Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies
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Books:
paranormal
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B00IWUXVRY
| 3.59
| 4,514
| Aug 05, 2014
| Aug 05, 2014
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it was ok
| “I read a novel where this hit man is supposed to assassinate a woman, but he ends up falling in love with her instead, just from watching her.”We “I read a novel where this hit man is supposed to assassinate a woman, but he ends up falling in love with her instead, just from watching her.”Well, way to fall into your own cliché, book. The message in this book? Beauty is everything! Want a better life? Become beautiful. You will instantly have everything you will ever want. With the exceptions of a few Evil People wanting to possess you because you have a Special Destiny, but, whatever, right? - A hot boyfriend (or two)? Check! He's been watching you from afar (without your knowledge) for years (Cullen ain't got nothing on Kian), and he's liked you when you were ugly, but it's just so awesome that you're beautiful now, just as he decides to declare his feelings for you! A miraculous coincidence, for sure! - A miraculous change in personality? Check! Who cares that you were a shy, quiet, bullied wallflower for your the previous years of your life. With your newfound beauty, you will instantly develop the kind of breath-taking confidence that's been ingrained in all beautiful people throughout their lives! Who needs time to adjust?! - A newfound relationship with your parents? Check! Your brilliant mother, your absolutely amazing physicist mother, the one whose discoveries are on the edge of changing the scientific world? Why, she's just been waiting her whole life for a beautiful newly transformed daughter to make her realize that all she needs in her life is a trip to the gym and a new color of lipstick! - Revenge on everyone who's ever wronged you? Check! Who knew that all it took was beauty for the people who's been making you miserable for the past three years of high school to accept you into the super-popular inner circle of school. Whoever thought that the person they've been tormenting for the past years could ever plot against them? Not the beautiful people themselves, no! In all seriousness, This book was a disappointment. It contained two elements that I should have loved: - Revenge - A Faustian deal with the devil It didn't work for me. This book was filled with a tremendous amount of insta-love, a lot of romance with a boy who has been stalking her for years, it is extremely light on the revenge plot, and the paranormal aspects were tremendously bogged down and confusing. The Summary: "I’m authorized to offer you three favors now in return for three favors later.”Edie is on the verge of killing herself. She has been bullied relentlessly at school for the past three years, and she can't take it anymore. She is about to throw herself into a river, when a mysterious and stunningly beautiful young man named Kian appears... He had the kind of face you saw in magazines, sculpted and airbrushed to perfection. Sharp cheekbones eased into a strong jaw and a kissable mouth. He had a long, aquiline nose and jade eyes with a feline slant....to offer her a deal she can't resist. He will give her three wishes, in return, she will give the people he works for three of their own wishes later. Deal. Edie takes it. Her first wish? “I want to be beautiful without losing any aptitude I have. No time limits, no melting face, no surprises.”Edie wants to be beautiful. To be stunning. To get revenge on the Mean Girls (and guys) "Teflon crew" who has been making her life miserable for years. She also wants something else, it's not a wish, but Kian grants it anyway. “Then there’s one more thing before you go.” I couldn’t believe I was doing this, but the words wouldn’t stop. They came from a place of complete certainty.He does, and he fulfils his promise to turn Edie beautiful. She becomes a newly Photoshopped version of herself with a "slim hourglass figure." To explain away the change, she gives the excuse of going away to summer camp. Three months later, she comes back to school, ready for revenge. It was time to shift from planning and preparation to payback and penance. By the time I was done at Blackbriar, there would be blood in the water.But this whole Faustian wishes doesn't come without consequences (duh). It seems that Edie is special. “Wait, what’s a catalyst?”Oh, god, here we go again. So Edie has a special destiny, and people are out to get her for it. It's simple enough, a revenge plot, and danger from people out to get her. So where did this book go wrong? The Insta-Change: Belatedly, I realized I hadn’t stuttered once. Apparently the behavioral psychologist had been right; I had a psychogenic stutter, exacerbated by stress, mental anguish, and anxiety. Right then, I felt no fear of ridicule, and it was easy to talk.In the beginning of the book, the main character is shy, overweight, ugly, and a social outcast. She has no friends, she stutters, she doesn't know how to act in public. And when she suddenly turns beautiful, it seems like her personality changed 180 degrees as well. [The beautiful people] considered their ability to control other people an accessory, like a great purse or a cute pair of shoes.Edie learns immediately to manipulate, to smile seductively, to flirt, to lie. This is not realistic. A