A First-Class Digest of Adulthood--Uncensored.
GODDESS COLUMN magazine
CHEENO GREY Acheiving the dream beginning the career, building the brand. PAGE 22
SEVEN SIGNS OF THE ONE YOU SHOULD BE WITH
TWENTY ONE ‘GETTING TO KNOW YOU’ QUESTIONS
Dating is difficult enough as it is. Here’s how to avoid wasting your time.
You need to know more than his favorite color. Let’s dig a little deeper, shall we?
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issue no. 01 | january 2018
www.thegoddesscolumn.com
ISIS NEZBETH editor
TIA JOHNSON contributing writer
MONIQUE ROSE contributing writer
COVER ARTIST Stephen Fields
A Le t t er From The E DI T OR
. Week to time in john. Son elegance use weddings separate. Ask too matter formed county wicket oppose talent. Oh. Em. Gee. I am so elated that the time has finally come for Goddess Column Magazine to be released for your reading pleasure! I have been working on this project for what feels like forever, but she has finally arrived! I hope that this magazine will be a fresh take on the ‘zine world’ as you know it and that you will become a proud supporter just as much as I am a proud editor! The Goddess Column has consistently done well since our start online, but our concentration there is relationships for the most part so I wanted to give you more. My aspiration was to bring back the type of content The Goddess Column was originally founded on, but I had to find a way to kick it to you fresh, ya know? Hence the very first issue of Goddess Column Magazine. I only have one request during this momentous time in The Goddess Column’s career. When you finish reading this issue, please let me know your honest thoughts by reaching out to me via social media @GoddessColumn. I want to know what you loved, what you’d prefer to see, who you want to see on the cover--any and everything that makes this the best reading experience for you. That is what you deserve and that is what you’re going to get from me and The Goddess Column team. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This one is truly for you. Without further delay, I give you Goddess Column Magazine… All my love.
Isis Nezbeth 2
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contents 04 I Finally Stole My Body Back From My Milk- Crazed Toddler
To be honest, it didn’t take as much as I thought it would to get her to stop.
08 How To keep Her Once You Catch Her Getting the girl is only half the battle, here’s what you should do next.
12 Everybody’s Happy Ain’t Your Happy Happiness looks different for all of us. What does yours look like?
14 4 Obvious Signs Of A Failing Friendship Because not all heartbreak comes from a romantic relationship.
18 Twenty-one ‘Getting To Know You’ Questions Knowing his favorite color is nice, but let’s dig a little deeper.
20 7 Signs Of The One You Should Be With Dating is difficult enough as it is. Here’s how to avoid wasting your time.
22 The Journey Of Cheeno Grey
Acheiving the dream, beginning the career, and building the brand.
26 Dating With Children We’re a package deal, baby.
30 What To Do Inside When It’s Cold AF Outside Because we understand that not everybody loves the cold as much as we do.
32 5 Ultimate Benefits To Traveling Solo You’d be surprised at where a little bravery can take you.
36 A Love Letter For Those Who Fall Fast And Hard
You are not alone.
38 30-Something Ways To Avoid Wasting
Someone’s Time
We’re supposed to treat people the way we want to be treated, right?
44 5 Simple Ways To Relax In Ten Minutes It’s time to relax, superwoman.
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PARENTING
I FINALLY STOLE MY BODY BACK FROM MY MILK-CRAZED TODDLER Written by Isis Nezbeth, Photo by Jazmin Quaynor
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PARENTING
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NE OF THE first (and by far the most irritating) things a person says when they see your toddler breastfeeding is, “how long are you going to do that for?” Breastfeeding is a smart, frugal, and extremely healthy choice for any growing child and in my opinion, there is no right or wrong length of time to give your child some of the healthiest nutrients they can get. Some mothers stop just after six weeks, while others can make it until their child is five or six years old. It is completely up to the mother as to how long she chooses to breastfeed her child. I will say, although there is no right or wrong length of time to breastfeed, there does come the appropriate time for the mother to choose when she will stop. There
will come a time where the mother will see that her child is no longer feeding because they are hungry, but more so out of comfort and familiarity. My toddler was a bit boob obsessed. She was like a leech--literally--anytime my breast were eye-level or in arm’s reach she would aggressively pull my shirt down and begin to feed. If she hurt herself, she instantly wanted “booboo,” as we called it. God forbid I got close to another human… she would literally latch on and give them a death stare that could literally kill if looks could do such a thing. It became territorial, aggressive, and quite frankly, a pain in my ass. Location was of no concern either. It didn’t matter if I was at church, at the grocery store, or even in the comfort of our own home. When
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my toddler wanted the boob, she got it whether I wanted to give it to her or not. Naturally, her excessive, aggressive feeding habits began to weigh on me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I became instantly irritated with her. I was tired all the time. My breasts were constantly in pain from the scratches of her nails, the teeth marks from her biting, and the tenderness of her constant suckling. Breastfeeding is a very special moment and bond between mother and child, don’t get me wrong. I adored the time I was able to give my child the healthiest nutrition and I cherished the bonding time we shared that no one else could provider her with. When I stopped having that special feeling and became angry when she fed, I knew it was time to stop. So, I woke up one morning with the worst back pain, bitter about getting absolutely no sleep because my co-sleeping toddler slept across my chest attached to my boob all night and decided no more. It was time. I just couldn’t tolerate it anymore.
At this point I had already figured out that she was no longer feeding because she was hungry, so I didn’t feel bad about making the decision to wean her. I did know that I didn’t want it to be a very painful process for either of us, so the “cry-it-out process” was completely
was putting band-aids over my nipples and telling my daughter that my boobs hurt--which was actually true thanks to the constant biting and suckling they had undergone. “Boobie ouchy,” I would say to her as she looked at the band-aids with the most puzzled look
I was pissed to find out that all it took was putting band-aids over my nipples and telling my daughter that my boobs hurt. out of the question. Without personally knowing anyone who weaned their child while being a stay-at-home mom, I went straight to “YouTube University” to gain some insight on how to get this girl off my boob. After countless videos of several different experiences and results, I decided to trust the one woman who seemed to be in a similar situation that I was in as far as having a milk-crazed toddler went. I was pissed to find out that all it took
on her face. She understood though. She touched them and I winced and from there I would ask her if she’d like to have something to eat or drink and she would forget all about them. Most women said it took their child three days to wean completely. That was not the case for me and my toddler. Throughout the weaning process she didn’t cry much at all, as long as I had the proper alternatives set up for when she did want the breast. After about a LEFT Photo by Henri Meilhac
RIGHT Photo by Keletso Kabalao
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week, she stopped asking for the breast completely and I couldn’t believe it. I truly thought it was going to be a very dramatic and tiring process, but it was anything but. It’s been about a month and she still has yet to see my nipples because I’m still afraid she might want to suckle them again, but she doesn’t ask for the breast at all and has learned to cope when she is sleepy, hurt, or whiny. Overall, I couldn’t be happier with either one of us because the journey was not too difficult, but it certainly wasn’t easy. If you’re ready to wean, I highly recommend the band-aid method and remember that it is your choice, mama--nobody else’s! Below I have shared the 4-day ‘cold turkey’ weaning process that worked for me and my daughter. Keep in mind that all babies and bodies are different, but if you want to give our method a try, you should. I’d love to hear what methods you’ve tried and the experiences you’ve had. Tweet me @GoddessColumn to share!
