Walking Through Grief and Loss in Foster Care by faithbridgefostercare

NICOLE BARLOW & JENNIFER HAINES WITH LINDSEY MARTIN

WALKING THROUGH GRIEF AND LOSS IN FOSTER CARE A 31-DAY DEVOTIONAL FOR FOSTER PARENTS

DAY 1

UNCERTAINTY The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. ZEPHANIAH 3:17 Foster care is not for the faint of heart. Really, following Jesus is not for the faint of heart. The reality of taking up a cross to follow him often does not fit into current culture- even among his followers. Foster care, in response to a call of God, is a way that we respond to our King in obedience to share his love, but it means releasing control in a system that is broken and unpredictable. Miranda’s first placement of two children, an 8-month-old and 18-month-old, came on a Friday. The first hearing was held on Monday. Miranda and her husband were unable to attend court because of a family obligation and the Case Manager took the littles to court. After the hearing, Miranda received a call from the consultant informing her that the girls were returned to their father and were on their way out of state with him. Miranda was shocked and sad that they never got to say goodbye. Miranda spoke to the father over the phone and had a chance to share with him what they had learned about his girls and offered to send their things. They never received an address and never had a chance to speak with them again. Miranda and her husband were so grateful for a dad who would fight to find and ensure the safe return of his kids, but they were also sad to never have the chance to say goodbye. It is only their things that were left behind that now that stand as a continual reminder of the girls who they loved and cared for for a short while. Foster care often has many twists and turns that we do not expect. Not only is it a journey where we care for others and share the love of Jesus, but many times it is a journey that God uses to grow us.

ACTIVITY

Start journaling here and keep track of all that God does through the ups and downs, and the highs and lows that come as a part of the journey.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

What parts of your foster care journey are you carrying on your cross? What has God given you to bear in this season? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 2

SHINE BRILLIANTLY Men and women who have lived wisely and well will shine brilliantly, like the cloudless, star-strewn night skies. And those who put others on the right path to life will glow like stars forever. DANIEL 12:3 Gather tightly together. Your journey has shifted. As big as grief feels and as tender as goodbyes make our heart, we can continue to shine. Look up; marvel in the vastness of what God created. He was so intentional with stars. They each have a place in the universe. How much more does he care for those the Word declares that He created in His image? His breath created stars, but even more incredibly, He breathed His own life into us. As a foster family, we say yes with full belief that He is presently giving strength and patience. Now, in the goodbye, feel His sweetness. You have put a special child on the path, given strength to a broken family and been a part of a story full of grace. Shine like stars!

ACTIVITIES

Star Gazing - download an app that maps the stars. Look together for the stars and constellations in the night sky. Use marshmallows and toothpicks to create constellations - don’t forget to eat a few (marshmallows, not toothpicks)

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

Was it difficult to engage in fun and joy together while grieving? Why was this activity hard or easy for you today? Did you see any change in the children still in your home after this activity? In yourself? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 3

WORSHIP THROUGH MOURNING At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” JOB 1:20-21 The book of Job is at moments unbearable to read. The amount of loss that this man suffers is unconscionable. What it must have been like for him to lose everything; his possessions, his servants, all of his children! What grief he must have felt to tear his robe and shave his head! There are many times in the Bible where people show their state of mourning or grief by tearing their robes, but in Job, you can actually feel his pain as you read it. And yet in that moment he fell to the ground in worship, humble before the Lord that created him. John would say that he didn’t exactly have the same reaction as Job in the days after their first placement left their home. In fact, in many moments he felt forsaken by God; unseen in his loss. John’s foster care journey began with the placement of two brothers, three months old and four years old. From the beginning he and his wife gave their whole hearts to the boys. They were told early on that it could be a very short placement - maybe less than a month. They did everything they could to invest in both them and their biological family. As the days and months and years passed by, their love for those boys grew and life without them became unfathomable. After two and a half years, the courts made the decision to send the boys home. While they had built a great relationship with the biological family, their hearts were broken. They had always been told that this was the goal and that it would be hard, but this was beyond hard. John described the loss like a death.

If you are in a place of experiencing loss on your foster care journey, where are you emotionally? If it was a shorter placement or a placement that just never “fit,” maybe you are in a time of adjustment, but not sorrow. If it was especially challenging, you may even be feeling a sense of relief and rest. Or maybe, like John, this loss feels like more than you can handle. All are normal, justifiable reactions on this challenging journey.

ACTIVITY

Try to give yourself space today to feel whatever you are feeling in this moment. Take a few minutes alone in the bath or shower and listen to music that reminds you that the Lord is with you during this time.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTION

How can you praise and worship God today in the midst of your loss? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 4

THANKSGIVING You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. 2 CORINTHIANS 9:11 There are many answers when grief calls. A part of the process of your training to become a foster family was learning the stages of grief. We mostly looked at it through the lens of a child coming into foster care. We examined what ambiguous grief looks like. Our culture tells us what to do, clues about what to say and even what to wear when we experience traditional grief. We wear black and make casseroles, right? However, there are really no guidelines for ambiguous grief. Those outside our reality might not comprehend how saying good-bye to a child who was not ours to begin with could hurt. Turn towards your Heavenly Father who created your heart to give to that child knowing and believing that He can soothe what hurts even if it is never completely healed this side of heaven.

ACTIVITY

Thanksgiving Dinner: even if the calendar doesn’t say November and the weather doesn’t cooperate, we can create a meal centered around gratitude! Grab a Honey Baked Ham, make your favorite comfort food sides and gather around the table. Maybe even throw a harvest-themed tablecloth under all that yummy food. You are, as you know, reaping a harvest of God’s very best and surrounded by the people who love you the most!

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

Why is it hard for to have gratitude in grief? Are you feeling conflicted between the role you agreed to play and the hurt you currently feel? That is OKAY! It is okay to feel the conflict of the hard work and the loss! __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 5 LAMENT

My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror overwhelms me. PSALM 55:4-5 In Psalm 55, David expresses his pain in great detail. Have you ever really read the bible and thought about how much sorrow and lament is a part of the story? SO MUCH OF IT! It is bound to be a big part of our story as well. In the days and weeks that followed a placement leaving Nia’s home, she lived in a state of mourning. She cried anytime that she saw something that reminded her of them; a song, a show, or even other little kids. She cried in her sleep. She felt such deep pain and didn’t know what to do with all of her feelings. Likewise, her husband was mourning too. Each of them was trying to grieve on their own, not wanting to upset the other spouse more. When a person dies, people expect you to mourn the loss. In their experience though, people did not expect for them to mourn reunification. They heard so many comments discrediting their pain: “You signed up for this.” “You knew reunification was the goal.” “You still get to see them.” “Isn’t that what foster care is about?” All these statements were from people who cared about them and they were all true, but most people just did not understand foster care and all of the dynamics that come with this mission. They couldn’t understand why Nia was feeling such sorrow for people that were still alive.

