How to cope with feeding a fussy toddler

For most children picky eating will get better with time. Try to keep calm and be patient as you share a world of food with your little one.

When mealtimes are more about tantrums, than eating, it’s normal to feel at the end of your tether.

Try to keep in mind, most parents of toddlers are going through the same thing as you are. Many parents would say their child went through a picky eating stage as a toddler then outgrew it.

Fussy eating is a normal phase for your toddler and you’re both on a learning curve. They are learning to try new flavours and textures, and getting more independent, and you’re learning to cope with mealtimes with a toddler.

Why is my toddler a fussy eater?

Most toddlers go through a phase of eating a very narrow range of foods. This picky eating is a normal part of their development.

It’s partly because of something called food neophobia, which many toddlers have. It’s thought that as humans we evolved to have it, to reduce the risk of eating something harmful to our health. It is a fear of new foods, which leads to a reluctance to try them (Torres et al 2021, Białek-Dratwa et al 2022).

Most children will get neophobia, when they are around two to five, which is when they form eating habits (Torres et al 2021). Most of the time it’s a phase that will pass.

What can I do if my toddler does not want to eat?

Try not to get anxious about picky eating at mealtimes. This may make the problem worse.

Your child will take in just enough energy for their needs (WCHN 2014). So, you should always respect your toddler if they say they’ve had enough to eat.

Think of it like this. It’s up to you to decide what goes into your toddler's diet, and it's up to them to choose whether they’ll eat, or how much of it they want.

Try these tips for making toddler mealtimes run smoothly.

Be a good role model

Your toddler is still learning so much about the world. They need time to figure out that new foods are safe and pleasant to eat. Try to eat a range of foods in front of your toddler and do not share any food hang-ups around them.

Watching you and other people they love eating foods they’re unsure about will help build your toddler’s confidence. If you say good things about foods you’re eating, like, "These are yummy!" then your toddler may be more willing to try them (ITF 2016).

It can also help if you make sure your toddler gets plenty of movement in their day. This will help them to feel hungry. Try going for a walk, running around the park, or having a dance party in the lounge room.

Eat as a family when you can

Have meals with your toddler when you can, as this can encourage healthier eating in children (Verhage et al 2016). If you work it might be hard to arrange shared mealtimes, but try to make time when you can. Share the same foods that you’re eating with your toddler, but don't add any salt to their portion.

Set yourself up for success, with good vibes

Children respond well to praise, so make a fuss of them when they eat well. If you only focus on them when they’re not eating then they may start to refuse food just to make you take notice (Steinsbekk et al 2017).

Take some of the pressure off you and your child by giving them at least one food you know they like at each meal. That way, they will be likely to eat something for sure.

Toddlers can be overwhelmed by big platefuls, so give them small portions. If your toddler eats all of their portion, praise them and offer more.

Set limits

Most toddlers finish what they’re going to eat in the first 30 minutes after starting their meal (SCHN 2019). Try to limit mealtimes to half an hour, and accept that they will not eat much more after that.

Do not sit at the table, trying to persuade your toddler to eat more. This will make you both upset, because toddlers want to feel in control of their world. Wait for the next meal, or snack time, and offer healthy foods again then.

Make mealtimes relaxed and fun

Make mealtimes a happy affair. Chat about things other than eating. Eat away from distractions such as the TV, pets, games and toys. These can all make it harder for your toddler to focus on eating.

It can help to arrange for your toddler to eat with other children sometimes. If they have a friend at childcare or preschool, who enjoys food, invite them over for lunch. Your toddler may eat better, when they see their friend eating well.

Let your toddler get messy

Toddlers enjoy having the control of feeding themselves. Offer finger foods as often as you can.

Allow your toddler to touch their food and play with it, and to make a mess at mealtimes. Let them explore by smelling, licking and squishing the food between their fingers. This helps them become more comfortable with the food, and less prone to being fussy eaters (Coulthard et al 2015).

Time meals well

Work out a daily routine, with three meals and two or three snacks, that fits around your toddler's daytime sleep pattern. Toddlers thrive on routine and knowing what to expect.

Your toddler won't eat well if they get over-hungry, and if they're tired, they may be too cranky to eat. Give your toddler a small snack or a drink before naps. Save full meals for when they’re well rested.

Ask everyone who feeds your toddler, like family members and childcare staff, to follow your approach and routine.