4 - DAY ‘ C O L D T U R K E Y ’ W E A N I N G P R O C E S S
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DAY 1
Feed your child very well the night before. I found it best to start the weaning process at the start of a new day instead of the end of a long day. Be sure to place bandages onto breasts once your child has fallen asleep and you are done feeding for the night. During asks, always show bandage and communicate that your breast hurt and are off limits. Offer breakfast, milk, juice, snacks etc. as an alternative to breastmilk.
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DAY 2
Offer tons of praise for both you and baby making it to day 2. Follow the same plan as day 1, but offer plenty of playtime and cuddling throughout the day. I found that this helped my daughter understand that although there was no more breast comfort, I was still there to comfort her in other ways. Be sure to continuously keep bandages on breasts for reassurance and consistency with the baby.
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DAY 3
Asks should consistently be decreasing by today. Baby should be used to substituting other things for breastmilk now. Sleeping habits should also start to form, whether you’re rubbing their back until they fall asleep or they have learned to just lay down when they are tired. Even if baby is not asking anymore, I wouldn’t advise visuals of your breasts just yet, as it can be very tempting to the little one and cause a relapse.
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DAY 4
Today should be easy and determine whether or not you need to continue covering your breast with bandages. If baby is still asking or feeling for breasts, I recommend continuing for a few additional days. If baby is no longer asking or feeling for breasts, you should be in the clear to stop putting the bandages on. I waited two weeks before showing my bare breasts to my daughter, but do what’s best for you two! Good luck!
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HOW TO K EEP HER ONCE YOU CAT CH HE R Getting the girl is only half the battle. What are you going to do to make sure she sticks around? Written by Isis Nezbeth, Photo by Matheus Ferrero
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This isn’t a topic that only applies to the men, but I’m going to focus on the female perspective here just to keep the conversation focused. As a disclaimer, if you’re a woman who pursued her man, please apply the tips to your personal situation. I feel that the person who initiated the relationship should take first responsibility in maintaining the relationship. Hopefully you’re in a relationship with someone who desires to match your efforts, but sometimes that’s not really the case. Not because they don’t care, but because they’re thinking to themselves that you’re the one who pursued them. They have become accustomed to the things that won them over in the first place so they expect you to keep those things up throughout the duration of the relationship. That’s another reason why it’s so important to be yourself when you’re courting and dating because it won’t be expected just once.
ABOVE Sandy dunes of the deadliest deserts of all the deserts
More often than not, what happens in a relationship is that one or both partners get comfortable and then the small things that each of you once loved ends up not happening anymore. A lot of times it goes unnoticed even. The two of you naturally stop putting in the same amount of effort as you did in the beginning of the relationship. This is usually how one of the two end up catching feelings for someone else, who really doesn’t even compare to the person you’re with but they have replenished the feeling you were longing for from your partner. It’s so important to
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treat every day like it’s the first day you both met each other. It may seem extra, but it’s necessary. That will help for a long, prosperous relationship. You don’t have to provide her a candlelit dinner every night to recreate your first date (although that would be an amazing date night later on down the road), but I’ve got a few suggestions I think will help you continue to prove to her that her presence is appreciated and desired. Also, don’t think the ladies don’t read what I say to you, I’m sure they’re taking notes as well. It could happen for you too. Write down your affection for her
Milk the honeymoon stage A lot of times when you’re happy in a fairly new relationship someone will attest it to “the honeymoon stage” when the two of you are still courting each other and learning things about each other. Yes, it is one of the happiest times in your relationship, but it doesn’t have to die out completely once the two of you have reached that point. Milk the honeymoon stage as long as you possible can. When I say milk it, never be content with knowing “everything” about your partner. Always push to learn more about each other. Run bubble baths. Prepare dinner together. Eat together. Give each other massages. Read to one another. Whatever actions will continue to show both of you how much you mean to each
Milk the honeymoon stage as long as you can. When I say milk it, never be content with knowing “everything” about your partner.
Remember the feel good stage of when you first met someone you liked in 7th grade. I think just about the next day you found yourself writing a note to them and performing mild origami to make sure nobody else read your words of passion. It’s no different today. We don’t do it anymore, but I promise you it feels just as good. It could be a simple “I love you” post-it note attached to her lunch, consistent positive good morning texts, or you could take the cake with
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the sentiments of a handwritten letter of love. Writing out your affections can allow you to express some things that may not have been said so easily and the best thing about them is that she can keep them as reminders whenever she feels like she needs one.
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other, find out what it is and be sure to do it at least twice a month. Don’t forget to explore new things you both will like as well.
share for a lifetime.
Remind her of why you chose her
Yep, I said it. If the sex life dies down for either of you, I can almost guarantee you that issues will arise soon after. Keep things exhilarating in the bedroom. Do the research, buy books, go to a novelty shop--figure out what you two need to ignite that fire again. A healthy sex life is very important and it’s necessary for you two to talk about what types of things you are into sexually. Take note, depending on how long you two have been together that she may be into something completely different than when you first got together. Stay open-minded and try to meet each other halfway. Never be afraid to explore.
At the end of the day, both of you made a choice to be with one another. It feels good to hear what it was about us that drove you crazy--that made you say, “she’s the one.” It’s not a bad idea to remind her of those things every now and again. It also serves as a little reminder to her of things she may want to keep up with. If you notice she doesn’t dress as sexy as she used to when you both got together, there’s nothing wrong with finding a positive way to ask her to start doing it again. For example, you could buy her a dress you would love to see her in and take her out for a special night. Go on amazing dates This is a MUST. Whatever it was that you guys were doing in the getting to know you stage of the relationship--keep doing those things, but don’t keep doing them if they’re no longer fun. Make each date memorable. Do things that bring about excitement for both of you. Unless you two are foodies there is only so much food and drink you can do before it’s a waste of time and money. Get creative. Do things that you normally wouldn’t and build memories that you two can
Have mind-blowing sex
These are just a few things I could think of off the bat, but you know what it was about her when you first met. Re-enact that day time and time again. Don’t lose a good woman behind your lack of showing her you love her. Don’t allow another man to sweep your golden girl off her feet and if you know you don’t deserve her, let her go.
LEFT Photo by Shanique Wright CENTER Photo by Alex Holyoake RIGHT Photo by JD Mason
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LIFESTYLE
Everybody’s Happy Ain’t Your Happy Written by Monique Rose
T
ODAY I SAT at my desk and watched a man propose to his girlfriend. It was the sweetest surprise for her. It was staged as a photo shoot for her upcoming graduation that turned into a moment that will last a lifetime for the couple. Nothing but tears from the gentleman and his future wife, hell, even I was teary-eyed. I even watched a dear friend break the internet this week with her bundle of joy announcement. Nothing fancy just a subtle slay! It’s moments like this that I live for on social media! These precious moments are truly what we should see more of, celebratory times, graduations, promotions, birthdays, etc. But do you find yourself looking at someone’s
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happy moments and asking why not me? Or wish it was you in their shoes? Of course, we all have a time or two, but I’m here to tell you everybody’s happy ain’t your happy. But do you know what it takes to be in a fully committed, monogamous relationship? We always want the happy ending but don’t want to put in the work to get there. I know couples that are happily married but have lived in different cities from their significant other, dealt with infidelity, struggled with demons, disagreed on religion, and were financially unstable. Just knowing that ask yourself, could you make it to the happy ending? Are you built for this lifestyle that you gawk over? We never know anyone’s story, and everyone story isn’t ours. It takes a lot of hard work to be in any relationship, work any job, or even be that great spouse or mom. We are all aware of our limits and what we are capable of handling but along comes that question, “Are you putting in the work?” You can’t
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LEFT Photo by Guilherme Stecanella ABOVE Photo by Jeremy Bishop RIGHT Photo by Brian Fraser
LIFESTYLE
expect a happy ending without getting a little dirty. Nothing comes easy. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize that you’re not putting it what it takes to have someone else’s happy. Putting in the work comes in different forms. Sometimes we want that happily ever after, but we keep dating and chasing the same (wrong) type of man. We want prince charming, but we seem to think he’s the same person that we’ve been dating for the last ten years, only to find out that we need to change our standards and the things we accept from these men. We want to have three college degrees, but we don’t want to study. We want to be recognized as leaders, but too busy getting in our own way. Hell, we aspire to be entrepreneurs but won’t take the first step to do the research.
