Like many aspects of divorce, managing your finances after splitting up with your spouse can feel complicated and overwhelming. This is true whether the separation is amicable or acrimonious. Because every divorce is different, it’s wise to consult with your attorney and financial advisor for guidance, but here is a basic primer to help you navigate your finances independently from your ex-spouse.
Adjust your budget to match your current lifestyle. Start by calculating your new monthly income, including spousal or child support if applicable, and estimate what you expect to earn over the next year. If you are a stayat-home parent or spouse, you may decide to re-enter the workforce to bolster your income. Or the time may be right to switch careers or seek a side hustle.
Next, look at your spending to see if you need to adjust your patterns. Whether you’ve decided to remain in
your home or seek new living arrangements, crunch the numbers to see how much house you can realistically afford. Also, evaluate your lifestyle spending, including entertainment, dining out, and vacations, to see if it’s necessary to trim your expenses. If possible, avoid making any major purchases until you feel comfortable with your updated budget.
Consider your children’s future. If you have children, they will understandably take center stage in your planning. It’s important to start thinking about how you’ll handle future financial milestones.
Milestones may include paying for private grade school, college tuition, the down payment on a home, or a wedding. If you’d like to help your children with such expenses, consider these questions: Will you receive financial support from your former spouse? Do you expect your kids to contribute?
As each event approaches, be up front with your kids about what you can afford so they can set realistic expectations.
Prioritize saving for retirement. No matter how close – or far – you are to retirement, make it a priority to update (Financial
your retirement goals and continue building your nest egg. You are responsible for your own savings. In fact, the biggest challenge most Americans face financially is having enough money to cover what could be several decades of expenses in retirement. While retirement saving can feel overwhelming as you balance competing financial priorities, having a plan can help you feel more in control.
Ensure you’re protected. An important step following divorce is to maintain, replace or establish insurance that will help secure your financial future. All forms of insurance should be reviewed and considered, and your beneficiaries should be updated if needed. Make sure you understand the specific benefits that you and your former spouse are entitled to through your employers, as well as applicable life, health and disability insurance policies. If you have children, whose health insurance plan will be used to cover them? Work quickly to establish an insurance plan to avoid the financial risk of being uninsured.
Consider the tax implications of your new marital status. Review your situation with a tax professional to see if
you need to revise your tax strategy. Divorce can affect your tax situation in several ways. Impacts may include entering a different income tax bracket, providing or receiving child or spousal support, and changes to your investment strategy and your process for handling future tax returns.
Dream and plan for the future. Once you have a handle on your new day-to-day finances and retirement goals, allow yourself to dream and plan for other milestones that are important to you. Do you wish to visit every continent?
Pay off your mortgage before retirement?
Open a small business?
Whatever your dreams, determine the cost of each one so you know how much you’ll need to save. Save what you can each month, and keep in mind that even small amounts will add up over time. If you’re tempted to spend the money elsewhere, consider establishing a separate savings account.
Don’t go it alone. Professional guidance from an attorney, tax professional, estate planner and financial advisor can help you make empowered choices that match your new priorities. Financial advisors like myself routinely
All in a Day
I was working diligently in my office, occasionally glancing out of the window toward the lake, enjoying the scenery on a warm sunny morning. It was about 10:00 when my wife called down, “What is that up by the top gate?” I looked up and could see what she to what she was referring. It was large and dark colored but far enough away, I could not make out what it was. I reached for the binoculars and quickly determined it was a Tom turkey, strutting his stuff for all he was worth. We went out to the porch and watched as he displayed, back and forth across the top of the hill. He never gobbled once but was in a constant strut. After a half hour or so, he worked his way down the hill, following the road. When he got to the shore, closest to the island, he quit strutting long enough to fly over. He strutted across the island and flew up to the top of the dam where he stood in the sunlight showing off his coppery brown feathers. After a while, a hen turkey came down the hill to join him on the dam. When she got close to him, he turned and walked down the back side of the dam and off into the pasture. I thought this was rather
strange behavior on his part, but the last we saw of him, he was headed toward the woods on the edge of the north pasture with the hen still in pursuit.
Many people think it is only possible to hunt spring gobblers in the early morning and late afternoon. This bird showed us, they can be active all day. We watched him actively strutting for over an hour and a half in the middle of the day. The Toms may not be actively gobbling all day, but they are still moving about. Later that day, I noticed several small ducks swimming around near the shore. Out of curiosity, I grabbed the binoculars and checked them out. They were wood ducks, five males and one female. That is a good sign that several hens were off in the timber somewhere setting on their nests.
