LOUD&CLEAR
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No. 12 // 2023
Bradley
Allen Meyer INTERNATIONAL ACTOR + MODEL PHOTOGRAPHY BY GUANCHEN LIU @guanchenliustudio
Kristy Gronseth
Model
COMMERCIAL EDITORIAL FASHION RUNWAY
MODELING Kristy Gronseth @kristysilver70 PHOTOGRAPHY Mariah Madeline @missmariahmadeline REPRESENTATION DMe Talent Agency @dmetalentagency Couture Models, Inc. NY @couturemodelsincny
LOUD&CLEAR MAGAZINE // 2023 // No. 12
Distinguished Artist professional saxophonist sarah mount Booking
@sAXXY_SARAH LINKTR.EE/sARAHLMOUNT
PHOTOs BY
ADAM CORY @adamcoryphotography
Sarah Mount is a Performing Artist, a Creative, Musicians Union Founder and Educator based in Denver, Colorado. She is engaged to international saxophonist, Daniel Steigleder. Sarah Mount’s sax has found its way into more bands than you can shake a reed at. She’s known across the entire music scene for her tireless work ethic and ability to play any style and at any position in the lineup - whether that’s pure ensemble work, like she does with the Mannequin the Band or the Denver Jazz Orchestra; or fronting a powerhouse group like her own Sarah Mount and the Rushmores. The Denver-bred saxophonist is a consummate artist who also paints and teaches music and art, and is one of the founders of the Colorado Musicians Union - demonstrating her deep commitment to not only performing at a high level, but advocating for other artists and musicians every day.
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INDULGE AFTER HOURS
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SPOTLIGHT Elysé
@elysemusic Elysé is an artist + singer-songwriter known for her low, sultry vocals, and her soulful guitar licks.
Longbow Guitars @longbowguitars
Justin Jackrabbit blackjackrabbit_studio.llc
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LOUD & CLEAR LOUD & CLEAR MAGAZINE IS RELEASED AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. IT IS A DIGITAL MAGAZINE. PRINT COPIES ARE PRINTED ON DEMAND AND CAN BE ORDERED AT REQUEST. DIGITAL LINKS WILL BE PROVIDED TO ALL CONTRIBUTORS. WE DO NOT PROVIDE FREE PRINT COPIES OF THE ISSUE. FOUNDER & PUBLISHER DAVE NAVARRO // @_designprint @loudandclearmagazine CREATIVE design&print CONTRIBUTING WRITERS AUTHOR RUSS RAY // @eat.travel.type.colorado PHOTOGRAPHERS (REGULARS) ANDREW ORTEGA // aperture.ortega RICKY ZASTROW // @coloradophotoworks DONTE TOUSSAINT // @dtouphotography DOUG MUNGAVIN // @dougmungavinphotography JUSTIN JACKRABBIT // @blackjackrabbit_studio.llc ALDRIAN ALFONSO // @ar1photography DAN JOE // @dan.joephotos JANNETTE OROZCO // djannetteo ADVERTISING & PROMOTION dave.designprint@gmail.com COPYRIGHTS LOUD & CLEAR ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE is owned by DAVE NAVARRO. The magazine, its staff and writers, has made sure that content is accurate on the date of publication. The views expressed in the articles reflect the author(s)’ opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or editor. The published material, adverts, editorials and all other content is published in good faith. All rights reserved. Nothing can be partially or in whole be reprinted or reproduced without express written permission.