We are living in a world where we want the glitz and glamour without the scraps and bruises. I’m sad to tell you that it will never happen that way and until you’re ready, your happiness will never be your own. I encourage anyone reading this to take some time and write down seven areas in your life that you would like to be happier. Write down what’s working in those areas and what’s not. The things that aren’t working CHANGE THEM. Do a complete 180 in those areas. Take out everything that hasn’t worked and implement new things. Even if it makes you uncomfortable do it! Being uncomfortable makes us move a lot faster. Set short and long-term goals where applicable and reward yourself. You will not only change the way you have normally done these things, but you will explore new options and find your happiness!
M
ONIQUE ROSE BETTER know as Mo’ is a native of the garden city. She’s a daughter, sister, mother and a best friend. She attended T. W. Josey High School and Paine College. Since a small child she has enjoyed putting pen to paper and making her thoughts come alive. In October if 2015 she launched her blog site Justalilmo.com and has intrigued her readers with topics of mental health, racism, love and so much more. As a blogger Mo’ decided to take her blog topics a little further and is launching her own podcast in January of 2018.
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4 Obvious Signs Of A Failing Friendship ...because not all heartbreak comes from a romantic relationship. Written by Isis Nezbeth
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If you didn’t already get the memo, we’re leaving toxic relationships back in 2017. While some of us had to get rid of toxic romantic relationships, others need to reevaluate their use of the ‘F’ word--friend. Needless to say, not all heartbreak comes from failed romantic relationships. Family can break your heart and so can friends. Usually when people recount the heartbreak they have experienced in life, they don’t think of the heartbreak caused by breaking up with friends. I’m a firm believer that friendship is just as intimate a relationship as a romantic relationship can be. Just like with a romantic relationship, with friendships your choosing to accept, love, and be loyal to someone in spite of their flaws and imperfections. This requires trust--and I always say, anything that involves trust can lead to disappointment and heartache because it’s not always a two-way street. I want to touch on something before we get into the signs of a failing friendship. I don’t want you to confuse the signs of a failing friendship with being involved in a meaningless friendship because I, for one, believe them to be two different things. A failing friendship means that somewhere down the line, your once healthy friendship began to lose
its value, but all is not lost; things can potentially be fixed and nurtured. A meaningless friendship is a façade that brings about no sense of growth or benefit for the two involved. There is usually a common ground between the two of you that suggests friendship, still the bond is not there. Don’t allow that to fool you into thinking you’re in a fruitful relationship. Meaning, if it weren’t for the common ground that you two shared, there would be no real foundation of a friendship. So, hopefully you haven’t found yourself involved in any meaningless friendships, but do yourself the favor of checking just to be safe. Now, let’s get into these obvious signs of a failing friendship.
LEFT Photo by Clarke Sanders RIGHT Photo by Sam Manns
Common interests and feelings are no longer mutual You and your friends won’t always have the exact same interests, but chances are the reason you became friends in the first place is because the two of you have similar interests and feelings towards certain things. These things can change over time, but with healthy friendship, there is usually always something that you two are mutually interested in. This is how you spend quality time together. Going to your favorite restaurants, seeing a movie, some
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retail therapy or whatever it is that you two like to do together is usually because of shared mutual feelings toward that interest. If you find that the two of you are no longer interested in the same things, this could be a sign that you two are losing a bit of the bond that drew you together in the first place which makes it harder and harder to spend necessary quality time together to balance out the friendship. Growth is unproductive and stagnant We’ve all had to outgrow a friend at some point in our life and that’s not always a bad thing. There might be a time within your friendship that growth is not necessarily dead, but is more so unproductive and at a standstill. This may occur when you’re both comfortable with where you are in life and have failed to challenge each other. This could also be a result of not communicating enough. If you’re not communicating about where you are in life or what you’re working on, how will either of you know how or when to encourage your friend? Be careful not to become so comfortable in friendship that you forget to challenge the growth of each
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other individually and collectively. Support seems forced or artificial Maybe you two still seem to have similar interests and you’re even talking about your latest endeavors, but does the support of your friend seem genuine or forced? Friends are supposed to support each other through the best of times and the worst of times. The support you feel is supposed to be comforting, not make you feel like your hindering your friend in any way. It took me a while to understand that I am supposed to lean on my friends. If you realize that you’re not able to lean on your friend for genuine support, whether the situation is good or bad... that’s definitely a red flag and a true sign of a failing friendship. You’re competing for a place in their life This might be the dominating reason why you decided to read this article in the first place.You have found yourself wondering where your relationship with your friend stands in relation to someone else’s relationship with that same friend. It’s important to
LIFESTYLE
Be careful not to become so comfortable in friendship that you forget to challenge the growth of each other individually and collectively. recognize that your friend is allowed to be close friends with more than just you. A lot of times, we believe that our close friend belongs only to us and that the presence of another close friend means a damper has been put on the bond that you two share. Most times we are just so protective of the bond we share with that friend that we assume this is the case, but most times it is not. Their friendship with someone else is simply that. Still, it is also very clear when you have found yourself having to literally compete for a place in their life because of a new friend or stronger relationship and that could be the sign that the friendship is failing and you two are drifting apart.
foundation of your existing friendship? I often tell people, I don’t make friends... I make family. If you begin to feel like the love is leaving in your friendship, speak up. Your friends response will let you know whether or not the relationship can or should be rekindled.
TOP LEFT Photo by Kaci Baum CENTER Photo by Zachary Nelson
Again, do yourself the favor of evaluating your friendships. Are you getting the things you need from your friendships? Are you giving your friends what they need within the friendship? Don’t waste your time with meaningless friendships and repair any friendships that might be losing their value. Friends are supposed to be forever. It’s not too late to rekindle what could be lost for good.
Lack of empathy and passion Overall, our friends are supposed to be the family members we get the luxury of choosing. They are supposed to make us feel loved and appreciated. We let them into our hearts. If you notice a lack of empathy and passion, what is the JANUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
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Q&A
Photo by Jez Timms
T W EN T Y ON E ‘GETTING TO KNOW YOU’ QUESTIONS Knowing his favorite color is cool, but let’s dig a littler deeper, shall we?
01
Are you a sibling? I find it important to know if they have siblings or not because whether you want to face the facts or not, only children act way different than children with siblings.