We drove out, going to the woods to look for mushrooms when we passed the island. A goose has been nesting on the north end for about three weeks. When we drive by, she flattens out over her nest thinking we can not see her. If we did not know where to look, she would be difficult to see. Her mate stands guard on shore nearby. We are careful not to draw Jag’s attention toward her. If he were to swim over to the island, he would be in for a rude awakening.
He is a tough little dog but not as tough as he thinks he is. If the mother goose did not come off the nest to pound on him, the gander surely would. Geese can be mean and when they are protecting their nest, they can be vicious. Jag might not make it back to shore after the adventure.
We had no luck at mushroom hunting. Back at the house, we ate dinner and sat around relaxing for a while. I took the dogs outside for a last call of nature before we went to bed. As we stepped out of the back door, a great horned owl hooted at us from a tree very close to us. I was startled and jumped from the noise being so close. The dogs both started barking at it. The owl was not impressed. He hooted at us a few more times before flying off into the night. It was time for us to call it a day.
Asking Questions
We bought our house in Minnesota almost 10 years ago. Planning to do a complete remodel, I gutted every room in the house.
Naturally, while they were open, I tried to think of everything that should go inside the walls. I ran new plumbing, wiring, and ducts for the heat, air conditioning, and exhaust fans. We ran cable for TV and USB ports in nearly every room. I even remembered running a cable to hardwire the smoke detectors and a waterline for the ice maker in the refrigerator.
I thought I’d thought of everything, but it didn’t even occur to me to run wiring for a doorbell.
Ironically, we’ve never used the TV cables; they run through the internet now. Nobody connects computers to the internet with wires anymore; everything is wireless. So, I ran a bunch of cables for nothing, but we could use a doorbell.
In hindsight, why would we need a doorbell? We live on the edge of being in the sticks with only a few neighbors, and bears don’t ring doorbells; they just come in through a window if they want inside. Besides, even the doorbells with fancy cameras and security systems are wireless these days. We have a wireless doorbell: Nova Mae.
Instead of a porch camera, our wireless doorbell has two eyes and fantastic ears. Nova alerts us if anyone comes on the property or pulls in the driveway; she even lets us know if someone is in the street.
Nova Mae tells us when the mail is here, when the garbage truck has arrived, and when a delivery truck is at the house.
Nova has an assistant for 24-hour security: Edgar Allan. Our black cat takes the night watch, letting us know if a raccoon is robbing the birdfeeder on the deck or if the neighbor’s cat is prowling around the yard. Between the two of them, we are very well protected.
The other day, I ran to the post office in town to mail some cookies to a friend. Nova Mae came along for the ride and wanted to go inside with me. “You have to wait here in the van, baby girl,” I told her.
As I walked away from the van carrying the package of cookies, Nova barked several times to express her disapproval of my decision. She thought I baked the cookies for her and was not happy that I was sending them away. When I returned to the van, she was acting strangely, as if she had done something, but I didn’t pay much attention and drove home.
About ten minutes after I got home, Nova gave two soft, low woofs while looking out the bay window into the driveway. This indicates a low-threat visitor. I looked out the front window and a black Dodge sedan with silver letting on the door was in our driveway. “Silver Bay Police? What are the city police doing all the way out here,” I asked. I looked at Nova Mae, “You better not have done something in the van just because I wouldn’t let you go into the post office!” When I’m driving, if a cop turns around or pulls out behind me, I don’t make them chase me; I pull over. I guess the same is true at home.
When the officer got out of his car, I stepped out onto the front porch. “Hello,” I said, walking down the front steps toward the driveway to
greet him. Are you supposed to be way out here?”
“Not normally, but I have a reason today,” he said, then asked, “Are you Thomas?” Crap. It’s seldom good when a cop, a school teacher, or your mom calls you by your formal first name.
I gave my routine, smart-aleck answer, “It depends. Do I owe you money?” We shared a good laugh about that, and then I told him, “I am, but you can call me Tom. What can I do for you?”
“Is there something you did or didn’t do that you can think of,” he asked.
