Funny Quotes

The lizard looks up and says “Hey, what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint. Come up and join me.” So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey, and they have another joint. After a while, the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the...

Top funny quotes. Laugh with some of the best quotations and funny sayings! I just realized that people are prisoners of their phones.

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You might remember HipDict, the crowdsourced dictionary that defines what we’re really saying when we use everyday words, or maybe you’re already following it. The account on Instagram is still going strong with over 2 million followers and enough submissions to post every day.

Sharing the best funny quotes with friends is a sure way to brighten both of your days.

Three brothers each marry a woman. The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her: “When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.” He didn’t see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and tidy. The second brother married...

If you're like most people, you respond with "Good" when someone asks how you're doing. Spice things up with witty and funny responses.

A very sick woman on her sick bed said to her husband: Honey if I die, how long would it take you before you marry a another wife...?!

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