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02
What hobbies would you get into if time and money weren’t a factor? It shows what interests they have and what types of things they are passionate about. It also shows what they would like to do with their free time which makes for get date ideas.
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What are some of your pet peeves? Why not be aware of the little things that irk the person you’re interested in? It’s better to know up front than to find it out in a less pleasant way later.
Q&A
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What is your favorite drink? It doesn’t have to be an alcoholic drink either. Find out what their favorite drink is so you can get to know them better over one the next time you both get together.
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What are you passionate about? I love asking this question to people I am getting to know because you’d be surprised how many people aren’t sure of what they’re passionate about. Great
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after a long day or if they would rather be alone at a bar. It says a lot!
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What does your dream car/house look like? Just for fun and shows what styles and luxuries they might prefer.
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If happiness were the currency, what job would make you rich? This is my absolute favorite question to ask people. This is what you want to bring out of someone you are interested
Are you usually early or
Don’t be too serious when asking this question. You’re not in a job interview or anything, still, it’s a fun question to ask to learn more about the kind of person they are.
conversation starter.
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What takes up too much of your
time? Super important question, in my opinion. Also a great conversation starter. Be open-minded, as the answer can be completely different than you might have expected.
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What are small things that could make your day better? I’m a hopeless romantic. I love finding simple ways to make someone I’m interested in smile and know that they’re on my mind.
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What would be your ideal way to spend the weekend? Again, this could provide you with imperative information to win them over in the long run, but it also lets you know what they like doing in their spare time. Remember, it might not always be things you’re into.
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Do you like to read? This says a lot about a person. Listen carefully to their answer.
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What accomplishment are you most proud of so far? A good question to ask someone you’re getting to know that could identify some of the great things they’ve done in life or to shed some light on things they aspire to do.
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Do you have a close relationship with your immediate family? Some people might think this is a lot to ask someone you’re getting to know, but I think it’s very important to know how someone’s relationship with their family is. There’s no right or wrong answer, but I do think it’s a necessary question to ask.
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Would you consider yourself a risk-taker? A fun question that could really spark up a passionate conversation once you both get into the details of your story.
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What’s the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?
Again, they might not be willing to share--and that’s okay. I still think it’s nice to watch people recount good moments and memories in their life. It also gives you an idea of what they consider romantic gestures.
in--passion. Ask this question often, as the answer may change with time.
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How do you usually start the day? Another fun question. The way you start the day pretty much maps out your attitude for the rest of the day. I think it’s important to know what routines they might have in place for their mornings.
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If you could live anywhere in the US/world, where would it be? A great question to open the floor for some open conversation.
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What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love? If they can’t answer this, they’re probably not telling the truth or embarrassed. Don’t pressure them. Just know we’ve all been dumb for love at least once.
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What’s the most valuable lesson life has taught you so far? Listen and respond. Listen and respond. LISTEN AND RESPOND!
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SEVEN SIGNS OF THE ONE YOU SHOULD BE WITH 20
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I’ve met two kinds of men in the dating world, the ones who know exactly who and when to settle down with and the ones who wouldn’t know it if Jesus himself told him. I’m guessing if you’re reading this that you might be more of the latter--and that’s okay! After asking a couple of my male friends--who are either married or in a healthy long-term relationship--how they knew they found the one, I’ve broken down the answers that most of them shared into 7 signs you have found the person you should be with. DISCLAIMER: Obviously, I’m not saying that just because you see these signs that she is the one, but let’s look on the bright side and keep hope alive, shall we? You’ve built a genuine friendship with her. For most of the friends I asked, this is where it all began. He felt like she was one of his closest friends. He could laugh with her, lean on her, and even comment on the latest “tea” with her. Friendship is the strongest foundation
DAT I NG to any relationship.
a healthy relationship.
She motivates you in daily life.
You want similar things out of life.
No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t motivate them, do they? If she cares about you and your well-being, she will make it a personal charge to push you daily to become the best version of yourself. This is what you want in your ‘person’.
In order for the two of you to grow well together, you should want similar things out of life and your future together. If you two are meant to be, those goals are usually the same before you even have that conversation. Life is better with her in it.
She believes in you and encourages you to believe in yourself. She loves you for who you are, but she believes in the man you will grow to be as well--and she doesn’t let you forget that. She isn’t forcing you to change, but she makes you want to. She helps you to see yourself in the same light that she does.
The thought of life without her pretty much seems unbearable. Even though things may get rough from time to time, it’s never enough to make you want to give up sharing life with her. You can’t really explain it; you just know that your life feels better with her in it. You trust her.
TOP LEFT Photo by Alexandra Gorn
The sex is amazing. You deserve a great sex partner. All the friends I asked made it very clear that this was not the most important deciding factor, but that it definitely played a role in their decision-making process. I couldn’t agree more. Strong sexual compatibility makes for
You’re confident in her love. You’re confident in her strength and ability to be with you and only you. The two of you have a strong foundation built on trust. You know that she has your best interest at heart and values the relationship you have grown in together.
TOP RIGHT Photo by William Stitt TOP RIGHT Photo by Matheus Ferrero
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CHEENO
GREY
Chasing the dream, beginning the career, and building the brand. It’s all in the journey... Written by Isis Nezbeth, Photo by Stephen Fields
The Goddess Column team was able to catch up with one of our very first and by the fiercest of interviewees, Miss Cheeno Grey. We interviewed Cheeno Grey in the beginning of 2014 when she was still in the process of chasing her dream of becoming a model. Now, it’s about 4 years later and Cheeno Grey is seriously killing the game. When asked if she’s changed any over the years, the model and creative told us, “I have changed. I’ve become more confident within myself. It’s very imperative that you know your worth in this industry.” Originally, from Miami, Cheeno is now based in Los Angeles, but also lived in Atlanta, Ga--two very huge industry cities. Many people feel like they can get their “big start” out of cities like LA and Atlanta and to be honest, we agree. Having lived in both places, we asked Cheeno if she felt it an easier process getting discovered in Atlanta or LA? “It was way easier for me in Atlanta than it was here, because I had
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more support and people I knew there. Going to LA wasn’t easy because it was a new place, new people-just everything new! I had to adjust and really find my way.” We were super encouraged by the risk she took in favor of her career, so of course, we asked her to share the best piece of advice she’s received since pursuing her dream. “Trust the process. Trust the feeling of knowing that you’re on the right path and that every bump in the road will only make you stronger.” When you’re chasing a dream, that is one of the most fruitful pieces of advice to carry with you all the time. The journey might be unfamiliar, but if you want that dream bad enough… it’s always worth the risk. She recounted some of her latest and greatest moments in her career for us, telling TGC, “the latest, and probably the most surreal, major thing I’ve done is the Google commercial; it was such a
F E AT U R E dreamlike experience. I’ve also done Miami swim week. This year was my first year going and I ended up booking a fashion show there; Miami is my hometown so that was BIG for me! I was also on ‘103.5 the beat,’ a major radio station in Miami, which was my first time being on the radio talking about modeling and my own journey. Ironically, speaking on timing, the same day I appeared on the radio was the same day the “Waterfalls” video came out. My stars were really aligned this year.” She’s absolutely right; the cosmos have definitely been in her favor. We’ve seen Cheeno Grey on our TV screens far more than once over the last year. She’s worked with renowned brands and artists--we couldn’t be more proud of how well her career has taken off. We told y’all she was something special! When asked the highlight of her career so far, she told us being booked for the “Waterfalls” video, by Stargate featuring Pink and Sia would take the cake. Of the other two women in the video, Cheeno was chosen as the main feature. Another proud moment for Cheeno Grey was booking a shoot with Nike. “So many things have happened this year, it’s hard for me to pick just one; it’s just been really fruitful. People think that most of
TOP LEFT Photo by J. Monroe BOTTOM RIGHT Photo by J. Monroe
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F E AT U R E the things that happened this year, were results from the work and grind that I put in this year, but it’s more so from the seeds that I was planting last year. There were videos I did way last year, that took a while to be released, and now they’ve finally come out; you know, artists release stuff on their time. So, you can see how unparalleled the work and the reward are in this industry. It’s totally different. I feel like timing is everything, and with that, for me at least, everything happened at the right time. Even the smallest things were highlights, and they had to happen because they attributed to the bigger things that opened doors to new ventures for me. Ultimately, I always try to stay working. I’m never complacent. When I accomplish one big thing, I’m then on to the next. I say to myself, “what else can I accomplish?” and that keeps me going.”
