Feature
The Top 10 Worst Consoles
These things couldn't win a battle, let alone a war.
By: Scott Sharkey August 10, 2011
Lynx
Atari's Lynx was undeniably ahead of its time. It was first handheld to feature a color LCD screen and it launched the same year as Nintendo's pea soup monochrome Game Boy. Unfortunately, it also cost twice as much, looked and felt like a brick, chewed through batteries like candy, and never built up anything remotely resembling the avalanche of hype Nintendo's little box acquired. Unlike every other console on this list, however, the Lynx was arguably superior to its competitors. Even Sega's Game Gear eclipsed the Lynx in sales, despite its then-higher price, smaller screen, and even worse battery life.
The Lynx makes its way onto this list not because of any of its own inherent shortcomings, but simply because it was never popular. It never had a killer app like the Game Boy did with Tetris, or popular licenses like Game Gear did with Sonic, and its library of games was tiny compared to either. Its atypical architecture probably didn't help. Anybody could knock something together for the Game Boy's nearly universal Z80 processor, and it was easy to port games from the Master System to Game Gear given that they were essentially identical. There really wasn't much wrong with the Lynx, but it ended up as a footnote anyway.
Atari 5200
The product of Atari's weirdly schizoid development schedule, the 5200 was essentially a stripped down incarnation of Atari's older 400/800 computers, which were themselves originally conceived as a successor to the 2600 back in 1978. It was obsolete when it came out the door in 1982, featured a non-centering joystick that's frequently recognized as one of the worst controllers ever made, and most unforgivably, didn't feature any backwards compatibility with the 2600's immense library of games even though competitors like the Intellivision already did.
Atari never properly supported the system after launch, producing far more games for the 2600, and support was completely withdrawn just in time for the big videogame crash of '84. Its successor, the vastly superior 7800 was ready by then, but its release was delayed an additional two years until it too was behind the curve. The treatment the 5200 received stands to this day as an ideal model of how to completely and utterly botch a console launch. Poor old thing.
Jaguar
Not even naming a console after a vicious animal could save it when it was obsolete coming out of the gate, had a whole two games that didn't suck, was stuck with an ad campaign centered entirely around insulting the intelligence of prospective buyers, and was graced with a controller which resembled half of a waffle iron mated with an 80s cellphone. Also, it probably didn't help that its CD add-on made the thing resemble nothing so much as a tiny black toilet. Anyone looking to make the point that a console's quality is inversely proportional to the awesomeness of its name need look no further than the Jag. It actually enjoyed some success later in life when the molds for its casing were used to make housings for dental cameras. No, really. That happened.
CD-I
The Phillips Compact Disc Interactive was just never a part of the clique. It always felt like the console equivalent of someone's dad trying to convince his kid's friends that he too was a hip and righteous dude. Once upon a time Phillips and Nintendo had a weird falling out over the possible production of a CD drive for the Super NES. Phillips took their ball, went home, and turned that ball into an absolute abortion of a console that they then tried to sell to your parents through tedious infomercials on late-night TV. It was almost clever, the way it resembled a more serious piece of AV equipment and its TV remote-style controller anticipated the cross-generational accessibility of Nintendo's Wii remote. Except, well, the whole rig was slow and gutless, the games almost universally sucked, and that supposedly unintimidating controller was complete and utter bullshit for actually playing games. On the plus side, part of the fizzled deal with Nintendo meant Phillips got to produce a handful of titles using the Mario and Zelda licenses, which have since gone down in history as some of the most hilariously godawful games ever made.
Virtual Boy
Oh, the quaint 90s obsession with virtual reality. I like to think that there's an alternate reality somewhere where we're all flying through digital vistas, hacking databases by shooting neon lasers at them and having improbable sex with illegally downloaded celebrity replicas. Meanwhile, in the real world, VR turned out to be something that involved putting your face inside a lump of plastic the size of a suitcase until you either got bored or the disorientation made you throw up. An unmitigated disaster for Nintendo, and a burden on retailers who just couldn't move the silly things despite repeated price cuts, the VB has since become something of a collector's item, much to the annoyance of those of us who didn't grab a truckload of the things when they were marked down to fifteen bucks. The ill-conceived device also stands as a sad capstone on Gunpei Yokoi's otherwise brilliant career with Nintendo, who cruelly heaped the blame for the entire debacle squarely on his shoulders.
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Comments (160)
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R-Zone
Posted: Dec 01, 2012 12:00AM PST by HylianWarrior85
I remember getting an R-Zone for christmas one year. I attempted to play it once and got laughed at by my friends on the school bus. Luckily I got a Genesis the following year with Gunstar Heroes. My parents were awesome lol.
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LOL @ the R-Zone
Posted: Jul 20, 2012 12:00AM PST by s1ash
That thing came out when I was in grade school, and the TV ads for it made it look like the awesomest thing ever. Then I played one that a friend had (in 4th grade you actually looked pretty cool with that thing on your face) and I was like "oh I see..." it was awful and I completely forgot about it till this article. Hilarious.
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Gameboy Vs. Lynx
Posted: Sep 23, 2011 12:00AM PST by Necroserpent
I remember my mom taking me to Toys R Us and having me pick between the original Gameboy or an Atari Lynx. At the time the Lynx looked WAY cooler, but I ended up going with the Gameboy. It had a much larger library of titles and a plethora of accessories (The Illuminator anyone?). I definitly made the right choice.
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wow...
