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In Carlisle, PA, the nightmare is finally over for two men that were, for some time, trapped with the mentality of children.

One man/child, Richard Cantor, 56, went out of his way to throw a toothpick on "the sidewalk in front of another man's home" (The Patriot-News). The natural response from the other man/child, Brian Taylor, 43, was to do an equally ridiculous action: call the police.

When they arrived, instead of a simple littering charge, Cantor was cited for harassment. Only recently did the two decide to handle their harassment lawsuit out of court and save the tax payers from funding their absurd "He started it" circus.

Recently, a newlywed has hired a New York personal injury lawyer to represent her in a case involving risqué pictures that were taken before her wedding reports the NY Daily News. Apparently, her photographer snapped some shots of the bride in her undies getting into her dress then posted them on her website.

The bride even told the photographer not to take pictures while she was putting on the gown, but as the suits says, "Monstra took photographs of plaintiff's person in her underwear and in various stages of undress anyway" (NY Daily News).

It seems like her New York personal injury lawyer has more than enough to work with from ignoring the customer's wishes and posting images in public that make her uncomfortable and mortified; however, the keyword of the suit is that the bride developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from the ordeal.

"Honey? Are you ready for your shower and bedtime?"

"No! I don't wanna!"

"You better, or I'll call the police and have them arrest you and taze you."

".... ummm, what?"

An Arkansas woman called the police on her 10-year-old daughter who was throwing a tantrum and refused to take a shower. Not only did the police come and attempt to bring order to the screaming pre-teen, but when the mother allegedly told the officer that he could taze the girl if he needed to, he obliged.

We Need a Little of That Free Health Care Over Here, Please!

The overly-contentious national debate over health care reform took a trip to the hospital -- literally -- in Thousand Oaks, California, on Wednesday. L.A. station KTLA reported that an anti-reform activist had the top portion of his pinky bitten off in a fight with a pro-reform rallyer. (In true local-news tradition, the web version of KTLA's story comes complete with a photo of the bloody sidewalk at the site of the confrontation.)

According to KTLA, two men got into an in-your-face shoutfest during a typical rally/counter-rally over health care reform, and when the anti-reformer, William Rice, felt threatened and took a swing at his pro-reform antagonist, a good old-fashioned fistfight ensued, during which the unnamed (and ultimately un-apprehended) reformer bit off the top portion of Rice's pinky. Rice drove himself to the hospital, where efforts to reattach the digit were unsuccessful.

Robbery Defendant Experiences a Stick-Up of His Own

Attention Canton, Ohio, criminal defendants: best keep your mouth shut when told, or you might find yourself on the wrong end of the duct tape. A robbery defendant in Judge Stephen Belden's courtroom found that out the hard way this week, when the judge cut short their argument by ordering the bailiff to duct-tape the defendant's mouth shut.

According to an account in the Canton Repository, Harry Brown was in court for a preliminary hearing on charges stemming from an alleged fight that Brown had with security officers at a Wal-Mart store, where he was allegedly shoplifting. This led to a robbery charge and a hearing to determine whether there was enough evidence to move forward with a prosecution.

Brown opened the hearing by starting an argument with the judge over whether his public defender was doing enough work on the case. Not surprisingly, this line of argument went nowhere, with Belden offering only the sure-loser alternative of allowing Brown to represent himself.

Time to call it a trend: the AP reports that New York has just become the sixth state to ban the use of shackles during childbirth. (On prison and jail inmates, we mean; New York readers can stop worrying that free citizens might be chained to a bed by overzealous medical personnel. We hope.)

Perhaps, like us, you were under some quaint 21st-century notion that our civilized society would never chain down a woman in the throes of labor, prisoner or not. But apparently, there are still 40-plus states out there where nine-months-pregnant inmates are considered so threatening that they must be lashed in place. Even in New York, one vestige of the practice will remain: the new law allows inmates to be cuffed by one wrist during transport.

Researchers' Conclusions Something to Snort At?

File this one under already-broken news. News reports this week are revealing the startling conclusion of a study by a UMass-Dartmouth professor: most paper currency has cocaine on it.

Shocking! you say. Perhaps, until you realize that 1) the amounts of cocaine found on bills are truly tiny, posing no health risk; and 2) this phenomenon has been known about for decades.

The ever-thorough snopes.com sums up the history of drug-testing performed on our money, concluding that the presence of cocaine in trace amounts on bills has been known about since at least the 1980s.

Where are you now, Morty and Helen Seinfeld? Having famously defended the rights of senior citizens to shoplift batteries and other things that seem to need constant replacement, Jerry's fictional TV parents might enjoy the story of Ella Orko, who, according to the Chicago Sun-Times, got sentenced Monday to time served -- two days -- after her arrest for shoplifting at a Chicago grocery store on August 2.

Thing is, she wasn't exactly a naive first-timer. Authorities say that the 86-year-old has a petty-crime history going back half a century, beginning with her first shoplifting arrest back in 1956. In total, Orko has been pinched 61 times, and convicted on more than a dozen occasions.

Headed to court in Will County, Illinois? For your own sake, get a good night's sleep beforehand, or at least a power nap in the hallway beforehand. Courtroom sleepiness is likely to land you in the lockup.

That's what happened to Clifton Williams recently, anyway, according to a Chicago Tribune story. Circuit Judge Daniel Rozak didn't take kindly to Williams' yawning during a July 23 sentencing for Williams' cousin, and slapped him with a charge of criminal contempt of court.

To be sure, at least some courtroom spectators were in agreement that Williams' yawn was no simple, involuntary action, but rather was timed and exaggerated so as to disrupt the sentencing proceeding, however briefly.

As a reward for his performance, Williams will actually be facing more jail time than his cousin the drug defendant, who got two years' probation for his offense. Williams received six months in jail, which, according to the Tribune story, is the max he could receive without actually going to a jury trial. He's expected to serve at least three weeks of that sentence.

Amateur Shoplifting Effort Leaves a Bad Taste


The perps had made off with four bottles of wine last week, among them a 1945 Chateau Mouton Rothschild -- a bottle worth an estimated $20,000 after esteemed wine critic Robert Parker scored the vintage a perfect 100, while lamenting that he couldn't go any higher.

The Mouton Rothschild made it back into the hands of police after an anonymous tipster recognized one of the thieves in a security video, though no arrests have yet been made.

So who were these dastardly wine purloiners?