to begin chasing their own dream. Again, we are so proud of how far Cheeno Grey has come and we hope that you’ve enjoyed hearing her story as well. We’ll leave you with some first-class starting point advice from the model. Here’s her best advice… “Know yourself. Make sure you are happy within yourself, because it can really take you far in anything you want to pursue in life. I always knew that I wanted to model. You have to be sure of what it is you want to do and if it’s really your passion. You have to be fearless and not worry about what other people think or say; their opinions shouldn’t affect you. You have to really focus on yourself and what makes you happy. That will get you far, because when you are comfortable
Having accomplished so much over the years, we had to know which experience of her’s had been her favorite so far. “My favorite experience was the commercial I did for Google. It made me realize how far I’ve come, and it showed me that anything is possible when you put the work in and have faith in yourself.” We tried to pry into her private life a little bit, but Cheeno Grey kept things discreet and classy--just the way we like it! We asked if her career impacted her private life a lot and her response was, “my personal life is the same. I’m very private and really careful about who I let in my circle, so that will never change.” And when asked if her busy schedule has allowed her any time for the dating game, she laughingly replied, “Yeah, it has.. I have a boyfriend. It’s going really well!” As always, we do these interviews at The Goddess Column to share the light of people we have had the pleasure of witnessing chase their dreams and succeeding by any means necessary. We are moved by their passion and determination. We share their stories so that someone, somewhere can feel motivated
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with yourself, knowing that this is what you want to do and that you’re going to do it, you can really fix your mind on doing just so. Being you is also important. People feel like you have to be this or that, to be successful in the industry, but you don’t; you don’t have to become a different person. You are going to transition regardless, that’s just our nature as human beings, but you should transition into the person that you want to be and always wanted to be. You have to be comfortable with who you are, because that is the one thing you can control. Let the fear come from everything else. You’re going to be scared. If your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough, and that’s a problem. Even with me changing my hair color, I was scared and anxious about going out, because
F E AT U R E RIGHT Photo by Kolvaski Jacques Makeup by Zanetta C Styled by Brandee Godwin LEFT Photo by Kolvaski Jacques Makeup by Zanetta C Styled by Brandee Godwin
I was worried what people would say; but I did it anyways. You just have to be fearless! You have to be confident! And simply trust that everything is going to come within time. You can’t go on social media and look at other people “doing good” and wonder, “why am I not doing well?” It’s not a part of your journey. I’ve been there. I’ve prayed because I was becoming jealous, but then I realized that I couldn’t worry about other people’s journey. I had to simply focus on myself, stay in my own lane. I had to know it was going to come
to me, but that I also had to put in the work. It wasn’t just going to be handed down. NOTHING comes easy. You have to put in the work. That moment when you’re about to give up is when things are going to happen for you. It happened to me this year. As soon as I was feeling down, God blessed me and I booked Nike. Timing is everything. Just have faith and believe that He can make anything happen.” I mean, seriously? How can you not love her? Be sure to connect with Cheeno Grey on Instagram @CheenoGrey!
W A T C H CHEENO W E R K Google Pixel 2 | Ask More Of Your Phone Stargate - “Waterfall” feat. P!nk, Sia John Legend - “Penthouse Floor” feat. Chance The Rapper Tristate x Oh No - “G.T.D.” feat. Xiomara Mike WiLL Made-It - “On The Come Up” feat. Big Sean Young Thug - “Wyclef Jean”
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DAT I NG
DATING WITH CHILDREN Written by Isis Nezbeth, Photo by Patrick Fore
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DAT I NG
Whether you want to accept it or not, we are at the day and age where single parenting is common. There are several individuals in the dating game who already have one or more children. Although dating someone with children isn’t for everyone, I believe it takes a special being to complete a family that has already began to grow. It’s no secret that people have children out of wedlock daily. There are several reasons people have children before being married, some have children from previous relationships and marriages, and I’m sure there are a number of other reasons for the number of single parents out there. The most important thing to remember in regards to that is that it’s not your place to judge their situation. Just know that the majority of single parents didn’t sign up or expect to be single parents. So, what should that mean for a single parent who wants to get back out into the dating game? As a single mother, this has been the most popular opinion--that I need to be extremely selective and careful of who I bring around my child and that I do deserve to date someone who wants to be a part of both of our lives. I agree 100% and not just for me, personally. For you, too. This isn’t for us though, I’m writing this for the people who choose to date
single parents. If you’re a single parent looking to date another single parent, this applies to you as well. Let’s get into it, shall we? Dating with children is a risky situation, but what dating situation isn’t? The issue lies in the intent of both parties. When you’re dating with children or dating someone with children, it is crucial to understand that there is more than just the parent involved. That means you should be upfront about what you’re looking to get out of this relationship right away. Don’t assume that the parent you are dating is looking to make you the other parent right away, but still recognize that this is probably the end goal they have for any
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relationship they invest their time in. Like I was saying, it takes a special person to be able to enter a relationship and see themselves as the missing puzzle piece to the single parent and their child(ren), but it’s also okay to recognize that you’re not ready to be in that role. Be honest about this so that the other person involved can move on. This can be difficult if you find that you really like the person, but you have to begin to think further into the future than just what it would hold for you and them. You have to begin to think about the child(ren) as well. If you’re dating someone with a child you have to look at the big picture and realize that the child(ren) will be a major part of your life should the relat i o n s h i p b e s u c c e s s f u l . I t ’s j u s t something to think about. If you’re pursuing a relationship with a single parent, I hope it goes without saying that you are considering a future with this individual. It is a huge commitment to make and it should only be done
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when you are sure you’re ready for it. Dating someone with a child is a package deal. It’s not just the man or woman who you’re seeing t h a t yo u ’r e b u i l d i n g a r e l a t i o n ship with. I really meant it when I said it takes a special person. It
readiness. These are signs that you are willing to be that puzzle piece. If you’re selfish, you’re absolutely not that puzzle piece. If you’re a selfish person, it will be difficult for you to understand that some type of relationship will have to
If you’re dating someone with a child you have to look at the big pitcture and realize that the child(ren) will be a major part of your life. should make you want to change or improve certain things about yourself to accommodate the child; you know.. the little things you do when a little person is around. Considering a future with both o f t h e m w i l l m a ke yo u wa n t t o change small things like watching your language and eventually bigger things like seeking an even stronger relationship with God and your partner. These are signs of
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remain between your partner and their child’s other parent. It’ll be hard to stomach the fact that you won’t come before that child until holy matrimony is achieved. If you can’t understand that, then the relationship just simply couldn’t work. You have to be selfless to love a child, especially a child that is not your own. If you’re worried about what people will think or say if you pursue a committed relationship
DAT I NG
with someone who already has a child, you may not be ready. I’m sure they’ve already been struggling with trying to find the right person to give their time to. It’s no easy feat choosing to be with someone and going through the process of introducing them to your child and those involved in your child’s life (which is the respectful thing to do, in my opinion). You must be sure; you must be strong--for your partner’s sake. Your partner needs your unconditional love and support. They need that puzzle piece. To the single parents out there, keep your head up. Your puzzle piece is out there. Remember, that you can co-parent without continuing on in a poisonous relationship. Don’t lose hope. And to all of those special puzzle pieces out there, thank you for being strong enough to take on the job someone else failed to do. Please take pride in the fact that you were made just fo r s o m e o n e o u t t h e r e. . . yo u ’r e so special that it’s not even one person alone.