Posted: Sep 13, 2011 12:00AM PST by urbanhispanic
I don't remember hearing anything about the R-Zone or the Pippin back in the days. I guess I was too busy laughing at Virtual Boy and Game.com :P
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i had an Rzone
Posted: Sep 26, 2011 12:00AM PST by KamaSutraMaster
... and i hated it. Used it for one day, most dissapointing Christmas ever lol
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i stole a r-zone from toys-r-us back in the day.
Posted: Sep 12, 2011 12:00AM PST by kittenkilla
just thought i'd share that. see. i was actually doing tiger electronics a favor.
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Were is the Wii on this list?
Posted: Sep 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by Darth_Link
I agree about the Lynx, had some great things going on back then. Just because it did'nt sell boat loads does'nt make it a bad system, just like a system that sells boat loads does not make it great.."cough"/Wii..."cough". Seriously, any system that makes you hate yourself for beliveing the hype and buying one ( I'm guilty of both ), I think qualifies a system to nominated for worst console. I't revoloutionized nothing, just made us realize how much we like standard controllers. Of course the Wii U could be a contender soon for this list.
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Wii wasn't THAT bad
Posted: Sep 18, 2011 12:00AM PST by orinomega
I own a wii and I don't think it quite deserves to make this list. Sure it has its flaws but it does have some decent games. But your not the only one who doesn' care for the wii. Most of my friends have given up on it as well. Actually, the only game I will probably ever play on it again will be skyward sword.
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your expectations need readjustment
Posted: Sep 26, 2011 12:00AM PST by KamaSutraMaster
its your fault that you believed the "hype". I had realistic expectations, and was thrilled with my Wii. Metroid Prime Corruption is one of the best games I have ever played, and it wouldnt have been possible without the Wii remote (and it would have never worked with PS3 motion plus). So, the Wii, in fact, is one of the best consoles of all time. It innovated more than any other console this generation and moved gaming forward. (as evidenced by the poor copy cats which are the motion plus and kinect...)...
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I smell a jackass fanboy
Posted: Dec 19, 2011 12:00AM PST by camerinian
Go back to playing COD you retard. Just becuase the Wii isn't HD (which is what I guess is your massive "problem" with it) doesn't make it a terrible console. If the controller was really THAT bad, then why in the hell would Nintendo's competitors mimic (Kinect) and outright copy it? (PS Move, obviously) Also, the Wii has a massive library of amazing games, (even if the only good 3rd-Party one is Red Steel 2) in the way of Mario Galaxy, Skyward Sword, Smash Bros. Brawl, Metroid Prime 3, Twilight Princess, Donkey Kong Country Returns, Goldeneye, etc. etc. So, in your opinion, a controller that changed the way games can be played + a whole bunch of amazing games = Worst console ever? Something's wrong with that math
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Wii =
Posted: Jun 13, 2012 12:00AM PST by Robolizardwizard
pants + shit
Courtesy of the Mathemagician. You're welcome.
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Why is the Atari Lynx on this list??
Posted: Sep 09, 2011 12:00AM PST by LS650
"The Lynx makes its way onto this list not because of any of its own inherent shortcomings, but simply because it was never popular."
That is one hell of a stupid criteria.
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agreed
Posted: Sep 26, 2011 12:00AM PST by KamaSutraMaster
I guess by that criteria, Phyconauts is one of the worst games ever, not because it wasnt great, but because no one played it... give me a break.
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Why is the Atari Lynx on this list ??
Posted: Sep 08, 2011 12:00AM PST by paleo11
I think you people creating this list made a mistake, puting the Atari Lynx on such a list is very strange indeed. I'm glad you DO recognize that the Lynx was ahead of it's time and admit that the Lynx didn't really have any shortcomings. So the only reason puting the Lynx on this list is just because it never was popular????? Wow! Right, with that logic, cars like Ferrari and Rolls-Royce are shit because they don't sell in big numbers.
People reading this; don't be blinded by lists like this. Go out there and TRY it yourself. Make up your own opinion (that goes for all system listed here!). The Atari Lynx is an awesome little system, with it's backlit color screen and with a impressive libary of fun games! It has a dedicated fanbase. And a lot of homebrew games are still being released for it.
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I remember...
Posted: Sep 08, 2011 12:00AM PST by beauhappyday
... playing the Virtual Boy at a Target in my area. It was difficult to see things in it, and yup, I got a headache playing it after 5 minutes. I always sort of thought displaying everything in red was kind of no fun..
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Goofy FMV Games
Posted: Sep 08, 2011 12:00AM PST by MrGilder
The Pippin was a total goldmine for the goofy FMV games that were all the rage when software on CD was the new thing. I remember a friend of mine had an import system, and we used to get alot of laughs playing bizarre Ultraman FMV games on it.
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Old computer/console
Posted: Sep 08, 2011 12:00AM PST by jzphnx
I owned a Mattel Aquarius way back in the day('83). Did anyone else hear about that system. It had about a dozen or less games, a keyboard with rubber keys on it and controller with six buttons and a circle pad of sorts. Major flop, but as kid, I still had some fun with it. But then I gave it away.
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I thought this was about consoles.....
Posted: Sep 05, 2011 12:00AM PST by Vertigo_Knight
There's some handheld system on here and a virtual boy. I have no idea what you would call a Virtual boy, but I wouldn't call it a console. And I agree with was a previous person earlier that said the Wii should be on here but that will never happen. And it's not because "I'm hating" or anything like that, I just don't see the Wii as that strong of a contender (game wise). I think even in the world of Nintendo consoles and handhelds that the Wii is in last place. I would choose a Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Gamboy Advance before I even think about a Wii.
The Wii's game library is "meh", What happened with Metroid was atrocious, and to be the last company to come out with a system in the next gen era to then be the first to come out with a new system shows they don't even have long lasting trust in its own system. But I guess I'm going to hear nothing but bashing responds now.
