Imaginary Childhood

by Lori Pettibone

I used to be a child pretending

to be grown up.

I used my credit cards,

played with my bank account,

and paid my bills

as if it were all part

of some big game.

"Look at me, " I would say

"I'm quite grown up now."

but inside

I was still a child.

Then overnight, it seems

I became a grown-up

pretending to be a child.

I had myself convinced that I

was still a child

and that

I would never grow up,

Then I came face-to-face

with someone the age I imagined

myself to be still.

And she looked up to me

as if I were old.

And I realized how different

we were.

She was young and free.

I was grown and

mature.

And my imaginary

chilhood

ended.