person does not immediately change from a social outcast, one who is almost incapable of talking to another person without fear, without stuttering, into a butterfly overnight, no matter the change in appearance. “I was wondering if I could room with my friend, Vi,” I said, trying the persuasive smile for a second time.I was cripplingly shy in high school, I was tremendously afraid of public speaking, I never had a single boy ask me out. I also wasn't ugly. Confidence takes more than beauty on the surface, it is a slow, painful process, if you do not have it inside you. It took YEARS during college, of constantly being forced to do presentations, of having my insecurities soothed over by friends, of gradually gaining confidence in myself in order for me to become a person who appears to be confident in public. I can tell you from personal experience that a change in appearance does very little to give you the inner confidence that a person lacks and I found Edie's change to be completely unconvincing. The Revenge: What revenge? This is nowhere as satisfying as Burn for Burn. The "Teflon crew" in the book did a wrecking job on Edie, and she wants to get back at them. It is not realistic: - She immediately gets befriended by her former nemesis because she is beautiful - She gets lifelong friends to hate each other by spreading a few rumors “What the hell, you told Cam what I said?”And BAM. They believe her. They trust her. Magical bad things happen out of nowhere to them, without Edie's knowledge.This book doesn't have much of a sense of revenge at all. And trust me, I LIKE MY REVENGE PLOTS. The Clichéd Romance: I came up on my knees and hugged him; sometimes it felt like we were two halves of the same soul, and that was so stupid it made me feel like I lost IQ points just for thinking it.Kian is struck by insta-love, he is a stalker, he is someone who is a double agent who should not be trusted. Really, this can't be any worse unless there was a love triangle. Edie is madly in love/lust/whatever with Kian. She cannot think about him, for such a shy girl, she immediately demands a kiss, and then they conveniently become "pretend" boyfriends and girlfriends, which, naturally, leads to the real freaking EMOOOOOOTIONS. And there is a whole lot of emotions in this book; it addresses the clichés of YA romance while falling prey to it 100%. Kian has been watching her secretly, for years. “You already know I’ve spent a long damn time watching you. From the outside.”He has reached a level of stalkerishness Edward Cullen could only aspire to. He knows her likes, her dislikes. What food she wants. He knows what happened to that bunny that bit her in 4th grade. “You hate rabbits,” Kian said gently.FOURTH GRADE, MAN. And furthermore, he could be working against her! “Sort of like a double bluff. You tell me enough of the truth to make me think you’re on my side while you’re manipulating me for your own ends.”Does Edie listen to her instincts?! Hell no! He could be responsible for a girl's death. Who cares. It's KIIIIIIIIIIAN. Gorgeous Kian. Please. The Plot: I do not understand the paranormal agency plot at all, and I have no idea what's going on. There are all sorts of weird creatures that appear in the book completely senselessly, without any connection, completely disjointed from each other. We have an emotional vampire, a Bloody Mary, a Bag Man, a Greek Oracle, and I can't make any sense of it whatsoever. Then I finished the book, I read the "Author's Note"...and it all came together. Ann Aguirre: "I found so many creepy things that they wouldn’t all fit in one book, so there are many shocks and gasps yet to come. The Immortal Game is messy and convoluted, full of monsters and magic, science and sacrifice." So there's just a jumble of nightmarish creatures thrown in for the sake of creepiness and not for the sake of sense? I'm supposed to be confused because this book is supposed to be "messy and convoluted?" Why would you do this to us? ;_; Final notes: To further add to the trope, we have parents who are there, but who pretty much let the wonderful student that is Edie do whatever she freaking wants. And her mother, her brilliant mother...she just needed a makeover from her newly beautiful daughter... “I want us to have a better relationship, a closer one. We have science in common, at least. I don’t know much about your new interests, but I could stand to be more physically fit. Maybe we could work out together? There’s a nice facility at the university…”Why? Why? I appreciate the message that Ann Aguirre is trying to send in this book: Don't let the bullies get to you. Don't commit suicide, there is hope in life. Unfortunately, the execution of this book did not work to my liking. All quotes were taken from an uncorrected galley proof subject to change in the final edition. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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May 02, 2014
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May 04, 2014
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Aug 20, 2013
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Kindle Edition
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1606841440
| 9781606841440
| 1606841440
| 3.79
| 18,852
| Jun 14, 2011
| Jun 14, 2011
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it was ok
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None
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Notes are private!