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Most *Underrated* Console Ever
Posted: Aug 15, 2011 12:00AM PST by virtually_relevant
The Neo Geo Pocket Color. I still dust it off occasionally just to play Baseball Stars. Great stuff.
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Good Times...
Posted: Aug 14, 2011 12:00AM PST by troylawson
Well how popular were these "consoles" across the Pacific? Have this theory. If Japan is on board with it, meaning if it is popular in Japan, then it is a relatively safe bet it will be in the rest of the world. Nothing set in stone though. I mean the kids in Japan play some wierd games, lets face it. Donkey Kong? Ok so I'm an old fogey, but where did they dig up that name? I had the first Nintendo with the duck hunt, played that for hours, and the glove. The Lynx, bought like 3 games for that. Had fun with that too.
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This is what I hate about mainstream gaming media
Posted: Aug 13, 2011 12:00AM PST by RememberShaqFu?
Whenever any site does a "ten worst consoles" list, they always go for the safe and predictable. There are far worse consoles than they ones on this list, namely the Arcadia 2001, the Odyssey(granted, it was the first home console but it was GARBAGE!), the Odyssey II, FM Towns Marty, and others! I also find it ridiculous that the Atari Lynx is on this list, based on my time with it! That system was so ahead of its time, and actually did have a decent library of games like Dirty Larry, Batman Returns, a fun port of Toki, a competent port of Ninja Gaiden III, and others.
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UGH! Virtual Boy
Posted: Aug 12, 2011 12:00AM PST by atherworld
Tha thing hurt my eyes and gave me a headache after less than 5 minutes of use.
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Odd Thing About The Virtual Boy
Posted: Aug 12, 2011 12:00AM PST by Mr.LametoWatch
When I was a kid, it made me about hurl. I sold it, then eventually got a used one for about $70 more than I paid for a new one back in 1996. Even though my motion sickness got worse with age, the Virtual Boy no longer bothers me. I find the 3DS sometimes makes me feel funny though.
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Don't Forget...
Posted: Aug 12, 2011 12:00AM PST by Mr.LametoWatch
OnLive. They give those things away free all the time when you purchase (I mean, rent) a game from them.
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OnLive...
Posted: Sep 03, 2011 12:00AM PST by Deathwysh
OnLive is actually a great system. Have you tried it out yet?
Yea you don't have a physical copy of the game, but it stays yours forever on their server. The reason they give away the console is because its pretty cheap to make and they make all their money on the difference from their distribution licenses and games sold. Basically, OnLive is the same idea as Valve's Steam service.
In other words:
1. Cheap hardware
2. No framerate drops due to being restricted by a crappy PC
3. You're able to watch anyone's gameplay at any time using the OnLive streaming service
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FAIL
Posted: Aug 12, 2011 12:00AM PST by Mr.LametoWatch
Lynx was more advanced than even the Neo Geo Pocket Color. Virtual Boy does a better job displaying 3D than the 3DS. If you want to add failures, add 3D0 and Adventure Vision. Adventure Vision was a huge, portable LCD style arcade machine with red and black graphics. And 3D0 cost $700 for the same games PCs were pumping out, yet PCs could do more.
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My thoughts
Posted: Aug 12, 2011 12:00AM PST by Sinnthetic
I'm glad I never owned any of these.
Pretty interesting to see though.
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R-ZONE
Posted: Aug 12, 2011 12:00AM PST by Oraka
Man, I had forgotten all about that thing until I read this article. At the time, I was just a dumb little kid and had managed to convince myself that I NEEDED to get one of those things.
I also remember a particularly tricky bit of mental gymnastics whereby my friends and I convinced ourselves that you could get an R-Zone and "you could be wearing it and playing a game and NOBODY WOULD KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING!" As if they wouldn't see you sporting some sort of corrective headgear and holding a controller or whatever in your hand. I guess we thought that if somebody couldn't see the screen, they couldn't claim we were doing anything?
That's some Boo logic or something right there.
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The Game.com
Posted: Aug 12, 2011 12:00AM PST by Captain_Gonru
wasn't quite that bad. Resdient Evil 2 was actually kinda fun, and Fighters Megamix was sweet compared to Mortal Kombat on the Gameboy.
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Bad Game Consonles:CD-I
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by jdog1010dog
One of the worst games consonles ever CD-I bad all over how bad is it that there was like one game on it THAT BAD
My Rateing:1 Out Of 10 BAD
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Lynx Nonsense
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by The_Laird
Its clear the writer of this article has no clue what so ever when it comes to the Lynx.
No killer apps? Well you have STUN Runner for a start and then what about other titles like Blue Lightning, Alpine Games, Battlezone 2000, Zarlor Mercenary . . . . .
Sold really badly??? REALLY??? I would say just under 5 million is pretty good when it was up against cheaper machines and had no Japanese market to rely on. It also outsold the Gamegear in UK and parts of Europe. You really should check your facts in future.
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Still bad? Heavy?
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by The_Laird
Might have been heavy if it was a Lynx 1 with a full set of batteries in it but what do you expect? Batteries are not light are they? The Lynx 2 is a lot lighter than the bigger Lynx 1.
If you thought it was bad then god knows what game you played as the Lynx is widely regarded among retro gamers as having the best good to bad games ratio of any machine out there. Well over 100 games and only about 5 crap ones.
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Jaguar
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by metroidhead
Maybe its because I wasted a christmas asking for one of these, but I sought out a few good games for it, and am actually thinking about trying to recollect a system and those games from ebay. The controller was the worst thing ever though...EVER
Doom (although it had no music, WTF)
A v P
Pitfall
Rayman
Super Burnout (motorcycle racing game, hard as hell)
Power Drive Rally (like RC pro am with awesome graphics)
Cannon Fodder
Iron Soldier (might not be as good as I remember it...)