We call this ambiguous loss. They were still alive, but they were not in their lives in the same way. Nia was no longer the one to tuck them in at night or got them ready for their day. Whereas she once held a position that meant daily interaction and dependence, now she was cast off to the sidelines. The kids did not die, but to Nia, it almost felt like they did. And not only were there feelings of loss but worry. How did she know that they were okay? Did they miss the home that they had grown accustomed to? What were the kids feeling? It wasn’t until Nia had a conversation with an understanding and empathetic friend that she understood how much she needed to be validated in her pain. She needed someone to say that it was okay for her to feel this way and to allow her to process what she was feeling.

ACTIVITY

Think through the people in your community that can empathize with your experience. Talk through your feelings with someone that can understand your pain. Telling our stories starts the healing process.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

How can your experience with ambiguous loss help you to understand the loss and relate to children that come into care? How can it help you relate to their biological families? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 6

MOURNING INTO DANCING Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. JEREMIAH 31:13 Music is one of the languages of God! There is something about rhythm and melody that communicate to the soul. Music can stir us to tears or it can rebound our mood. Music connects us to past events reminding our inner core how good it feels to be loved by people who share our joy. I mean, who hasn’t enjoyed YouTube videos of great wedding reception dancing? Have you ever heard of “Just Dance?” It is a calorie-burning video game of dancing! Our precious Word of God tells us that dancing makes us glad! Swaying and lifting our hands in awesome reverence while soaking up the truths displayed in the lyrics of our favorite praise songs can transport us to the throne of the Almighty! Kids love music, too. They are uninhibited and whole in their ability to dance, move and sing even if it only pleasing to themselves and the adults that love them the most. Their joy pronounced through music is unmistakable! Music heals the broken.

ACTIVITY

It is time for a dance party and maybe even a little karaoke! If you have a modern electronic device, you have thousands of songs at your fingertips! Let each family member choose a song to lead the rest in heart-healing rhythm. Trust your twinkle toes to guide you to a new groove in your heart - one that will be remembered as a day when grief became the wallflower of your family’s dance party!

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

How did it feel to be silly and dance with your children or your spouse? What song was able to bring that spark back in the moment? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 7

CRY OUT TO GOD I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of all my foes. PSALM 6:6-7 In Psalm 6 as David expresses his grief, he is honest with God about how he feels. He does not sugar coat his feelings (which would be silly with a God who knows the heart), but instead he lays it all out to God in expectation that the Father can help. David desired to be close to his Father. In his pain, He sought comfort from the One that could provide. David does not always cry out favorably to the LORD though. There are times when he questions God and times where he is distressed and angry, but he goes through all those emotions directly with God in a very honest heart-felt manner. Contrary to David’s approach to grief, the Israelites take a very different approach in their distress as they wander through the desert fleeing Egypt. Exodus 14:10-12 shows one response: “As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the Lord. They said to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” Instead of seeking help directly from God, a help based on relationship, the Israelites do cry out to God, but really, they are complaining about God to Moses. They ultimately are not seeking relational comfort, but rather for all of their circumstances to be immediately fixed. Again, in Exodus 16:2-3, the Israelites resort to complaining:

“Then the whole community of Israelites began complaining again. They complained to Moses and Aaron in the desert. They said, “It would have been better if the Lord had just killed us in the land of Egypt. At least there we had plenty to eat. We had all the food we needed. But now you have brought us out here into this desert to make us all die from hunger.” As the people of Israel faced hardships, they chose to complain rather than go to God in faith. Pain is inevitable, especially in foster care, but we can choose to cry out to our Heavenly Father, and he has promised to be there for us in hard times. He may not work all the circumstances to settle as we would like, but He can provide relational comfort that can help us through anything.

ACTIVITY

Cry out to God today. Be honest and direct about how you feel.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTION

When you pray, are you looking for relationship or to complain? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 8

THROW KINDNESS LIKE CONFETTI Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people. EPHESIANS 6:7 Serving is counterintuitive. When something is given it is assumed that there is a void. Take something off the shelf of the grocery store and there is an empty space; squeeze out enough toothpaste and eventually you have a flat tube; drink the last Dr. Pepper and experience mutiny. (OK, the last example may be a bit personal, but you get the point.) In the physical world, things either exist or they don’t. However, when we serve, we also receive. Serving is the ultimate return on investment. Sometimes we even get back more than we had to give. Serving others is one way to lessen grief. Giving away our time and talent and sharing our joy can be one of the many ways to lessen the weight of grief. When we give generously, receiving back gratitude, smiles and hugs, we are reminded that the human heart can be healed through the obedience of giving. Offering ourselves to the benefit of others allows God to fill us up with His most thoughtful and beautiful gifts.

ACTIVITY

Serve somehow. Serve somewhere. Jump in the line at McDonalds at pay for someone’s meal, wrap your arms around your barista and tell her she is special, sweep your neighbors porch, take a meal to a busy family, write a thank you note, take the cart back to the store for a busy mom, listen to stories from an elderly friend, buy and extra popcorn at the movie theater and give it to the guy behind you. The possibilities are endless and so are the blessing! Spread kindness like confetti and enjoy the party in your spirit!

THOUGHTFUL QUESTION

How does serving others in small tangible ways help refill your love tank? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 9 REST

The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. MARK 6:30-32 As Jesus taught the disciples how to minister to others, he modeled for them the importance of getting away from the ministry to rest and spend time with the Father. Though there was always people seeking time with Jesus, and there was always work to be done, Jesus knew the importance of taking a break. Two times in Matthew 14 Jesus retreats to be alone. Matthew 14:13, right after Jesus hears about John the Baptist being beheaded, scripture says: “Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself.” But the crowds followed him. He looked on them and had compassion, so he feeds the five thousand. Then again he retreats to be alone in Matthew 14:22-23: “Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone,…” Though he desired to be there for the people, Jesus remained intentional about getting alone to grieve and pray. In foster care, ministry comes to your home and there can be few moments to rest. One of the greatest times to seek solitude and breathing room is after a placement leaves. Most of the time a foster home will be put on hold automatically for a specified amount of time,

but if that is not the case, it is important for foster parents to be intentional about stepping away. This gives time to rest and recharge, but also to grieve and refocus. There was a season where our home was placed on hold in order to give them time to grieve and regroup before taking another placement. There was an automatic six week hold, but we decided to take longer to really process where God was leading us. It had been a rocky two years for us and we needed the rest.

