Abuser Quotes

“In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure no one listens.”
― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror

“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”
― Elie Wiesel

“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her. Friends say: “He treats you that way because he can get away with it. I would never let someone treat me that way.” But she knows that the times when she puts her foot down the most firmly, he responds by becoming his angriest and most intimidating. When she stands up to him, he makes her pay for it—sooner or later. Friends say: “Leave him.” But she knows it won’t be that easy. He will promise to change. He’ll get friends and relatives to feel sorry for him and pressure her to give him another chance. He’ll get severely depressed, causing her to worry whether he’ll be all right. And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will become dangerous when she tries to leave him. She may even be concerned that he will try to take her children away from her, as some abusers do.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to selfishness. Verbal explosions when he is irritated or when he doesn’t get his way. Her grievances constantly turned around on her, so that everything is her own fault. His growing attitude that he knows what is good for her better than she does. And, in many relationships, a mounting sense of fear or intimidation. But the woman also sees that her partner is a human being who can be caring and affectionate at times, and she loves him. She wants to figure out why he gets so upset, so that she can help him break his pattern of ups and downs. She gets drawn into the complexities of his inner world, trying to uncover clues, moving pieces around in an attempt to solve an elaborate puzzle.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. An abuser’s friends may think the world of him. He may have a successful work life and have no problems with drugs or alcohol. He may simply not fit anyone’s image of a cruel or intimidating person. So when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it is unlikely to occur to her that her partner is an abuser.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“In situations of captivity the perpetrator becomes the most powerful person in the life of the victim, and the psychology of the victim is shaped by the actions and beliefs of the perpetrator.”
― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror

“An abuser isn't abusive 24/7. They usually demonstrate positive character traits most of the time. That's what makes the abuse so confusing when it happens, and what makes leaving so much more difficult.”
― Miya Yamanouchi

“Domestic violence is any behavior involving physical, psychological, emotional, sexual or verbal abuse. It is any form of aggression intended to hurt, damage, or kill an intimate person.”
― Asa Don Brown

“i have bruises
no one can see
i am hurting
but i’ll just smile”
― R.H. Sin, Algedonic

“the hardest part is forgiving people
who were never truly sorry”
― R.H. Sin, Algedonic

“The problem with depicting abusers as full-time monsters is that when a person is actually experiencing abuse in their own life, they'll think "oh but he's the sweetest guy most of the time so he can't be an abuser " or "but he's not ALWAYS horrible, he's usually amazing, so he's not an abuser", and they'll make the mistake of thinking they mustn't really be being abused when they actually are.”
― Miya Yamanouchi

“Until this point Tiffany had assumed that abusers... must live in denial. If not, how could they go on? How could you hurt or degrade a person when you were fully cognisant of what you were doing? Well, it turned out you could...”
― Stephen King, Sleeping Beauties

“Be aware of children who may be living in a domestically violent home.”
― Asa Don Brown

“It is essential that children who are directly or indirectly affected by domestic violence receive psychological care.”
― Asa Don Brown

“We're so afraid of being hurt that we become the abuser first.”
― Alaric Hutchinson, Living Peace: Essential Teachings For Enriching Life

“Behind every man alive and kicking, there is a woman. Behind every woman abused and killed, there is a man.”
― Abhijit Naskar, Aşk Mafia: Armor of The World

“It is seldom that domestic violence is an isolated episode; rather it is comprised of a number of episodes over an extended period of time.”
― Asa Don Brown

“We must never perpetuate abuse by protecting the abuser. We must expose any abuse, in order to protect the abused.”
― Gift Gugu Mona

“It is his actions that are causing me to consider leaving him. He is responsible for the hurt he feels as a result of his behavior. It is not selfish to protect myself from harm.”
― Joanna V Hunter

“An emotional abuser doesn’t necessarily see their abuse as abusive. They can see it as “trying to help.” Therein lies the toxicity.”
― Nitya Prakash

“i paid in blood to be here. i paid with a childhood littered with bigger
monsters than you. i’ve been beaten into a silence more times than i’ve been
embraced on this earth. you haven’t seen what i’ve seen. my rock bottom
went so deep i’m pretty sure it was hell. i spent a decade climbing out of it.
my hands blistered. my feet swelled. my mind said i can’t take it anymore. i
told my mind you better get yourself together. we came here for joy. and we
are going to feel all of it. i’ve been hunted. killed. and walked back to earth. i
snapped the neck off every beast that thought it could. and you want to take
my seat. the one i built with the story of my life. honey. you won’t fit. i
juggle clowns like you. i pick my teeth with fools like you for fun. i have
played and slept and danced with bigger devils”
― Rupi Kaur, Home Body

“most nights
he’s undeserving
of any space
in your mind”
― R.H. Sin, Algedonic

“a man who apologizes
for things he’ll never stop doing
doesn’t love you
he doesn’t deserve you”
― R.H. Sin, Algedonic

“aren’t you tired
of needing things
from those who are incapable
of providing the things you need”
― R.H. Sin, Algedonic

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I don’t mean to mock. It’s just so typical, you know? That way he’d berate himself to make you feel sorry for him.”
My head tips back as though the weight of my brain has suddenly changed. He did do that. He did it all the time. I'm not sure I've ever summed him up so neatly.”
― Kate Elizabeth Russell, My Dark Vanessa

“Domestic violence is just as much a quality-of-life and liberty for community, social, and legal attention to support mental, emotional, health, wellness & physical safety as any other epidemic outbreak; only this illness has an anger managed, self-controlled, personal boundary-respecting, and accountability-subjective cure!”
― Tracey Bond

“The verbal abuse evolved into the keyboard fighting”
― Tamerlan Kuzgov

“A man beats a woman who becomes a man.”
― Tamerlan Kuzgov

“While calling 911 for a police supervisor is no guarantee that it will deescalate a toxic police officer, it does make it much harder for the abuser to continue to elevate the situation.”
― Steven Magee