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1
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not set
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not set
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Aug 05, 2013
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Hardcover
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1250045630
| 9781250045638
| 1250045630
| 4.34
| 32,136
| May 20, 2014
| May 20, 2014
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really liked it
| “Sweet,” I said, astounded at my acting skills. I should’ve gone to Hollywood when I had the chance, but when that old man offered to take me that “Sweet,” I said, astounded at my acting skills. I should’ve gone to Hollywood when I had the chance, but when that old man offered to take me that one time at an abandoned gas station in the middle of nowhere, I wasn’t sure I could trust him. Mostly because he had rope, duct tape, and lots of condoms in his backseat. Still, I’ll never know what could have come of it. How far I could have risen.There are two types of people in the world. Those who hate Charley Davidson, and those who will love her no matter what. I'm in the latter camp. So take my 4 star with a grain of salt. If you didn't love Charley, you're going to hate this book. If you loved Charley, come on over. There's a lovely little circle of us around a Satanic bonfire, and we have marshmallows, pointy sticks, and Hershey's, because the only time Hershey's chocolate is worth eating is when it's in a S'more. You're free to use the sticks however you so choose. But I digress. It's like a parent with their fantastically stupid child who they think is the most smartest wittle Einstein in the whole fucking world. Said parents will coo at that idiotic child and say "Ooh, isn't my darwing wittle pooh bear so adowable?! Isn't she?! Isn't she?!" as the idiotic brat is cramming a small Lego up her fucking nose while you're standing by looking on nodding and thinking "One day, my child, you will be blessedly removed from our fucking gene pool. Wait for it." With Charley Davidson, I'm kind of like that parent. No matter what kind of idiocy comes out of her mouth, no matter how stupid she is, no matter how inappropriately snarky she is, I will still think Charley Davidson is the shit. If she bit off a wee little bunny's head in front of me and then bared her teeth in a bloody grin, I'd stare in shock for a moment, and then stammer out "Well...maybe that bunny was asking for it," and I'm neither a fan of victim blaming nor a bunny hater. Quite the opposite. I loved this book because I love Charley, but I have to admit that it's one of the weaker ones in the series. The Plot: It goes all over the damn place. If you want a straight, linear plot, you're not going to find it here. If you haven't read Charley before, don't even think about touching this book because you're not gonna understand a single fucking thing. It'll be like an insider's joke where everyone is laughing at you (not with you). Charley is a private investigator, albeit a paranormal one. In this book, she's... - Got an anonymous naked ghost in her car. It's a little hard not to look at his penis because hello, the dude's naked (and old. Not cool.) The poor guy needed to be done with whatever it was he’d left unfinished. I couldn’t have him running around naked forever. It just seemed wrong.- Got a dead Chinese man in her bedroom, and although that wouldn't ordinarily be a problem (I dated a few Chinese guys myself), this one is dead, he's been in her room for as long as she's been there, and now...there's just something off about him. - Got a client who's sold his soul to the Devil. Literally. - Probably going to have said Devil as a father-in-law one day, considering her lover and "night-fiancé" Reyes is the son of the devil. Or the spawn of his flesh. More the latter, really. Who knew the Devil didn't like traditional procreation?! - Had some random ass guys show up in her bedroom in the middle of the night and they're not surprise strippers - Found out that her man may or may not have a sibling. Oh, hell! - Trying to deal with an evil stepmother and a dad who's dealing with cancer slash midlife crisis. What else would you call running away to sail off into the Atlantic. With cancer (ok, fine, in remission). Clearly crazy runs in the family. - Lost roughly $17 million in a card game. Fine, more like $1.7K. It's just a few zeroes off. - She's trying to hook up her best friend and her uncle, both of whom are making googly eyes at each other, and both are too shy to make a move. - Trying to prevent a couple of teenagers from doing the Romeo and Juliet thing. So you can see why this book isn't for everyone. I have to admit, I have the attention span of a peanut. Sometimes a book delivers a million storylines, and I absolutely hate it. Sometimes a book like this happens, and I love it, because I love the character, because I find the situations