MEGAN OWEN @meg.the.feral.feminine DOUG MUNGAVIN @dougmungavinphotography
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ARTIST CONTENTS DISTINGUISHED 3 PROFESSIONAL SAXOPHONIST: SARAH MOUNT Photo by Adam Cory
INDULGE SPOTLIGHT 4
Elysé for Longbow Guitars Photos by JUSTIN JACKRABBIT // @blackjackrabbit_studio.llc
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9 PARIS MAESE 10-11 DJ CHRIS DIABLO // Club DJ + Festival DJ + Tour DJ 12-13 PARIS MAESE // Actor + Director + Fashion Model
LOUD&CLEAR SPOTLIGHT
15-20 MORGAN // @awiseoulsaid Photography by Saguaro & Sunset Photography @saguaroandsunsetphotography
10 SONGS YOU SHOULD KNOW
22-23 I BOUGHT YOU FLOWERS by Bailey Elora IRIS // The Goo Goo Dolls @thegoogoodolls WILDFLOWER // 5 Seconds of Summer @5sos DAFFODILS & DAISIES // Cotes @cotes ROSES ALL FALLING // Orville Peck @orvillepeck HIBISCUS // Ryan Leahan @ryanleahan LILAC // IU @iu GOLDEN DANDELIONS // Barns Courtney @barnscourtney SUNFLOWER // Rex Orange County @rexorangecounty BLACK WATER LILIES // Aurora @aurora FORGET ME NOTS // Patrice Rushen @patricerushen
COVER FEATURE
25-30 BRADLEY ALLEN MEYER // International Actor + Model Cover Photography by Guanchen Liu @guanchenliustudio Other photographers credited on images within interview.
INDIE SPOTLIGHT 32
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DANILO SANTOY // Solista Acústico/Cantautor + PuenteLIBRE
Photo of Bradley Allen Meyer by Tony Duran @tonyduranphoto
BRADLEY ALLEN MEYER PAGE 25-30
Photo of Bradley Allen Meyer by Jennifer Gaida @jennifergaida
MODEL FEATURES 5, 33 34-35 36-37 38-39 40-41 42-43 44-45
MEGAN OWEN JORDYN NICOLE ORTEGA // @aperture.ortega MEGAN OWEN // @dougmungavinphotography PHOLAPREYE // @lanreay GRACIE DIAMOND // @dougmungavinphotography DAISY TAPIA // @luxphotoz806 DOMINIQUE DIPO PEREZ // @dougmungavinphotography
@EAT.TRAVEL.TYPE.COLORADO 46-48 MAD LOVE by Author Russ Ray
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5 FACTS PARIS MAESE @v_paris_v // ALAN OSTERHOLTZ @osterholtz
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DJ CHRIS DIABLO @djchrisdiablo
DJ CHRIS DIABLO Festival + event + CLUB 1. I have Dj’d for more Cannabis Events then any other Dj or artist in the state of Colorado – Djing well over 1000+ Cannabis Events since the start of legalization. 2. I Dj’d in Las Vegas on and off the Strip for 5 ½ years, including at Club Ra in the Luxor, Club Utopia, and at Glo Bar to name a few. 3. I’m also Dj and member of two groups – Affliction Music and The Blend Twinz. 4. I have over 680 Mash Up Albums on my Bandcamp, And have been featured on Radio 1 in the U.K. I have also held several spots on the International Mash Up Charts.
5. I have been fortunate enough to perform with/for Devin The Dude, Masta Killa of WuTang, Afroman, Gift Of Gab, Tommy Chong, Sublime w/Rome, Hoobastank, Dj Skribble, Mobb Deep, De La Soul, Nappy Roots, Lil Flip, Bushwick Bill, Tha Alkaholiks, Three 6 Mafia, Drowning Pool, The Eagles, Trey Parker, ICP, Perry Farrell, Dead Prez, Ying Yang Twins, Baby Bash, Pato Banton, Slim Thug, Jason Derulo, and Slick Rick to name some of the more known groups. Connect with Dj Chris Diablo at: @djchrisdiablo Save Independent Records by donating to their goFundme at: gofund.me/0c1ec064
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PARIS MAESE @v_paris_v // ALAN OSTERHOLTZ @osterholtz
PARIS MAESE
ACTRESS // DIRECTOR // MODEL // dancer 1. I won a student Emmy award in Arizona for my first ever film I ever Directed “ouray”. 2. The first thing I ever loved doing in life was dancing, I started dancing around the age of 10, where I would learn my own dances. 3. I first started my love for wanting to be an actress at the age of 16 when I was watching Mad Max fury Road, Hunger Games, and Zombie-land.
