am affiliated with a different religion than most of the people in the community I am not afraid to be confident and courageous I want to share my views, stories, and beliefs with my peers and the community Just like I am there to learn about others’ opinions and values, I want to do the same for them Having conversation about each other’s differences is important to have instead of ignoring it all and not trying to meet in the middle I thrive and admire having heavy and awkward conversations When you let people in to see the real you then you begin to have a real relationship and connection with them

This is my story, and I hope some can relate or at least try to understand I know this is not a common phenomenon at colleges these days to be accepted in another community But it should be and there should be the idea of open doors physically and metaphorically For example, at chapel, there are open doors throughout services, which is so welcoming That action intrigues and lures me into what they are discussing and preaching about

"By going to chapel every week, I have finally been able to be me, myself, and I without judgement. Although I am affiliated with a different religion than most of the people in the community, I am not afraid to be confident and courageous. " -Violet Tetel

connection A Place of By Harris Goldstein

I understand that the effects of religion and faith can vary from person to person Some people rely on belief in a higher power to guide them through tough times However I believe it is my responsibility to choose my own path While I believe that prayer and worship are core factors of religious practice, aspects that I follow, I also think that individuals must take ownership of their growth and development That is not to say my faith has not had a profound impact on me in various ways

In my opinion, one of the most significant elements of religion is the sense of community it can provide The community I have found in High Point University s Hillel program has allowed me to experience self-improvement in numerous areas

Before entering this community, I had very little selfconfidence I was very introverted, and I did not feel I connected with many people However, upon joining Hillel, I connected with all the people I met The community provided me with a sense of belonging and support, concepts that are often difficult to find

I already had a connection to the members of Hillel with

most of us being of the Jewish faith That did make the process easier But as I continued to attend events, I gradually broke more and more out of my shell and became more confident, thanks to the support of my peers I can trust that the friends I have met through Hillel will be there for me when life gets especially tough

They know I will do the same for them

Not all members of Hillel are Jewish Our community welcomes people from all faiths and backgrounds to join in and participate in our activities No matter the event, whether we are celebrating holidays or tie-dying shirts, everyone is welcome to participate and join our community

That is what I love about Hillel It was founded on our religion but it does not restrict who can join Anybody can enter Hillel and meet with like-minded individuals When they do, they will find the same sense of belonging I received when I first joined

That’s what makes this community, our community, especially special Harris Goldstein is an HPU senior

My testimony can only be on the account of God’s grace of sending his own son, Jesus, to not only be the sacrifice for my sins, but the resurrection in the new life I have been given Born dead with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck, it was through prayer that I came back to life I was blessed with life because God’s gracious hand on me At this, Satan knowing he could not kill me there would be many other attempts he would throw at my life that only the hand of God could deliver me from

I was discovered to be deaf at 18-months old, and after a procedure to recorrect my hearing, the prime time necessary for a baby to learn to process speech had bypassed me It took ten years of intensive speech therapy to learn how to speak

I was pursuing my passion of soccer, and in high

want but how many people are you winning for me?”When I broke my back, I had placed my identity in a material thing, and it would be through this trial I would discover my relationship with Christ as the foundation of my life After ten years of speech therapy, I would find the voice which God had called me to use for his glory

Satan tried to take my life, but Jesus is the resurrection; Satan tried to claim my voice, but it is the Holy Spirit who now speaks through me; Satan tried to strip away my ability to stand, but now I stand on the word of God

God has moved within my heart in ways which display true beauty I grew up with an altered belief of what love was, and I struggled to receive love Through Jesus, I have been called worthy and have experienced

school I was blessed to play on the North Carolina Olympic Development team for three years Yet when I turned 15, I had broken two vertebrae and had two bulging discs My entire identity was found in soccer –I spiraled into a depression because I saw no value within myself

I was pursuing my lifetime goal of becoming a surgeon and entered my freshman year of High Point University as a neuroscience major Through an extensive trial, I found a new direction in news broadcast journalism with a focus in political science My passions had shifted, and I decided to commit fully to becoming a political pundit Yet, one day the summer of 2020 God had other plans for my life

Simply washing dishes that sun kissed summer day, God spoke to me saying, “ you can win any debate you

love which is not based on the conditions of our actions, but purely because it is God’s heart to love us

Throughout the entire bible, you will never see God say

“I love you because ” This implies his love is conditional but you will only ever see God say

“Because I love you I will deliver you protect you cherish you ” and many more promises of God My desire is to remain in this unconditional love and broadcast his heart for his people to the nations through evangelism I truly cannot credit my life to my own strength or any other power than the love of Christ Jesus, who died willingly for a sinner like me

Though I will never be perfect, I will forevermore live my life in submission to the one who gave his life so that I may receive eternal life

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

– Romans 8:28"

Is It Still in Me?

b y a n g e l a p a r k s

Is it still in me to strive for perfection even though imperfection is what sets me apart?

Is it still in me to reach for my soul’s purpose when social media constantly advertises following the cultural norms?

Is it still in me to gravitate to what I see in front of me, although I know within it’s simply a distorted view?

Is it still in me to navigate down the former roads or create my own new possibilities far away from fear?

Is it still in me to dig deeper despite the pain, resistance, and despair I’ve seen and felt?

Is it still in me to bear the weight of this society or just do my part well, knowing no one is obsolete from the trauma it carries?

Is it still in me to think for myself and not forget the ones who paved the way before me today?

Is it still in me to settle for less than my Kingdom best?

Is it still in me to hold on to yesterday’s past when today’s present is more promising?

Is it still in me to keep on fighting for my true identity when pretending to be someone I’m not fits just right?

Is it still in me to speak up for the social injustice all around me or to comply with the laws in place and not move a finger while hoping things will get better?

Is it still in me knowing that I have the necessary tools to empower my generation but do nothing about it?

Is it still in me to take life by the hand one day at a time or try and speed up the process due to my impatience and miss valuable lessons?

I have chosen to take a stand and boldly declare as long as God continues to put breath in my lungs and allows me to see a brand-new day filled with His abundant grace and mercy; then I will always strive to be the best version of myself –unapologetically me

“YES, IT’S STILL IN ME!”