interesting. Your mileage may vary. Charley: “I tend to forget how beautifully your plans work when each and every one goes awry, including the one that left you stranded on a deserted bridge with a man who had every intention of burning you alive.”Ok, so Charley kind of has a bit of a hero complex. And I mean "a bit" in the sense that running headfirst into a metal pole is "a bit" painful. She's snarky, she's irreverant, sure. She's also got this overwhelming sense of stupidity that makes her want to rescue every stray soul out there in need of help. Whether it's matchmaking her best friend/receptionist to her uncle, or saving an errant soul from eternal nudity, to playing card games with a demon...she'll do anything necessary. My heart broke all too often. Even when people passed through me who’d gotten past their hardships, their heart-wrenching pain, and had lived long, full lives, seeing that part of them still cut me to pieces. So, maybe all this time I’d been hanging with Mr. Wong, I was really putting off the inevitable, the truth, not for his benefit, but for my own.Charley is often too sympathetic (and often empathetic) for her own good. And she's often got a sense of humor that's hilarious to those who love her...but can seem overly forced to those who don't. I dialed her number. Got her voice mail. Waited for the beep. Then I did my best creepy kidnapper voice. “This is a ransom demand,” I said, my voice raspy. Kidnapper-y. “Deliver one hundred boxes of Cheez-Its to the unmarked—ignore the license plate—cherry red Jeep Wrangler sitting in your parking lot by noon today, or you will suffer the consequences.” I paused to cough. Raspy was hard on the esophagus. “They will be dire.”The Romance: “I’m not stupid,” I said, growing tired of his questioning everything I did. “I do use common sense.”I don't like asshole alpha males, and one could argue that the Son of the Devil, Reyes Farrow, is an asshole alpha male, but in this book, he is entirely tamed. He wears an apron, he works as a waiter, he adores Charley despite her obvious idiocy. This wolf is now a puppy. A really hot puppy, but a puppy, nevertheless, and it's often frustrating to me that Charley leaves him hanging... “When are you going to answer him?” Cookie asked, drawing my attention.I can't even blame little 12-year old Amber for her crush. A hopeless sigh slid through Cookie’s lips as she finally looked at him. “You’ve set the bar too high now. No one will live up to—” She gestured to all of him. “—all of that. You’ve ruined my daughter.”...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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May 26, 2014
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May 27, 2014
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Aug 04, 2013
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Hardcover
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3.99
| 691
| Aug 19, 2013
| Aug 19, 2013
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it was ok
| “Holy house of hogs getting blasted by the blue birdie brigade...”What the actual fuck? This was just a terrible book. The background and informati “Holy house of hogs getting blasted by the blue birdie brigade...”What the actual fuck? This was just a terrible book. The background and information given regarding a crucial part of the plot was very poorly explained, and ended up confusing me more than anything. The plot was straightforward enough, but my enjoyment of it was bogged down by poorly written characters, of every imaginable trope in the book. It was peppered with insta-love, slut-shaming, and girl-hating...which is even more atrocious, given that the main character and the main narrator is female. The writing is fine, but in order to endure the dialogue, you would need to take a couple of Vicodins...it was that painful to read. The plot is...recycled. Jessie and her Klaire Simple enough, let's see where this went wrong: Jessie Dark: I love my snarky, smart-assed heroines. I love Georgina Kincaid, I love Charley Davidson. I have a feeling that the author of this book was trying to manufacture a character of a similar sort here, a loveable, wisecracking teenaged version of the two. It didn't work. Jessie Darker is but a shadow of the type of characters that I adore. She tries to sound witty, it doesn't work; it translates as a teenager just trying too hard to be a smarty-pants, know-it-all, bitchy, rebellious teenager who ends up being more annoying than amusing overall. The book tries too hard to make her into a likeable, humorous character, it failed completely. There is a fine, fine, fine line between making a character strong, amusing, but annoying: Jessie leans towards the latter. I could not stand her. She is a thoroughly dislikeable character: she is bitchy, she contradictory, she is judgmental, she slut-shames, she falls into insta-love. She is the embodiment of every character flaw I hate within the YA genre. Jessie