The role of a birth partner

Should I have a birth partner?

The role of a birth partner is to give you practical and emotional support when you’re in labour.

There are lots of benefits to having a birth partner, and midwives and obstetricians are encouraged to get birth partners involved in the birth (NCCWCH 2014). There’s evidence that if you have continuous, one-to-one support you may cope better with labour and be happier with your birth experience (Hodnett et al 2007).

And if your birth partner does a good job, you may be more likely to have a straightforward birth and a slightly shorter labour (Hodnett et al 2007).

Midwives working on busy labour wards sometimes struggle to give women one-to-one support. A single midwife may be caring for several women in labour. You may have different midwives looking after you during your labour, as one shift ends and another begins. Choosing someone you know to support you can make the experience less scary, and help to boost your confidence.

What will my birth partner need to do during labour?

Your birth partner can give you:

Emotional support
Your partner can praise, reassure or encourage you. Just holding you and keeping eye contact with you can be hugely comforting. This may reduce your anxiety and the lessen your pain (NCCWCH 2014).

Physical support
Your partner can help you with breathing, relaxation techniques, acupressure and massage. This will help you cope with the pain of labour, and your partner can help you with these (NCCWCH 2014).

He could put the TENS machine on you, or help you into comfortable positions. If warmth relaxes you, he could heat up a wheat bag, or help you to use a birth pool, bath or shower. Or you may feel hot and like to have a cool facewasher on your forehead. He could also make sure you have enough to drink, and remind you to go to the toilet regularly.

Information
This could be explaining to you what’s happening or suggesting something you learnt at antenatal classes. He can remind you to keep moving around, or that you’re nearly there!

Advocacy
Your partner could ask for help when you need it or speak up for you. This may be especially helpful during strong labour, when the power of the contractions and you may be unable to talk.

If a medical procedure is suggested, such as having your waters broken, or an episiotomy, your partner can ask for more information. This may help you make an informed decision. He may also ask for time for you to think about what’s being suggested, unless it’s an emergency (Hodnett et al 2007, NCCWCH 2014).

You’ll both need to keep an open mind, because you won’t know what you want until the day. It’s important that you feel comfortable about communicating with your birth partner, especially as labour may cause you to be a bit abrupt about what you need!

How can my birth partner help me if I have a caesarean?

If you’re having a caesarean section, there are many ways your birth partner can support you. He can:

• Be with you in the operating theatre with you, and reassure you throughout. You may be feeling anxious or nervous, so having him there will be a huge source of comfort.
• Help prepare you for a planned caesarean. Knowing what will be involved during and after a caesarean will give both of you confidence.
• Speak to medical professionals on your behalf if you have an emergency caesarean. You may be very tired, especially if you’ve already gone through hours of labour. You may also be worried about the sudden change of plan and need the emotional and practical support of someone you are close to.
• Ensure you get skin-to-skin contact with your baby straight after the birth. Or, if that’s not possible, that he has skin-to-skin contact with the baby.

Does my birth partner have to be my baby’s father?

Not necessarily. Although it’s become almost routine for the dad to be the birth partner, this isn’t the best option for everyone.

Your partner may feel uncomfortable with being a birth partner, or he may not be able to be there. Or you may have personal, cultural or religious reasons why you want someone else to be your birth partner. You could ask a friend, a relative or a paid doula to support you instead of, or as well as, your partner. There’s evidence to suggest that having another woman to support you can help labour and birth go smoothly (Hodnett et al 2007).

Your partner may be excellent at giving you physical and emotional support, but may not be as confident about the advocacy part of the role, or vice versa (NCCWCH 2014). Having two people to support you in labour could mean they complement each other in how they support you. They can also alternate rest breaks to make sure you always have someone with you.

If you want more than one birth partner, mention this to your caregiver. Some hospitals and birth centres only let one birth partner in the delivery suite or operating theatre (if you’re having a caesarean). Talk to your midwife or doctor well in advance to find out what you are allowed to do.

How should my birth partner prepare?

Your birth partner should understand what happens in a straightforward labour and have some idea of the interventions that may be suggested. This, and rehearsing coping strategies, can give him confidence and reduce his anxiety levels (and yours) once labour starts.

Attending antenatal classes with you is a great way to prepare. So, too, is talking together about your hopes for the birth, and what you would or wouldn’t like to happen.

If you write a birth plan, make sure your partner reads it and knows if you feel strongly about certain things. He will also need to keep an open mind. Things can change quickly in labour, and he may have to help you make a decision about some aspect of your care.

Your birth partner will need food and drink during your labour. A hot drinks machine will probably be provided on the labour ward, but it may be a long walk to the hospital canteen. It’s best to prepare food and drinks to take in with you.

What if my birth partner finds it hard-going on the day?

Being a birth partner isn’t for the faint-hearted. Some labours can last for many hours, especially if it’s your first baby. Providing emotional and physical support throughout is going to be exhausting, so breaks are important.

Think about how long your birth partner can physically keep going with particular massage techniques. You may need to adjust your positions so that you can both be comfortable without straining your back or other muscles. Use the rests in between contractions to stretch achy muscles and change position.

It’s common for birth partners to feel anxious, even more so if the birth involves medical intervention. At times your birth partner may feel that he’s not helping you or that the experience isn’t living up to his expectations of labour. This can be hard and your partner may find it difficult to cope.

Your midwife may be able to offer some help or reassurance. But if your labour or birth doesn’t go according to plan, your birth partner may be left with some difficult feelings and emotions. Talking about both of your experiences afterwards with your midwife or obstetrician may help.

Read our 10 tips for birth partners.