Take initiative in plotting out a summer of fun

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a younger woman and I have a middle-aged lover who owns a boat. The one big thing this guy and I agree on is plenty of lovemaking, which he’s good at — surprisingly great for his age.

He told me his last girlfriend told him he was a young man hiding in an old man’s body. I sure hope so. It can get tedious always hanging out on a boat. Then I just found out last weekend that he’s also the type who loves to sit by the lake and read war stories half the day. Boring.

I’m going to want to play golf and badminton with him, go out to eat and explore different beaches. Is there any thing I can do to wake this guy up to having better kinds of fun this summer?

— Thinking Ahead, on Lake Winnipeg

Dear Thinking Ahead: Tell this man honestly how you feel — that you’re restless and need a program of activities to do with (and without) him. If he says, “Like what?” roll out a list of options you’ve put together (use pamphlets and online tourist information if you need more ideas).

Whether you’re docked or on the water, be a fun program director for the two of you with lots of ideas.

After a while, boating people will know you and know you love to explore. They will give you lots of suggestions, so you’ll need a fat notebook at the ready to get all the details. Asking them for their experiences at different spots will help you to make new friends of them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I bought a little cottage last winter near my favourite lake with an inheritance from a relative who was very close to me. I came up with a renovation plan for it, and I worked on it with helpers on weekends.

Working on the cottage got rid of my sadness after the death and it made me happy again.

Then along came fate and I met another cottager up there. We started seeing each other and getting close — falling in love. We often had sleepovers at her all-season cabin. A few weekends ago we woke up together on Saturday morning, and she said, without thinking, “Why don’t you just sleep at my cottage all the time and consider living here? You could just sell your cabin and make some money.”

I raised my voice and told her she didn’t understand what the cottage meant to me. I said I would never sell it and then I stomped out the door. I know I hurt her feelings.

Now I’m working on my cottage with my friends and that beautiful woman and I are not talking because I rejected her offer so rudely.

I miss her but I do not want to move in with her. What to do?

— Confused New Cabin Owner, Whiteshell

Dear Lonely and Confused: This woman didn’t understand the importance to you of bringing that cottage back to life. Or maybe she thought the offer to move in with her would be so exciting that you would just drop your tools and forget about your place.

Why not fill her in on how you really feel about the cabin and also tell her honestly how you feel about her personally? You might get some completely unexpected reactions — more positive than you think.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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