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More than most realise . . .
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by The_Laird
The Jaguar is a great console to collect for. It still has a really active fanbase with new games being released all the time. More than you can say for many consoles that are not on this list.
There are far more great games than people actually realise. The games you listed are all good but then you have some other real classics like Missile Command 3D, Protector: SE, Hoverstrike CD, Battlemorph, Ruiner Pinball, Gorf CD and I-War.
The Jaguar also has by far the best versions of many other classic games like Raiden, NBA Jam: TE, Total Carnage, Dragon, Sensible Soccer, Flashback and Robinsons Reqiuem.
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virtual boy by a mile
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by Mr.Donatti
it gave you physical problems. The end.
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With a slight re-design
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by Willso
With a slight re-design, it could have been better.
-- Remove the tripod, add a head-strap/helmet/headphones, and put the buttons ON the console.
The only physical problems it gave, were to people who didn't take a break every hour or so. I still don't get that controller...
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The N gage and virtual boy
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by JabezDawz
and all the rest really earned these spots.
I remember when the N-Gage was released, I thought it was the most amazing thing ever. The Spiderman 2 demo where you fought doc oc on the train was so much fun.
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Oh the Pippin
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by Coolman13355
Ahh, the Pippin, the console that lost even to the Jaguar. (Caution lame joke incoming) The Pippin wasn't pimpin.
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Atari 5200
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by Mister_Toad_82
For what it's worth, the Atari 5200 had an adapter that could play Atari 2600 games. Also, I wont argue that some of these systems sucked, but there's something cool about owning a piece of gaming history, even if it wasn't that great.
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Gizmondo
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by the_last_mandalore
sounds like a monster godzilla would fight...its a shame it sucked because that names just awesome .... just imagine jumping into a fanboy flame up with that...'' nah the 360 and ps3 both suck '' ... '' I GOT A GIZMONDO MOTHER QUACKERS!!!'' ....that would be awesome -
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Jaguar
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by XextralifeX
You pile of junk. The only game that had any redeeming value for this system was the Aliens vs Predator game.
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Wii
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by vinci
The Wii promised fun with its first-party iterations, and (sort of) delivered, but it also ushered in the terrible "motion-control" fad. Kinect, Move - please go away and leave the man-babies and grandmas alone.
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This is for..
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by octoberfleshed
consoles that didn't outsell it's competitors...not just what you think sucks.
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Batman and Robin for the Game.Com
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by DudeL
Doot doot doot. Doodle doot doot doot.
Batman: Uh Uh Uh Uh.-
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crispin! crispin! crispin!
Posted: Sep 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by group_leader
you have been around 1up a long while my friend
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Jeesus, the R-Zone?
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by milkman_v1
Can't believe I was so naive as a child to actually want one and actually scoured the swap meets hopefully to score one (too bad merchants often priced it too high even for a dumb kid who wanted the damn thing).
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Holy crap lol
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Michael117
Rzone? I had one of those when I was 10 or so and I completely forgot about it until now! It brought absolutely no enjoyment lol. I couldn't even make sense of it, the game I was playing was all red, there was no other color or sophisticated character models or environments. Wearing the headband and trying to focus on the little screen was painful. The whole idea was atrocious, and I became a patron of it lol! Wow.
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...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by San_Andreas
The 5200 had quite a few decent games, including a version of Donkey Kong that blew the NES version out of the water. I'd replace it on this list with the 7800.
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Another crappy 1UP story
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Pikachupoo
Is this what happens when you fire all the talent? Or they quit? I remember when this site had actual content.
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well it was written by one of those talents that was let go.
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by cecil_LeBeau77
As far as I know sharkey was let go but he still contributes from time to time with blogs and features. Not sure how that goes.
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If you don't like it...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Keylimepies
...then why bother posting? I'm sure the folks that run 1UP are very mindful of their traffic. "Vote with your mouse".
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Aw man
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by the_everything
I would've went with "Another crappy Pikachupoo post" as a title but it seemed too obvious. Are you ever going to have a life, shitface?
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Poor Virtualboy and Lynx...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by GenesisDoes
They actually weren't bad consoles... i mean, at least they weren't made out of theoretical dollars...
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Not really a failure
Posted: Aug 16, 2011 12:00AM PST by sagat4
The machine wasn't really a fialure as it was not in the market place. It was a load of hot air. I used to read a magazine in the UK called "Games" and whenever there was a Phantom story they would title the section "not another..........Phantom story"
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My god, Nintendo Hate Machine out in full...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Gconnection
I don't have the energy to fight off Nintendo haters anymore.
YOU WIN GUYS!! THE PS3 AND 360 ARE THE GREATEST GAMING CONSOLES EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, NO, THE ENTIRE MULTIVERSE! GRAPHICS ARE GOD! TRYING TO BOTTLE NECK 3.2 GHz OF PROCESSING POWER THROUGH 256 MBs OF RAM IS THE SHIT!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN THE SYSTEM IS TRYING TO PULL INFORMATION FROM A 50 GB DUAL LAYERED DISK!!! F' YEAH!! I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT AND IT IS SONY AND M$ WHO MEET ME AT THE PEARLY GATES TO SHOWER ME WITH NICKLE & DIME MICRO TRANSACTIONS AND PAY FOR PLAY INTERNET INTERACTION... I AM NOT WORTHY!!!
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well.
