Blizzard Confession: Before last night, I had never really heard Robert Pattinson speak. He was always just this presence, this figure, that haunted my waking life. And yes, a single dream, that I’d rather not get into here. His face was stone, a Greek carving with a large, gaping mouth that never spoke. His hair, the crests of sh*twater wave, his face, the giant, gorgeous sh*tcreatures beneath. (This is all complimentary, chill.) But the voice… the voice had long eluded me.
I forced myself to read Twilight as more of a cultural experiment than anything else, but have still never seen the movie. Somehow, interviews with Pattinson had managed to sneak by my Google reader without making a pit stop in my ear canals. And now, years after his “hottest person on Earth” debut… it’s finally happened.
I heard Robert Pattinson speak.
But it wasn’t as his star-making character Edward Cullen, rather in his upcoming movie Remember Me, where Rob dons an American accent that fits him like a pair of irregular Dockers from the outlet store. It is thanks to this trailer that I realized I prefer my Robert Pattinson’s silent, and robots. His voice is just so much less Pattinsonny – ie a deep ol’ man voice — than I was hoping for.
And fair warning to New Yorkers who might still be experiencing some post-Millennial PTSD symptoms… you might want to read the spoilers before heading into the theater.