LEFT Photo by Connor Baker CENTER Photo by Chris Benson RIGHT Photo by Tanalee Youngblood
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LIFESTYLE
B
ABY, IT’S COLD outside! Not everyone is up for the brisk air and chill winds, but me personally, they’re my favorite. My life is always a lot more peaceful in the winter months because we all know how too much heat can affect the brain and mood. There’s a reason why they call the winter the most wonderful time of the year and it is not solely surrounded by the fact that it’s Christmas. Really. The winter is a time for family and loved ones. Warm drinks and even warmer memories. It’s a time to spend a lot more time with the people you love inside the comfort of a home. As much as I love the cold weather, I don’t spend the majority of my time outside in it. When it’s cold outside I take advantage of things to do inside that warm both my body and my heart. Here’s what to do inside when it’s cold AF outside. Let’s get into it! Spend quality time with loved ones
WHAT TO DO INSIDE WHEN
Don’t let the cold weather keep you inside and tucked away in a bedroom. Make a goal to spend at least one hour in the common area of your house so that you can spend time with your loved ones. If you live alone, make it a goal to go to a loved ones house at least once a week to do the same thing. You can watch a movie, play some board games or simply catch up with each other. Your heart will thank you.
IT’S COLD AF O U T S I D E Written by Isis Nezbeth
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LIFESTYLE Hang out in your favorite sexy pajamas As if I’m not already addicted to walking around the house sporting a cozy t-shirt and panties combo on any old day, staying inside when it’s cold out is the perfect opportunity to spend as much time as possible in your sleepwear favorites. Bonus points if you’ve got someone special in your life who can appreciate seeing you in them. Stay in and catch up on life Another great thing about staying in when it’s cold outside is being able to catch up on all the things you may have missed from going out so much when it was warmer. If your catching up on TV shows and movies, sleep, or the latest book release, staying in when it’s cold out makes it easier to enjoy the things you may have missed. Enjoy hot beverages I love a pretty, warm beverage with a delicious pile of extra creamy whipped cream on top. From pumpkin spice
lattes to rich hot chocolate, the cold weather months are a perfect time to get your sip on. Don’t forget that it’s super simple (and well worth it) to transform your traditional favorites into a warm, boozy treat. Stay in and set the perfect relaxed ambiance On any given night, but especially after a long day, light up the fireplace (or candles if you don’t have one) and play your favorite calming tunes. Enjoy with a glass of wine and one of your favorite people. Trust me, it’s just what the doctor ordered. Cook up some amazing soup or chili I have a confession to make. I love chili so much, I even eat it when it’s warm outside. Nevertheless, the winter months are the perfect time for delicious bowls of warm comfort foods like soups and chili. Enjoy making them for you alone or invite friends over to share it with. It’ll blow your mind at how many ways one can do chili. Bon appétit!
Organize or redecorate It’s very important to shift things around every now and again. You’d be surprised what rearranging an area of your house can do for your spirit. It’s refreshing. Instead of going out and freezing, get your creative juices flowing by moving some things around. Redecorating will give you an even stronger desire to stay in and appreciate your new area. Snuggle up to someone special At the end of the day, nothing beats staying in from the cold weather to warm up to our favorite warm body-your child, a significant other, even your best friend. Share a hug or a cuddle and let the good times roll! So, if you’re one of those people who’s counting down the days until summer , hang in there! Spend the time doing things that can distract you from the cold and are damn good for the soul!
TOP LEFT Photo by Brigitte Tohm BOTTOM RIGHT Photo by Joanna Kosinska
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Five Ultimate Benefits To Traveling Solo Written by Tia Johnson, Photo by Tia Johnson
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without a doubt makes it easier to navigate my daily life. To adapt to change quickly. It’s made me less afraid to uproot my life and move to a new city for a career opportunity or start a website and new life path. Solo travel is a practice and the more I do it, the easier it gets; but more importantly, it’s given me a sense of confidence and self-efficacy.
Traveling by yourself sounds like that unappealing, last minute option when everyone you love has abandoned you and your ticket is non-refundable, but solo travel has become a movement—the boldest of choices for those wanting to dive head first into the open world. I may, of course, be biased. Life on the road alone has given me a freedom that
It’s a total cliché to say traveling is life changing, but we wouldn’t all say it if there wasn’t at least a grain of truth in it. The real world is so full of the unknown—people you’ve never meet, foods you’ve never heard of and roads that lead to places you can’t imagine—and we can thank social media for sharing the worst possible outcomes and harrowing tales at the most inopportune times that scare us into inaction. Nevertheless, the absolute truth is that those daunting situations are far and few between. There are so many more reasons to step
EOPLE SOMETIMES TELL me they think it brave of me to step into a foreign place with no friends and contacts, knowledge that isn’t from a website and just find my way around. And then I’m forced to admit that I don’t always feel brave at the time and on some of those days I find myself in the mirror, rallying for the departures. “I lived in Korea for a year. I can handle this foreign situation where I know no one. I will not get lost! The food will be great.” Easy peasy.
LEFT Photo by Tia Johnson BOTTOM RIGHT Photo by Tia Johnson BOTTOM LEFT Photo by Tia Johnson
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outside of your comfort zone and try something new. So, I put together a few. You aren’t relying on others. The road is all about self-reliance. From the moment you step onto that plane, boat or train— and that’s no small thing—it forces you to be stronger, bolder and more vigilant. You’ll get some help along the way, but the airline isn’t responsible for you making your flights on time. The hotel doesn’t book your reservations and the taxi driver can only go where you direct him. That’s all on you. It’s in those moments, an extra boost of adrenaline surges through you and you become a slightly different person. An adventurer. A hero. Every small venture and every decision is spontaneous. Solo travel challenges you to step outside of your comfort zone. Humans are creatures of comfort. Our preferred state is one of minimal anxiety and stress. How can we expect to evolve in our lives and careers if we only stick to habit and routine? Taking risks is
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what helps us grow, so you pack some of the most important parts of your life into a small bag and a suitcase and go out venturing alone. You’ll learn to be okay with eating, flying and sleeping alone... Or become really great at charming strangers to do those things with you. You’ll wander streets alone. And get lost. And then find your way again. There is no learning without some difficulty and fumbling. If you want to keep on learning, you must keep on risking failure—all your life. Being alone makes you more open to discovery. One of the scariest (and greatest) things about seeing the world through an open mind is that you make yourself vulnerable. Opening up your mind to new ideas allows you the opportunity to change what you think and how you view the world. Far off from the opinions of others subconsciously (and sometimes directly) shaping your point of view. It’s easier to recognize the internal shifts when the external demands have been removed. You get in touch with your #1.