LOUISELLE

Dedicated to Louiselle “Nana” Lafontaine 1938-2020

The theme of “Is it still in me?” is one that requires reflection what even is it? It is a loaded question that purposefully is not easy to answer Although the theme instantly made me think of my friend Sara

Reticent in nature, I was curious about what the answer to this question would be for her I have only known her since my freshmen year in college, but we became friends quickly We bonded over connected glances before we were thrown into a fit of laughter As well as my relentless teasing over her delightfully different Northern accent Her story is one that though it is personal to her, can be recognized by many

Growing up in the small town of Southington, Connecticut, Sara spent most Sundays at her local church She described waking up early on Sunday mornings and putting on her finest clothes Then walking through the glass doors adorned with large centered gold crosses and the way they acted as the threshold between the lobby and heart of the church

It was the place she was confirmed and the place she took communion The sense of community she had created with her church members also impacted her I asked her what that community was like, and she said, “As you grew with the church you grew with them ”

Listening to Sara talk about her time spent at her church it was not hard to see all the memories she fostered there It was within those walls that she met her best friend Where too often they would conspire after Sunday school to get a play date in the books You could feel the warmth

in her voice as she spoke about the annual apple harvest that brought together her church and the community The crispy and syrupy sweet apple fritters her church made even earned them the title of the “Fritter Church ”

It was not until the pandemic that a lot really changed for her When the pandemic shut everything down, it altered the way she saw church Without the added obligation of having to go every week it left room for her to sit back and see if she even wanted to be there

Before this, her faith was never something she questioned a great deal It was just a part of the culture, she explained it perfectly by saying, “It just became so routine, I mean you went to church every Sunday and you got this preacher preaching at you, it has been in your life since you were little It has to be real, right?”

As the year progressed she began to gently pull away from the church and the community itself They could not gather in person anymore and it tainted the atmosphere for her So many of the relationships she cultivated there were based on the time she spent among the people of Zion Lutheran So, what do you do when you cannot even come together anymore and fellowship? During this time, like everyone else, she spent a lot of time with her family A key member among her family was none other than her Nana

As she described the petite well-dressed French woman the smile that crept upon her cheeks showed the love she had for her grandmother Nana alongside her Papa were the hosts of epic Sunday brunches Her whole family

would go to their house and be met with a huge feast Sara could only describe the quality time they all shared together as being “joyous ”

She reminisced on the times she spent making Rice Krispies with her in the kitchen Her Nana’s small freckled hands having memorized the recipe saying “Every once in a while it would just be the two of us ” Being the only girl in her family special moments like this between Sara and her Nana were special

It was around the beginning of 2020 that her Nana began to suffer from health issues and was in and out of hospitals for a few months This went on until she was put in a nursing home and ultimately was put into hospice Sara’s parents began to have a conversation with her and her siblings about the realization that her grandmother might not have much time left She was able to go see her Nana one more time in the hospital Seeing her Nana like that was a lot for her to take in and it was grueling for Sara to see her like that

The next day, her dad came to pick Sara and her siblings up from her mom ’ s house Sitting beside him in the car was her Papa

When she saw them she just knew that it had happened Her dad told Sara and her siblings that her Nana had passed away and then they all got in the car and began to drive off

The room slowed and silence filled the air as she began to recount what that car ride was like

Tearfully she told me, “It was like someone knocked me over, but I’m sitting in the back seat like everything is fine ”

Her Nana’s funeral was the last time Sara had been to church but it was not necessarily an intentional decision either

Contemplations of where she stood with her faith were still lingering when her Nana passed away and her death only amplified those thoughts

“I think we all have that question when someone close to us dies it’s always why? And I think that is really what got me questioning it all Why did you choose this why would you choose that why did she have to die? All these spiraling questions and you cannot answer them When

you grew up in the church and there is someone over there protecting you, like why couldn’t you protect my Nana?”

Loss of any kind is hard; however this came at a pivotal time in Sara’s life when so many things were already changing

Soon she would be trading her small Connecticut town for the small city of High Point

As she lay on my living room couch with myself seated across from her in the matching chair our conversation slowly came to its natural end Both of us rested in the quiet of the room as we reflected on the weight of our conversation

Much like life, there was not a clear and perfect conclusion to her story She still lives with the pain of losing her grandmother and grapples with the implications of that in her life

Her “it” was more than believing in God or going to church Sara’s story represents one we have or will tell in one way or another Do I stay the course when it all feels shaky? Or do I try something new and find a different way back to who I am?

Religion is something Sara may never have fully sorted out in her head However, neither does anyone else

She is unafraid to admit that she still does not know where her faith stands

Personally, Sara’s story stands out to me because it is one that I have felt over and over in my life Different things that have happened, have surely caused me to question my faith many times

Through her story Sara has taught me to give myself and others grace She reminds me to recognize that getting back up again can be hard and trusting your faith again can take time

Sara still has not been back to church since her Nana’s funeral and she is not sure when she will go back However, it’s honest moments like these that I share with Sara that remind me of one simple thing

That no matter what happens in life, no matter where your faith takes you, if you do nothing in life but seek truth we will have a life well lived

My friend MacKenzie Wiles and I meet weekly for breakfast

You can find us sprinting across the room to hug one another uncontrollably laughing or brightening each other's days

We would not have met if it were not for the Greensboro Triad Pilgrimage last spring led by the Chapel and Religious Life Office

We are so different MacKenzie and I

I grew up in a big city in Florida I was raised in a Jewish household I belonged to a reformed synagogue and was a Bat Mitzvah at age 13

MacKenzie grew up in the country of North Carolina She was raised in a Christian household When she was younger MacKenzie’s family belonged to various Baptist churches and even a Moravian church

During this time, she saw Christianity as being solely connected to the church She believed in God because she was told to However, she had no faith

When MacKenzie turned 13 her family joined the Family Hillsdale Methodist Church

e p

This new church changed her perspective on Christianity entirely

When her family first joined the church she encountered two friends from school They asked her to attend the church’s youth group and so she did

In the youth group, MacKenzie learned about the value of community as opposed to the institution she once thought of the church to be Through her group members, MacKenzie discovered her faith, and her relationship with God

Being the only Greensboro Triad Pilgrimage attendee from a non-Christian background and not knowing anyone, I was nervous

Little did I know that the very first person I met would turn out to be one of my closest friends at HPU

Being on the pilgrimage together, where sharing religious background is common, MacKenzie and I came to notice our differences right away

However, we worked together to learn from

these differences and expand our personal values

In a matter of time, our friendship blossomed just as quickly as the realization of our differences