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by blankPerson
I see your point with nickel and diming(thats part of the reason i sold my Xbox360) but I've never felt that way with Sony. In fact, you don't have to pay for PS+ unless you want to. I think its worth it when compared to XboxLive.
I've gotten so many free games from PS+ and good online too, which I got even when I didn't pay. With XboxLive, teh only free game I got was Undertow when it XBL went down for a week.
AND THAT GAME WAS TERRIBLE.
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free games from PS+
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by Dann_The_Man
they're not really free games if you have to pay for PS+, and don't they go away if you stop paying for PS+?
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I'm Surprised...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by TheSureFireGamer
...the 3DO didn't make it onto the list.
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3DO?
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by drchocolatte
Man I LOVED my 3DO! Arcade-perfect fighting game ports and a few decent action games. Too bad that controller sucked.. Gex, Space Ace and Samurai Showdown were my favorites.
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3DO didn't belong
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by MasterOtogi
on this list. Normaly people who slam the 3DO either never had one or played some poop game at a friends house rather than one of the good/ great titles.
realy neither did the jag or lynx
The game.com should have made it as should the nuon. nuon didn't even get to be a dedicated system as far as i know, it was a chip thrown into dvd players so they could play games.
@drchocolatte
The panisonic 3DO controller was fine/ like a better quality SNES controller. The goldstar controller was pretty bad. It had a huge Dpad.
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Nice list there, Sharkey
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by joshnickerson
Even though I do have a soft spot for the Virtual Boy, I do admit it was a troubled system. It is worth seeking one out to play the handful of worthwhile titles for the console though.
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What?!
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by ghost_of_gamemaster4747
Nintendo 64 should be in there somewhere.
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Ummm...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by jcm1981
No, it revolutionized controllers with the (afterward) mandatory analog stick. It revolutionized 3D platformers and showed that they could be just as engaging as their 2D predecessors (Mario 64).
Sure, it wasn't as popular as the SNES, but not many systems have been.
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Heh Spider-Man
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by pandasnyper723
But no... A system that gave us DK64, GoldenEye, two fantastic 3D Zeldas, Jet Force Gemini and Eternal Darkness is not a failure.
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...
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by Coolman13355
to quote Cars "The 60's weren't good to you" Man, N64 had Shadows of the Empire and Roque Squadron. There was also the GoldenEye upgrade PerfectDark.
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huh?
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by RememberShaqFu?
Though I'm not necessarily a fan of the N64, I can't figure out why it deserves a place on this list? The system has three of the highest rated games of all time(Mario 64, Ocarina of Time, and Goldeneye), and a slew of other highly-regarded games like Jet Force Gemini, the Banjo series, F-Zero, Starfox 64, Pilotwings 64, Turok, Majora's Mask, Conker's Bad Fur Day, Smash Brothers, Perfect Dark, Donkey Kong 64, Sin and Punishment(Japan only), and the list goes on.
I'm not trying to be an ass, but is the only reason you want the system on the list merely because you don't enjoy it? Objectivity goes a long way.
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Scot t hasn't played Atari today.
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by ArugulaZ
Boy are you going to catch hell from the Atari faithful for badmouthing the Lynx! I think that out of the early handhelds, Sega's Nomad was arguably the worst. It had a huge software library right out of the starting gate, sure, but the system also had an abysmal screen, horrendous battery life, and a knack for not working at the worst possibly moments. Either you had to hold the system just so or you could kiss your progress in Gunstar Heroes goodbye!
Also, the Atari 5200 was underappreciated. For my money, it gave me the most bang for my next-generation, pre-crash buck. I never liked the ColecoVision's largely imperfect arcade translations, its choppy scrolling, or its palette, featuring sixteen of the worst colors known to man. (Hope you like fetid urine yellow and barf green, because you'll be getting them a lot!) Yes, the 5200's graphics are pretty blocky, and yes, that controller is awful, but there are other joysticks available for the machine. Pick up a Wico Command Control and you're golden.
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I'm Surprised that...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Gixman
The Neo Geo pocket or the Wonderswan aren't on this list. since i don't think either of those hand helds sold well. also this list is missing the portable Turbo graphix 16 system or the Console itself since neither of them had many good games.
Oh! and also the Phillips CD-i and Panasonic's 3DO are also not on this list.
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Neo-Geo Pocket?
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by ArugulaZ
Man, you must be shrooming. The Neo-Geo Pocket (specifically, the color model) had one of the highest quality to quantity ratios of any game system ever made. It also had the best battery life of any handheld I can remember... forty hours on two AA batteries (and with a color screen!) is a seriously long haul.
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a little under-informed are we?
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by mysteriousgamer
Gixman,
TG-16 had several great games, includng Devils Crush/Alien Crush, Blazing Lazers, Bonk 1-3, Neutopia, Legendary Axe, Ninja Spirit, Splatterhouse, Military Madness, Bomberman/BM 93, Dungeon Explorer, Super Star Soldier/Soldier Blade, R-Type, Y's I-III, and if you imported, Dracula X/Rondo of Blood.
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wha?????
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Bast
Dude .. I still have my Neogeo pocket color .. and I still play the thing. The games for it are F'ing awesome. TG16 ?!?! What ... k, you obviously never played these systems. TG16 had the best Castlevania game (at the time) of any system. Plus it had the best shooters of any system. You just have no clue ....
/facepalm
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Seeing Red
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by corporate-sellout
I actually have a damn Rzone around here somewhere. It was given to me by well-meaning relatives and came with Batman Forever.
I rented a VirtualBoy once and WarioLand was pretty awesome.
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HaHa
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by jojofett16
I remember getting one of those for Easter. It came with Virtua Fighter. I felt so cool wearing that on my head. I was so dumb.