4. I used to play bass guitar at the age of 17. 5. A artist I gained a lot of inspiration from is Lady Gaga, this is because she is an actress, singer, and dancer. Follow Paris Maese at: @v_paris_v
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BOOK YOUR FALL SHOOT TODAY! DOUG MUNGAVIN PHOTOGRAPHY NEW MEXICO | WEST TEXAS @dougmungavinphotography Model: Diana Estrada @di_an_a.e
MORGAN @awiseowlsaid
LOUD& CLEAR SPOTLIGHT
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Photography by Saguaro & Sunset Photography @saguaroandsunsetphotography
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Donate at: gofund.me/0c1ec064 Independent Records has always been much more then just a record store to me - I started going when I was about 13 yrs old and they also sold skateboard stuff back then and I was a Skater but at the same time I was really starting to get into music - I have always had love for all genres of music and that’s where I would dig, sample and experience new music - which started me on my journey as Dj - it is also where I bought my first Bong when I was old enough - But a crazy story about Independent Records is right before I had moved to Las Vegas I had got a 7 inch white label of Daft Punk “One More Time” promo 9 months before it was ever released and that used to make a crowd go crazy and no one could get it or had any idea who it was - it was my banger and that was thanks to Independent Records. I probably owe them rent for the amount of time I was in that place throughout my life.
Dj Chris Diablo https://www.beindependent.com | https://www.instagram.com/indyrecords/
10 SONGS YOU SHOULD KNOW I BOUGHT YOU FLOWERS by Bailey Elora
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IRIS // The Goo Goo Dolls @thegoogoodolls WILDFLOWER // 5 Seconds of Summer @5sos DAFFODILS & DAISIES // Cotes @cotes ROSES ALL FALLING // Orville Peck @orvillepeck HIBISCUS // Ryan Leahan @ryanleahan LILAC // IU @iu GOLDEN DANDELIONS // Barns Courtney @barnscourtney SUNFLOWER // Rex Orange County @rexorangecounty BLACK WATER LILIES // Aurora @aurora FORGET ME KNOTS // Patrice Rushen @patricerushen 23
Bradley
Allen Meyer INTERNATIONAL ACTOR + MODEL
PHOTO BY GUANCHEN LIU @guanchenliustudio
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PHOTO BY EMILY LAMBERT @emilylambertpics
“One thing that I have learned is that the greatest challenge usually exists within my own mind and the limitations that I set for myself therein. Reality has seldom been as difficult as I make things be in my mind.” –Bradley Allen Meyer Actor & Model Photo by Tony Duran @tonyduranphoto Bradley Allen Meyer is a Chicago-based Actor, Model and Performer. Originally from Chicago, he’s known for his performances on Netflix’s Soundtrack, NBC’s Chicago Fire along with an extensive body of work in commercial and print media. How are you? Thank you so much for taking time out of your day. Tell us how you got started as an Actor and Model. Thank you for for having me. It gives me a chance to share and process these crazy past years on this journey. It kind of begs the question, do you choose the career or does the career choose you? For me, it has very much been the latter. I have felt a calling to pursue acting and film making pretty much my whole life but I only finally answered that call about ten years ago. So each day I am taking steps to honor that which is best inside of me and the questions that call me forward, compelling me to find an answer. Our lives revolve so much around emotion, whether it’s in work or family life. If you were forced to choose only one, which emotion, more than any other, drives you to stay involved in such competitive industries? Is it joy, anger, desire, passion or pride and why? That is so true and a great question. Emotions may be one of the most powerful influences over our lives, and as an artist,
you could say that I deal in the medium of emotions. My life and career have been a roller coaster ride of emotions. Now, this may not be an emotion, but I would say that the number one thing that has driven me to do what I have done is an unwavering and intense curiosity. I am driven by an intense curiosity to try and answer questions that have been laid upon my heart about the nature of the universe. Now as for specific emotions, fear is my friend and seemingly constant companion. Fear comes to us in many forms and can be a bit difficult to understand at times. Fear may save your life, preventing you from walking down a dark alley in which you might get murdered or it may actually keep you from writing that book that’s been on your heart to write, telling someone you love them, auditioning for your favorite show, picking up a paintbrush, or writing that poem that begs you to put pen to paper. Consult your fear, develop a relationship with it. It can save your life or it can prevent you from ever really living it at all. Some of the most rewarding experiences I have had in life were when I took action and pursued dreams even when I was scared to death. Which ingredient do you think makes you special and unique as a performing artist in an industry overflowing with new faces and ideas? I grew up in Indianapolis, Indiana, feeling somewhat that I was sleepwalking through life while my dreams where knocking at
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was going to learn all of these intellectual techniques for how to act under different circumstances. Instead, my training at Atlantic first involved ten hour days with my peers doing yoga, breath work, crawling around on the floor like an animal, making strange noises in strange body positions, staring at each other in the eye for longer than would be socially acceptable, pushing past the discomfort of our humanity to truly discover what our humanity actually is. It was the first time in my life that I truly felt seen and could see others past the common veneers we like to hide behind in our everyday lives. It was this experience that lead me to think about other possibilities in life and the ways I want to travel through it. In many ways, this experience opened my eyes to a whole new level of possibilities, completely shifting the way I see the world and my fellow humans.