Beyond our weekly breakfast, we partake in activities together We make bread MacKenzie calls it “Jesus Bread ” I don’t see the religious perspective at all At Shabbat a few weeks later, she learned about Challah, the Jewish bread We have decided to call our breads “Interfaith Bread ” For us, it emphasizes how everyone finds their own meaning in a loaf of bread

The Greensboro Triad Pilgrimage opened both of our eyes to the ignorance that we once had We discovered our ignorance in the city of Greensboro

We realized that no matter how different we thought America was from the Third World, our country shares many commonalities as well

What we saw was eye opening: jails were the tallest buildings and people who had no homes, slept on sidewalks, rode around on a scooter, and ate their lunch out of a plastic foam tray

MacKenzie sees community as a connection to Christianity and faith, while I see it as an aspect of life that has nothing to do with religion

But regardless of how we both view the word “community ” we both agreed on one thing

It is not what we expected MacKenzie and I became good friends

Doing research for photographing vintage movie theaters across the United States, I found what I thought must be the ideal theatre marquee in Russell, Kansas:

The Dream Theatre

We pulled up in front of the building The theater was closed; the sky was dismal; rain appeared to be eminent; nothing on the street spoke of a lively venue And yet, there was that vibrant, beautiful cobalt blue signage with “DREAM” blazing across it

My husband was tired and ready to be home and we had hours to go Although I resigned myself that I wasn’t going to get what I wanted here, I got out of the car, photographed the sidewalk signage, and moved in for close ups of the ticket booth, avoiding the raindrops After a few minutes, I walked quickly back to the car, put my camera equipment in the back seat and opened the passenger door Just one last look back –– and there it was A tiny opening of blue sky!

I caught my breath

“I gotta shoot!”

“I know ” my husband replied sighing deeply

I watched the breeze mold a perfect swirl from storm clouds just above the rooftop I knew right then It was worth the wait

worth wait THE

finding stillness, letting go

More than 7,000 miles away from High Point University, just outside the agricultural market town of Kitale, sits a children s home for Kenya s abandoned, abused, and orphaned children

They call it Challenge Farm

It's a restful place The sounds of students practicing their English echo from school classrooms, and a gentle smoke bellows out from the kitchen where the cooks prepare the food from the farmers' morning harvest Birds chirp and a gentle breeze carries a heavenly peace throughout the gardens This lush and breathing land serves as a stark contrast to the dusty streets that exist just outside the campus gates

In 2019, I flew to Challenge Farm because of Sherri Thompson She is a member of my church in Clemmons, North Carolina, and the founder of Challenge Farm Sherri invited my young adult ministry to visit the farm and meet the children I was tasked with documenting the trip on film to share with my congregation and Challenge Farm supporters Although this was not my first time on a trip like this, I was apprehensive about going My heart felt unprepared I talked a good talk, but my walk with the Lord was stagnant I was swept away by the busyness of life We’ve all been there For me, I wasbusywithwhat we all can recognize –– work, friends, side hustles, even church! My time was precious, and I couldn t be bothered to confront my need for repentance If my heart was lifeless

how could I expect to speak life into these vulnerable children?

Despite my apprehension, I soon found myself on a plane with a camera and 13 other team members, ready to do my part as the token video guy Three plane rides and 48 hours later our feet finally touched ground at Challenge Farm In an instant my stagnation vanished I was overwhelmed byprecious little faceseager to welcome us They made us feel immediately at home Joyful noise permeated through the chapel hall, and the overwhelming presence of the Spirit blanketed all of us Any uncertainty I brought into that room was eradicated, and for the first time in a long time my heart was still

All week, the Lord met me in my newfound stillness I built what I call “kingdom relationships” with the children With God as my director I captured beautiful moments of them singing anddancing in the most wonderfully silly way Theglory of the Lord was made manifest in every moment All I had to do was be still

My week at Challenge Farmfour years ago reminds me today of Psalm 46:10 It reads: "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth

In Kenya, I discovered what thisverse really means The phrase "be still" can also translate to " cease striving" or "let go " When we learn to let go of our self-sufficiency and trust in the blood of Jesus that covers our inadequacies, the Lord is faithful to make himself known We need only to be still

But none of us haveto travel over 7,000 miles to discoverwhat stillness before a holy God looks like I encourage us to ask ourselves, "Is itstillin me?" Let us make timefor the Lord to guide us beside still waters Let us make space for His glory to shine in our lives Surely then we see things as wonderful as what I saw in Kenya We will see His power take root in our souls

Sam Walter is a video production specialist and content manager at HPU

Something Found

b

y k a m r y a n c o l l i s

I went searching today for something that I didn’t know I had lost I entered my hearts home and realized that something was different, Something was gone

Something had slowly drifted away, had quietly moved out of my thoughts

Had left my daily tongue, now with only its crumbs on my lips

I know because I used to have it on a pedestal. I used to shine it everyday

I used to glorify it

I used to know it by name

I used to, I used to I wish I knew what was I aspiring to?

Who was I beholding?

Remind me again, What was I supposed to be becoming?

Oh, but it’s in there I know it,

It has left it’s mark on my spirit

One too deep to ever wash away

Now I know why they said it was so easy to stray

To my knees I fall with ease and familiarity

“Lord, when did my hands become so idle?”

And just like that with a simple mention of your name

I am reminded of it all

The home my heart belongs to

The reason my soul thirsts

The only one who can set me right,

Lord your name is a prayer that my bones have memorized

Time and time again I mistakenly allow you to fade from memory,

Yet you never really leave me and your love is never lost on me, It radiates and consumes every part of me

Me, your child

Lord you, my father

Your arms always ready to receive and redeem

Your ears always there to listen

In you I am found,

In my heart you belong,

My spirit, you will forever behold

MISSING DR.