fucks up---a lot. During her cases, she more often than not causes more trouble than she solves. She breaks her mother's rules, and flaunts the fact. In her eyes, she never does anything wrong; Jessie can always find a justification for her actions, no matter how wrong she is. Yet she is judgmental of others, like her sainted mother, for doing the same. Her mother is a complete idiot, too, some of Klaire's decisions, like having her volatile daughter babysit Wrath---had me seriously questioning her intelligence. It looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. The dialogue: The writing is adequate, but the characters' speech was excruciatingly awkward. The teenagers' speech, for example, is far from natural. It is so stilted. It is a 75 year old retiree's version of how teenagers speak. For example: “Looks like you’re not the only new kid in town. Did you get a load of the new chick?” Garrett let out a sharp whistle. “Hawt! Girl’s got a pair that would drive a priest crazy.”Who the fuck says "Hawt?" “Ya know, like sucking face and having gropefests?”I don't blame you, Lukas. I can't understand it either. The insta-love: Inexplicable. Jessie falls for Lukas' dark, mysterious good looks the instant she sets eyes on him (see introductory quote). Naturally, Lukas fits every trope in the book. He is of an unknown age...yet naturally remains a fresh-looking 18. For someone who's been alive that long, and for someone who is a fucking Deadly Sin (Wrath), Lukas is really, really stupid and naive. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Lukas, but the world’s changed since your time. People suck. They steal, they lie, and they kill each other in horrible ways for no good reason. Some are just bad. Badder than the demons.”OH MY GOD. YOU ARE A DEADLY SIN. ACT LIKE IT. Why the fuck is Lukas so surprised that people are bad. HE IS BAD. Could I emphasize it again? HE IS A DEADLY SIN. Lukas has been alive for a long time, he's had women fall all over him before, naturally, both past and present: it's not surprising, according to him, because he's good-looking, and he was from a wealthy family. But naturally, all other women are bland, and in all his years of living, only Jessie (whom he has known for all of three days, who has finally caught his heart. “I want to stay because of you. I’ve never come across someone like you. Your strength and determination is astounding. It’s odd because you’re so incredibly infuriating---My entire life, all I wanted was to find something different. Special. I never would have guessed I’d have to sleep for so long to find it.”Three. Days. Slut-shaming: Not just slut-shaming, every other female character within the book is portrayed in a bad manner, even her best friend, in order to highlight Jessie's personality. I fucking hate this shit. Why do women have to hate each other so much? Why does the author feel the need to make the main character look good at the expense of slut-shaming the other women around her? That is fucking bullshit, man, and it doesn't even make me like Jessie any more. It just makes me respect her---and the author, far, far less. It makes me so, so angry. Jessie repeatedly calls other girls "bimbos," "bitches," Lukas' ex-fiancee is a "big fat ho." The girls at her school are all blond, evil, queen bees who dress like sluts. Every girl is a vamp, a seductress, compared to the oh-so-normal, oh-so-pure, never-been-kissed Jessie. The Sins: Unoriginal and bland. They're either inexplicably stupid, like Lukas ("The guy was rare. Deadly and tainted by Wrath, but at his core, innocent and good." Extra Speshul, Lukas is), or horribly steoretypical, like Sloth, a New Joisey-swaggering, slow Italian type. Or just offensively unimaginative, like Lust. The girl’s too-tight black sweater dipped to a dangerous V, showing off cleavage that would make a porn star proud, and ended just above her belly button. The skirt—if you could even call it that—hung at least seven inches above regulation and bordered on sheer.Vida's presence was offensive to me, not in that she encourages sexuality, but it is that Lust is used as a tool in which to incite emotions that seems to be shaming sexuality in general. Lust is portrayed as bad, as evil, as shameful, through Jessie's eyes. I don't like that one bit. Unoriginal, and at times, confusing plot, peppered with slut-shaming and all the high school tropes in the book: not recommended. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Aug 29, 2013
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Aug 30, 2013
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Jul 29, 2013
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0987489933
| 9780987489937
| 0987489933
| 3.72
| 4,705
| May 25, 2013
| May 25, 2013
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did not like it
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Not going to bother with a critical review, I wasted enough time reading this drivel.
