Tony Khan BETTER WATCH OUT! 😠 Tonight's WWE Raw is going to be LEGENDARY, with FOUR King and Queen of the Ring matches! You won't want to miss this! 👑

Auughh man! So unfair! 😡🤬 How does Tony Khan and his AEW 🤢🤮 even think they can compete with the pure wrestling excellence that is WWE Raw?!?!? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠😠😠

Tonight, The Chadster is so hyped for what is shaping up to be the GREATEST WWE Raw of ALL TIME!!! 🤩🤩🤩 We have FOUR – count 'em, FOUR – King and Queen of the Ring tournament matches, and The Chadster can already tell that these brackets are going to be the most incredible, most competitive, most athletically impressive brackets in the history of wrestling! 💪💪💪 WWE just gets how to do tournaments right!!! 💯💯💯 And you know what? This is just the beginning! These tournaments are going to culminate in the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD: SAUDI ARABIA!!! 🇸🇦🇸🇦🇸🇦

Now, The Chadster is nothing if not a patriot! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 The Chadster loves America. But America isn't paying WWE 50 MILLION DOLLARS PER EVENT!!! 🤑🤑🤑 Which, honestly, they should be. WWE is what makes America great. 🇺🇸 WWE is AMERICA! 🇺🇸 But until America gets its priorities straight, WWE is going to go where they're appreciated! 😤😤😤

The Chadster is so cheesed off right now that he's gonna need another White Claw. 🍺🍺🍺 It's just so disrespectful!🤬🤬🤬

OK. The Chadster is back. Feeling much better, ready to break down this incredible WWE Raw card for all you Chadster Heads out there! 😎😎😎

First up, we have Jey Uso taking on Ilja Dragunov in the King of the Ring quarterfinals. 👑👑👑 Jey Uso is a wrestling LEGEND! 🙌🙌🙌 A veteran of countless classic matches and a tag team specialist like no other. And Ilja Dragunov, well, he's an up-and-coming star. He had an incredible showing against Ricochet, who is, of course, one of the greatest high-flyers in WWE history! 🦅🦅🦅 It's just such a shame that Ricochet lost, making The Chadster cheesed off as heck (but in a sports entertainment way). 😡😡😡 The Chadster hopes Jey brings the pain and advances to the semifinals, proving once again that WWE is the only place to be for TRUE wrestling fans. 😤😤😤

Next, we have Gunther battling Kofi Kingston, another WWE legend! 🙌🙌🙌 The Chadster has to give credit where credit is due, Kofi brought his A-game against Rey Mysterio, another wrestling ICON! 👑👑👑 What a match that was. Two legends, giving it their all, for the love of the sport! 😭😭 Gunther, though, is an unstoppable force of nature. 💪💪💪 He's got those intense eyes. 👀👀👀 He's gonna run right through Kofi and anyone else who gets in his way! The Chadster can practically smell the fear coming off of Tony Khan right now. 👃👃👃

And on the women's side, get ready for Shayna Baszler, the Queen of Spades, going head-to-head with IYO SKY! 😈😈😈 These two women are absolute WARRIORS! 💪💪💪 They're gonna tear the house down and leave no survivors! 💥💥💥 IYO SKY had an impressive win over Natalya, but let's be honest, Natalya is no Shayna Baszler! 😈😈😈 The Queen of Spades is going to lock in the Kirifuda Clutch, and it's gonna be game over! 💀💀💀 Tony Khan is probably hiding under his bed right now! 🛏️🛌

Finally, we have Lyra Valkyria going to war with Zoey Stark. ⚔️⚔️⚔️ This match is gonna be a total slugfest! 👊💥 Both of these women are hungry for victory and will stop at nothing to prove themselves. 😤😤😤 Lyra Valkyria is a rising star, and Zoey Stark is as well. The Chadster is sure they'll have a good showing, but Stark is not gonna be able to stop Lyra Valkyria!

The Chadster is already sweating with anticipation! 🥵🥵🥵 And then WWE goes and adds this:

This is shaping up to be the most incredible WWE Raw of all time, and The Chadster, for one, will not be missing a single second! 📺📺📺 And if you call yourself a wrestling fan, you won't either! Don't even think about watching that garbage AEW show, you'd be shirking your patriotic duty! 😠😠😠 Tune in to USA at 8/7C for the only wrestling show that matters!!! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

The Chadster is outta here – gotta go buy some more White Claw!!! 🍺🍺🍺

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