When I was in town, I did a rolling stop at Davis Street and Outer Drive, about a block from the police department, but I doubted he saw it, and certainly, he wouldn’t follow me seven miles out of town for that. Maybe someone complained that I left my dog in the van, but the temperature was in the forties, so Nova was not in danger. I drew a blank. “If you give me a clue what you’re talking about, I can probably come up with a confession or an alibi.”
“Do you have a Facebook account,” he asked. I told him I did.
“Have you been in New York lately,” he asked. It was raining, and I could tell he was serious. I looked at the name on his uniform. Sean Bergman
“Would you like to step up on the porch and talk, Sean, to get out of the rain?”
(I don’t remember the name): “Do you know Jane Smith, or does her name mean anything to you?” I told him it did not. He asked, “How many Facebook profiles do you have?”
“I only have one profile,” I answered. I felt a bit suspect, “Can you tell me what this is all about?”
Under the roof on the porch, Officer Bergman again asked, “Have you been to New York lately or communicated with anyone in New York?
“I am focused on providing high quality care through evidence-based practice and open communication with patients and the healthcare team,” said Morris. “I am eager to help patients reach their health-related goals.”
Morris earned her Master of Science in Nursing, Family Nurse Practitioner degree from Purdue University Global, West Lafayette, Indiana. She completed her Bachelor of Science in Nursing at Iowa Wesleyan University, Mount Pleasant, Iowa. She is a member of the American Association of Nurse Practitioners.
I explained, “I have a lot of friends I’ve met through social media, and I do communicate with them through comments on posts, but I don’t know if I’ve talked to anyone specifically in New York.”
He named a person
“A lady reported getting messages through Facebook, saying that you had been kidnapped in New York, and if she didn’t send ten thousand dollars, they were going to feed you to the fish,” Officer Bergman explained. “She said the messages were coming from your Facebook account. They even sent her a recorded message.” He played the message for me, but I couldn’t even understand what the man said. “Obviously, that is not your voice,” he said. “And you only have one profile?”
When I confirmed that I had only one profile, Sean pulled it up on his phone. “This is your profile photo and your page, correct?” he asked, scrolling through the page.
“It sure looks like my page,” I said.
The officer continued, “When I type your name into the search bar, three more pages appear under your name with your photos. Someone has lifted photos from your wall and created clone pages using your name.” I shook my head in disbelief.
“I’ve seen a lot of people get cloned,” I told Sean, “But I had no idea I’d been cloned – or kidnapped in New York, for that matter. Why would anyone want to clone me?”
I get friend requests from people who follow my stories; I don’t know many of these people, but I do know others. Or, at least, I think I know them. So, I am cautious when anyone sends me a friend request. I’ll reply, where did we meet, or where do you know me from if it’s someone I haven’t met yet? I can usually tell from their response if they are legitimate or not.
Just a few days before, I got a friend request from a person in Ottumwa whom I’ve known for over 30 years. The photos on the profile were definitely Don Phillips and he had poth-
ers of himself and his wife, who I also know. It seemed legit, but still, I went through the same precautionary routine, asking where we met or where you knew me from.
Don replied, “Facebook suggested you for me to add, that’s why I sent the request. You look familiar also, but I’m not sure where we met.” That sounded suspicious. Don would know the answers. He used to live across the street from me, and our kids went to elementary school together. I’d worked with Don many times through the news department at the radio station, so I asked another question. “Where do you work?”
Don replied, “Okay, I work as an expert in crypto trading….” Wow! A clone, for sure!
I looked up the real Don Phillips profile. He posted, “I’ve been cloned. Do not accept a friend request from me.” Double wow! It takes a lot of guts to clone Don Phillips, the Sheriff of Wapello County, Iowa. If these hackers will clone the sheriff’s profile, why would they even think twice about cloning me or anyone else?
Officer Bergman handed me a card with a web address. “You can go to this website to report the cloning,” he said. We
said our farewells and he was on his way.
After Sean Bergman left, I spent time reflecting on his visit. Even though I briefly felt like a suspect, I was glad he was asking questions. He’s doing his job and keeping the community safe.
It can be a scary world out there. Facebook can be a fun place, but it’s necessary for all to be vigilant and watch out for one another. Ask questions when you get a friend invite, and when you’re confident it’s legitimate, ask more questions.
I gave Nova Mae a rub on the head and a treat, too. “Thanks for the heads-up that someone was in the driveway. You’re a lot better than any doorbell.” Be safe, my friends.