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Wow....
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Bangohr
I'm usually a fan of Sharkey but there are some glaring omissions. Tapwave Zodiac I'm looking at you. Also, Virtual Boy? Really? That's not one of the worst, it's one of the most underrated. It had some amazing games. Warioland and Teleroboxer, Vertical Force was a nifty upscrolling shooter with a cool 3D gimmick. And as for the greatly exaggerated headaches, dizziness etc: THE FUCKING THING HAD ADJUSTABLE DEPTH AND FOCUS AND FORCED YOU TO TAKE FREQUENT BREAKS TO REST YOUR EYES! IT WAS BUILT INTO EVERY CARTRIDGE! Ugh.
I'm hoping we get at least Warioland on 3DS' Virtual Console. That game is toooo amazing to just rot on some hard drive somewhere. :( Never gonna happen because Nintendo refuses to acknowledge the VB's existence. :/
oh yeah 3DO
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Agreed
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by EKGTrooper
It is just another example of how people jump on the hate bandwagon without actually knowing anything about the product itself. I used Virtual Boy for years. I loved it. Never once did I get dizzy, or get a head ache and I don't think anyone else gets them either. It was all a big lie to justify the failure of the console.
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You can add the 2005 & 2006 model Xbox 360 to this list
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Redswipe
Has there ever been a more unreliable piece of high profile consumer electronics?
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right on
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by dorsman
This is so true. "Didnt try to jerk anyone around" pointblank? The reason Microsoft came up with such a "great" replacement campaign was because of just how high the failure rate of these consoles was. You really think thats a great deal having to pay 100 dollars and shipping your 360 to microsoft and waiting weeks becaue they made a console with over a 50% failure rate? When people started getting the red ring they tried to deny there was an issue for months saying it was an isolated occurence. At that point, someone from Best Buy revealed they were having the majoirty of there cusomers return them with the red ring. It got so bad they had to stop doing on the spot replacements because they were losing so much money and they would defer to Microsoft which is when they finally admitted there was a problem. If that isnt a fuck you to your customers then I dont know what is. I mean they basically lied about it! I didnt have a single friend whos 360 didnt die and thats at least 10 or more people. Wake up and smell the burnt motherboards.
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oh and i forgot
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by dorsman
my friend that took his 360 home the day he bought it and wanted to play Perfect Dark with the system in the vertical position (something it was supposed to be designed to do) and his game booted up followed by a grinding noise of the system eating the disc. It came out scratched to the point of being unplayable. Im no fanboy either I own a 360 but I know when a company bends me over.
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Oh please...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by GenesisDoes
The 360 has Red Rings, the PS3 has Yellow Light. A ton of 1st gen PS3's met their end that way. Not to mention the spontaneous Dual Shock battery shorts that happen randomly regardless of what gen PS3 you have. You know what Sony's policy is for Yellow lights? "Here's $150, go buy another one." And that's if your lucky. For things like the Dual Shock battery the answer is "Go buy another one."
Bottom line all three of these consoles, PS3, 360, and Wii are shit heaps when it comes to construction.
I have an NES that my parents bought me circa 1987 for my birthday, and that burly bastard STILL works to this day!
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Add wii to this list
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by gungrave45
Because systems that are not supported by 3rd partys are terrible.
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agreed
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Glassjaw_Matt
on the 3rd party support. I loved playing Zelda, Mario, etc. but I felt like it lacked third party support. Not saying there aren't great 3rd party games, but it lacked the support both the xbox and playstation have.
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@SoloRogue
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by RitsukoReturns
to moms, grandmoms, Dad, granddads and retarded kids! Wii is awesome! LOL!!!
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Lol
Posted: Aug 12, 2011 12:00AM PST by SoloRogue
Lol.Obviously you havn't been searching for good games for the Wii.You just assume that it's crappy based on other peoples opinion and your probably just another Sony or Microsoft Fan boy.Pfft.Get facts right.Wii is popular to all communites sir.Besides the lack of 3rd party games.Wii still had some great titles.
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Lynx
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by king_mob
My Atari Lynx was the only handheld console I ever really got into. I have fond memories of games like Gauntlet 3, Gates of Zenda, Electrocop, Rygar and the awesome "Slime World". I was a kid who traveled with my family a lot when I had the Lynx. Battery life was bad but you could plug the thing in, which made it great for hotel rooms. It was a really great system.
Yes, it was not a success. But neither were the Dreamcast or Saturn and they didn't end up on this list.
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Deja Vu
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by IamTHEfinalfantasy
Haven't I already read/seen this list 40 times on other videogame websites?
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Nope
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by IamTHEfinalfantasy
I was pointing out that I have read this article before, but yeah that nes game was awesome.
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This list is a joke.
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Cube
Scott Sharkey is such a noob he put Virtual boy jaguar and lynx on this list when there is far worst crap consoles I mean seriously this list is a joke.
Farchild channel F Ya i got when of these crap things an atari 2600 it is not, to get full color for some games you had to tape plastic sheets onto the screen I don't care if it is old most of them had full color built in and I got it since i live next to a fairchild Microchip factory and they was trying to get rid of them.
Adventure vision... I don't care if this thing is rare it is crap console
watra super vision Hell I got one of these back in 1994 used for the hell of it at a flea market it is a crap gameboy rip of and way worse than the lynx the lynx is like fine gold when held up next to this thing. HEll this thing was put out to kill the game boy or so they say it was.
The Mega duck Yes it is a console yes I bought one for the lulz of it's name alone and it sucks more than the supervision and N gage this is fact.
