Good response. 15 years eh? Your sister is obviously living her life and hasn’t been dragged off by the circus in its freak show (being light hearted here about the social stigma - no offence intended).

Just wanted to point out: affliction. Not infliction.

OK, would you dump her if she has cold sores on her lips? Same virus! It’s treatable(not curable) pops up now and then, most of the time you’re totally oblivious to it.
If you love her, go for it!
Are you a true man!???

devils_advocate replied to Rippa Rita
Mon 21 Feb 11 (01:14pm)
OK, would you dump her if she has cold sores on her lips?

Good point. It is also possible, unlikely but possible, to catch herpes during oral sex if the person doing the work has cold sores.

Yeah, that makes complete sense Devils_Advocate. I know I don’t quite feel a real man in the morning until i’ve stuck my d*ck in a nice piece of Herpes!

Truth is Herpes is a Sexually Transmitted Disease/Infection and it is FOR LIFE. I think that he has shown great intelligence and restraint in getting him and his partner tested before sexual activities in his relationship progress, for him to now have feelings for someone who wasn’t so careful is unfortunate, but there are plenty of other fish in the sea and, preferably, ones without genital warts.

Coming back to it, Herpes is a life long disease like diabetes but contagious and it isn’t pleasant when it DOES affect you, which eventually it does. And even if it wasn’t permanent, I wouldn’t sleep with someone with crabs because you can get rid of them eventually, it’s still gross.

I think OP needs to cut and run, there is no shame in backing out of a relationship for health reasons. I think if it’s a problem now it’ll be a problem later, and a pretty big, red & itchy one.

Also I think that statistic would be a lot lower of infected people with herpes if people were as careful as OP.

Mykei~

Understand that I do understand your predicament, young one.

I do think it’s wise that you have regular checks for infections, and it’s to be applauded. However, if you weren’t promiscuous, and practiced abstinence there would be no need to undergo any tests.

A quote for you to ponder.

Corinthians 7:2

But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.

In today’s world, we too often focus on the “recreation” aspect of sex without recognising that there is another aspect, and that’s procreation. Sex within marriage is pleasurable, and God designed it that way. God wants men and women to enjoy sexual activity within the confines of marriage.

Song of Solomon and several other Bible passages (such as Proverbs 5:19) clearly describe the pleasure of sex. However, the couple must understand that God’s intent for sex includes producing children. Thus, for a couple to engage in sex before marriage is doubly wrong! They are enjoying pleasures not intended for them, and they are taking a chance of creating a human life outside of the family structure God intended for every child.

I will say a prayer for you, my child.

Please think of your future with God.

My Mum had Herpes, my Dad didn’t. He still married her. It didn’t kill him, and they had the best marriage I have ever witnessed.

If you love her and you dump her because she has herpes, which isn’t even fatal, then you are a douche and maybe the common denominator to all your horrific reltationships was actually you…

Agreed!  Herpes is not that bad.  It won’t make you infertile, it won’t kill you, yes your chance of contracting HIV through an open sore is more common than normal but otherwise it’s more just uncomfortable WHEN it shows up which can be hardly ever.

Also FYI OP, when most doctors do tests they don’t test for HSV, as it’s part of the blood test which usually people have to ask for, and also not indicative of active symptoms.  That’s probably why it’s never shown up in her tests before.

Not true. You are still contagious about 20% of the time without an outbreak. It’s called viral shedding.

Dear BPK,
what is distinctive about Point Piper dinner parties?

For example, does everyone there accuse people they don’t agree with, no matter what the topic, of being labor voters?  Do you go to them all?  What sort of kebabs do they have?  Does anyone there know how to pack them properly?

Who can it be now...?

Just what I was thinking too, hmmn.

this guy attribute anything to anything aside from labor?  quite a liberal windbag - and man - its hard to stand out as a douche in that crowd.

Holy crap. That’s probably the most useful advice I’ve ever seen on this column.

I’m gob-smacked. Fricken amazed even. OP - listen to this woman, she knows.

Excellent advice, Sarah!