Keep your toddler interested

Offer your toddler a savoury course, followed by a sweet one. After one course they might be bored of one taste and ready to try something new. This also gives your toddler the chance to take in more nutrients, and lets them try a wider range of foods at each meal.

Try them with different foods from within the same food groups. If your toddler hates yoghurt, try cheese instead.

For a little extra range, you could have a picnic outside, or build a den inside and eat on a blanket on the floor.

Involve your toddler

Involve older toddlers in food shopping, and meal prep. They can help you find things in the store and also set the table. This will help them to have a positive approach towards food and mealtimes.

Your toddler can also help with simple cooking tasks like washing fruit and vegetables. Let them touch new foods, without being under pressure to eat them. This can mean they are more likely to try the food when it ends up on their plate (ITF 2016).

How do I know when my toddler is full?

Your toddler is telling you they’re full if they:

• keep their mouth shut when offered food
• say "no"
• turn their head away when offered food
• push away a spoon, bowl or plate that has food in it
• hold food in their mouth and refuse to swallow
• spit food out
• lean out of their highchair, or try to climb out of it
• cry, shout or scream
• gag or retch

If your child seems full, accept that they’ve had enough. Remain calm and take away any food that’s left, without comment.

Is there anything I should not do?

It's easy to fall into traps that create stress. Here are some tips to help you keep mealtimes calm as your toddler learns healthy eating habits.

Don't beg or bribe your toddler to eat

A little gentle nudging is fine, but never insist that your child has to finish what’s on their plate.

Likewise, do not spoon feed, or force food into your toddler’s mouth when they’ve had enough. This can make your child anxious about food. It can also cause them to eat more than they need.

Don't offer other meal choices

It’s tempting to take away a refused meal then offer a different one in its place, but your toddler will soon catch on if you start to give meal options. In the long run it’s better to offer family meals and just accept that your toddler will prefer some foods to others.

Don’t offer dessert as a reward

This is easier said than done. But by offering the sweet course as a reward you'll make it seem better than the savoury one.

Don't give them a big drink of milk before a meal

Large drinks will reduce your toddler's appetite. If your child is thirsty before a meal give them a small drink of water instead of milk. Also, make sure your toddler is not drinking too much milk. They only need up to 500ml a day (WCHN 2014).

There's no need to give your toddler follow-on formula or toddler milk. They'll get all they need from a varied diet.

Don’t give fruit juices too often

Keep juices to mealtimes only, as they’re linked to tooth decay. Make sure any juices are diluted (1 part juice to 10 parts water).

Fruit cordials, even the low-sugar type, can cause a sweet tooth. You'll keep your toddler healthier, and save yourself trouble, if you keep them off your shopping list.

Don't offer snacks just after a meal

If your toddler hasn't eaten well at their main meal do not offer them a snack straight after. While it's tempting to give your toddler a snack to make sure they’ve eaten something it's best to stick to a set meal pattern. Wait until the next snack time, or meal, before you offer them food again.

Don't give up on a food if your toddler rejects it

Tastes change with time. Your toddler is still working out what they like. Some children need to be offered a new food up to 15 times before they feel ready to give it a go, so keep trying (SCHN 2019)!

Don't feel guilty if a meal goes wrong

You’re bound to have some tough days when your toddler just does not seem to want to eat. Sometimes, they’ll even refuse food they like. It can be hard if you’ve put a lot of time and effort into making their meal.

Try to put it behind you, and approach the next meal with a fresh outlook. Instead of thinking about what your child eats in a single meal or in one day, focus on what they eat over a longer period, and whether they’re growing well.

What should I do if I'm still worried about my toddler's picky eating habits?

If you're really concerned about your toddler then make a list of all the food and drink they have in a week. Check that they eat foods from the main food groups. These are: grain foods, protein, dairy produce (or calcium-rich alternatives), fruit, and veg. If your toddler has eaten foods from each group it’s not likely you have reason to worry.

If you're still worried about how much your toddler eats then talk to your child health nurse or GP. In some cases being picky with food can be a sign of a health problem, developmental disability such as ASD, or a food intolerance.

They can check your toddler's weight and height, and a number of other things. They are most likely to tell you that there is no problem. But if they suspect there may be wider issues they'll be able to offer support and advice about what to do next.

More tips and advice

• Find out why your child might be a fussy eater.
• Get more tips on feeding your toddler well.
• Learn more about giving your toddler a balanced diet.