Movies that SHOULD be remade
Hollywood is churning out endless remakes these days, ticking off fans at every turn. Instead of remaking classics, it would be nice if they'd instead remake movies that had good ideas but, for whatever reasons, did not turn out as planned. Yes, I mean bad movies. Bad movies like...
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- DirectorJames H. KayStarsKatharine HoughtonJoe DallesandroRita GamA sinister landscaper turns into a tree and learns to communicate with his fellow plants.The plot of this one is pretty interesting: the new gardener has wondrous skills for bringing plants to life because he is an evil god who sucks the lives from those near him. The cast is fine, there's a great atmosphere and memorable special effects, but the pace is plodding, the script is weak, and the angelic gardener is only glimpsed throughout -- Warhol-favorite Joe Dallesandro is supposed to be the villain but he barely even qualifies as a character. Lots of potential but lots of tedium. And man, CGI could do wonders for the transformation sequence.
- DirectorTobe HooperStarsNeville BrandMel FerrerCarolyn JonesPsychotic redneck Judd owns a dilapidated hotel in rural East Texas, where he murders people who upset him or his business, and then feeds their remains to his large pet crocodile in the swamp beside his hotel.Loosely based on a true story, Eaten Alive centers on a motel-owner who has a knack for feeding his guests to his pet gator. Tobe Hooper's "Chainsaw" follow-up frequently gets a "worst movie I've ever seen" kind of reaction, which isn't entirely fair. There's an amazing cast and a suitably sleazy atmosphere, but scenes stretch on ridiculously long and characters are underdeveloped. If someone went back to the bizarre real-life story of Joe Ball, "The Butcher of Elmendorf," this could potentially be a hit remake.
- DirectorVernon ZimmermanStarsDennis ChristopherTim ThomersonGwynne GilfordA shy, lonely film buff embarks on a killing spree against those who browbeat and betray him, all the while stalking his idol, a Marilyn Monroe lookalike.A film buff dons the costumes of various movie characters and kills everyone whom he feels slighted him. This is a really odd movie with tons to admire... but there's one fatal flaw: the lead character is obnoxiously unsympathetic.
- DirectorWilliam HerbertStarsLaurie WaltersJoe SpanoEdna MacAfeeA college girl meets a reporter, they take a trip to the country, and they wind up meeting a creepy old woman who lives in a closed-down resort.Two college students go for a picnic and wind up exploring a-mostly abandoned spa inhabited by a kindly old spinster... and a ghost bride who was cannibalized by her guests on her wedding day. This no-budget “Hansel & Gretel” variation is oozing with atmosphere, there's some fun performances and good twists (strengthened by the brief scenes only available on VHS), but the title is irrelevant, the pace verges on tedious at times, and the story isn't fully fleshed out.
- DirectorCurtis HarringtonStarsPiper LaurieStuart WhitmanRoger DavisSixteen years after Ruby Claire's gangster boyfriend was shot and killed by four associates, a series of gruesome murders takes place at the drive-in movie theatre she now owns. Meanwhile, the behaviour of her mute daughter Leslie is becoming increasingly strange and a visiting psychic claims that forces from beyond are out for revenge.It's the 1950s and ex-gangster's moll Ruby has to turn to a paranormal investigator when her workers start turning up dead and mute teenage daughter becomes possessed. This coulda/shoulda been a '70s classic, but the director and producer epically clashed and the film greatly suffered as a result.
- DirectorBuzz KulikStarsScott JacobyPippa ScottJohn LarchA perverted teenage boy who lives in the walls of a house finds the house sold to a family after his mother dies, then he falls for one of the new residents.After creepy outcast teenager Ronald accidentally kills a girl, his mother seals him up in the walls of their home to hide him from the cops. But when mom unexpectedly dies, Ronald's stuck with nowhere to go when a new family moves in. The performances are good and it's unquestionably a memorable '70s movie-of-the-week, but with its short running time and underdeveloped characters, there's the potential for a better movie to be made from this story.
- DirectorWilliam CastleStarsNigel GreenMary BadhamPat CardiA 12-year-old orphan who has just inherited a fortune is trapped on an island with his uncle, a former British Intelligence commander who intends to kill him. A young girl is the boy's only ally against the sarcastic uncle, who uses hypnotism, a pool of sharks, fire, and poisonous mushrooms as weapons.A 12 year old boy who's just inherited a fortune is targeted for death by his eccentric uncle, so the boy decides he must strike first. This forgotten schlocker seems like a really bad Disney movie when compared to William Castle's other horror/thrillers... though that's part of the appeal. Done as a real thriller with a budget, this could be particularly memorable.
- DirectorDan DiefenderferStarsKevin BriefMartin EnglishSandra BeerA group of people enter an old movie studio and are suddenly transported through time.A group of people check out an abandoned movie studio and wander around encountering relics from various eras as they're picked-off one-by-one by various monsters.
There are some interesting ideas, a few gory moments and slightly amusing inside-jokes for film buffs, but there are too many undeveloped characters and generally the movie is boring. They walk down a hallway, turn into a room and someone gets killed. Cut and repeat.
With a smaller cast, a more focused story and some action, this could be an awesome movie.