TOOLE

It was my day off from washing dishes, and as I was getting a pedicure, I checked my email

When I became HPU’s first Interfaith Partner in the second semester of my sophomore year, I interviewed him for Infinite Space

Though Dr Toole had previously taught me about various religions in his Sacred Experiences course I never really knew much about his religious beliefs

During our interview he explained how he grew up as a Christian, became a pastor, and later began practicing Buddhism

Dr Toole was intrigued by Asian religions to the point where people questioned his faith

Having taken World Religion Honors in high school I entered my first class at HPU Sacred Experiences thinking the courses would be similar

I was wrong

As opposed to teaching simply facts Toole taught through his experiences

Unlike most Christian pastors, Toole would share stories about participating in Buddhist funeral practices living on monasteries or traveling across the world

For this reason, the article in Infinite Space volume 5 about Toole is entitled “A Religious Mutt ”

What I read hit me hard

It was about a professor who I had interviewed I had taken one of his classes, and he prodded me and so many other students to ask big questions about the world’s religions and about our own faith

Dr Mark Toole He had passed He was 52 I couldn’t believe it

I immediately texted Ryan Mijumbi, a friend of mine and a former Interfaith Partner like me

We reflected on our recent religious excursions that we would have loved to share with Dr Toole

Ryan would have told him about his five-day trip to Blue Cliff Monastery, a Buddhist monastery in New York, and I would have shared with him my recent experiences in Israel

Now, we can’t So many students will miss Dr Toole I know I am one

Toole could show a video on Christianity that would make even my classmates of that faith ponder upon the Evangelicals or different branches of the religion

Dr Toole aimed to share the realities of practicing different religions in ways that were eye-opening not only to me but to many others

Throughout my journey as an Interfaith Partner Toole was always the religion professor that my peers would want to join in events such as religious meditations, honors speaker events, or Interfaith dinner meetings

Dr Toole will always hold a special place in the hearts of students faculty and members of various religious communities He holds a special place in my own Thank you Dr Toole May you rest in peace

I have a question for you:

Where do you go when you are stressed? In pain? Not in the right state?

Back in high school, I would bite my nails, eat, and try to leave the classroom before stressful events like tests, some classes, and social events It was a habit for me and what gave me the most comfort It was my go-to

For my 17th birthday, I received a necklace of a cross I held it a lot, and I liked how it felt on my body I soon realized that during these stressful situations that arose, I would just hold my cross I didn’t know why I did that, but I just did that

The comfort I found holding my cross is the same comfort in Matthew 26: 6-13 It says the following:

Now while Jesus was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of

very costly ointment, andshe poured it on his head as he sat at the table 8 But when the disciples saw it, they were angry and said, “Why this waste? For this ointment could have been sold for a large sum and the money given to the poor ” But Jesus aware of this said to them “Why do you trouble the woman? She has performed a good service for me For you always have the poor with you but you will not always have me By pouring this ointment on my body she has prepared me for burial Truly I tell you, wherever this good news is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in remembrance of her ”

Through this scripture we can see that Jesus knows our intentions and our hearts better than anyone else It also shows us that we can come back to Him during the hard times in our life Jesus does know us better than we know ourselves, and He always will

more than a silver piece of jewelry

In this scripture we see the disciples angry at this woman She is never named but she really upset the disciples because she poured ointment on Jesus In fact the disciples go a step further assuming it was a waste and for a bad intention Jesus responds to them saying the woman poured the ointment on Him as a preparation for his burial and she will be remembered for it Jesus doesn’t know the woman but knows her intention and results of her action Jesus knows her intention was good As you can see Jesus knows our intentions in our actions and our stories more than others do or we ever will Jesus knows what’s under the surface what is in our hearts Jesus knows why we tap our foot or bite our nails He knows what we feel,/and He is there with us in our situations

We also see Jesus refer to the woman ’ s act as a good service –– or as he says “good news ” He sees it as a way to prepare for His own burial

His burial is not something Jesus avoids but it is something that he embraces and knows that is coming We remember Jesus for his crucifixion and resurrection But this is not just history, this is good news, the best news Christians have ever received –– and something we must remember every day The blood shed on the cross covers the sin guilt and shame that we have The resurrection of Christ gives us hope for a life beyond this world

So, when I hold my cross, It’s not just not just a silver piece of jewelry It has meaning for me It reminds me of Jesus’ love and sacrifice for you For all of us

Chris Czerwinski is a junior business major from Philadelphia

r e s i d e n c e Artist in

Noah Franks Sophomore is the 20222023 Artist in Residence for Weekly Chapel He draws during the worship service as God Spirit leads him to translate the worship service on to canvas

PURPLE WEEPING WILLOW

Perched in the lush green meadow, frenzied thoughts entangle like the network of drooping clusters among the willow tree The coiling branches familiar with disorder

A heavenly revelation remains a breath away As the Wind whispers comfort amongst the distortion of jumbled leaves, the Righteous Hand upholds

The fragrance of joy saturates the willow branches as syrupy honeydew rains from its limbs Fluorescent violet buds flourish while flowerets blossom and bunches assemble The romance of nature sustained by the Celestial Hand

Building my Puzzle by

These are the lyrics I hear as we drive along the dirt road, navigating twists, turns, and switchbacks, making our way to Monastery of Christ in the Desert, a Benedictine monastery in Abiquiu, New Mexico Christ in the Desert is the most remote monastery in North America, and we must drive along a 15mile dirt road for an hour just to get there For the past two hours, I’ve sat in the front seat of the car, surrounded by the most incredible 360-degree mountain views Now, as we drive down the dirt road we ’ ve decided to put on a Christian worship playlist as we begin to lose cell service and contact with the outside world Outside the sun is shining bright illuminating the snow-covered mountains and the rushing Rio Chama down below

We just sang “Reckless Love” in Wednesday Chapel the week before, but there’s something about this version of the song playing now that strikes a chord in me Between the stunning beauty of the mountains that seems endless, the passion behind the artist’s voice as he sings the song, and knowing what our destination is, I’m overcome with emotion It’s hard to fight back the tears as I try to sing along softly to myself I’m caught off guard by how emotional I’m getting; I certainly wasn’t expecting to feel this way before our pilgrimage to the monastery even started Yet this is a familiar feeling one I know I’ve experienced before

When we finally arrive at the monastery, I’m first struck by the silence We must speak in quiet voices, and after the final Night Prayer, we are asked to observe silence until the first Morning Prayer at 4 a m I grow to love the silence It’s calming and peaceful I find it easier to be present and not have to worry about my life back in the outside world For the next four days, I’m the most relaxed and stress-free I’ve ever been in my life because all I have to do is follow the daily schedule hike journal read and study my Bible I realize how much of a dream come true this is for me For four days I keep reminding myself: No way for people to contact me!

I don’t have to talk to anyone!

This monastery is an introvert’s paradise!

