L.A. Affairs
October 20, 2012
L.A. Affairs: Some disenchanted evening
I spotted him through the crowd on a busy Thursday evening at Finn McCool's Irish Pub in Santa Monica. He was tall and good-looking. Even better, he was accompanied by two friends, the perfect counterpoint for my own trio, which included my cousin and high school friend, all of us eager to socialize.
October 13, 2012
L.A. Affairs: Suddenly, it's unfriendly territory
When you get dumped, not only do you lose the person you loved, you also lose the places where that love played out. Spots that once welcomed you become enemy territory — collateral damage that takes years to repair.
October 6, 2012
L.A. Affairs: Her older, but not wiser, man
I was lying next to the Older Man in bed, our limbs barely touching in the nighttime heat. We'd come back to my place after a hillside party off Mulholland Drive, a raucous bash crowded with his music industry colleagues. Woozy from shots of Bacardi and too much time in the hot tub, I whispered a question that had been swirling in my head for weeks.
September 29, 2012
L.A. AFFAIRS
Silver linings when life turns on a dime
One morning, about six months after I'd given birth to what became the best parting gift ever, my husband rolled over, looked at me and said, "I don't really want to do this anymore." To my everlasting relief, before I could spew a tirade of "how dare yous," I heard myself sigh and say, "Me neither."
September 22, 2012
When it doesn't pay to date
We'd been set up by friends, and her stats were promising: mid-30s, attractive, athletic and smart. After the perfunctory call to ensure that we weren't blatantly incompatible, a date was arranged.
September 22, 2012
L.A. AFFAIRS
One man makes a stand for his pink T-shirt and blue mojito
It's startling to observe the changes you go through when you move to another country — changes in the way you interact with women and men. Even the way you dress.
September 15, 2012
L.A. AFFAIRS
An unexpected relationship status update
It's popular these days to have a love-hate relationship with Facebook … or maybe just a hate-hate. The IPO was underwhelming, and no one likes the new timeline or that annoying ticker that flows to the right of the screen. People worry about how their personal information is being stored and used. They even made fun of Mark Zuckerberg for being flummoxed by an ATM during his honeymoon.
September 8, 2012
L.A. AFFAIRS
The signs of a broken relationship were there from the start
From the moment we met, everything about our relationship was broken. I was bicycling at Gold's Gym in Hollywood, listening to Bob Dylan. I barely noticed the guy to my left. I'll call him Jay — tall, lumbering, utterly confused. He fiddled with the controls to his bike, trying not to look embarrassed.
September 1, 2012
L.A. AFFAIRS
How 'Survivor' helped make us a tribe again
The day my ex-husband earned a hall pass from rehab to see our children for dinner, I got in my car, drove to the Santa Monica bluffs and screamed and wailed and cried and pounded my fists on my dashboard. Then I went home and made Sloppy Joes and corn.
August 25, 2012
L.A. AFFAIRS
The 'intruder' in his emotional fortress is really his best friend
"God," Julie said, "you're so cold. You don't care about anyone, or anything, except your animals."
August 18, 2012
L.A. AFFAIRS
He had the moves like Jagger, not to mention Hershey kisses
When people ask us, "How did you meet?" we pause while we try to gauge just how much interest the person has in our story. If she's being polite, she'll get the short version: "We met through friends after college."
August 11, 2012
L.A. AFFAIRS
So close, so far, so close
I was just months away from marrying my high school sweetheart and shipping off to the Peace Corps. I'd had a bright five-year plan that included teaching English in a faraway land. The idea of a new culture and new life filled me with the sense that all the pieces were falling into place.
August 4, 2012
L.A. AFFAIRS
Taking a turn into a commuter relationship
We went for it anyway ... even though we were geographically undesirable. Love knows no bounds, right? So we flew in the face of reason and committed to a commuter relationship.
July 28, 2012
L.A. AFFAIRS
Why she dropped off the radar
Looking for love is a journey. For the very young, that can be a quick trip, thanks to a huge pool of possibilities. For the rest of us, it's more like an expedition, with lots of baggage to lug around.
July 21, 2012
L.A. AFFAIRS
The advantages to getting engaged at 37
It happened on Friday the 13th, a day associated with bad luck and an exhausted horror-movie franchise.