LIFESTYLE
Our prefererred state is one of minimal anxiety and stress. How can we expect to evolve in our lives and careers if we only stick to habit and routine? You’re never more aware of your own thoughts, feelings and desires than when you are alone. You don’t have to make any compromises. There’s no one to plant seeds of doubt or dissuade you from testing boundaries or to push you into situations you may not be comfortable with. You are immersed in your travels, and by extension, your self-discovery. You control your own experience.
T
ia Johnson is the Charlotte blogger behind Just Her Car-
ryon. Just Her Carryon is a Southern luxury travel and lifestyle blog
TOP LEFT Photo by Tia Johnson CENTER Photo by Tia Johnson
dedicated to logging frequent flyer miles with minimal baggage. You’ll find travel tips, restaurant reviews, hotel and product recommendations and destination inspiration.
Solo travel at its core is pretty self-indulgent. And rightly so. You are free to do the things that interest you, at your own speed and comfort. You don’t have to acquiesce to anyone else’s whims. The stakes have been lowered because you only have to worry about keeping yourself happy. The more you travel alone, the more likely you are to feel that you can tackle any challenge with composure intact. Your mistakes are your own. But... So are your successes. After a while, you’ll get in the habit of being the narrator of your own journey.
Just Her Carryon is the travel guide for college educated, career-oriented women (and men) living the 9 to 5 life and start cashing in their vacation time to explore the world. CONNECT WITH TIA on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest!
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A Love Letter For The One Who Falls Fast And Hard Written by Isis Nezbeth, Photo by Sherry Zhu
Hey, you. First things first… keep your head up. There is nothing to be ashamed about. There are a few people on this Earth who occupy hearts that are bigger than their entire bodies. There are a few people on this Earth who have the ability to care for people who don’t even care for themselves. There are a few people on this Earth who deserve to have the love of a lifetime. That person is you. It’s me, too. We’re just alike, see? I fall for people really, really fucking quickly. You want to know the craziest thing about that is though? My feelings are seriously genuine--even in such a short period
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of time! I have some friends who think it is impossible for my feelings to be so genuine so quickly, but I know you can feel me on what I’m about to say. I look at it like this. I know what I want out of a relationship. I know what I can give in a relationship. Most importantly, I know I give every relationship I’m in my all. When I meet someone who says those same things, I trust them. Yes, it’s vulnerable. Yes, it’s risky. But I don’t care. It doesn’t scare me from trying because I know when I find the real thing, it’ll all be worth it. It’s all good. I’m prepared for that. You feel me, right? Another way I bet we’re alike is although I fall fast and hard, I don’t waste my damn time. My
DAT I NG
time is precious and it’s borrowed. I’m not about to let anyone take advantage of what little time I am allowed here on Earth. Yes, many believe that the man finds the woman and that’s all fine and dandy, but I’ve got to be where he can find me, right? I want to spend the majority of that time drowning in the love of my babies and my husband and in order to do that, I’ve got to stumble upon my husband sooner than later. All that to say, even though I take the risk and fall fast and hard, when I see that it’s not working and/or not what I want... I end it. I don’t drag things out for the hell of it. I respect both his time and mine. It’s a rule of thumb for me. So, what’s fast? Fast will be a different time length for just about everyone--especially the people who think anything faster than 3 months or so is too fast.
You know what works for you and what hasn’t. You know how long it takes for you to develop feelings for someone. Listen to yourself. Trust your heart. It’s not always going to look like what other people have told you it would, but as long as you’re willing to take the risk, I think you should. If I can be honest, my heart has always told me when I’ve mistaken bad for good and like for love. I learn from the experiences and do my best not to make the same mistake twice. Nevertheless, it doesn’t stop me from getting back out there and I encourage you to adopt the same mindset. So might I propose a toast to the lover in you? To the fearless, hopeful, eager romantic that takes the risk every time it appears--may love be true to you, good for you, and never done with you.
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T’S A BRAND new year and time waits for no man (or woman), so let’s be more respectful of others’ time, eh? #WasteHisTime2018 #WasteHerTime2018--these are real hashtags. I’m serious. Go look it up if you don’t believe me. I mean, are we serious? What seemed to have been a joke (or least I’m praying it is one) has now become a trending hashtag where people literally tell other people ways to waste someone’s time. Honestly y’all… It’s time to buckle down and grow up. If you know you don’t have any intentions on being serious with the person you’re seeing, let go of them. What kind of person do you have to be to intentionally lead someone on and waste their time. Clearly you don’t watch enough lifetime. That kind of stuff will have someone trying to take you out--for good. Not everyone is interested in being in a relationship full of empty promises and no progression. If you can’t think of what else you can do instead of wasting their time, here are a few ideas to get you going. 1. Find a hobby. 2. Learn how to do something new.
30-SOMETHING WAYS TO AVOID
3. Actually do the thing you learned how to do. 4. Spend more time with your friends. 5. Spend more time with your family. 6. Spend more time with yourself.
W A S T I N G
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DAT I NG 7. Learn something new about yourself.
25. Explore the outdoors.
8. Reevaluate yourself.
26. Get a pet or plant.
9. Figure out what you don’t want.
27. Take really good care of that pet or plant.
10. Eliminate the things in your life that are holding you back.
28. Write.
11. Identify your true desires.
29. Go out with friends.
12. Create a plan to achieve them.
30. Clean out your car.
13. Work out.
31. Volunteer
14. Binge watch TV.
32. Take your younger siblings for a treat.
15. Build a meaningful friendship with someone
33. Cook your parents dinner.
16. Travel.
34. Google something you’ve always wanted to know the answer to.
17. Invest.
35. Deep clean your face.
18. Change your wardrobe.
36. Pamper yourself.
19. Reorganize your living space.
37. Take a long bubble bath.
20. Read a book.
So, there you have it. You can do pretty much anything to avoid wasting someone’s time. Remember, this was just to get you started… the options are endless as long as you commit to one thing and one thing only. Please don’t waste anyone else’s time.
21. Read a good book. 22. Find a couple comfort foods and keep them on hand. 23. “Take care of yourself” instead of confusing someone else just for sex.