Once I settled into the silence, it made me realize how much noise is around me in my daily life, both inside my mind and in my daily environment I cherished the break from the noise Some found the silence deafening I wanted it to be louder

As I’ve been reflecting on our pilgrimage I find myself more eager and more energized to dive into reading my Bible I read

it every night before bed and I find myself looking forward to doing so Praying either before eating or just to say a silent prayer felt more natural My first group Bible study felt natural I went on HPU’s Spring Pilgrimage in March and I came back feeling like I finally knew how to put the puzzle pieces of my spiritual life together The best part of the week, however, was watching everyone else on our pilgrimage go through their own personal transformations I could see it in their faces and in their interactions with the group Everyone seemed to have some kind of spiritual breakthrough, and it was amazing to be able to witness it

Since the pilgrimage I’ve tried to figure out that unexpected rush of emotion I felt as we were driving along the dirt road to the monastery The first time I had this feeling was the fall of my freshman year when I cried silently to myself those first few weeks attending Chapel without knowing why The second time was the spring of my junior year, the evening of my baptism, when I was so overwhelmed by the energy and love I felt from my friends and Chapel community who came to support me The third time, of course, was a month ago when I sat in the car, saw the mountains around me, and listened to that song about the reckless love of God

Now as I write this I can’t help but try and figure out the reason behind these moments I would consider these three moments to be transformational moments in my spiritual growth So it’s no coincidence I was incredibly emotional It’s a visceral reaction for which I still don’t have words Is this feeling, this emotion, my version of feeling God’s presence and being close to God? I don’t know, and I don’t think I’m supposed to know But what I do know is this: I believe I was supposed to have those moments for a reason Those moments allowed me to travel further along on my spiritual journey I feel more equipped to grow closer to God And most of all, I’m finally able to build that puzzle

SOCCER, CINDERELLA, & A GUY NAMED MARLON

Every game she plays for the women ’ s soccer team at HPU, Emma Schossler wears a piece of athletic tape on her left wrist with her favorite Bible verse written in black ink It’s 2 Corinthians 12:9 She knows the verse by heart

My grace is sufficient for you because my power is made perfect in weakness

She finds strength in that Bible verse Eve weakest especially during her games whe spent she knows her strength comes from She does love soccer Emma has loved it s She grew up playing with her older brothe backyard in Hilliard, Ohio When Emma hi she knew she wanted to do: Play in college HPU

But soccer doesn’t make her whole Emma makes her whole That’s what keeps her g taped to her left wrist reminds her of that Peyton Conner understands

Last fall she played Cinderella in HPU’s s of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s “Cinderella way, she learned how to relate to who Cind young woman with big dreams

Peyton has big dreams too HPU has given her opportunities to act, choreograph, cast, and direct She has participated in eight productions at HPU, and she has been given opportunities to act, choreograph, cast, and direct

Along the way she learned to believe in her talent ––and herself

Peyton, a senior from Roanoke, Virginia, will graduate in May with a degree in theater and a minor in marketing She plans to pursue theater and teaching opportunities in North Carolina South Carolina and in her home state of Virginia

That, she says, has always been her passion But HPU gave her what she really needed Courage And she says her courage came from two places: her professors and her faith At her lowest when she questioned her direction, she leaned into her faith for strength Like Emma, Peyton knew her faith makes her whole

We are all a lot like Peyton and Emma We look for reminders in our lives that can help strengthen our faith in some way

For Emma it’s her athletic tape For Peyton it’s her time onstage For me, it’s my unexpected discovery near a dumpster in downtown Greensboro

It happened a year ago With notepad in hand, I joined the Rev Andria Williamson, HPU’s manager of chapel programs along with a handful of students to hike through downtown Greensboro during HPU’s Spring Pilgrimage in central North Carolina

We had walked nearly four miles when we ended up behind the Greensboro Urban Ministry, the nonprofit known as GUM that helps shelter and feed people experiencing homelessness

It was lunch time outside the Potter’s House, the nonprofit’s kitchen, and people walked out carrying cardboard trays of sandwiches on white bread On a nearby sidewalk, a man slept on a sidewalk An arm ’ s length away sat another man with his head between his knees

HPU junior Mackenzie Wiles and other HPU students circled up beside the Dumpster, as HPU junior Olivia

Lender began to read a dozen verses from weathered Bible owned by our tour guide, the Rev Frank Dew, GUM’s former chaplain and a retired Presbyterian minister

When Olivia began, a man rolled up on a scooter He was tall built like a linebacker with skin the color of coal His dreadlocks were pulled back in a thick ponytail

“Are y ’all praying?” he asked “I need some help, man I just lost my home I got nowhere to go ”

Mackenzie turned around

“Sure,” she said “You want to join us?”

She motioned him into the circle They all prayed together

Afterward, Mackenzie asked to look at the man ’ s eviction notice Then, she asked about his story He told Mackenzie about the recent death of his mom, and how he had to find a new home for his two dogs and his few dozen goldfish

Mackenzie told him he’d find a home She was sure of it

“What’s your name?” Wiles asked

“Marlon ” he replied

“I’ll pray for you, ” she said

The two hugged, and Marlon took off

It was no more than five minutes

from the circled prayer to the quick conversation to the Marlon’s ride away on a scooter But that moment will always stay with me forever

I went to find a story I discovered so much more I saw faith in action I saw the unadulterated kindness of a young woman from rural North Carolina reaching out to a man, a stranger, in need

So, Like Emma and Peyton, when I ask myself, “Do I still have it in me?” I can say yes Thanks to Mackenzie, I can say yes She reminded me once again that the redletter scriptures in the New Testament need to be the moral compass of our lives

Kindness and compassion A beautiful way to live A beautiful way to be

Jeri Rowe is the senior writer for High Point University

Advent Devotion

child-like faith I learned about in Matthew It was fairly easy to believe in what I couldn’t see; to believe even when everything around me looked bleak; I knew that in the end all things WOULD work together

Then, I got older, and life happened I lost loved ones earlier than I would’ve liked; my life wasn’t turning out exactly the way I had planned; I began to suffer with anxiety and depression My child-like faith was shattered The grown-up world had tainted everything I still believed God could do anything, but I began doubting if he would do it in my life I am thankful every day that my mother believed in Proverbs 22:6 and raised me in the church and as a disciple of Christ This meant that even though doubts crept in I still had faith It may not have been as strong as before but it was still there something like a mustard seed!!

