Ham on Wry: Trading the San Diego sun for Montana snow

Greetings from the beautiful hills of Montana.

We’re here to celebrate our great-grandson’s birthday.

My daughter and son-in-law purchased a beautiful home on the golf course here as he’s a gifted player.

In fact, he’d be playing now if the golf course wasn’t buried in snow.

That’s why he’s in San Diego.

Where the temperature is around 80, it’s sunny and beautiful.

Snow in Montana.

(Irv Erdos / For The San Diego Union-Tribune)

But I’m here.

Where it’s snowing.

And cold.

My daughter says her husband is planning to be back in time for the birthday party, but that’s assuming his flight isn’t canceled.

The snow is beautiful to see, but it’s risky to go outside because there’s the danger of frostbite.

And possible amputation.

So I’m staying inside.

Mainly because it’s warm here.

And I want to keep my toes.

Fingers too.

Sometimes, depending on the circumstances, they need to take a whole limb.

Snow in Montana.

(Irv Erdos / For The San Diego Union-Tribune)

I’m enjoying visiting with our daughter and the kids, and the view of the snow-covered mountains is truly stunning, so I’m glad to be here, even if I dare not step outside.

But there’s another problem, other than the weather.

Breathing.

That’s because of the elevation.

They say you get used to it after four or five days.

But that’s assuming you don’t succumb in the meantime.

It’s one problem my son-in-law isn’t facing right now because he’s playing golf.

In San Diego.

Where it’s 80.

And where the altitude is 62 feet above sea level.

Not 6,200 feet.

Like here in Montana.

Where I can’t breathe.

A snow-covered tree.

(Irv Erdos / For The San Diego Union-Tribune)

He’s with the gang on the green, while I’m trying to avoid gangrene.

He and my daughter spent a small fortune on this beautiful home on the golf course.

But it’s hard to play in the snow.

It costs about $1,000 a month for golf membership.

Whether it’s snowing or not.

And it snows a lot.

Like now.

In the middle of May.

That’s why he’s playing in San Diego.

Snow in May in Montana.

(Irv Erdos / For The San Diego Union-Tribune)

Coincidentally, my good friend from childhood also moved here years ago.

That’s because he’s a skier, and he’s out there gliding down the mountain every chance he gets, especially after the bones mend.

He’s had numerous fractures, and even several steel implants to repair broken toes, but he won’t let anything deter him, so he’s out there on the slopes.

Between surgeries.

Snow in Montana.

(Irv Erdos / For The San Diego Union-Tribune)

Tonight we’re having elk for dinner. My grandson shot it about three years ago.

He informed me they don’t like to use the term “shot.” They prefer to call it “harvesting,” suggesting they only hunt what they can eat.

The elk weighed in at about 700 pounds, so I’m guessing it will be on the menu for 20 more years.

Along with buffalo.

Thankfully, there’s also more traditional fare.

In truth, we’re having a wonderful time here. Hats off to our daughter, who’s been a fabulous host, providing us with everything our hearts desire.

Except oxygen.

Erdos is a freelance humor columnist. Contact him at IrvErdos@aol.com.