Photo by Tony Duran @tonyduranphoto
the door of my heart asking to be born into the world. I remember watching movies and with certain actors it seemed like they had the spark of life in their eyes. They were dynamic and engaged and capable of evoking change in themselves and others. In some ways they seemed dangerous, unpredictable. I loved it and I wanted to know what was going on to make them seem so alive. Steve Jobs talked about being able to “poke into life and something will come out on the other side.” It seemed like these people were able to do that on screen in real time. I wanted to “poke into life” and discover that same sense of “aliveness” for myself. I think everyone has the ability to have that spark and experience. What makes me unique is the outrageous willingness to say yes to the beckoning call to “aliveness.” Can you share a memorable experience from your journey as an international actor and model that significantly impacted your career or perspective? Just like running a marathon, every step on the path of learning and experience is important. One big step was moving to New York and studying at the Atlantic Theater Company which was a dream of mine. I entered into that endeavor thinking that I
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How do you navigate the unique challenges and expectations that come with being an actor and a model, particularly on an international stage? I have come to discover that mindset truly is everything in life and the quality of your life is dictated by the quality of your thoughts. This is especially evident when trying something really hard and pushing up against your own perceived boundaries and challenging your identity. I felt that it was important to challenge the feelings and thoughts I was accustomed to in order to become the most empathic artist that I could become. It was the act of doing that over and over again, constantly pushing the boundaries of my perceptions of the world and myself, that I developed the resiliency to keep going after the true desires of my heart. One thing that I have learned is that the greatest challenge usually exists within my own mind and the limitations that I set for myself therein. Reality has seldom been as difficult as I make things be in my mind. In what ways has your background in modeling contributed to your success as an actor, and vice versa? Can you give specific examples? I may project a lot of confidence in life but the truth is that I have had to face a pretty crippling level of self-consciousness over the course of my life and career. Therefore, I considered every opportunity that I got to be in front of the camera as an opportunity to confront this self-consciousness. It’s all been a bit like exposure therapy for me, or cognitive behavioral therapy. Every casting, every audition, every modeling, VoiceOver, hand modeling or acting job I have is a chance to confront my ego and take a step closer to my authentic self. I told myself long ago when I started this journey that my career would begin the moment I could step in front of the camera and feel truly comfortable in my own skin. If I’m not there already, I’m certainly close.
How has working in different countries and cultures influenced your creative approach and perspective in the entertainment industry? My experiences in the world have completely altered the way I see it. You simply don’t know what is out there awaiting you until you experience it. I’m recently back in the US from about a year long sabbatical outside of the country and I am still putting the pieces of my mind back together from that experience. I’ve immerssevely studied Spanish, Portuguese and Italian this past year while living in Europe and South America. That process, alone, has blown my mind and will continue to as I press on towards fluency in these and other languages. What projects or roles are you most excited about currently, and how do they align with your aspirations and goals as an international actor and model? Right now, I am most passionate about telling stories that I have sought and been exposed to in my life and feel are important to share with a wider audience. I have begun writing again and looking for the right mediums in which to tell these stories. It may be a combination of documentary film making, feature films, mini series, podcasting or any other various form of new media. We hear that you are a Sommelier. Can you share a specific wine that you consider a personal favorite and describe what makes it stand out for you, including the taste profile, region, and any memorable experiences associated with it? It’s kind of funny how things come full circle. It was my dream to be a sommelier for a long time and it’s interesting how, when you pursue one dream, others somehow fall into place. My first role on TV was as a sommelier and I know I got that job because I was an actual sommelier (they really just needed someone to pour wine in a glass and not on the other actors). That TV credit opened the door for even more opportunities and meetings and I was able to take my acting career to the next level as a result. So, you never know how pursuing your curiosities and passions will benefit you in all areas of your life and career. In the world of wine, I have had the opportunity to drink wine that cost thousands of dollars a bottle (an experience to be sure but one I wouldn’t want to have every day), and yet my favorite wines in the world usually cost no more than a few dollars or euros. I was in Freiburg, Germany last year in autumn and had some of the best wine I have every tasted in my life for just a few euros a bottle. In these places, wine making is a community event and the seasonal wines, like Federweisser, flow freely for only a couple euros a bottle and for a couple weeks out of the year. These obscure regional wines are some of the most exciting wines I have ever had.