ACTIVITY

Take time to grieve. Whether it is three weeks or three months, be sure to take whatever you need. There will always be children in need of care, but those children need you to be at your best.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTION

How much time do you think you need to recharge? How can you be intentional during this season to get the break that you need? _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 10

BROKEN HEARTS ARE WOUNDS OTHERS DON’T SEE He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. PSALM 147:3 What is your visceral response to stubbing your toe? Oh, the pain is so intense! Our eyes widen, we scream and start hopping around willing the pain to subside. Eventually, we sit down somewhere and cradle that poor little piggy toe - alternating between rubbing it vigorously and squeezing it tight. That is what it means to bind. Applying pressure and touching our skin communicates to the brain that help has arrived and there is no need to send any more panic endorphins! However, grief is tricky, isn’t it? The emotional signs of hurt are not obvious! The most comforting news is that our Father promises that He can go beyond physical binding and is even willing to cradle our sprained, scraped and broken heart. He is the Artisan of our intricate and beautifully woven fabric. Because He knows us so well, He knows just how to soothe us and what to whisper to our hearts because he is dedicated to our healing.

ACTIVITY

Grab a box of band-aids and get ready to name the hurts that you are asking God to heal. Write words like “emptiness,” “scared,” “untrusting,”, “sad,” “unfair,” “lost,” and “unheard” on those band-aids. Whatever you are feeling, whatever your kids are feeling, write them on those band-aids. Be honest, be real. It is okay for those words to feel heavy - we serve a BIG GOD!!! When the words are exhausted peel off the paper and stick those band-aids on your skin (maybe not on the super hairy parts, dads). Kids will be silly - they LOVE band-aids! After you have named and stuck those emotions on you, release them through prayer. Touch the words on your skin and on your kids’ skin and PRAY over them. Ask God to go beyond physical binding to spiritual and emotional binding. Then peel them off and throw them away or keep them as a reminder of God’s faithfulness. Trust that time and the beauty and thoughtfulness of God’s plan will move you away from grief and towards freedom in Him.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

How did it feel to write out the emotions and release them? How did your children respond to this activity? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 11

HIS WORD IS HOPE For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. ROMANS 15:4 In the darkness, it is hard to see clearly. Feelings can lead us down a path that is not grounded in truth. God called Gideon to save the people of Israel, who had been overtaken and were in a time of famine. When an angel appeared to Gideon, he had doubts. Judges 6:12-14 recounts: “And the angel of the Lord appeared to him and said to him, “The Lord is with you, O mighty man of valor.” And Gideon said to him, “Please, my lord, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us?” Gideon doubted that the LORD was really with his people, he doubted that he was the right choice, and he doubted his calling. In fact, he tested God several more times to make sure that he is hearing all of these things correctly and that he was really being called to this big task. After the reunification of our placement, I had doubts on whether or not we were called to foster any longer. I thought “Maybe God is saying that we aren’t very good at this and we should move on to something else.” Many of our friends that fostered had the opportunity to adopt their placements. Though it was not their original intention to adopt, was God saying to us that we were not good enough? She was looking to God as Gideon had once done and saying, “If the Lord is with us, then why is this happening?’. But my foster care experience was not God’s disapproval of me, instead it was His promise for me. God has promised the Church that it will suffer as they serve Him, but God also promises that He will be the light in the dark spaces. Much like Gideon, God wasn’t calling me to do the hard things of foster care alone, rather He was calling her to rely on Him as my strength. I needed to look more closely at the character and promises of God; I needed to hear Truth louder than my feelings. His Word was what gave me that hope.

ACTIVITY

Times of loss and grief are often a good time to be very intentional about your study of the Word of God. What truth is important for you to hear right now? Immerse yourself in the Word and allow it to be a lamp to your feet in this season.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

How are you viewing your loss through the lens of your theology? Is what you know about God shaping the way that you see your loss or is your loss shaping the way that you see God? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 12

THE JOY OF CELEBRATION These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. JOHN 15:11 The joy of a celebration is worth sharing! It is difficult to rank the best parts of a party. How do you order games, friends and family, sugar in all forms and lighting a fire on top of a mound of cake and frosting and trusting a small child to blow it out? Besides cleaning up the mess and bringing sugar high children back to earth, there just aren’t drawbacks to enjoying a great festivity! Joy seams the opposite of grief, though, doesn’t it? However, as a foster family, there are things to celebrate along the whole journey - even in the good-bye. For whatever time God ordained a child or children to be with your family, His name was glorified, and your family was changed right along with the lives of those children! Walking through the healing process of a child who has experienced trauma means that there are always reasons to celebrate! The little things are big things in the heart of a child learning to trust and bond. Families that get messy and decide that staying in the game no matter how often the rules change deserve to be celebrated!

ACTIVITY

It is time to celebrate! Hang streamers, blow up balloons, and maybe even fill a pinata! And, of course, a party isn’t a party without cake! Break out the sprinkles and get ready to create a new memory in the midst of your family’s healing that is literally filled with confetti! Remember you were a strong family at the beginning of this journey. At the core is a family who decided that you had enough love to share with a child going through difficult days. Now, you can spend that same love on one another because you, too, are going through difficult days. Love well, party hard and eat cake!!