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Notes are private!
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1
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not set
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Jul 26, 2013
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Jul 26, 2013
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Paperback
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1595146504
| 9781595146502
| 1595146504
| 3.65
| 4,757
| Jul 30, 2013
| Jul 30, 2013
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did not like it
| “This is your chance to save the human race. You’re going to give it up to spend a couple of years with a guy you just met?” “This is your chance to save the human race. You’re going to give it up to spend a couple of years with a guy you just met?”God save us all. My life. My family and friends' lives. Billions of souls on Earth, all endangered because of one girl's insipid, stupid desire to be with her ONE TWOO WUV over the fate of humanity. I started this book in July, 2013. I finished it on January 9, 2014. That should tell you somehow about how utterly compelling this book was. This book utilizes a triple threat in the mental fuckery of all that is bad with YA romance in a non-contemporary. 1. Insta-love. Predestined love. Fate. Love that is meant to be. I’m so confused. I don’t know this guy—I’ve never seen him in my life before today.2. The love stalker, the (extremely handsome) creeper who somehow defies every iota of survival instincts within your body. He’s at my house in the middle of the night.3. The love triangle. The constant, pervasive, never-ending love triangle that runs throughout the book almost from the beginning. I shouldn’t want Benson so strongly—especially after having just seen Quinn this morning—Quinn, who makes my chest ache with longing and my mind spin in bliss.I'm sure that there are many people who tremendously enjoy a love triangle. I'm just not one of them. Certainly, there is an audience for this sort of a relationship, since these books keep getting written, but I've never understood it. I will never understand the attraction in loving someone so much that you need to really, really think about whether or not you want to be with them instead of that other guy. Does that spell romance to you? Maybe it does, not to me. If a guy I loved wanted to deliberate whether or not he wanted to choose me over someone else, I'd say to him: "Go fuck yourself." Because really. I am better than that. I deserve more. I deserve my lover's full devotion. I deserve the full extent of his love. His deliberation, his confusion of whether or not he should choose me is something I would find highly insulting. Seriously, go fuck yourself. Leave me out of your goddamned love triangle. A love triangle is not true love. It is a game played by foolish, immature, indecisive people. If you don't like someone, don't be a bitch. Either fully devote yourself to them or drop them. Don't play games, not with people's hearts. Not with your own heart. Make up your fucking mind. An overdramatic love triangle: that's all this book contained. There is little substance, there is a lot of romance, a lot of "Why is my heart beating for boy X when I truly have feelings for boy Y. And if my feelings for Y is sincere, then why can I not stop myself from thinking of X all the fucking time?" It is not realistic. A boy you love wouldn't so calmly place your feelings for someone else aside while he fucking waits for you to make up your mind whom you prefer to kiss. I pull away before I can lose my wits completely. It’s not fair. “But...doesn’t it bother you that I spend half my time thinking about Quinn? You know,” I add in a mumble, “whenever I’m not thinking about you.”Men are not doormats. They should not be used as such. They should not be called upon when it is convenient for you. They should not be someone to whom you turn as a last resort. I do not read contemporaries because I do not enjoy a plot that is purely romance-centric. I gravitate to paranormals, fantasies, actions because I enjoy a plot. I fucking loathe when a book that promises me excitement turns out to be filled with the beatings of the sound of one girl's wavering heart. Priorities. It is all about the priorities. When you are running away from people who might want to kill you, you should not have time to think about how much the guy with you is making your heart flutter. When your parents are so recently dead, they should not be so quickly replaced in your memory by a guy you barely know. A small surge of guilt shoots through me as I realize I’ve hardly thought of my parents the last few days. Slowly, so slowly I didn’t realize it