Top two photos by Tony Duran @tonyduranphoto
Photo by Mike Tamasco @miketamasco_ph
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A little off subject… but I feel that music can often play a big role in our lives. What 5 albums or artists have made you who you are today? Interestingly enough, music may be the next frontier of my career. I learned to DJ while living in Barcelona last year and I am profoundly fascinated by music’s ability to influence and change us. I have been highly influenced by famous performances from people and groups such as Michael Jackson, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Elvis and Queen to name a few. Some of those performances have been transcendent and have inspired me to convey that same passion and emotion in my own performances, acting or otherwise. Im also currently listening to the song “Weightless” by Marconi Union quite frequently. In a recent study, it was found that by listening to this song for three minutes lessened participants anxiety by 65% and some reported an easing of anxiety akin to the effect of a benzodiazapine. So yeah, I’ve been listening! You can find it on YouTube. I am also really into the DJ Black Coffee at the moment. His music is deeply soulful and spiritual and connects to people in a deep way. I want to gain the kind of mastery that he has over music and create the kinds of vibes that he is able to create. How can fans-to-be follow your career? Please share your platforms and/or website with us. Definitely, you can find me on Instagram: @bradleyallenmeyer Or on my website: BradleyAllenMeyer.com Again, thank you for sitting down with us. Is there anything else you’d like to share? As a final statement, I want to encourage people that if you have a question about something, find an answer. That journey of trying to find an answer will change your life in ways that you never thought possible. Even by simply asking the question, you have now changed your relationship to that thing and, indeed, the universe itself. Then you may come to find a question that simply burns within your soul until it becomes your life’s passion and purpose. I wish that for every single one of you.
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Photos by Scott Teitler @scott.teitler
MIA SANCHEZ @the_mia_sanchez
PHOTO BY ALDRIAN ALFONSO @ar1photography
DANILO SANTOY
INDIE SPOTLIGHT DANILO SANTOY Solista Acústico/Cantautor + PuenteLIBRE Desde los 7 años empecé a tocar guitarra, vengo de una familia de músicos, mi padre fue de los primeros musicos en tocar el Twist y el Rock&Roll en la época de los 60s, eso me ayudó mucho para que desde pequeño empezará con el gusto de los instrumentos. A los 12 años ya dominaba el solfeo en guitarra y piano, para los 16 anos estuve en mi primer banda de HardPunk, estre mis años 20s a 28 estuve fuera del escenario en público pero fue en ese tiempo fue cuando escribí muchas canciones las cuales para el 2014 formó la banda PuenteLIBRE con la intención de grabar nuestro primer Álbum con 10 temas originales. Después de tantas travesías, pandemia y demás, seguimos trabajando en nuestro primer LP con 10 canciones originales. En este momenta me encuentro activo como Solista Acústico/Cantautor y también junto a mi banda PuenteLIBRE ya tenemos varios eventos agendados para el resto del año. Estas son mis redes sociales para que puedan seguir nuestra trayectoria como Solista y también como Banda PuenteLIBRE. Facebook.com/danilo.santoy. 9 Facebook.com/DaniloSantoyPuenteLIBRE lnstagram.com/PuenteLIBRE YouTube.com/DaniloSantoy danilosantoy@yahoo.com Mobil.720-676-3888
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DANILO SANTOY @puenteLIBRE // @loudandclearmagazine
Model
FEATURES MEGAN OWEN @meg.the.feral.feminine // DOUG MUNGAVIN @dougmungavinphotography 33
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Jordyn new mexico
JORDYN NICOLE ORTEGA @itsjordynhoney13 // ANDREW ORTEGA @aperture.ortega 35
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Megan west texas
MEGAN OWEN @meg.the.feral.feminine // DOUG MUNGAVIN @dougmungavinphotography 37
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PholaPreye africa
PHOLAPREYE @pholapreye // AYORINDE OLANREWAJU @lanreay
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Gracie west texas
GRACIE DIAMOND @graciediamond_ // DOUG MUNGAVIN @dougmungavinphotography 41
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Daisy
northwest texas DAISY TAPIA @daisyluutapia // HEFE @luxphotoz806
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Dominique west texas
DOMINIQUE DIPO PEREZ @love_dipo_tattoos // DOUG MUNGAVIN @dougmungavinphotography
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Follow Author Russ Ray