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

Do you find the spiritual discipline of celebration easy or difficult? What are some other ways to practice celebration in your time of suffering? _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 13 SELF CARE

It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. 2 SAMUEL 22:33 Elijah was a prophet of God. In his time, the people had turned from worshiping the one true God to worship Baal. The LORD had sent drought and famine upon the people because of their disobedience. Elijah held to his God, though he was the only one. Elijah’s name literally means “Yahweh is my God.” Elijah proclaimed the name of the LORD to the people and even created a little spectacle to show the people who really holds all of the power. Elijah suggested that both he and the prophets of Baal build altars and then call on their gods to see who answers. The 450 prophets of Baal go on to create their altar and to call on their gods to bring fire, but nothing happened. Then, in very theatrical fashion, Elijah set up his altar. He not only added the sacrifice and wood, but also drenched it with water three times for dramatic effect. Then he called on the LORD of Hosts to bring fire, which of course our God did, and the fire consumed everything, and all of the people fell on their face to worship the LORD! WOW! Elijah stood on what he knew to be true and in turn people had their eyes opened to the power of the Almighty. Then in the very next chapter, Elijah, the same man who had stood alone for God and called on him in expectance, ran in fear after Jezebel threatened him. 1 Kings 19:3-5 “Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors…”

This is the same man that was calling down fire from heaven and now he was running scared! What happened to the faith and determination that he had only moments before? 1 Kings 19:5-6 goes on… “…Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.” Elijah was just plain tired after all that fire business. He needed a snack and a nap! As humans, we are subject to pain, fear, grief, weariness, and all the other emotions of this life. As we serve the Lord in hard places and as we give our energy to those around us, it is natural to grow tired. Elijah was so weary that he goes so far as to ask the Lord to take his life. Foster care can sometimes be just as tiresome and stressful. Often in moments where our bodies are burdened and weary, the other emotions that we feel can be amplified. Maybe it is time for a snack and a nap for us too.

ACTIVITY

Take some time to focus on self-care today. Take time to create a plan to eat good nutrients, exercise, spend time with God, and get some rest.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

What can you do to fill your cup in this season? How can you be intentional about your time? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 14

NATURE WALK In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. PSALM 95:4-5 One of the best ways to practice mindfulness is in nature. Walking through the woods is a wonderful place to be surrounded by God’s creativity. The sights are vivid, the smells are vibrant and the sounds are everywhere! The trees stretch to meet the heavens as the warm rays of sun peak through branches and drops of life giving water trickle through the leaves. Activity is everywhere! High and low animals seek and find all they need - squirrels, birds, insects, worms, snakes, rodents. God promises to meet their needs and He does. Maybe a stream interrupts your path with cool, refreshing and bubbling water. Perhaps your hike pulls you up a mountain with a sweeping view as a reward for pressing on when muscles strained to climb. Each season brings new sights and sounds so each adventure is different from the last. God’s creation is ever changing with each experience unique and special.

ACTIVITY

Gather some water, snacks and perhaps a hammock or a sketch pad and head for a local trail. One of the beautiful state parks is also a great option. Practice being mindful and intentional allowing God to heal all that hurts as you observe and appreciate how creative He is. Hold hands with someone you love, breathe fresh air deep into your lungs, and feel the power of nature healing the ache. hearts. If you are bringing younger children, give them an empty egg carton and challenge them to fill each cup with something unique they find along the way! Join in with the creatures of the woods to praise the Holy One who created you to worship and find peace.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

How does being in nature connect you to God? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 15

INTENTIONAL PRAYER For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. EPHESIANS 6:12 It can be easy to get caught up in circumstance. We sometimes forget that this is not our home and we are not fighting against people, but rather the spiritual forces that seek evil in our world. The way that we fight cannot be flippant or on a whim, but rather intentional prayer. It is a reality that the kids that come into foster care do so because of brokenness and there is no doubt that the enemy is trying to stake his claim on these families. But Christians have been prepared for the fight. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 says: “For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,” The Lord has given his Word in order to make his people ready and to guide them in the way that they fight against evil. God’s people are called to put on the whole armor of God in Ephesians 6:10-18: s“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts

of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, “ There are some children that have come into my home only for a number of days. Because of the short duration of the stay, I questioned the purpose of God bringing them to her home. It was through this questioning that I started to be more intentional about petitioning the LORD for these children regardless of how long they stayed with me. Intentional prayer became my purpose. With each child that has come to my home, whether a long term placement or just respite, I adds their name to a prayer book. In this book, I write down certain verses for each child so that I can pray over them over time. I also adds the biological family members for each child if they are known. Sometimes I may look into the meaning of the person’s name and find verses according to the name that they have been given. Sometimes, I choose verses based on their personality or temperament. Either way, it is my goal to be intentional about fighting for these kids, parents and families in the only way that is truly effective: in prayer.

ACTIVITY

Find verses in God’s word to pray specifically for each person that you have been able to interact with on this journey. Include biological family members, case managers, judges, and attorneys too!

THOUGHTFUL QUESTION

What specific things do you know about the people in your path that can lead you to pray intentionally? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 16

SMILE SCAVENGER HUNT Many people say, “Who will show us better times?” Let your face smile on us, LORD. PSALM 4:6 There is so much power in the human smile! We think of a smile being the shape of our mouth when we are happy, but it is so much more. Smiles take over our whole face! Smiles do not always even start with the mouth. Sometimes they start with a twinkle of the eye. Even if they do not start with that twinkle, you know a genuine, full-hearted smile comes with a twinkle and a crinkle in the corner of the eyes. The life in our eyes and the size of our smiles are often indicators of the level of joy in our hearts. We use hand sanitizer more and more these days to protect us from germs that are contagious, but maybe the one good thing that can be contagious is a smile! It is amazing to experience the power of a smile. It is easy and free to give and can be the monumental difference in the lives of those around us. A smile communicates that care and connection is present and at work. To be known, to be seen, and have value is a life changer! It is possible to release the “happy hormone”, serotonin, in our brains and in the brains of those around us with a smile! Isn’t that amazing? So, we can change our mood and change someone else’s mood in a simple and powerful gesture - a smile!

ACTIVITY

Make a Smile Collage. Gather a bunch of magazines, scissors, glue, and a piece of cardboard. Flip through the magazines hunting for those toothy grins intended to bring joy into our lives and cut them out. As you cut them out, glue them into your collage. It will be almost impossible to restrain your own smile as you find that smiling is diverse and unique to each person but communicates the same powerful message - everyone is worthy of joy! Share your creation on social media and pass on the power of a smile!