As I wrestled with the guilt of not feeling the same faith that has sustained me so in the past, I began to wane in my prayer life I didn’t know what to pray, so sometimes I didn’t Then, just as the Spirit does, I was led to Romans and zoomed in on chapter 8, verse 26 That was just what I needed I had no idea what or how to pray, but that verse let me know that God knew how to read my tears and my frustrations That day, a peace came over me that I had not felt in a long time He knows my pain; He knows my tears; He knows my hurt; and He intercedes when I don’t know what to do! After that I went to John and read “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace ”

Romans 8:26 is one of my favorite scriptures I grew up focusing more on the verses that come after (“ all things work together for good ”), but as I got older, verse 26 resonated with me more There is a peace that comes over me when I think about the fact that God knows what is going on in this convoluted mind of mine even when I don’t I’ve been on this faith walk with Christ for over 40 years and for most of that time I had no problem with the

As I think about and prepare for the season of Advent, my heart is at peace because I understand that I don’t have to be perfect for God to love or understand me He made me, and all that is Sherell is covered The coming of Christ means that I don’t have to feel guilty when I stumble or when I wrestle with doubt My Savior is more than equipped to handle my questions and frustrations and loves me despite my flaws This is true peace!

Prayer:

Most heavenly and all-wise Savior I thank you for Your peace that sustains me covers me and keeps me Thank you for being better to me than I could ever be to myself Amen!

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. "

Romans 8:26

MANGER

Lovely was the sapphire sky as she displayed iridescent stars, and regal was the golden moon as she glowed with glory, and divine was the radiant light that shimmered along the horizon Lovely was the earth as she made preparations for the Light of the World

In Bethlehem the “House of Bread” wrapped in strips of white linen, and tenderly placed in a wooden trough, in a place which animals eat, He offered Himself as bread for our souls, to quench a hunger that could not be satisfied

He did not wait until hearts were pure He arrived in a fractured world of doubt and anguished shame His Light never went out as human hearts hungered to know that they could experience rest With the temptation to believe that if we just had enough bread we would be happy, may the Bread of Life, fulfill the hunger of our hearts

** “This is my body which is given to you Whoever comes will never be hungry ”

is heaven here?

When we turned onto the street for our motel in Scottsbluff Nebraska the seemingly abandoned warehouse with the vertical sign next to the road surprised me

Heaven

My first thought: “Here I am, but it surely doesn’t look like I thought it would!”

When I went back to make photographs of the sign the next morning the cars on the highway zoomed by without even glancing at the sign or the building Which brought me to this thought: Isn’t that just the way? Maybe I’ve been ignoring what was in front of me all this time? Maybe I wasn’t paying attention, just like those drivers at 60 mph

Maybe I should look a bit closer every day

Life like a Bridge by olivia lender

I was culturally awakened

My entire life, growing up in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, I was sheltered and exposed to only familiar environments

Suddenly, I was put into a land of political, religious, and geographic tension Little did I know, I would soon discover why this magical place is considered the homeland to Jews around the world

The place? Israel

In December, only three days after my graduation from HPU, I made a two-month journey across the world to the Middle East

Nervous of being far away from home and in a controversial place I was not sure what to expect in a country the size of the small state of New Jersey

Israel is home to mountains deserts and a collection of cultures blended to form the Israeli culture and people oftentimes associate Israel as a dangerous place due to what is heard on the news

Though these events are true, there is so much more to the country

I found that out firsthand I was in Israel to intern with a venture capital company

Here I was expected to navigate a foreign country, structured very differently from my hometown –– alone

Not only was I given absolute freedom but I was in a land where I was not a minority for my Jewish identity Still I felt like an outsider ina world where I was expected to fit in

For example I got on the wrong bus

didn’t know where to go So, I looked at my map It directed me to walk across a bridge above a busy highway that connected a mall to the Israeli Defense Force base

No way

I was in such a panic that one of the soldiers escorted me across the bridge

I felt completely out of place But I quickly learned to adapt, and I began to thrive in such an environment Before I knew it, I was going to Jerusalem and other cities alone, as if it were never out of my comfort zone

During my time in Israel, what I discovered was this: Life is like a bridge, one day connects you to the next Some bridges are just harder to cross than others

Crossing the bridge allowed me to see the Western Wall, deserts, and immerse myself in a culture that is so vastly different from the United States

After the journey I arrived back home and got a job washing dishes at Spud’s Coffee

I am now saving up to move to Raleigh North Carolina where I will be starting in July a career rotation program at Fidelity Investments

Though excited and nervous for the upcoming life change, Israel has taught me that I will not only manage the transition, but I can thrive in it

If I am able to overcome a stomach virus resulting in an ER trip at midnight in Tel Aviv or crossing a physical bridge in a foreign country, I know I can survive any new experience

Dish washing may be my career now

But it is the bridge to a whole new adventure that is to come

a s c e n s i o n

The barren crescent moon absently seeks to abandon the charcoal sky A slave to darkness amongst an ominous land Hollow hearts amid foggy mists There is no sleep for the lost Moonlit flurries fail to ignite the ashes of fractured dreams

Numerous stars a cruel reminder that even they can find rest between the looming night

But the tulips of morning sprung upwards in joyful celebration of this glorious sight Rays of molten gold flooded my soul

The kisses of a sparkling light The flow of glowing tears

Divine beams of lemon heaven, blissfully summoning me with the songs of the blessed Transcension is near A portal before me a wall of celestial white

B y K e i r a M c Q u

wisdom is wisdom is ccalling alling

Divine humming extends to me, satisfying my yearning ear An outstretched hand reaching with desire to interlace with mine

How long will I delight in ignorance?

How long will I dwell in utter simplicity? Will I remain complacent that I can find Heaven where only Hell exists?