@eat.travel.type.colorado
Mad Love by Author Russ Ray
I write a lot about cooking. Not because I think I’m any good at it, more because of the memories it brings back for me. My cooking is hit or miss. There have been nights when I have stood over the stove, uninspired, making an obligatory dinner for my sons. Or, conversely, I have been too inspired and tried crazy things for the first time. It’s those nights when the plates hit the table, my boys take one or two bites, look down at their plates, look over at me, look at each other, then get up from the table and head to the kitchen to make sandwiches. Sure, that hurts for a moment; but I’ve always told them, “If you don’t like it, don’t eat it.” That’s a far cry from what I was told at their age. We all remember the dreaded Clean Plate Club. I complain a lot about how bad of a cook my mother was. That’s because it’s true. Poor thing. None of my friends I had while we were gowing up can recall her making anything for them to eat.
She wasn’t a bad mom; she just thought cooking was beneath her. For Audrey, cooking was tedious, boring, and required too much attention. Rex, my stepfather, was a different story. That man would drape a hand towel over his shoulder and get to work. His cooking was purposeful, well thought out, and deliciously designed. Rex was old school Vegas cool. He could fly fish, recite poetry, play poker, make a great cocktail, and engage a room full of people by just walking in. He had charisma. He was an amateur actor at Boulder’s Nomad Playhouse and a Colorado District Court Judge. I was, and still am, in awe of him. Most kids get the short end of the stick when it comes to a stepdad. Not me. I won the lottery. Every move he made in the kitchen I memorized. First step: take the gin out of the icebox and pour a drink Frank Sinatra would be proud of.. Second step: pull out the cast iron skillet. It’s all easy from there.
Rex was lucky to be alive. He had his ship sunk from beneath him during World War II. Before the war, he was a debate and drama major at Park College near Kansas City, Missouri. Well before he graduated, he had made the decision to join the United States Navy. With a fresh diploma in hand, he made his way to Chicago for officer candidate school. As a land-locked young man, he learned the ways of the ocean. While he was being shaped for war, his ship (an LST) was being forged in steel in Indianapolis, Indiana. He would graduate as an Ensign in the fall of 1943 at about the same time the LST 496
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He was two decks aloft, just above the torpedo’s impact. He and a room full of junior officers were playing a hand of poker in the ward room at that would roll off the production dock. Both would float down the Mississippi River to the Gulf of Mexico, on to Nova Scotia, and finally, come to port in the southern coast of England. Seven months later, the ship would be listing heavily to port-side after having taken the full brunt of a Nazi torpedo directly below the ship’s super-structure. precise moment. The massive explosion caused the ship to violently rise out of the water and slam back down. All in the ward room died, save for Rex and a ship’s steward. Rex lay under rubble, paralyzed with a broken back. Knowing his fate as the ship tilted sharply, he cut a deal with a ship’s steward: Get me off this sinking ship and I’ll take care of you for life. Tom Evans dragged Rex two stories down the crippled ship’s shattered stairwells and onto the main deck. From there, it was onto the deck of a British corvette, off to an English hospital for a body a cast,
and, finally, a trip to the naval hospital in Bethesda, Maryland to learn to walk again. Every year after, Tom called Rex. Every year after, Rex cut a check with Tom’s name on it.. One day, the calls stopped. Tom had passed away. A promise was honored. Rex came out of the Navy as a First Lieutenant with a broken back, with shattered nerves, but with a resolve to never look back. He resolved to live the remainder of his life with a purpose. I am convinced it was Rex’s brush with almost certain death during the Normandy Invasion that made him fall madly in love with life. Rex passed that love onto me. I have since crawled all over the Rocky Mountains fly fishing in all sorts of adverse circumstance. Steve Sabo is God’s witness that I have been like a bear in a salmon stream: focused, on a mission, hell bent to take on all that the weather and awful circumstances could throw at me just so I could cast a fly three inches from a trout’s nose. If I stop and listen carefully, I can still hear Rex recite poetry and recite passages from his favorite plays.