OP - You are freaked out because Herpes has taken a flying leap smack bang into the middle of your life from out of nowhere. Your reaction is 100% natural. I suspect you will find that as the days go by, and you get your head around it, herpes will seem like a smaller and smaller deal. It sounds like you’re really into this girl, so it’s probably worth giving this relationship a go =)

The attitude and ignorance of these people?  HAH, I would put that label on the people WITH the herpes.  I too have never been with loose women, have never needed an STD test because I know I and they are clean (and I still dont have herpes! incredible!).  Only people that whore around one night stands are really at risk.  Its not an ‘attitude’ its a lifestyle choice where you actively avoid sluts.

Doesnt matter if you were with your partner for 1000 years, if he was getting around before, or during the relationship, the length of it bears no consequence to how slutty they were previously.

Want to avoid herpes?  Stop chalking up slappers.  OP, go to the doctor and find out if its reached a stage where transmission is a possibility, if it is, move on dude.  Really not worth it.

I can hear all you mills and booners scream ‘oh but theyre in love!’...ok, maybe they are.  But that has a better chance of souring than not (its not pesimism its a statistic, and dont say “you dont know them, so how can I tell if theyre in love!?” because the same applies to you), and if she gives you herpes you arent going to think ‘oh well, worth it for the love of my life!’...youll probably harbour at least a little resentment and depression (the groundwork of all good relationships), as you now have a chronic genital disease that in the absolute best scenario has you popping pills daily till the day you die.  Not to mention it ruins you for all future partners.  Most future partners wont share your compassion, and will move on from you as you should have from her...not worth it.  Not worth it.

R, you r truly deluded.

R, if ever there was an infuriating, small-minded human. You have never ‘needed’ an STD test? Do you believe people when they say they are clean? That is how most people find out they have caught things. I myself never ‘needed’ an STD test because I trusted people when they said they were clean. I contracted Herpes 8 years ago. I am not a ‘loose’ woman, and I contracted Type 1 from oral sex. And either is my best friend who her FIRST BOYFRIEND and first sexual partner gave herpes to.
Also, when I informed a friend that I had it, when he was tested he discovered he had chlamydia. He has slept with 3 people, and spent 10 years in 2 relationships. Definately not what you would call ‘loose’.
Stop kidding yourself that you only sleep with ‘clean’ people, herpes does not judge whether you are dirty, clean, virginal or nymphomaniac. Sweet innocent church goers can contract it.
I am disgusted there are still people with your ideas about the world. Wake up.

they all say they’re nice girls, but the facts prove otherwise.
you get an STD by being a dumb slut, if you were smart and virtuous you wouldn’t get an STD.

Agree with R,
you don’t go and buy a car with a problem you know you cant fix. Sorry to say but she is damaged goods, I don’t care if its nice or not it is the facts. She is possibly going to give it to your offspring too, so evolution says it is natural, normal and good for our species to avoid people with STDs.

It is not Ignorance but knowledge that causes this attitude. It might mean your friend is screwed but that doesn’t make it wrong, sometimes people just get dealt a bad hand. Like how does a partner of 8 years can give you herpes? unless your silly enough to let them give it to you (like you suggest for OP) or they were cheating on you (girls that like Dipsh!ts and Playas, it their own fault/ bad luck)

r, you’re a complete wally.

Wow, r, you’re such an idiot.  You ‘know’ you’re clean but you’ve never been tested?  Only people who whore around are at risk?  Perhaps you should educate yourself a little more before saying dumb things in public.

Herpes has two forms, type 1 which is generally oral, and type 2 which is generally genital.  I say generally because there are about 5-10% of cases that AREN’T in the usual spots, ie type 2 infection of the mouth and vice versa.  So if you’ve ever kissed somebody, or shared their water bottle, you can catch EITHER type of herpes around the mouth.  And if you then go ‘down south’ with your ‘nice girl who’s not loose’, then viola, she has herpes!  Not incredibly likely, but far from impossible.  Most sufferers show no symptoms at all, or have flareups very infrequently, so wouldn’t even know they have it.

Newsflash #2, it’s ALWAYS transmissible, regardless of what ‘stage’ it is in.  Yes, transmission is a million times more likely during an outbreak (and the worst outbreak usually occurs immediately after contracting it the first time), but it’s possible that viral shedding can cause transmission at any times, regardless of symptoms.