until just this moment, Benson has slipped into their place.You should not start thinking of this boy, someone, again, whom you've known for a few months, for whom you have only recently developed feelings, as FAMILY. He is not. Your family is dead. You have just decided to entrust everything, including your life, to someone who have provided no evidence that you should trust him besides for the fact that he does everything mindlessly when you tell him to. He is not family. Stop calling him that. Family."Loyalty." The loyalty that has not been earned. Tavia seems to think that Benson should be trusted. I don't think so. The events in the book predecessing her choice to trust him have not convinced me in the least. The book is so incredibly filled with an overwhelming amount of love at the expense of a compelling plot. There is little excitement. There is little danger. There is a whole lot of stupid, stupid hypotheses drawn about some incredibly vague theories leading to conclusions that can only be described as the fantasies of a deranged egocentric 13 year old after watching The X-Files one too many time. Tavia makes stupid decisions. She trusts a person who, coincidentally, also makes stupid decisions. Birds of a feather flock together and all that. When you are trying to go on the run, trying to stay under the radar, surely it is best to perform illegal activities like steal a car. Because if someone’s got to steal a car, it’s going to be me.Aaaaaaaaaaaand another one. Sure, why not, let's steal another car. “Are you stealing this car?” I ask, horrified.Well, fuck, god help us all if he decided that he needed to hurt someone to save the oh-so-glorious Tavia. Go take your Bonnie and Clyde bullshit elsewhere. I don't want it. I want an actual plot. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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not set
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Jan 09, 2014
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Jul 22, 2013
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Hardcover
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0399165797
| 9780399165795
| 0399165797
| 3.70
| 4,635
| Sep 01, 2013
| Sep 26, 2013
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it was ok
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In my youth, I have read and loved all of Robin McKinley's fantasies. Therefore, it is with a considerable amount of disappointment that I have to adm
In my youth, I have read and loved all of Robin McKinley's fantasies. Therefore, it is with a considerable amount of disappointment that I have to admit that I wish she had stuck to that genre after reading this book. Shadows provided me with little enjoyment. This could be considered fantasy, but it is a convoluted sort of fantasy that makes little or no sense. The world building is confusing. The lingo is nonsensical. I desperately wished for a glossary, footnotes, anything to help me with the piss-poor pseudo-dystopian/semi-coherent alternate universe, whatever this book is. There is magic within this book, but the experience of reading this book is not magical. It is a rambling stream of consciousness with a mess of an insta-love and an insinuated love triangle, narrated by a tedious, unlikeable, annoying teenaged girl. The summary is deceptively simple, but the execution of it is convoluted, confounding. Maggie lives in Newworld with her widowed mother and younger brother, Ran. It is a pretty ordinary existence, she goes to high school and hangs out with her best friends, Taks and Jill, she volunteers at the local pet shelter---until a major disturbance comes into her life in the form of a deceptively ordinary stepfather. Maggie hates her stepfather, Val, but her hatred goes beyond the usually reasons; Val is creepy. There are shadows surrounding him. I was watching the shadows on the wall behind Val’s chair. They were too lively and there were way too many of them. One or another of them always seemed about to turn into something I could recognize—a Komodo dragon or an alligator or a ninety-tentacled space alien.They snake around him, they surround him, they're twisty, tentacled, sinister shadow creatures. And only Maggie can see them. Maggie tries to hide her disgust and hatred of Val, for her mother's sake, she even grits her teeth and doesn't speak a word about it (really, who would believe her?). Until one day, the shadows get to be more than she can handle. Maggie snaps. I’d had it. I’d had it.Who is Val? What is he? Who is Casimir, the strange, beautiful foreign boy who is oddly fascinated by Maggie? What does Maggie's heritage got to do with all this forbidden magic? The setting: The world building is alternately