When most of us think of tantric sex, we think of long, slow, passionate sex that lasts for hours. (Remember the couple who claimed they could make their orgasms last 18 hours?!) Dating back to 7th-century India and Tibet, the practice entails bringing a new level of awareness and connection to your sex sessions—and it's getting some heightened attention in the Netflix documentary series (Un)Well, which premiered Aug. 12. If you watched the documentary—or you've just always dreamed of doing it like Sting—and you have some questions, here's what to know about tantric sex.
What is tantric sex?
Tantric sex derives from Tantra, an ancient set of esoteric texts, rituals, and principles that promote spirituality and self-actualization. It can somewhat difficult to definitively define Tantra, because it's an accumulation of practices and ideas, and different groups practice and interpret Tantra in various ways.
“Tantric sex is a way to heighten and transform consciousness and one’s entire being," says Candice Leigh, Tantra coach and founder of Naked Yoga Therapy. She continues, “It’s a style of engaging in intimate or sexual connection in an authentic way, embracing every thought, emotion, limitation, and wave of pleasure with an attention to the present moment and a sense of surrendered patience.”
“Much of what people refer to in the West as Tantra, is actually 'neo' or 'new tantra,' which focuses on intimacy and connection, healing trauma, overcoming physical and emotional blocks to pleasure, and finding new ways to communicate and have healthier interpersonal relationships,” Leigh says.
How do you practice tantric sex?
Tantric sex has a mindfulness element that not only grounds you in the present moment, but connects you to your partner. “What differentiates tantric sex from other forms of sex is the awareness, sacredness, and diligent focus of directing one’s sexual energy in a thoughtful way or exchanging such energies with a partner,” Leigh says.
Tantric sex doesn’t have the same success-driven mindset of sex in Western cultures, Leigh explains. It’s not orgasm-based, like it is often here. Nevertheless, tantric sex can be used to enhance orgasms. “The ‘goal’ of tantric sex is to enjoy the journey, to explore pleasure for pleasure’s sake, and to surrender into an ocean of erotic unknown mystery.”
There’s no single way to engage in tantric sex, but there are a few key practices you can try, including eye gazing, PC squeezes (a.k.a. Kegels) conscious breath work, and rhythmic movements while in coitus (undulating together).
Eye gazing: “In tantra, we use eye gazing as the gateway into the soul,” Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century, previously told Cosmo. “It puts you into a deep, altered state with someone.” That’s why sex positions like doggy style aren’t tantric sex positions; you need a position where you can gaze deeply into your partner’s eyes.
Breathing: Deep breathing during sex will help you to feel more relaxed and present with your partner.
Undulating: According to Leigh, moving your body helps stimulate the flow of sexual energy, and when you move in sync with your partner, your energies can become one. Internal muscle control (PC or Kegel control) can also help to move sexual energy through your body.
Whether or not you experience the purported effects of tantric sex through these practices, they can't hurt to try! Breathing is among the first things therapists teach patients to be present. Eye contact, as we all know, can be very powerful and lead to a deeper connection. Strengthening your PC muscles for stronger orgasms is something we’ve written about time and time again. And as for slowing down sex? Yes, duh. You should do that and be less focused on the orgasm, more on the journey. Step up your foreplay game, my dudes.
Does tantric sex have any proven health benefits?
According to Leigh, tantric sex can potentially “increase pleasure capacity, strengthen your immune system, help with mild depression, anxiety, and stress, and alter brain chemistry—with higher levels of serotonin, DHEA, and testosterone.”
As for scientific data to back that up, there have been few empirical studies that look at the scientific benefits of tantric sex. This 82-page master’s thesis published in 2018 states: “To date, there is a complete absence of empirical research concerning the purported effects of tantric sex.”
But even though there's a lack of hard evidence when it comes to the benefits of tantric sex, there aren't any downsides either—besides potentially creeping out your partner with prolonged, intense eye contact the entire time you're in bed together. So if it sounds like something you'd be interested in, go ahead and give it a try!
