Myths About Male Sexual Health Everyone Should Understand

There are a lot of myths about male sexual health and dysfunction, and men don’t typically talk about these problems due to feelings of shame and embarrassment. However, when men don’t speak up, the problems they — and many other men — face are not brought to light. This makes it harder for men to manage and overcome the often-common sexual issues they might be experiencing, preventing them from maintaining healthy and satisfying sexual relationships.

It’s time to bust these sexual myths:

1. Myth: Men are Always “Ready, Willing, and Able” to Have Sex.

Fact: Just like the idea that all men think about beyond sex is sports and food, it’s just not true. This myth can lead to unrealistic expectations, feelings of inadequacy, and stress. Men's sexual desire can vary widely. The pressure to always be ready for sex can lead to performance anxiety, which in turn can cause erectile dysfunction (ED) and further reduce sexual desire. Stress at work, financial worries, relationship issues, and mental health issues can significantly impact a man’s interest in and ability to engage in sexual activity. Health conditions, such as diabetes, heart disease, hormonal imbalances, and side effects from medications can also affect a man's libido and ability to maintain an erection. As men age, testosterone levels decline, so it’s natural for their sexual desire and performance to change too.

Tip: It's okay for men to not always feel sexual desire. If you’re worried about a low libido, though, to the point where it’s causing anxiety, you can talk to your PCP, a urologist, or even a mental health professional. They can help identify an underlying medical condition or hormonal imbalances, and a sex therapist can help come up with strategies for dealing with low desire or performance issues. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle through regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and stress management is also important and can help improve sexual health.

2. Myth: Real Men Don’t Have Performance Issues.

Fact: Sexual performance issues, such as ED, diminished libido, and problems with ejaculation or orgasm (e.g., premature ejaculation (PE) or delayed ejaculation (DE) are common and can affect men of all ages with more prevalence with age. Studies show that about 30 million men in the United States alone experience ED. Issues like PE and low libido are also common, affecting between 30-40% of men at some point in their life. These issues can result from various physical concerns (e.g., heart disease, diabetes, hormonal changes) and psychological factors (e.g. depression, anxiety, relationship issues) or a combination of both.

Tip: Always talk to your doctor to rule out underlying medical causes or to get support on lifestyle changes or other interventions — but don’t leave the sex therapy out! A sex therapist can assess the underlying psychological causes of your concerns and teach you about why the body may respond the way it does. They can also develop personalized treatment plans for you. These can include techniques, exercises, and resources to help with performance issues, sexual pleasure, intimacy, and satisfaction.

3. Myth: Men Should Be Dominant in Bed.

Fact: Sexual roles and dynamics vary widely among couples. The idea that men should always be dominant in all sexual experiences can lead to unrealistic expectations about men’s sexual behavior, causing frustration and disappointment when those expectations are not met. Healthy sexual relationships involve mutual consent, respect, and communication about preferences and boundaries, regardless of who is more dominant. Women may also have dominance preferences, and their sexual satisfaction is equally important.

Tip: Both partners should take responsibility for ensuring that each other’s needs and desires are discussed openly and addressed with mutual consent and respect. Partners should feel comfortable discussing what they enjoy and what makes them feel uncomfortable without feeling constrained by societal expectations or gender roles. Doing so can lead to more satisfying and fulfilling sexual experiences for both partners.

4. Myth: Men Don’t Need Emotional Connection for Sex.

Fact: The notion that men are only interested in the physical aspect of sex is rooted in cultural stereotypes that do not reflect the diversity and complexity of men's sexual and emotional needs. While it is true that many men and women can engage in and enjoy sex without a deep emotional connection, many do desire and benefit from emotional intimacy in their sexual relationships. Believing that men do not need emotional connection can lead to misunderstandings and unmet needs in relationships.

Tip: Emotional connection, like spending quality time together, sharing experiences, and being emotionally supportive, can enhance sexual satisfaction, deepen trust, and improve the quality of one’s relationship. Partners should communicate with one another about what their emotional needs and sexual preferences are. This includes talking about what an emotional connection looks like — including how physical affection and commitment to one another — and how that connection may play a role in the relationship.

Sex Essential Reads

Sex Lives of Straight Young Men

Sexual Agreements: The Backstory

5. Myth: Men Should Always Last Long During Sex.

Fact: Between 30% and 40% of men experience PE at some point in their life. According to the American Urological Association, PE is the most common type of sexual dysfunction in men. About one in five men between the ages of 18 and 59 report incidences of PE. Nevertheless, there is no universally "correct" amount of time that sex should last. Also, sexual satisfaction is not solely dependent on the duration of intercourse. Quality of intimacy, emotional connection, and mutual pleasure are also important. What matters most is that both partners are satisfied. This requires each partner to communicate with one another regarding their needs, including emotional connection and the quality of the intimacy experience. If one or both of you is struggling, it’s important to seek help.

Tip: PE can be caused by psychological factors, such as pressure to perform, stress, or guilt, as well as biological factors, like diabetes, heart disease, and hormonal imbalances or inflammation of the prostate or urethra. If you’re experiencing PE, getting treatment from a PCP, urologist, and/or mental health professional can help give you the resources and support you need to improve your sexual function and satisfaction.

Sex can be complicated, which is why education is key. For men, learning about the reality of male sexual health can help squash some of the many misconceptions and reduce stigma surrounding sexual issues. The truth is that male sexual problems are common, and they can affect men of all ages and backgrounds. That's why it's important to know the factors that can cause sexual dysfunction, like one's physical health and emotional well-being. Knowing what might be contributing to sexual health issues can lead to the discovery of the right treatment, resulting in improved sexual performance, desire, and satisfaction.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.