If calamity sweeps over me like a whirlwind

I will eat the fruit of my ways and be filled with the fruit of my deeds

The way rotten fruit is toxic to my flesh, so the aversion of knowledge will accompany me to death

An outstretched hand, reaching out in desire to interlace with mine Wisdom is calling

grace grieving not-yet grown for the and the

Adapted from a speech given at a vigil in January of 2023 on the campus of High Point University

Children no more

I’m the father of three boys It’s the honor of my life to be the father of Jordan Christopher and Alexander The greatest gift I can give them other than my presence is this: to give them a childhood Every child deserves a childhood to not think about clothing food shelter taxes The acquiring of these items belongs to the era we now call “adulting” For now I want my sons to be preoccupied with complexities of Legos Tomorrow has enough worries of its own, scripture remind us This isn’t about sheltering them, an attempt to bulldoze problems in front of them that consequentially enfeebles them It’s about the gift of this moment in their lives, which they can never have back Because we all know how fleeting all of this is, how precious all of this is

What illuminates the fleeting and precious nature of life as well as what pushes us out of the season of childhood bliss to adulthood is the first confrontation with death There is nothing I can do to stop that from happening for my three sons There is nothing I can do to stop that from happening for all of my students here at High Point University It is the great constant We all must walk through the valley

to the University

of the shadow of death, as Psalm 23 puts it

Chief among the stock phrases that leave recipients more hollow than helped such as “everything happens for a reason ” and all matter of “at least you ” is “this too shall pass ” It is not untrue It’s simply a half truth If grief is the price of loving someone well, who really wants the grief to pass? I would submit we don’t want it to pass Rather, we want to be conscious to how grief will shape us

In the paragraphs that follow I want to briefly highlight the two kinds of deaths we are confronted with at a young age and how they might shape us I want to examine not the stages of grief, but rather the waves of grief and how, with the right practices, we might ride those waves rather than be swamped by them For grief won’t simply pass, but it will shape us Let us be conscious to how it does so

Death’s Permeance and Possibility

There are perhaps two confrontations with death that will shape all of us There is the death of a loved one, most likely a grandparent God forbid a parent maybe a cousin or someone close to you Such a death always teaches us about the permanence of death That person we love is not coming back They go ahead of us into the mystery of

eternity, but they don’t come back across the thresholds of our lives with the warm embrace we once knew There is a second kind of death we all must face too That is when someone in our circle dies Someone we sat by in class, played video games with, ate lunch with, someone whom we take for granted that we will see as surely as the sun rises This kind of death does not just teach us about the permeance of death, though it does do that It also teaches us about the possibility of death A grandparent dying is one thing A best friend dying is a whole other thing It’s not just that death is permanent, it’s that it is possible for any of us Tomorrow is not guaranteed, not for you or me

How will such deaths shape us?

Years ago my brother and I lost someone whom we ran with more my brother than me A shift took place in him Ever since the funeral of that friend he’s never hung up the phone without saying “I love you Preston ” He is the example of being reshaped by grief When you know death is permanent and or it could be sudden, love must shift from possibility to practice

A Grief (well) Observed

We have lost six precious people in our community in the span of four months What may have been pockets of grief spread throughout our campus and became a collective pit It’s too much loss Moreover this grief that visits us now does not even begin to speak of the grief that is not related to death There’s many of you who grieve other things unique to these years of college: futures that are not what you expected loses of opportunities you had counted on friendships that somehow unraveled right before your eyes Grief swirls around us and in and through us individually and collectively Yet though it swirls, it need not swallow us up

I’m not a psychiatrist or psychologist What I am is a pastor who has walked with a lot of folks through the valley of the shadow of death I learn more and more about the “awful grace of God ” as Aeschylus put it in each footfall through this valley with others It’s awful because it is unwanted and the weight is heavy, but it’s also a grace, for there is no death I’ve experienced where love has not tried to break in and through a grief well observed (C S Lewis) So how do we observe grief well?

There are wise souls that have gone before us who have been cartographers of grief charting maps and giving directions of how to move through valley of the shadow of death through which we all must walk Elizabeth KublerRoss wrote On Death and Dying in 1969, immortalizing

what became known as the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance To call them “stages” is helpful and harmful at the same time That is to say, the word “stages” conveys linearity, moving from a start to a finish But grief is not so simple It is not so linear One does not move from one stage to the next, finding his or her way to the end of the process Grief defies a rubric It dismantles anyone who seeks to complete it

Yes, this language can be helpful, too, when we realize these stages are not stages at all, they are more like waves They are like waves of a sea that we cross They are waves that swirl and mix with one another, coming not just once, but again and again, as we voyage to a more hopeful place a place not free of grief, but a place that holds both hope and grief together And as we voyage and remain conscious of the voyage, hope begins to have more say than the grief Waves that once blocked our passage become that which push us forward

There are no right or wrong ways to confront death Or I should say there are no right or wrong ways within reason The bottle is tempting but most always toxic Maladaptive coping mechanism are what we used to called idols in the old days Idols are that which you desire but they always diminish you more than deliver you A snake that eats its own tail to abate hunger only consumes itself in the end So, while there are no wrong ways

within reason

there are healthier ways

Dismantle Denial through Honesty

First might be the honesty of going through the valley, lest the denial get a foothold in our hearts If that happens denial does devastation to a person Denial prolongs the pain “I’ll get a second opinion, and a third, and a fourth ” One might stay distracted and numbed so they don’t have to face the reality of loss that is right in front of them People of faith are not immune to this temptation of denial either “Do a miracle, Oh Holy one!” Prayer can just as easily be a barrier to progress instead of vehicle for it Even we people of faith forget that, yes, God may work miracles, but God also works through grief I have not guided one family through the valley where they did not begin to speak a little more tenderly and a little more lovingly as they walked together If God can turn a cross an implement of terror into a bridge of divine mercy God can indeed use your grief to take us into deeper goodness Let not denial rob you of grace even in grief Honesty is the seedbed for such grace

Transfigured Anger through Contemplation

The wave of anger swallows up many on a voyage of grief –– anger at death, at others, or God Though I’ve seen

tenderness in walking with families, I’ve also seen what another pastor describes: “Death brings out the ugly in people ” The temptation of anger, too, calls for the lens of honesty Go ahead and be angry Be angry lest the waves of anger and denial mix into a typhoon that sucks you under It is one thing to be angry with God, which God can handle It is another thing altogether to deny that one is angry It’s a double kind of despair that makes us mysteries even unto ourselves Better we learn the gift of the Psalms, which models for us the ability to be angry with God Psalm 4 begins with the command, “Answer me when I call, my righteous God!” There’s some sarcastic bite in the that word “righteous” for one in the midst of suffering There is space that even as the potter presses the clay into something new the clay presses back