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I am certain that is why I read and write so much. He taught me the art of the written and spoken word. He was passionate about it, and so am I. I hammer away at keyboards of old typewriters late at night. I read books until 4:00 am, sometimes later. I cook like a madman – clanging and banging skillets in the kitchen as if I were in a hot iron mill. My boys have laughed as I burned my hand on a hot handle or got splashed with hot oil. I smile back through gritted teeth and softly curse like a Missouri field hand. Rex was raised and came of age in two American economies. First, he was a child in the Midwest during the Great Depression. Food was scarce. His mother made meals out of the parts rich people turned down at the butcher shop. If his family felt shame, I would have never known. They made do just fine. He had no idea the economy would go from bad to worse. As the depression ended, World War II began. The country was soon rationing food to feed the thousands of soldiers and sailors fighting in the Pacific islands and in Northern Africa. He would soon become one of them fighting on the western coast of France. His mother learned to adapt, so did he. As a result, he could do things in the kitchen with the cheap, fatty cuts of meat and all the other throw away parts that would make you say to yourself as you crunched through the fat and gristle, “Goddamn, this is good.” I don’t regret much about how I have lived my life. Yet, I regret this one moment in time. Soon after Rex and Audrey married, my mom told me that Rex wanted to talk to me. He was in the back yard. I opened the sliding glass door and walked onto the lawn. I was nervous. He was standing by the marigold garden at the edge of the house. I stood in front of him. He bent down and asked me for permission for him to adopt me. I was stunned (for Christ’s sake, Audrey, could you have at least given me some warning!). I shrugged my shoulders and fidgeted my feet. I simply said, “No.” At the time,
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I didn’t think of my father. He was no factor in my life. I thought of my beautiful grandparents, my father’s parents, and how my decision might hurt them if I changed my last name from Ray to Scott. Whenever I recall that moment, I think of that child. I wish I could have whispered in his ear and told him to trust his mother’s decision to bring this man into his young, little life. The truth is, he has never left my life. Tonight, when Diego came home from the Army recruiter’s station, I thought of Rex. What would he have made Diego for dinner on a night like this? It didn’t take long to think of something. I poured a gin and tonic. Then the pan hit the stove top with a bang. Flames flickered underneath. Soon, cold oil hit hot iron. Sizzling, swearing, cloth towel draped over my shoulder, Rex was guiding my every move. He assured me what I was doing was right. He assured me that both of my sons’ decisions to join the military was right. He wanted them to grip life by the throat, just as he had done in his youth. I imagined him setting sail across the English Channel on the 496’s final voyage. His jaw set hard against the wind, knowing all might be lost. I recall his encouraging letters to me as I walked along the Berlin Wall in an American Army uniform, letting me know I wasn’t wasting my time. I thought of how his influence on me was being passed onto my sons, at a time when they would be wearing the uniform, having no idea what it meant to them yet. As Diego cut into his charred, medium rare steak with all of its mid-western flavors inspired by Rex’s cooking and his mother’s cooking, I silently said a prayer. I thanked Rex for giving me the strength to see my boys off to service at a time of war. I thanked my mother for bringing Rex into my life. And I thanked Rex for passing his mad love of life onto me, so I could pass it on to my boys.
Bailey Elora
Bailey Elora Music https://linktr.ee/baileyelora Photo by Andrew Ortega @aperture.ortega