Talk:Raiden Shogun/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Bluecrystal004 (talk · contribs) 01:32, 23 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I can take a look at this one during the holidays! Ping me here or on Discord after 7 days if I haven't posted a review. ~Bluecrystal004^{(talk · contribs)} 01:32, 23 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Stability -

Copyright/images -

Earwig
The infobox image rationale still talks about the game's cover art, instead of the character art
Raiden Shogun Cooking Meme.png
- Non-replaceable: the rationale doesn't actually justify why this isn't replaceable with an image of the same encyclopedic value
- Minimal use: makes mention of MiHoYo, but not the copyright holder listed in the rationale template, which is Kitchen Nightmares

Infobox -

Lead -

...of the game's Inazuma setting. - maybe "region" is a clearer word
...they originally act as... -> ...she originally acts as... because she's the subject of this sentence (She consists of...)

She has also been discussed in regards to some of the better and worst aspects of the game's story - I don't actually know at all what this is intended to mean
...though with some criticisms of its own... - at least remove "of its own" which doesn't make sense, possibly something like ...but there has been criticism aimed at...

Conception and creation -

...bluish purple hair that forms a long hair down her back... - should be rephrased from "forms a long hair"
...she portrayed the "Shogun" aspect "cold and unemotional, but not emotionless" and "not a robot". - add "as" between "aspect" and the quotes

Appearances -

The actual "Baal" is revealed to be Raiden Shogun... - not the actual Baal, but the fake Baal
...after attempting to chooses to adopt... - grammatical error, probably removing "to chooses" is best
...decides to repeal her policies, adoption a more forward-thinking governance... - adoption -> adopting

...obtained by inviting to a card duel... - inviting her
"make her sound like a Queen from nowhere in particular." - prefer paraphrasing this quote

Promotion and reception -

...a polearm called "Engulfing Lightning," to acquire. - the "to acquire" is ungrammatical, I assume it means players could explore her story and get her weapon; maybe along with allowing players to obtain...

Might be good to mention when she was released as a playable character
...comments followed regarding her animations, in particular her sword draw animation where the blade is manifested from her exposed cleavage, with mixed reactions. - I would suggest moving the "with mixed reactions" up to replace the start, something like After her reveal trailer, mixed reactions followed regarding her animations, ...
...her inability to cook, resulting resulted in... - rm doubled word

"one of the most realistic portrayals of grief that I have seen in years." - prefer paraphrasing of this quote

The paper Preliminary study into the Genshin impact's aesthetics... - paper title should be in quotes not italics
...suggested that large breasts "sensual figure" were designed to play a large part of her appeal... - kind of doesn't make sense, maybe removing either "large breasts" or "sensual figure" will make more sense?
...within that country... - redundant, remove

In September 2021, a week after Raiden Shogun was released, - was it in the whole month, or a week after her release?
...far exceeding the monthly revenue in August. - the game's total monthly revenue?
In March, 2022, the Shogun's banner saw a rerun... - does "the Shogun" refer to Raiden Shogun? It seems an unusual phrasing but not wrong I guess

References -

Will do a spotcheck in the coming days.

@Kung Fu Man: My initial thoughts are here; I'll do a source spotcheck within the next couple days. ~Bluecrystal004^{(talk · contribs)} 20:32, 29 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]