I’d love to give YOU a full STI screen, and then watch the look on your face when something nasty and unexpected pops up..

For the love of Christ PLEASE tell me you are a troll, noone that is dumb and arrogant enough to actually believe what you just wrote can exist surely?

If you are are a troll: You are a very sad boring person

If you are real: You are a very sick individual get some help

R - you’re a douche. You’ve never had an STD test? Are you kidding me? You can have an STD and not even know it.

I will admit that i’m one of those “slappers” you talk about. But you know what, I get tested as often as I can to make sure that I’m aware of it. You my friend are not aware of what you may have.. You could very well be HIV positive and not know it. Wake up and smell the roses - go get tested. The two friends that I have that have STDs have had 2 and 3 sexual partners in their entire lives (now in their mid 30s). So go get a test before you infect these “clean” women that have the displeasure of knowing you.

Oh and don’t forget, people are great at lying. Just because they say they’re clean doesnt mean they are.

douche.

r, your attitude is disgusting.

Have you ever considered that those ‘slappers’ maybe aren’t the ones ‘whoring’ around? Haggis’ friend for example, caught it off her partner of eight years. How’s being with somebody for eight years whoring around? Of course, if the partner is having one night stands, it’s easy for the ‘innocent party’ to catch something but let’s be honest, which cheating partner usually voluntarily tells his OH that he’s cheating on her unless he gets caught?

You’ve never been tested, huh? All the girls you go out with are clean and you know that without them being tested? What are you? Psychic? There’s quite a few STDs that can go perfectly unnoticed for a long time due to lack of symptoms or be mistaken for something else. Unless you’re going out with 14 year old virgins (which I seriously hope you’re not) you have no guarantee other than a proper test to know if you or the other person are a carrier of an STD or not.

Let’s face it, also one of those ‘clean’ girls could’ve picked it up from a previous supposedly ‘clean’ partner who either didn’t tell her he had it or cheated on her behind her back. Now, where does that leave you?

I’ve had one sexual partner; he had three long term relationships before me (with “nice” girls). Imagine our suprise after 15 years of marriage when a cyst on my cervix turned out to be HPV. It’s incredible how easily judgements are passed about what consititutes a “nice” girl these days. I obviously would not qualify.

So you’re saying, that if I contracted herpes of my first parter, who got it from his first partner - that I am now a ‘loose slapper’ and guys shouldn’t waste their time with me.

Wow. You’re a full douche.

Mr GG, you are an idiot.  Plain and simple.

A friend of mine waited till her wedding night to have sex after 3 years of dating the same guy.  Guess what she got for her wedding gift?  An STD.

Now you can’t tell me she’s a slapper.  A virgin on her wedding night is not a slapper or a dumb slut.

Go climb back under your rock please, you are bacteria.  Of the sexually transmitted kind.

Hehe, Dont entirely disagree with your post Mahh, but .

To say “If your not happy to be with someone with an STD then your going to live a sad lonely life”

Seriously, Men have this thought in their heads ?
Having a relationship with a girl that doesnt have an STD isnt a realistic request ?

And i’ll let someone else touch on the whole:
“Im in love with her but have yet to have sex”

Fantastic response Mahhrat that totally puts it perspective. 

If he’s not willing to stand by her with something as relatively insignificant as herpes, she deserves better.

You can’t guarantee in life that things will go smoothly and neither of you will be ever injured or ill… and what then?  Are you going to move on because of how her illness/injury affects you?  How selfish.

+1

For all your vigilance, OP, you are woefully uneducated about STIs.  I think you need to do some reading.

BroG, I’m not the one who’s “in love” with a lass you’ve only known a few months.  Sure, it happens that fast often, but if this is enough to shake that “love” to the point of asking complete strangers whether or not he should break it off with her…

I mean, what’s the justification for asking?  My thought is that he WANTS to but is scared he’d be judged as a shallow, sex-starved moron who’s only in it for the pussy.