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

How does it feel to recognize joy in others? Are you able to find joy within yourself during this time? List the small things that bring you joy here. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 17

GOD IS SOVEREIGN Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. HABAKKUK 3:17-18 Have you ever read the book of Habakkuk? Like so much of the Bible, it is so very humbling. Habakkuk is looking outside and seeing all of this violence, all of this turmoil, all of these sins against God. He cries out to God over and over but sees no response. He then begins to question God; “Why aren’t you doing something? “Then God pulls back the curtain a little to give Habakkuk a view of all of the things that He is doing behind the scenes and how it is all going to play out. Habakkuk is so humbled. Verses 17-18 are the culmination of his attitude adjustment. He may not be able to see what God is doing all the time, but he trusts that God is still God and He is in control and He alone is worthy to be praised. I used to say that she trusted God and that she knew that God was sovereign. But in those moments in my foster care journey where I did not see or understand what God was doing, I had doubts. It was easier to say with my words, but not as easy to believe deep down in my heart. My placement had gone home to a less than ideal situation. While I cared for the birth family and stayed involved in all of their lives, I knew that it was not a good scenario for the children. How could God send them somewhere unsafe? How could he make them suffer like that? How could he make me suffer as I dealt with the loss? If He is sovereign, why didn’t he fix it?

Much like Habakkuk, the problem was not with God or a lack of sovereignty on his part, but rather the way that I was looking at the situation. I was looking at today. God is looking at eternity. And also like Habakkuk, I needed to wrestle with these thoughts. I was incapable of changing my own view. He, however, was not only able, but faithful to set my gaze upon Him instead of the circumstance.

ACTIVITY

Take some time to wrestle with any doubts that you may about the sovereignty of God have based on your current circumstances. Compare your doubts to the Word of God.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

Do you know that God is sovereign? Do you believe that He is in control? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 18

THE OUTLINE OF A FAMILY We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 CORINTHIANS 4:8-9 When we say yes to foster care, we stretch the love, time, and emotions of our families. There is so much time and intention given to making room for the children that need a family. Through the licensing process, those with lots of experience help navigate the process of stretching our time, resources, and physical space to accommodate a hurting child. When they join the family, the preparation ends, and the real work begins. It is often trial by fire that we learn the real lessons and what is truly valuable. Things that we spent time and money on maybe mean a little less. Our lifestyle changes because our passion for healing becomes so powerful. When a hurting child melts down or melts on our arms, our purpose becomes hyper evident. And then they leave. Packing their bags, collecting their belongings from every nook and cranny of our home, and beginning the gut-wrenching task of unwinding their daily lives from ours is wounding. After giving whole-heartedly, it seems impossible to recover. It seems improbable to heal. Life before a love like this is never the same. But there is a beautiful hope! Moms, dads, children, and extended families learn through love that they can do more than they ever imagined! Where love, time, and resources have been expanded, there will always be room for more. There will always be a space for God to fill with His sweet goodness. In the new space there is a trust that His will is good, and the belief that comes from a life changing experience that people are more resilient than they ever believed possible. In the elasticity of resilience is a confidence that those committed to being a vessel for God’s work will grow in ways they never imagined. This is how we pick ourselves up, dust off and prepare for another adventure!

ACTIVITY

Find a flat place where your family can lay side by side and trace each other with sidewalk chalk. After each person has been outlined, fill the colorful body shapes with words that describe the things that you have learned in the stretch. Maybe words like, “laughter”, “peace”, “honesty”, and “love.” Of course, it would be great to add facial expressions and accessories. You are a beautiful family in person and in chalk!

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

What does resiliency look like in you? In your spouse and your children? How is God using your resiliency in this time? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 19

GOD IS GOOD Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! PSALM 34:8 Just as we sometimes need to wrestle with God’s sovereignty, there is also need to trust in his goodness. Day by day we need to be reminded that God is good. All of the time. Even in foster care. Lamentations was written at a time where Israel had been taken over and God’s people were in exile. It was not a happy time. It was a time of much suffering and hardship. The people had turned away from God and their covenant with him for many years. God had sent prophet after prophet warning the people and urging them to return to the LORD. But after the people continued to rebel, God sent Babylon to overtake Jerusalem. It was in exile that the Israelites began to cry out to God for help. In their pain, they reached for the One that could save them and they once again began to see him as a faithful God that does what he says. In Lamentations 3:25-33, the poet writes of the Lord’s goodness: The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust— there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.

For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone. As the Lord shifted my perspective, I knew that I had to lay everything at the altar. I could not hold onto circumstance and hold onto Jesus at the same time. I needed to release my fears and doubts to him and trust that He is good. Even if our former placement struggled in their new environment. Even if they suffered. Even if they died. God is good. With my gaze set on circumstance, the worst case scenario would have been for their placement to endure more suffering than they have already experienced in their short little lives and they would be separated from me. But when God lifted my eyes towards him, I began to see that the worst case scenario would be if they did not know Jesus and had to spend eternity separated from Him. God is good. God is sovereign. As I began to trust those two things, then I began to really trust what He was doing in her life and in the lives of the kids.

ACTIVITY

Meditate on the Lord’s goodness today.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTION

What is your worst-case scenario? Do you trust God despite the worst-case scenario? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 20

THE BIGGER PICTURE If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. JAMES 1:5 Pictures from space are stunning! How big is our God? He is creative and intentional. He sees past moments into a bigger future. He is the Alpha and Omega, after all. He is not limited by time and yet He gave it to us as a way to order our moments. Time is a way to catalog our experiences so that we can access the sweet feelings of good and learn from the sting of bad ones. We are constantly living in the bigger picture. The pieces of our life from the easy and mundane to the pieces that stretch or resolve and patience, form us. They fit together. They touch each other. Being still and mindful makes us acutely aware of this truth. Being stuck in the longest line at the grocery store can be annoying, but using that time to encourage a young momma with a nerve racked toddler can boost our empathy. It is easy to rejoice in the great moments -fun celebrations, good grades, a new baby, a promotion or a great big hug. Maybe even the mundane - reading a book in a shaded hammock, fishing on a quiet morning, or a Bible verse that fits the moment. The hard moments, though, are the ones that sting - an accident, losing a loved one or even the frustration of forgetting where your car is parked at the mall. For a foster family, it is saying good-bye to child with whom there is a deep and purposeful relationship. It sometimes means loving knowing that loss is possible. No matter what the contents of individual moments they all fit together for the good of our amazing Creator. He loves us. He loves those we love. He created us to use our moments for His glory and to serve others. He fits them together in a way that only He can because He sees the bigger picture. He sees how each piece has purpose and lends itself to the purpose of the next moment. The moments are valuable, but the big picture is eternal.

ACTIVITY

Put a puzzle together. There is a magic in the way the pieces fit together to create a puzzle. It is not just about what is printed on each piece and how it is a part of a grand picture, but also, the way the pieces physically fit together. This is a beautiful reminder that our lives and the moments contained within them are fearfully and wonderfully made to fit together!

