I'm Zachary Zane, a sex writer, author, and ethical Boyslut (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I'm very, very open about it). Over the years, I've had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. In doing so, I've learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and many other places, TBH). I'm here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn't just "communicate with your partner" because you know that already. Ask me anything—literally, anything—and I will gladly Sexplain It.

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Dear Sexplain It,

My roommate keeps on hitting on/hitting up my friends and fuck buddies and making them uncomfortable. How do I ask him to stop?

— Frustrated Roommate

Dear Frustrated Roommate,

I once had a roommate who got drunk and did the same exact thing. In fact, I was on a date with a guy at our place, and when I returned from the bathroom, I saw the two of them making out. I was stunned. I remember watching it for a minute, being like, “Huh? Okay…” Once the initial shock and confusion wore off, I said, “All right, that’s enough. We’re going to head to my room.” My date apologized profusely—he'd thought it was a threesome-type deal. (We had met an orgy, so his logic wasn't actually absurd.) I explained that I wasn’t upset with him, but I was with my roommate.

The next morning, I had an uncomfortable and blunt talk with my roommate. Here’s roughly what I said—and I recommend you say something similar to your roommate:

“Hey, I want to talk about last night. I really don’t feel comfortable with you hitting on my dates, or for that matter, my friends, which I know you’ve done as well. I’ve spoken about it to my friends, and it makes them uncomfortable, too. They don’t feel like they can say no because you’re my roommate.”

I’ll never forget his response. He replied, “I’m sorry, but what was I supposed to do? He was just sitting there, all alone. How could I not kiss him?” I gave him the biggest fucking death stare. He continued, “Okay, sorry. I won’t do it again.”

The thing is, I (and you) are so unequivocally in the right. It’s not like, “Oh, I see both sides to this.” What fucking side is his position? Was he raised in a barn? Does he have no goddamn manners or sense of how to conduct himself in the world? What he’s doing is ridiculous. He has zero ground to stand on. That’s why I think a short and blunt conversation is all you need to have.

If he continues aggressively messaging your fuck buddies and friends and no number of firm talks are changing his behavior, then, unfortunately, you’re going to have to move out and find another roommate. In the meantime, warn your friends and partners about his behavior and let them know that they can just block or not respond to any of his messages.