Tapwave zodiac a and some how nokia's portable and virtual boy is worse than these....ya sharkey sure
Hell we could even add the pioneer laser active on this list if it did not have those bad ass plugins that let you play Tg16 and sega games the laser disc games was total ass though and worse than the CDI games.
The zeebo..... Ya this one is not even that old and it sucks more than most the consoles on this list.
ETC ETC on and on.
Seriously get somebody who owned Retro stuff back when it was out to write about this stuff or a proper collector that knows about this stuff they write about.
(J, Parish is way more of a noob than Scott sharky though he is a mac noob so that makes him in partner ship with satan AKA Steve jobs and he don't knows even less about game hardware or computers either. )
But you are right about the pippen apple has been making over priced crap since the company was founded.
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My god, it's happened...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by sokpupet
Somebody has downloaded themselves onto the internet, and we're getting an actual stream of consciousness from them. That's the only way this could be so disjointed and a free of the constraints of grammar and how little people give a shit about what they're saying. Seriously, only dwarfs care for what this now purely digital entity has to say.
The future is awful.
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Sharkey's a noob?
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Apollo_Helios
You just lost your gamer card.
But seriously, how'd you get your text to format that way? Spaces, paragraph breaks, and disjointed links, oh my!
OMG they diddnt mention MY favoright failed console! I better write a poorly formatteed comment showing
them how indie I is
cause i can name failed game consoles noone cares about
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Obvious troll is obvious
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by corporate-sellout
Stop feeding him, you dopes.
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L O fukin' L!!!!!!
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Gconnection
This...
"Somebody has downloaded themselves onto the internet, and we're getting an actual stream of consciousness from them."
Best laugh I've had all month...
You should be on someone's stage.
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The only noob here is you....
Posted: Sep 09, 2011 12:00AM PST by AgentG
Apple was the first company to market home PCs, and they still make the best ones in the world. At least they build an operating system that works they way it's supposed too. Unlike M$ that makes shit that all the morons buy.
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Interesting article but...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Haru24
The author needs to learn proper punctuation. I found myself lost in his stream of thought a few times where the words didnt flow due to lack of commas and the like. This list could have been populated by any sega system other than the Genesis and would have been correct.
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Apostrophe: Not Just a Frank Zappa Album
Posted: Aug 12, 2011 12:00AM PST by corporate-sellout
"The author needs to learn proper punctuation."
"didnt"
I didn't notice any punctuation errors in TFA.
I noticed one in yours.
Also, "Sega" is a proper noun.
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The AVGN about Atari 5200 still the best episode
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Spectreman
Link to the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AknyR-kRvLc
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Fascinating Backstory About the Gizmondo
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Pacario
The Gizmondo story is pretty interesting. I remember seeing one on display years ago at a CompUSA. Unfortunately, the thing wasn't running, so I was only able to see how the thing felt in my hands.
I have the original Lynx and always felt it was a pity the unit did not sell better. A few of its games were actually pretty technologically sophisticated (Blue Lightning) and others somewhat ahead of their time (Electrocop). It's odd people put up with the primitive Game Boy and its ugly graphics for as long as they did. (I was one of them, though.)
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thank god
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Gconnection
i had the good sense to not buy any of these turds. although, i think i just got burned by the 3ds price drop.... on another note. i did think the nomand was awesome for the simple fact that i could play strider, 2 player double dragon and mk2 on the go. i bought a 2nd controller and we used to rotate playing in the back of the school bus.
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Ah the Virtual Boy
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Apollo_Helios
and Nintendo is wondering why the 3DS is not doing so well.
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what the hell are you talking about?
Posted: Sep 13, 2011 12:00AM PST by urbanhispanic
what does the Virtual Boy have anything to do with the 3DS? Did you stick your head in that thing, play it for 10 minutes, came out disoriented and wrote your stupid comment as a result?
If that's the case, I'll forgive you for being an indiot.
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I want to know...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by AdvancedCaveman
Out of all the severe problems the N-Gage had, why does everyone immediately bring up side talking? This was a gaming device with an essentially unusable directional pad, and literally every game ran so slow it was unplayable. The buttons where unbelievably horrible, and on the original model you had to take the entire fucking battery out to switch memory cards. Having a microphone on the side was not really an issue in the greater context of how bad this device was.
I know, I owned an N-Gage QD. It didn’t even have side talking but it was still the most horrible peice of electronic crap I've ever owned. It is litterally easier to play iOS games with virtual controls than it was to play games with the shitty ass physical d-pad and buttons on the N-Gage. It was really that bad. Side talking isn't the thing to make fun of.
And speaking of iOS, I think if Steve Jobs came out on stage back in January 2007, pulled out an iPhone with a microphone on the side, held it up to his ear, and said "We've invented a new technology we call side talking! So we're going to talk with it on its side! It’s really beautiful, it’s the most beautiful way to talk on a phone," everyone today would be saying that side talking is a “revolutionary technology that changed the way we interact with our phones." Trendy makes stupid ok.
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Worst of both worlds
Posted: Aug 12, 2011 12:00AM PST by corporate-sellout
"Out of all the severe problems the N-Gage had, why does everyone immediately bring up side talking?"
Because it wasn't just a terrible game system, it was a terrible phone, too.
"And speaking of iOS, I think if Steve Jobs came out on stage back in January 2007, pulled out an iPhone with a microphone on the side, held it up to his ear, and said "We've invented a new technology we call side talking! So we're going to talk with it on its side! It’s really beautiful, it’s the most beautiful way to talk on a phone," everyone today would be saying that side talking is a “revolutionary technology that changed the way we interact with our phones.""
Yeah, just look how well it worked out the LAST time Apple told people they were holding their phones wrong.