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

What are some of these pictures in your life? What do you hope the big picture looks like? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 21

HE IS FAITHFUL And Abraham lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him was a ram, caught in a thicket by his horns. And Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called the name of that place, “The Lord will provide”; as it is said to this day, “On the mount of the Lord it shall be provided.” GENESIS 22:13-14 Naomi lost her husband and then she lost her two sons. Once a mother and a wife, now she was neither. As she attempted to send her two daughters-in-law off to start new lives, together they wept. They were all grieving and all three of them were left to find a new way. But unlike the younger two, Naomi’s future seemed hopeless. She was too old to marry again or have more children. When her husband and sons died, her hope died as well. When Naomi returned to her homeland, she expressed her grief in Ruth 1:20-21.

She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” The name Naomi means “pleasantness,” while the name Mara means ‘bitterness.” It was quite an expression of her feelings during this time. But the LORD provided for Naomi in a way that she most likely did not expect. One of her daughters-in-law, Ruth, refused to leave Naomi. Ruth vowed to stay with Naomi until only death separated them. As God orchestrated Naomi’s story, He lead them down a path that provides a kinsman redeemer. Boaz chose to marry Ruth, giving Naomi a new place and a new future. Ruth 4:1417 reads:

“Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.” Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse. And the women of the neighborhood gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.” They named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David.” God provided! Where there once looked as if there was no hope, the Lord made a way. Naomi’s story is a reminder that on our own journey, God will provide.

ACTIVITY

Look for ways that God is providing for you in this season. Are there people like Ruth that are walking with you during this time? If yes, praise Him for that provision! If no, ask God to send someone to lean on as you grieve. Take a moment to create a list of gratitude and praise God for his faithfulness and grace.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

What are the blessings that God has provided you? How do you see him providing? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 22

HUNTING FOR FUN For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. MATTHEW 6:21 Encouraging people are always looking on the bright side! The “glass half fullers” can repeatedly find the good in most situations. They are often right! No matter how bad things seem or no matter how heavy the burden is, there is a silver lining to be found. Isn’t that the basis of hope? Isn’t that the reason to laugh through tears? For the human spirit, good-byes are often the most painful emotion. Even the adventurous types thrive in connections. It also seems true that the more we invest in a bond, the more difficult it is to divide. And yet, love can be a beautiful emotion to segment and share. Pieces of love can be transplanted in the hearts of something new and continue to grow. The love that was nurtured in the relationship of the foster child that has moved on can be honored and will flourish! Although it may be true that time heals wounds, it does not diminish love. Love is a treasure to be found and cared for. Love abounds!

ACTIVITY

Go on a thrift store treasure hunt. Gather your people and head to the local thrift store. Decide on a budget and some guidelines before you enter. The purpose is to find and commit to doing something new. The greatness of a thrift store is you never know what you will find, but it is often true that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure! Maybe it is a new game, trying a new sport, or perhaps it is challenging each other to a themed dress up. You could find a few teacups as the foundation of a tea party or uncover a perfectly great ice cream maker ready for use! Whatever you find, gather your new to you treasure and make a fun new memory. The newness of a treasured experience in fertile ground strengthens the healing power of love!

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

What can you treasure about today? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 23 GOD SEES

God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. HEBREWS 6:10 There is so much sacrifice in foster care. Many of those sacrificial moments are unseen by the world- the late nights, the temper tantrums, the uncertainty of the day to day, the loss of control. And while some may hail foster parents heroes for what they do, they may not understand all the daily moments that go into the role of foster parent. And then for us, to experience loss in our foster care journey was yet another sacrifice that the world did not truly see. The world does not know what it feels like to pack up all of a child’s belongings and send them away with no promise of any contact in the future. The world does not understand wrestling with grief and relief at the same time when his last few months have been filled with turmoil. Most people do not know what it is like to wake up to kids every morning for months or years and then one day it is just silence. Nobody saw that part of our journey. But God. He sees. He knows every sacrifice and every tear shed. He knows my heart and my love. And He honors that. We are called to suffer and sacrifice in this Christian life; to take up our cross and follow him. Many people like the idea of Christ carrying the cross for them, but the idea of them carrying a cross is not as appealing. It hurts. And many times, nobody but God sees you carrying it.

ACTIVITY

Draw a cross and write in all the burdens you have carried as Christ called you to “take up your cross and follow Me.”

THOUGHTFUL QUESTION

What have your sacrificed in your season of loss? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 24

THE BEAUTY OF CIRCLES AND STRING I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. PSALM 139:14 According to the commercial incessantly played on the local radio in the Atlanta area, we all have a friend in the diamond business! That’s right, no matter what the occasion is, we know just the store to stop in to find the perfect sparkly thing to be a forever reminder! Jewelry often becomes an heirloom after all, so it is easy to pass down from one generation to the next the precious stone that marked a wedding, an anniversary, a birthday, or other special event. However, it isn’t often that we consider jewelry as a way to mark grief, right? Jewelry stores are divided into many sections - engagement, anniversary, birthstones, etc, but do not normally have a bad grade on a test, late for curfew, or just plain grieving section. Why not, though? Why not mark grief with something beautiful? As believers in Christ, we have the hope that there is light in the darkest places. We have experienced the power of grace in the most hopeless circumstances. We believe in a God who is bigger and more powerful than the pain of the here and now. We have all the reason in the world to celebrate even in the heaviness of saying goodbye to a fiercely loved child that has lived in our home and made a place in our hearts. Loss is not possible without love and so honoring the beauty of love during loss is an exercise in trust. Trust that love will be honored, that the pain of loss is temporary, and that God’s plan is worthy of marking with a special trinket.