It’s really, really hard to look in the mirror sometimes, so the OP is seeking justification.  What he fails to realise (and what I get bored trying to tell everyone) is that you don’t require justification if you feel it’s the right thing to do.

Since he’s so unsure he’s seeking the opinion of people whose judgment doesn’t matter to him in an effort to justify what he’d like to do, it screams out to me that what he believes is “love” isn’t quite the ideal he’s got in his own head.

Hope that makes sense, I’m in a bit of a hurry right now lol.

After a few months I’m sure he can bet 100% that this is true love.
Get real Mahhrat, they haven’t been together that long, a few months, if he were asking if he should open a joint bank account with a girl after only a couple of months the answer would be emphatically; NO WAY how do you know you love her and its not just Lust, relationship are always good at this point and we feel they’re the one, but a little later we realise they’re not.

I’d prefer to lose a few dollars than have an STD for Life requiring daily treatment. He is still dating and when dating you have to protect your self, that would be why he had the STD test. Ignoring it would be Stupid may as well not bother being responsible and getting tested if you do that.

And after a few months he doesn’t owe this girl happiness, it is her problem that she will have for the rest of her life. If Op wants to take it on good for him, but he has no responsibility to, and has every right to leave if he doesn’t want to.  YES it is about what HE wants, would you be saying a Girl should stay with someone she doesn’t want to? relationships (before commitment of kids and marriage) are about finding YOUR OWN happiness, plenty of people have been dumped after a few months for far smaller reasons than a STD, Like the OP recently that was told to dump a guy for Spitting. Spitting is not a gross as genital herpes.

um, I think you’re missing the point...its not that she has a disease and thats why he wants to break up with her, its that he will most likely catch this incurable disease if he stays with her. Its a question of his own body and his own health, not just rejecting her because she is no longer perfect.

when it comes to your health, I think its perfectly acceptable to put your own needs first.

agree with semiotic, you need to lighten up op.

You sound like a little school boy crying over “coodies”. go get some information and learn the cons and pros. if you really do love this women you’ll atleast get off your ass and actually do some research on it.

Can you imagine all your future relationships and every single time with someone new you have to have the - “I have herpes conversation”.. ewww..

Well, the OP doesn’t have to imagine it - he just has to ask his girl what she’s looking at for the rest of her life.

As Bossy, said - about a quarter of the population has it. And manage to go along quite well as is. And have long term partners that don’t catch it too.

My advice is to talk to a doctor or a sexual health counsellor and get some facts on the disease and how it works.

But don’t write off a potentially wonderful relationship on the basis of this.

HSV2?
And here I was thinking the chick I picked up on the weekend had some sort of fully sick V8 Holden when she said she had HSV2.
Fully sick alright. 

“I love my wife deafly” Lots of signing going on then!! I wonder how you sign herpes in Auslan? 

Fully agreed. I contracted it over 20 years ago, had an initial outbreak and never since. AND I didn’t even get it the good way, from sex. I have been a virgin until I was in my thirties, as far as I could tell I must have gotten it from a toilet seat at work at the time.

OP, don’t panic, it really isn’t the end of the world, it is actually very common. The fact that it’s “down there” just means that it’s got a stupid stigma attached to it.

Right On Shane !

There is actually a very low risk of babies contracting neonatal herpes on natural delivery unless the mother is having her first outbreak or has contracted the disease during pregnancy. This is because the mother will not yet have developed antibodies to pass on to baby. For women with herpes, doctors will monitor them for outbreaks and administer medication to control this, and natural delivery will usually still be the best course of action. The risk of a baby getting neonatal herpes from a woman who has had the disease for a while is so low that doctors often consider that it is comparatively more risky for the mother to perform a C-section on her than it is risky for the baby to be delivered naturally. In fact, the vast majority of occurrences of neonatal herpes result from a baby being kissed by someone who has just contracted coldsores. A small percentage is accounted for by women who have just contracted herpes during pregnancy and were unaware of it. Almost none are attributable to women with existing cases of herpes.

