Greetings, readers, Bill here. Now, don’t expect this to become a regular thing, but today we’re departing from our normal routine of reviewing horror/cult/B-grade/Z-grade/schlock cinema, though staying within the purview of the grindhouse with an early ’70s pornographic film. I only decided to review this because it’s so weird and so terrible (and I’m not one to trash talk 1970s porn) that it doesn’t really work as erotica, even to the most desperate. Let’s take a look, shall we?
Spoilers ensue.
Buddy and Sam, a drunken redneck couple (he’s got an impressive set of ‘chops and an illegible tattoo on his right buttock, she’s flabby, freckled and has a gigantic red beehive hairdo) sit around naked and discuss their prospects for earning some money. As Buddy paws through an issue of Screw magazine, he hits on the great idea of making a sex film. The two initiate with some oral, but get so caught up in trading slurred, twangy insults and belittle each other’s skills and techniques that the entire concept of making a fuck film dissipates into the Aether. “What is this shit,” he mumbles from between her doughy thighs, “y’all gotta stop coming in my mouth,” then as he attempts to mount her, “Tomorrow I’m gonna fuck mah secretary right in the ass, then come home an’ you can suck mah dick.” The guy’s a real Casanova, let me tell you. Of course, she comes back with, “Yah wouldn’t know how ta fuck yer own grandmother!”
Meanwhile, across town, Dora Dildo (aka The Mighty Bat Pussy) waits in her Bat-Cave (Bat-Basement is more accurate, with a sign taped to the wall proclaiming, in scrawled Magic Marker, this to be Bat Pussy’s lair) for any sign of crime. How does she know a crime’s being committed? Because, as the narrator intones, “her twat begins to twitch.” Becoming aware of the redneck couple’s desire to make a fuck film, she leaps into action, pulling on the oversized T-shirt and droopy shorts of Bat Pussy. “Someone’s tryin’ tah make a fuck film in mah holy Gotham City,” she drawls, “an’ ah cain’t allow that!” Taking off on her Hippity-Hop (a Batmobile would have been out of the budget), she races to the scene to stop them.
I think this film’s left me sterile. This is the sort of sex film you show teenagers to encourage abstinence because it just makes the act of fornication seem so repulsive, so utterly disgusting that it seems unthinkable to perform.
The fucking redneck couple are a fucking nightmare. Neither one of them looks like they’d bathed the day of the shoot, for starters, and Buddy can neither achieve nor maintain an erection. Sam’s aggressive, chewy blowjobs apparently do nothing for him, because he remains flaccid throughout, while a couple close up shots of him fingering her or spreading her loins suggest that she’s completely dry. It’s a shame, because they’re both okay looking people, but they have the sexual charisma of a bucket of sand. I’m guessing that they might be a real-life couple because their bickering banter comes so naturally as to suggest years of honing their craft against each other, and I’m thinking that’s why they were hired. Probably the producers were in some greasy spoon diner in the middle of nowhere, heard these two going at it, and decided they’d be entertaining to watch grinding their uninspired genitalia together.
Bat-Pussy is no better, and between the costume and the fucking Hippity-Hop I wish they’d skipped the schtick – not that the schtick matters that much, because pretty much the second she shows up in the redneck couple’s bedroom she’s naked and grinding between them, without a pause in the bickering, of course. No sooner does she dive into bed then Sam is rolling her eyes and responding to her husband’s request to be allowed to fuck Bat Pussy with a dull, “Whah not, y’all fucked every other woman in this heah town…” and him replying, “y’all don’t know how tah suck a dick, Bat-Woman knows how tah suck a dick!” Again, decent enough looking woman but the slurred, drawling speech meant I could practically smell the whiskey these three were sweating.
Also, other than the blowjobs and a few shots of women being fingered or masturbating with a dildo, I’m thinking a lot of the sex here was simulated. During a sequence of lesbian cunnilingus it’s pretty obvious that Sam’s head is no closer then a foot away from Bat Pussy’s loins while most of the thrusting and male-on-female oral sex is wildly unconvincing.
Final Analysis: Are you a porn historian, looking for early examples of the porno parody? Are you so utterly jaded that nothing arouses you except dingy, trash-talking rednecks having unsatisfying sex? Do deep southern drawls get you hot? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, BAT PUSSY might be for you. Otherwise…I’d say it’s worth at least a watch in the same way a train wreck is worth looking at, but for the most part it’s pretty repellent.
Overall, I give BAT PUSSY (1973)…
ONE BARREL OF TOXIC WASTE.