ACTIVITY

Handmade jewelry fits in almost any budget! It can be as simple as stringing circle-shaped cereal or pasta on yarn to the more complicated beads and chain. Whatever fits your budget and ability - create a one of a kind masterpiece to honor what you have invested in the heart of a hurting child. The memories of your time together will always be prevalent in your heart, but a piece of jewelry either simple or extravagant will be an outward reminder of the many reasons to celebrate God’s sweet goodness.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

What are some beautiful reminders in your life of the children you have cared for? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 25

THE LORD IS PEACE Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you. ISAIAH 54:10 There is a peace that can only come from God. In the circumstances that do not make sense, only the LORD can provide calm, assurance, and direction amidst the chaos. In Genesis 6, God asks Noah to build a boat. There was no water, no rain, no visual evidence of need for an ark. Noah trusted God and His plan and moved forward accordingly, but he did so by faith. Some say that it took him around 55 years to build! He trusted God enough to go against what was seen to follow God’s orders for many, many years. And it paid off. Noah must have looked very silly to other people when he started building, but in the end, walking in faith and obedience saved him and his family. Molly* and her husband had their placement for six months when they were told that the case was likely moving towards termination and asked if they would be interested in adoption. Though the thought of adoption was something that their family was willing to consider, but after much prayer and discussion, they all agreed that they did not feel like adoption in their home was the right path. When it came time for the kids to transition to the new adoptive home though, the move hit Megan harder than she expected. It had been their decision and God had given them a peace about it, but it did not take away the sting of letting go. The children had been grafted into their hearts and home and the separation did not come easy, nor did it make sense to friends and family around them. Even still, the grace of God covered them in those difficult moments allowing them to feel settled and sure about their path.

ACTIVITY

God’s ways are perfect. He is faithful and true. Whether your loss was chosen by you or by someone else, know that ultimately it is God that holds the reins. Pray and ask God for His direction and peace. Practice deep breathing while you pray. Allow Him to calm your heart. He will provide the grace you need- his mercies are new every morning and perfectly prepared for the day that you face.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTION

Are you walking in His Peace today or is your heart anxious? *Names changed for privacy. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 26

SURROUNDED BY RAINBOWS I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth. GENESIS 9:13-16 Ahhh, the beauty after the storm. There is something incredibly special about finding a rainbow in the sky after a storm. People of all ages tilt their gaze to the sky and follow the arch of colors from one end to the other. A partial rainbow is exciting, a full rainbow is amazing, and a double rainbow is a full-blown hysteria of joy! There may not really be a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, but there is a promise. God promised after he saved Noah, his family and two of every kind that He would never again flood the earth. The display of his colorful promise to us is at the end of every storm. We can always rely on the fact that there will be an end to every storm and that although storms are destructive, they will never be the cause of total devastation again. Here is something cool - sometimes God allows science to explain His creation. It turns out that the rainbow is always there! The colors are always in the light that bathes us day in and day out. The reason that we see the rainbow after a storm is because the droplets of water hovering in the atmosphere bend the light in a way that we get to see the colors separated. We are ALWAYS surrounded by rainbows - God’s vividly hued promise is ever present, just sometimes is it naturally visible! So take heart - in grief there is beauty! A storm can come in many forms - from a tree breaking windstorm to a heart-breaking emotional storm. We may never be able to avoid storms, but we can find hope in the belief that light bends to a beautiful promise. The mighty Creator of the storm can calm it and the grace to promise that the storm, in any form, will never wholly destroy.

ACTIVITY

Read the rainbow story in the Bible - Genesis 6:9 - 9:17. Then, complete a rainbow craft activity that your family will enjoy. Perhaps it is bending light through a prism of water and a CD. Maybe it is creating a rainbow with paper and glue. It could even be making a rainbow of different liquids in a bottle. No matter what you choose to create, be reminded that we are surrounded by God’s promise that He loves his people even through the storm!

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

What is the “symbolic” rainbow in your life right now? If you cannot identify one, ask God to show you the what your symbolic rainbow is! __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 27

HE CARRIES THE BURDEN Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. PSALM 68:19 David was marked as Israel’s future king while he was yet a young boy. As he grew, circumstance (well, mainly a jealous king who felt threatened by the rising star) threatened David’s life and destiny as the coming king. But God. David’s destiny was never really in danger; it had been marked by the Sovereign God. David was saved and protected to fulfill the plan of God and give glory to the Lord. Even so, it seemed like his life was in jeopardy at times and things definitely were not stable. Foster care can sometimes have that same feel - unstable and lives on the line. Joanna* had placement of a baby boy for over a year- a year of learning to walk, talk, first haircuts and first birthday. Reunification was the plan and Joanna was fully on board. She shared the gospel with the biological family and helped in any way that she could. Then something happened. The biological family’s situation changed a little and became even more unsteady and Joanna was unsure if they could be successful. She still fully supported reunification, but questioned the timing. After all, this was a baby boy that she loved dearly, and she wanted to make sure that this move would be a good one. But the plan for reunification moved forward regardless of circumstance or Joanna’s thoughts on the matter. In the weeks following reunification, Joanna cried out to God. “Why would he go back when things seem the shakiest?”

In those quiet moments with God, Joanna saw her Savior in a new light. Jesus, her Redeemer, is still on the throne. He holds all of creation in his hands. There is not a circumstance or moment that goes unnoticed. And through it all, He alone will get the glory. Joanna didn’t have to work out all of the details; that part was already done. Instead, Joanna took the rocky circumstance before her as a platform to pray - purposely pray for the salvation of that sweet boy and his family and for her own destiny that is held by God that bears the burdens that she was never meant to carry.

ACTIVITY

Lay down your desire to control and orchestrate today. Hand your extra burdens to Christ. Consider creating a visual of the things that you are letting go…write them on a balloon and pop it or write it on a piece of paper and rip it up.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

What burdens are you carrying that you need to lay down? How can you trust Jesus to not only be your Savior, but also the Savior that died to rescue the kids that come through your home? *Names have been changed for privacy. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 28

FEELING WINDED The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. LAMENTATIONS 3:22-23 There are some things in our world that can be felt but not seen. Things that we know are there but cannot visualized. Real conditions that move and change, but cannot be stored, kept, or examined. Wind is a great example. Wind can be felt on our skin and we can see objects that may have been light enough for it to carry swirl around in plain sight, but without movement, wind is just air - invisible and undetectable and yet very real. We might be entertained by leaves dancing in light wind, but strong wind has the power to uproot and topple giant trees. Wind can be light and refreshing creating a most needed break from oppressive heat or can couple with rain in a storm and become dangerous and threatening. Thoughts, feelings, and emotions are much like the wind in these ways; neither can be seen, both can be felt and given the right conditions either could swirl out of control. Grief, especially ambiguous grief, has the power to capture our thoughts and actions. What cannot be touched or held can certainly be unleashed. Experts tell us that people walk through grief in stages, that there is a pattern. However, just as a weather person can use science to predict a storm and therapists can help navigate grief, neither squalls nor suffering are required to obey. Do you feel as though you were managing your grief, and now, a month later, you feel like your emotions are back at Day 1? You are not alone. Grief comes in waves and does not obey patterns. Foster parents around the world know this feeling of reprieve, and then renewed sadness. The good news is that we can come to the Lord every single day. He can renew our strength.