Hehehe, that comment about “your dick won’t fall off” brings back wonderful memories of Leisure Suit Larry.  I believe his dick actually *did* fall off - about 10 seconds after not using a condom.  Highly effective sex education

I caught Herpes Type 1 (Cold sores) 2 days after I was born from a nurse who forgot to wash her hands on duty and because i rubbed my eyes (which babies do), I almost lost the sight in my left eye and have had recurring infections ever since. Thanks to her, I can never get a driver’s licence and my sight and depth of perception continues to decline.

Don’t punish Jenny for someone else’s inconsideration and selfishness. As long as Jenny tries to take precautions for the both of you, such as warning you of outbreaks and taking medications, then please try to make a go of your relationship.

If, however she she behaves irresponsibly about it then leave her.

WELL SAID!!!!!!!!!

Ironmike,

Admittedly, I’m usually quite amused by alot of your advice. I’ll give you that, you are entertaining… But your posts are getting more and more chauvinistic by the day. 

Can you seriously tell Bossy and her readers that these feelings toward and opinions of “all” women are genuine? I shudder to think what experiences you are basing your opinions on.

People in glass houses Ironmike… Are you sure it’s women alone that don’t know how to genuinely be in a relationship?

But if he’s been in long term relationships, including a marriage that lasted for 5 years, he wouldn’t need to know about an STD unless a partner had one, as is the current case.

I know of a friend that has herpes, but as to other STD’s out there I wouldn’t have a clue what they are, what symptoms are experienced and would probably freak out a bit before using Google to find out everything about it.

Oh boy, are you in for a shock. Most people don’t even know what an out break of genital herpes looks like, let alone how many people have it. How often do you check out the genital area of the person you just picked up at the pub? Squeeze the penis to check for discharge, have a whiff of the muff before you start to see if it smells wrong?
Would you know how to identify genital warts over a skin tag? How do you know if the person has HIV? Has a small cut in the inside of their mouth when they are kissing you?
Complacency in general education has left the younger generation with a “It won’t happen to me” attitude, and now STI’s are spreading faster than ever. As much as many people didn’t like the Grim Reaper ads, at least they put the message out there - remember the one with the bed? If you sleep with this person, you are actually sleeping with them and all of their previous sexual partners. More education - scare tactics if you like - that’s what is needed.

Movin On, as a young child I saw these adverts, and had the full “these are the terrible things that happens to you if you have sex” in both primary and high school. I am now entering my thirties and have difficultly even touching a womans hand let alone anywhere else. The only thing running through my head is “THEY ARE ALL UNCLEAN!!! TOUCH HER AND DIE!!!”. I understand it’s not like that for everyone but the heavy handed approach has really F&cked;up my chances of ever being able to connect with anyone physically.

Given that herpes can be dormant for years before an outbreak occurs (if one occurs at all), it’s perfectly reasonable- and most GP’s don’t ask for HSV to be included in the screen as it’s not indicative that you actually have symptoms etc.  Kind of like how a blood test can say ‘at some point this person has been exposed to glandular fever.’ Another example of how more sexual health education could be utilised.

Uh, I think that’s a bit of a wrong stat.  I would believe that 1 in 3 people carry the herpes virus - not necessarily genital herpes though.

My bad, I meant the virus, but was looking at the OP post while typing. 

Exactly what I was thinking! My partner and I both had clean STD tests, and then I contracted HSV2.

My partner went back and has a specific test for HSV2 antibodies, and found out that he had it. When he asked his doctor why it didn’t show up on the overall STD test, his doctor shrugged and said that the overall test wasn’t always accurate.

OP, there’s a chance that she caught it from you. I would go back and have the antibodies test.

Getting a STD isn’t inevitable for anyone… NO ONE would have them if we all waited until getting married and made that a life long commitment. Don’t ever say it is inevitable.. it is a consequences of your world view and morality.

Consider getting yourself checked to see if you gave it to her...and have some latent form of the disease that previous tests missed (and they are not 100%). So you may be the guilty one…

Wait… do without sex for a while (as many people do in order to find the right one and marry anyway and many others do because of STD outbreaks).. perhaps you both should have waited this from the start and no one would have any infection from any previous partner but you didn’t… so wait now…

Maybe you will have a change of heart and mind about those who do decide to abstain ... and you may join them.