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n-gage
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by gandalf0987
I liked the N-Gage. However, the graphics were suck and there were not many available games for it.
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bad list
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by dirtyvu
how can you not put the 3DO? A $700 "game system" that was a part of the FMV age? That price puts the PS3 to shame. The Sega Saturn should be a part of this list because it has a lot of the same attributes as the Lynx, lack of marketing and lack of titles as well as a high price. At least the Lynx had a more elegant chips design with a better programming environment. the Saturn was a mess of chips that made it so hard to wring good performance out of it. If you're going by lack of titles and marketing, you have to include the Colecovision as well. Although it had awesome graphics that nearly matched the arcade version (Donkey Kong!), it had a lack of titles and sold poorly as well.
this list is kind of all over the map. are you judging based on a marketplace standing? or based on technical abilities? it seems to bounce around.
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3DO
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by AdvancedCaveman
The 3DO was outragiously expensive and it had some FMV crap, but the fact of the matter is it also had a shocking ammount of good games in it's library.
It had versions of Syndicate, Flashback, Another World, Wing Commander III, Need for Speed, and Street Fighter 2, all of which people seem to like. It had a version of Star Control 2, one of the greatest games ever created, with amazingly fantastic voice acting added in that didn't exist in the PC version.
Really the most important yardstick to retroactivly judge a console on is it's library, and therefore the 3DO doesn't belong on any worst consoles ever list.
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Jaguar 64 = 2 32 bit proccessors
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Masta_C
Man that was the best joke I ever saw a company play on people. My friend bought one even though I told him from the day it was announced that it would suck. Then he bought a Saturn, which I also assured him would suck (although not nearly as much as the Jaguar). After that he stopped playing videogames. I am curious what two games the writer refers to as being the good ones that came out on Jaguar. I am guessing Wolfenstein and Aliens vs. Predator, but those are really the only two games I can remember playing on it.
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Didn't take long . . .
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by The_Laird
For somebody to pull up this retarded old nonsense. Let's take a look at the Jaguar a second:
Graphics Chip: 64-Bit
Blitter: 64-Bit
Data Bus: 64-bit
Sound Chip/DSP: 32-bit
Boot Chip/Joypad controller: 16-bit
So please now explain to me just how the Jaguar is 2 32-bit processors please!!!!
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Is it just me...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by MrArmageddon
...Or does that R-Zone kid look kinda like Taylor Whatisface from the Twilight movies? I remember those commercials, though. "Oo-aaawsome! They're right in my face!"
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My God...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by LordSephiran
That was actually in a commercial? That could be taken SO wrong....
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LOL!
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by galactica101
There should be a top 10 for commercials that can be taken the wrong way.
Now THAT would be awesome!!
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Half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli
Posted: Aug 12, 2011 12:00AM PST by corporate-sellout
That Poochie is one outrageous dude!
He's totally in-my-face!
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What about the Phantom?
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by evil_keebler_elf
They were trying to do a proto-OnLive service right?
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If memory serves...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by GoKickyFastOK
... I think Phantom also turned out to be an investor money-grab scheme as well. I thought it was supposed to be built on fairly common PC architecture, with an OnLive-ish type DL game library.
However, I do think it was probably one of most appropriately named game consoles, ever. Haha.
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To be fair...
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by letsgetacid
The Phantom never actually appeared on store shelves. It was shown a few times during trade shows, but never sold. Interestingly, the company created the Phantom Lapboard in 2008. That's about the only evidence the company existed.
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Warning: Comment May Contain Text
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by dlewbell
I have an R-Zone somewhere still. I know I have Mortal Kombat & some other fighting game. It doesn't matter though, both games look identical when you play. 2 LCD stick figures stand in one of 6 or so locations, & the arms/legs are either at rest or in the out position. Just like any other Tiger LCD game. I did think the headset was cool looking when I was still a kid pretending it was something other than the worst game console I had ever played.
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Mattel Hyperscan
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by helava
The author missed the single worst console ever created:
The Mattel Hyperscan.
I don't even know if they ever legitimately sold any, but holy cow, what a monstrous disaster in every concievable way possible.
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Lawls N-Gage.
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Toru
I remember laughing at photos of people using an N-Gage to make phone calls. Also, don't you need a screwdriver or something to change out the games?
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I worked at Game Stop for the N-Gage's release.
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Keylimepies
We got one unit in, two copies of Tomb Raider, and two copies of one other game.
There was a demo station in our store, throughout the whole launch day one person walked up to it on his way out, stared at it for about half a minute, then left.
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N-Gage Owner
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by helava
Not only did I have an N-Gage, I also had the N-Gage QD. I really liked it. Yeah, the buttons were kind of a mess, but the whole "sidetalking" thing was blown wildly out of proportion. You had to take the battery out of the original N-Gage to swap games, which wasn't... smart. But it had some really excellent turn-based strategy games, which were better than any other portable games available at the time, IMO.
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I had an R-Zone
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by Keylimepies
With Virtual Fighter, Panzer Dragoon, and Daytona Racing.
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The Glory of Being Born in 1990
Posted: Aug 10, 2011 12:00AM PST by almostautumn
Never had to deal with any of these with my NES and SNES.
I did want an N-Gage though
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Road rash, street fighter...
Posted: Aug 11, 2011 12:00AM PST by MasterOtogi
on 3do was awsome, far beyond what the snes ever could do.
I still kinda want an n-gage, only becouse i have an Elder Scrolls ShadowKey game for it.
Hopefully you had at least a sega genesis to go with that nes & SNES or you missed out on some of the best games for the day. there were some cool zelda clones on the Mastersystem as well... Every home console system is worth having to some degree.imo
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