We might say “good people don’t say such things to God ” Okay, but what happens when our grief demands such a word with God? Are we going to worship (protect) your goodness or are we going to be honest before our maker? If we protect our goodness the anger won’t go away it’ll swell beneath the surface If we protect or worship your goodness we may miss the God of grace who grieves with and for us God can handle our anger God can rework our anger into a way forward

The path of honesty with our anger in grief, requires a skillset, too It may not be enough to simply say, “I am mad as hell that God would allow this!” Grief requires a contemplative mind The contemplative mind is the mind that gets curious about what is going on with one ’ s self and curious about what God might be up to with us even in our grief The contemplative mind is the one that raises awareness of our inner life The contemplative mind is the one that realizes we are not each terrible or diminishing thought that creeps up in our mind The contemplative mind is the mind that observes those thoughts, those emotions, those waves that come slamming into our hearts Contemplation allows one “to be angry but do not sin”

(Ephesians 4 26)

This is more easily said than done It is a practice and as a practice it is not something that can simply be done when we mysteriously, angrily find ourselves adrift at sea in grief It would be like trying to sail a boat for the first time, having never learned any basic knots or understanding of the currents or winds But if we make it a practice prior to those seasons that threaten to swallow us up, we are not without God’s guidance in the midst of the sea We can better see ourselves in that sea We can better see the waves that rise up We can get curious about them We can see that anger is not an unwieldy emotion, but like fear or

sadness (to be looked at soon), is more like a shadow side to our loves To be angry is to be upset about the loss or harm done to something, someone we cherish Anger, thus, is secondary to love We are angry only because love has been lost There is no journeying through this life in which we seek to love wholeheartedly where grief or anger are not options As Valarie Kaur puts it, “Joy is the gift of love Grief is the price of love Anger protects that which is loved And when we think we have reached our limit, wonder is the act that returns us to love ”

Can you discover your contemplative mind? Can you begin practicing the art of wonder? Can you get curious about all that is cultivated within you and the roots of love?

Practicing contemplation gets one to a still place to better know that God is God, and this God is indeed moving us toward beautiful ends, even as we limp, wounded and bruised, toward those ends

You’ll Never Walk Alone

If there is the temptation to denial, the temptation to isolation during grief is also paramount It comes only because the sadness is so great If you are there, find a listening ear Find a friend Find a therapist Find a pastor Find someone who will battle for and with you through the valley of the shadows of death It’s called the valley of shadows for a reason It’s a disorienting and difficult place, the realm of grief It’s hard to tell what is real and what is not Find someone who will provide no cheap answers, but one who will above all else, provide you presence We need someone to walk with us in the shadow lands Someone to pick us up when we trip, someone to scout a direction when the shadows obscure paths, someone who is not Christ but provides a Christ-like presence Isn’t this the Gospel? God does not provide us cheap answers for life’s groaning “Everything happens for a reason!” is nowhere in the Bible Instead God provides us God’s very self in flesh and bone and walks with and for humanity all the way to the places of immense suffering Be present to one another Do not fall for the trap of isolation Let not loneliness have the last word in this valley You have the God-given power to walk with one another not solving the pain but pressing forward with one another

The Wave Becomes the Way Forward

Finally, somewhere in these waves, we find hope not on some distant shore, as if our journey toward wholeness is ever complete No, we find our hope, precisely when sea billows roll We find hope when we begin to accept the place in which we are in, when we begin to accept that there is no going around the storm denying the storm

there is only going through it More precisely, we find hope when begin to pay close attention, with God’s help, to the shadow sides of our anger and sadness They are both shadow sides of love It is the love that comes first It is the love that made any of those other waves possible

First Corinthians is an overused epistle in scripture that gets wedged into weddings as easily as bad DJ music and birdseed at the conclusion of the celebration First Corinthians is not a wedge, it is a plumbline to the heart of God It is a plumbline even in an ocean of grief It is great at reawakening us to what it means to be mature

“Love is patient, love is kind, love is not envious or boastful or rude Love does not insist on its own way ” The characterizations go on and on until it arrives at this passage: “when I was a child I thought as a child, I spoke as a child, I reasoned like a child, but when I grew up, I put away childish things ” We’re talking about growing up here

We’re talking about become mature The answer, however, is as surprising as it is lovely To grow up is not a stiff upper lip To grow up is not a cold shoulder To grow up is not a cynical gaze To grow up is to grow closer to the love above

To grow up is to practice a way of life that lets not anger, sadness, or denial have the final word They may have a say on the journey but only so far as they draw us to the love that begets them, the love that gives them their power

“Now we see only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known And now faith hope and love remain these three and the greatest of these is love ” When I say I want my children to have a childhood I mean precisely that I want them to get well acquainted with the love that is for in and through them that makes them less childish and more childlike

When I meet with families who have lost a son or daughter which is part of the deep and difficult honor of being pastor to this community I always offer to pray with them if they like Some demure It’s too much for them in the moment Most say yes I always ask what they want to pray for to offer them the chance to be reflective even in the places of pain and grief

I’m haunted by a moment earlier this year when I prayed with a mother of one of ours who died unexpectedly When I asked her what we could pray for she paused She did not ask for prayer for herself her own pain and waves that were surely overwhelming her She did not ask for things to get easier She did not ask for clarity in the midst of confusion All of these would have been expected and understandable What she did ask for was this “I’m thinking of all of you ”

she said, meaning all of us on campus, those closest to her son said “I’m thinking of his friends, those who knew him and were near him Pray for them, please ”

I’m not sure what I want to be when I grow up but I’m sure I want to be like that I want to be the one who has practiced a way of life that grows me up in love We’ve all heard that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger That may be true, but I would take it one step farther Yes, hard times may make for hard people, but that’s not our goal Our goal is to grow up Our goal is to be wholehearted people, not hardhearted people It is not what doesn’t kill us that makes us stronger It is the love that goes before us, surrounds us, and is within us that makes us stronger even and especially as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death I have talked to more than a few who have made that journey, and some have seen the beauty in it May we all see that beauty when we face our own hard times Even in grief (maybe especially in it) we can grow up in grace, discovering a deep truth a deep truth spelled out in 1 John 4:19 “ we are able to love because God first loved us ”

We need not be left adrift in the great ocean of grief The grace of God that we need surrounds us and is within us, even during the most awful swells God has so ordered things that in our greatest pains, we may also discover our most precious gifts