July 14, 2012
In dating, women can be creepy too
The dating scene can be a jungle filled with suspense, pitfalls and strange species. Apprehensive women warn each other, "Watch out — there are so many creepy guys!" But while some men deserve that description, in my experience creepiness is not a gender-specific trait.
July 7, 2012
The merciful lie of 'I'll call you'
"I'll call you." Three little words uttered at the end of a date that no self-actualized girl wants to hear. For the inexperienced, "I'll call you" is filled with promise and possibility. Those of us more seasoned daters know "I'll call you" really means: I'm never going to call. Ever.
June 30, 2012
Step one: Get past the 5 kids
Dating is complicated when you have five children. What guy wouldn't be put off by a toddler at the front door asking, "You be our new dada?" But what can you do? You can't hide your kids in the basement.
June 23, 2012
How my boyfriend took me for a ride
I was publicly dumped after being with someone for years. My next mistake — let's call him the ex-con — was standing on the sidelines, waiting and watching the sordid drama play out. He was friends with my friends: trust fund babies, college acquaintances, assorted reprobates.
June 16, 2012
Kings, no Queens, one lassoed princess
Jen and I met at Ohio University and started dating while she worked in Chicago and I worked in Washington. We came to Los Angeles in 2001 (her) and 2002 (me). Then, like all couples who move to Los Angeles, we broke up. After two years together, the "L.A. era" of our relationship lasted two months. We parted ways mutually, following an otherwise nice dinner at Bossa Nova on Sunset Boulevard. I drove past it for years thinking, "That place with the surprisingly affordable entrees is where we went the night it ended."
May 26, 2012
No kids, but yet also no sure answers
We're at Cirque du Soleil on the beach, amazed and giggling and holding hands. It's a children's wonderland. We're not children — my husband and I are in our 40s. But we're having the time of our lives, until we recognize a couple we know across the big top … also in their 40s, there with their small children and disapproving looks.
11:30 AM PDT, May 19, 2012
One journey he just couldn't take
"Fine," he shrugged. "It's not eating at airports that I'm afraid of."
May 12, 2012
Some movie experiences have unexpected endings
Attending a 75-week movie-screening series was a solo experience for a shy former punk rocker. But close proximity to another movie fan slowly built to a dramatic finish.
May 5, 2012
A glass of wine and a little distortion
We met at the Santa Monica outpost of the Bodega wine bar. Though it was fairly dark inside, I recognized his face at the bar. I waved and walked toward him. As he stood up, his body did not match his face, or any of his online pictures. He was not the same guy surfing in the wetsuit, or wearing the tux, or looking all skinny with his bushy brown hair. He must have gained 50 pounds, maybe more. Beneath his beige button-down shirt I could see man boobs.
April 28, 2012
Body image can weigh heavy
The first thing people often said when I told them that I, single and 30, was moving to Los Angeles: "Aren't you worried about dating? They're even worse out there than they are here."
April 21, 2012
Refilling the uncluttered heart
Early in the summer of 2009, I was finally done. For real, this time. He didn't know it yet, but I did. And that was enough.
April 14, 2012
A net loss for a Net dating bumbler
I've always been auditory, and I'm here to tell you that the online dating site — the 21st century's "cute meet" — only goes so far. You have to call them first. (And, before that, they have to give you their number.) Nothing's easy.
April 7, 2012
Beyond a love for Africa, he shared little
I walked into the crowded bar looking for an African man who led a nonprofit promoting social entrepreneurship among people of African descent. That was all I knew about him.
March 31, 2012
Online dating with White Swan, Black Swan
Several months ago, at the height of my disillusionment with online dating, I created a "Black Swan"profile for a dating site (My "White Swan" profile was up and running on the same site).
March 24, 2012
Connections, and then confusion
I met him at a Persian New Year celebration in Irvine four years ago. His goatee lay perfectly around his lips, as if it had been painted by an artist. His eyes were kind. There was a story behind them I wanted to know.But I could glance at him only when he wasn't looking. I felt shy — unusual for me, but the feeling persisted even as time went by.
March 17, 2012
Fiction with a friend-not-boyfriend pales next to reality at home
There's an intimacy that passes when someone drives you from the Eastside to LAX during rush hour. The act of generosity, the panic of traffic and the fact that any wrong turn can lead to a missed flight is almost romantic.
March 10, 2012
Love lost and found in Los Angeles
It was on a smoking patio in Echo Park that an older woman named Annie shattered my illusions about finding a suitable boyfriend in my 30s.
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