Sunshine, good food, more space… There are many reasons that motivate us to up sticks and try out a new life abroad. And although as parents we may quickly see the benefits, sometimes our children have a hard time settling in to an environment that they essentially didn’t choose for themselves...

WORDS : JESSICA KNIPE

Learning a new language, making new friends, adapting to a new curriculum… it’s no easy feat being a new child in a foreign land. The good news is that, if you can navigate the choppy waters of the first few months, a life of opportunity and mind-opening experiences awaits. Laura Mithra, a British therapist who specialises in helping children through play in Rochefort (17), explains what some of the challenges are, and how to tackle them. It’s such an exciting time, building a new home and a new future. But what happens when our kids aren’t that excited about it all?

I feel for the people who arrive here, who don’t speak the language, don’t have any family nearby, don’t understand what their children are doing all day at school… But the most important thing is to make time to be together and remember why you’re here.

You’ll probably be drowning in builders’ plans and paperwork, learning French and thinking that getting all of these things sorted out is what will help your child settle, but they’re not. It’s YOU, your availability, knowing that you’re listening: that’s what will help your child feel more at ease. So even if you’re very busy, make sure you have plenty of energy and emotional availability to play and help them with their homework after school. That’s really huge.

You sit there, for a start, pen in one hand, dictionary in the other, and you try. Take a deep breath and keep calm: think about the amazing resources we have these days! You can input anything you don’t understand into Google Translate, do it in English and then retranslate it – that’s not cheating, it’s just managing as best you can.

There are also a lot of online groups of non-French speakers struggling with homework, where you can post a picture and ask your online community for help. Other people are struggling just like you, so don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Just try to keep calm and make it fun. If homework becomes a time of crisis, your child will start to think that they should trust their own sadness because you are sad too. If a parent is questioning something, their child will start to question it, too.

Find your local playgroup; they’re everywhere. It will be intense at first, but just smile, be with your child and continue to talk in English while you learn French words together –find a common phrase to help them understand why other people sound different. When you hear someone, in a shop for example, say something like ‘French talking!’ to point out to your child that it’s normal that things feel different. Something quick, familiar and repetitive, that becomes like a mantra.

Your child might be crying a lot at drop off, but then settling down very quickly and having fun when you’re gone. As long as they settle after a while, it will get easier each day. And remember, it might not have anything to do with being in France: small children have separation anxiety at this age. Just explain, every day if necessary, that you WILL pick them up, that you trust the school, and that you understand that they don’t want to leave you but that you are happy at home and you know they will be happy at school. After school, continue the dialogue: ‘Today I didn’t get a phone call from the school, how does that feel? Was it a bit hard? I can see you smiling!’ That’s enough, that’s progress.