TOP LEFT Photo by Tanja Heffner BOTTOM RIGHT Photo by Whoislimos
24. Find a mentor.
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RESOLUTIONS EVERY MILLENIAL SHOULD ACHIEVE THIS YEAR Written by Isis Nezbeth, Photo by Carlos Dominguez
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LIFESTYLE
You want to know something that really sets me off every year at this time of year? I cannot stand the people who feel the need to discourage others from making New Year’s Resolutions. The idea that the start of a new year is the perfect time to set some new personal goals makes perfect sense to me. Most people who discourage the ‘new year, new me’ mantra argue that those same goals could have been set earlier in the year and that the new year doesn’t change anything but the date, however I disagree. The new year is a new start for any small or large goal you want to set for yourself and I encourage everyone to see it as such. The new year just brings about a fresh mindset and gives you that extra boost of motivation you can’t normally seem to muster up. It’s a humbling time when you should look back on the previous year and be able to think of at least one thing you want to do better in the upcoming year. Personally, I am constantly working to improve myself and I encourage anyone I consider a friend to do the same. We can all do better in 2018. Here are a few easy resolutions every millennial should achieve in the new year. To spend more time with loved ones
ABOVE Sandy dunes of the deadliest deserts of all the deserts
It’s important to spend time with your family on more than just the holidays if you have access to them. If you don’t, even a weekly phone call goes a long way! You’d be surprised at what maintaining a healthy relationship with your loved ones can do for your emotional and
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mental health.
To Improve At Least One Thing About Yourself
To Use Your Phone Less
Good for you! You’re already doing this by identifying with anything on this list. If you can’t find something here, just do your best to identify one area of your life you want to improve. You can do it!
The majority of us are literally addicted to the apps on our phone. Every 10 to 15 minutes we’re picking it up checking for notifications, using it to scroll through our news feeds to go to sleep and in the mornings before we get out of bed. Cutting back on phone time wouldn’t do any harm. To Remove Anything That Doesn’t Make You Happy Life is short and you should spend it doing things that make you happy. That job, those toxic friends, being in an unhappy relationship--all of it has to go. Yes, you have to make rational decisions, but with hard work you can begin to make the changes that allow you to live your best life! To End Toxic Relationships I mention it twice because it is that important. You have to do yourself the favor of getting rid of toxic relationships. If the bad outweigh the good, if you’re truly unhappy, if nothing good is coming of it… LET. IT. GO! There is absolutely ZERO benefit to maintaining a relationship with someone who means your soul no good. Free yourself!
To Be Healthier I’m not just talking about physical health. Although that is very important too, let us all be mentally and spiritually healthier in 2018. If we can manage that, the rest will surely follow. To Pursue Your Dreams By now it shouldn’t be hard to see that what is seen as “talent” these days differs in the eyes of others. Believe in yourself and go after that dream your heart keeps calling out for. Hopefully you already have people in your life that are encouraging you to do this, but if they won’t I will. What’s the worst that could happen? Start today! To Love Others The Way You Want To Be Loved We need more humanity in the world today. Let it start with those of us who have a true desire to be better daily. It’s the Golden Rule of Life and we should abide by it as often as we can. LEFT Photo by Jazmin Quaynor RIGHT Photo by Javier Allegue Barros
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Dream in color
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5 SIMPLE WAYS TO RELAX IN 10 MINUTES Written by Isis Nezbeth
As much as most of us would like to relax by way of a massage and candlelight--not all the time does it work out that way. It’s 2018 and the era of the independent woman has been upon us for quite some time now. As a passionate entrepreneur, I include myself in this particular group of the ‘strong and independent’. It’s always been a part of my nature. It’s great to be an independent working woman. Many of us women have very little difficulty carrying out the expectations and responsibilities of such an independent woman. The difficult part is knowing when to take the ‘S’ off our chests and to succumb to a little me time. All work and no play isn’t good for anyone, but failing to take a moment to relax can be detrimental to your character and your spirit. I can’t stress enough the importance of taking a moment to be in the moment and relax. Although I’m referencing a working woman here, the need to relax is in all of us--female, male, working, or not. We’ve all had a bad day, had that godforsaken ex we can’t get off our brains, felt the pressures of adulthood, felt lonely, or just got to a point where we needed a damn break. If you can’t book a day at the spa (join the club) and try these 5 simple ways to relax yourself in just 10 minutes or less! Prayer and meditation Growing up my mom always told her
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LIFESTYLE children, “If you’re going to pray, don’t worry. If you’re going to worry, don’t pray.” That has stuck with me since the very first time she said it to me. Honestly, it is convicting for me to worry about things I’ve asked God to take care of. It keeps me strong in my faith. Ultimately, there is nothing more settling and mindrelieving for me than giving my stress to God. If you’re not religious, meditation is just as soothing to the soul. Just having the opportunity to completely clear your mind of everything. Focusing on nothing but positive energy and the things you want most makes a world of difference in your spirit. The best part about this form of relaxation is that it can take place practically anywhere and it doesn’t take long to let go of whatever has you bound. A fresh cup of coffee I may be all alone on this one, but honestly, I’m okay with that. Having coffee is one of my favorite parts of the day. I usually combine it with thinking over my tasks and goals for the day. Still, there’s something about having the coffee that makes that time very calming, instead of allowing myself to be overwhelmed by what I’d like to accomplish. Once I’ve downed my (first) cup of coffee--and yes, I do so in under 10 minutes--I’m feeling motivated to get started on my day and possibly another cup! A kiss from the sun Who doesn’t love the joy of sunlight? You would be surprised at how much influence the sun can have on your attitude. If you need to relax, try stepping outside on a sunny day and just allowing
the sunlight to kiss your skin. Take a couple of deep breaths of the fresh air. If you’re able to, take a short walk. If you’re unable to go outside, you can still open the blinds and let the sun shine in on you that way! You can even combine all three of the relaxation methods we’ve discussed so far for ultimate relaxation! A solid quickie Yes, sex. Yes, in under ten minutes. Now, this will obviously need to be done in the comfort of your own home, but it is still an amazing way to relax and again, it can definitely get the job done in ten minutes. For some, it might take you and your partner longer than ten minutes to get there, but I’m sure you’ll be feeling very relaxed way before that initial 10 minutes is up. If you’re not seeing anyone currently, don’t shy away from masturbation. It’s normal and the relaxation comes from getting off and you don’t need a partner to get ‘er done! Your go-to feel good tunes Of course you knew I was going to say music! The melody of the soul. I know I’m not telling you anything new by saying that the healing powers of music are indescribable. If relaxation is the goal, music can surely do the trick. Queue up your favorite songs and let it take you away from anything that might be affecting your spirit in a negative manner. Don’t forget, listening to music can be paired with any of the relaxation methods I mentioned above! Let your hair down, Superwoman. Take a break... you earned it.
TOP LEFT Photo by Jens Lindner BOTTOM RIGHT Photo by Garett Mizunaka TOP RIGHT Photo by Guilherme Mizunaka
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one last thing.
Photo by Rosie Kerr
A final note of encouragement until we read again. There’s just one last thing before you
go. Please help me appreciate everyone who allowed this issue of the magazine to be successful, pat yourself on the back for being one of the most incredible supporters any dreamer could ask for, and a slight tip of the hat to me for keeping my dream alive. I can’t wait for all that is to come over the year, I just ask that you stick around to see it happen. We’ll end each issue with a small note of positivity until we meet each other back for the next issue. For the month of January, I leave you with a quote from Henry Ford that many
may be familiar with. It has impacted me since the day I heard the simple phrase, “whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” For so long I talked about releasing this magazine, but I allowed myself to think about the things I didn’t know how to do or didn’t feel capable of doing and I held myself back. Finally something clicked and I believed in my dream just that much more to get up off my ass and learn how to get it done. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have enjoyed presenting it to you. Please, connect with me online @GoddessColumn. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts. Until we read again...
Isis Nezbeth