ACTIVITY

Take a look back a some of your journal entries. Find some entries that show you the progress you have made in walking through the grief and loss you feel.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

How can God renew your strength today? How can God use you to help others who grieve? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 29

THE LORD MY BANNER

For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! 1 CORINTHIANS 9:16 The LORD appointed Jeremiah prophet to the nations before he was even born. God gave him the words to speak and gave him authority to do so. Jeremiah 1:5 says:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” But Jeremiah’s calling was a heavy one. For most of his life, Jeremiah had the responsibility of prophesying the coming judgement of Israel and calling people out in their sin and disobedience. He was not well liked; in fact the people hated him and the leaders rejected him (people don’t like to be called out in their wrongdoings). He felt the burden of knowing the sin of people and where that sin was leading them, but also knowing the answer to their sin being repentance and turning back to God. So while he did not want to be the one that was being mocked and plotted against, he also could not hold in the message inside of him. Jeremiah saw pain and sorrow. He saw atrocities like child sacrifice. He saw the effects of sin. He saw the full picture of the coming disasters. And he saw his own future as a member of the Israelite people that were about to be overtaken. After the reunification of our first placement, I felt a lot like the weeping prophet. I now knew things about the world, I had seen things and heard things that could not be unseen or unheard. No longer could I claim ignorance. There was a reluctancy to enter back into a life and ministry that had caused so much pain. It hurts to walk with those that are hurting. It breaks those that walk with the broken. But it was impossible to sit still among the broken when I knew the answer to all of the pain.

It is Jesus. Jeremiah also could not sit with the message that the LORD had given him. Jeremiah knew God. He knew that if the people would just turn back to the their God- the one that created them and had brought them out of Egypt and sustained them all of this time- if they would just turn back to him, things could be so different. In Jeremiah 20:9, he speaks these words: “But if I say, “I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,” his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” Jeremiah did not like the burden of being the one to prophesy to a people about facing judgement, but he also got to share the hope that was coming. God would not leave his people in exile forever. He would come for them! And this time, he was coming in flesh; a Messiah to change not just their behaviors, but to forever change their hearts. Jeremiah knew that Jesus was coming and he could not keep that to himself. As Christian foster parents, we also have a message of hope that needs to be heard. So while it is painful to step into someone else’s pain, there are broken families out there that need to know that Jesus has come. There is hope!

ACTIVITY

You have been given a purpose to spend God’s glory. All of your pain matters and he works all of it together to spread the gospel and give hope that is only found in Jesus. Listen to worship music that brings purpose to your pain.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTION

Is the message of the gospel a burning fire in your bones that you just have to share? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 30

ABIDE IN CHRIST Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. PHILIPPIANS 4:8 Sometime in periods of grief, it can be difficult to lean into God and spend quality time with Him. Quality time usually means quiet and quiet time in seasons of loss can mean sitting in the fullness of your pain. But Jesus tells us that apart from him, we can do nothing. In the old testament, as the Israelites were wandering through the desert, fed by manna, and following the presence of God, but the moment that God or Moses stepped away, they quickly turned to idols. In Exodus 32:1, the people get impatient waiting for Moses to return so they make a new god. “When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.” How quickly as sinful humans we are to turn astray! These were a people that had seen miracle after miracle. It becomes the “out of sight, out of mind” theory where in the moments that they were being saved, the LORD God was their God and they praised him. But given any amount of time, they soon forgot all that the LORD had done and they were ready to move on to the next thing. Jesus reiterates the importance of being in constant communion with God to us and compares our relationship to that of a tree in John 15:1-11:

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you,

unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. We can only fulfill our God given purpose as long as we stay connected to the vine. We were meant to be in relationship with Jesus and outside of that relationship, it is impossible for us to bear good fruit. Foster care, like any ministry, requires daily provision.

ACTIVITY

Sit in the quiet with Jesus today. Abide in him. Read his word and meditate on his truth.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTION

Are you making time for Jesus each day? What is he saying to you in this season? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day 31

THE DAY OF COMPLETION …being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. PHILIPPIANS 1:6 The court room. The hospital room. The visitation room. Foster care is full of rooms. Rooms that we fill with children, and rooms that we enter that we never have before. I hate the courtroom. The courtroom feels like a place where bad things happen. I have never felt comfortable there. I love my home. The rooms there are filled with joy, and laughter and chaos; the good kind that brings joy in the mundane. I always want to sit in these spaces and enjoy what God has brought into my life. Sometimes, when I look at an empty room, where a child used to sleep and dream, I do not feel the same sense of happiness. I have mixed emotions about what this room means. When our foster child left our home, it was not to return to her biological family. What had been revealed in her time in our home, meant that the level of care she needed was not possible in a traditional foster home. She needed the safety and protection of a group home. I hated this so much. This is not what I envisioned for her, or for us. I did not understand why God was not going to allow us to be her parents, or help her parents be the parents they needed to be for her. She was 16, and she was still a child. She needed family. Why couldn’t we be the ones? God in His graciousness allowed us to see some of the story unfold two year later, in of all places, a court room.

I was asked to testify on her behalf in a criminal court hearing two years later. For those of us who walk this fostering road, it is mostly family court rooms we are in. When criminal court is involved, we know that the trauma is extensive. On the stand that day, I was asked to tell what occurred while she was in my care; what she disclosed and how our home had been a place where she felt safe enough to share the atrocities of her experiences. This unfolded in front of her accused abusers. It was the hardest day of my life. That night, the District Attorney called and said the jury found her abusers guilty and that they would be going to jail for a very long time. It was in that moment that Jesus spoke with a still, small voice; I felt He revealed to me that I was called to be obedient for such a time as this. That when I prayed to Him “Lord, what happens in the dark be revealed in the light” that prayer was answered. Not in the way I expected; Not in the way I hoped. But He answered my prayer and allowed me to play a small part in the healing of a little girl. That day in the court room, an 18 year old adult woman hugged me and said thank you. Thank you, Lord, for allowing us all to play big “small” parts in the lives of Your children. May we never forget the impact of obedience and the value of our sacrifices.

Phone: 678-690-7100 Email: info@faithbridgefostercare.org

Address: 4400 North Point Parkway, Suite 210 Alpharetta, GA 30022