overwhelming, and utterly lacking. There are so many terms thrown at us. There are new lingos; dreeping, flastic, bugsuck, whizztizz. And then there are the foreign terms. Mgdada, chabaled, nazok, gruuaa, guldagi. There is Oldworld, Newworld, Southworld, Midworld, Farworld, with few explanations for their existence. Oh, and then there's Japan and England and Scotland and other countries of the world, which still exists, for some fucking reason and I'm not quite sure where they fit into the scheme of Oldworld, Newworld, etc. There is NIDL. There are silverbugs, which are supposed to be avoided at all cost, but it is never entirely explained as to what the fuck they are and particularly why they're so dangerous. There is gene-chopping to cut out the magical genes within a family without a compelling reason as to why magic is forbidden, as to why it is so utterly condemned and dangerous. I never got a clear sense of any sort of rhyme or reason for anything that goes on in this spastic fantasy/sci-fi crossbred world. There is the watchguard. There is neutralization. There is physwiz. There is NIDL. There the overwatch. There are countries like Ukovia, Orzastan. Lest you get the sense that this is indeed a magical world, it is not. Newworld is bland. Boring. Mechanical. There is nothing compelling about the world in which this book is set. I really could have used a glossary, because this book's narrator does a piss poor job of explaining what the actual fuck is going on. The plot: I hate to sound like a broken record here, but it cannot be helped. Confusing is the word of the day. The plot and the world building is the worst part of this book. This book's plot is so utterly disjointed. The summary made the plot compelling, it is not. The only thing it does well is in the depiction of the horror and tension that builds up while Maggie tries to come to terms with the shadows surrounding her stepfather. Everything else is so dull. It is a story about a girl who deals with shadows and the potential presence of forbidden magic in her life, while dealing with an insta-love, and a potential love triangle for her newly hot best friend. There's some stuff about going on a rescue mission, about discovering one's heritage, but honestly, the book completely lost me far before that point. The narrative: First person POV, the prose is more or less stream-of-consciousness, and coming from an angry, sullen, somewhat rebellious 17 year old girl, it is really fucking annoying at times. Take this paragraph, from the first chapter of the book: He was short and hairy and didn’t know how to wear Newworld clothes and spoke with a funny accent and used a lot of really dreeping words that nobody in Newworld had used in two hundred years. Have you ever heard anyone say “ablutions?” I didn’t think so. He looked like the kind of creepazoid you’d cross the street to avoid walking past too close to. And this guy who looks like a homeless crazydumb who’s about to start shouting about the evil magician who planted electrodes in his brain stands there smiling gently at my mother...and she laughs and puts her arm through his because she loves him. Uggh.Maggie's narration is erratic. She is not entirely focused. She goes off her train of thought often, she goes off on tangents, and I could barely tolerate her as a narrator. I felt sympathy for her towards the beginning of the story, but Maggie grated on my nerves so much that she becomes almost intolerable throughout the story. She's also got this little habit of dropping Japanese phrases into her narration. Shimatta. Kuso. Baka. Sumimasen. Domo arigato gozaimasu. Maggie's usage of random Japanese words in her everyday vocabulary stemmed from her grade-school self's need to annoy the fuck out of her quiet half-Japanese best friend, Taks; unfortunately, that habit lasted far beyond her childhood, to continue on the tradition of annoying others, namely, readers such as myself. The characters: Underwhelming. Maggie is a ball of energy, she is erratic, she almost feels spastic at times, but I didn't get much personality out of her besides that. The rest of the characters are unremarkable, inoffensive, but completely tedious. The romance: Why? WHY?! I know the romance is a broken record complaint from me, but there really was no point at all to the romance in this story. It turned Maggie from an ordinary girl into a special snowflake when the mysterious, starkly foreign boy falls in love with her and her special snowflakeness. It was so completely out of nowhere, it added nothing to the already uncompelling plot besides to further aggravate my nerves. I always thought that “my heart turned over” was just a phrase.And then the stupid love triangle thing with the best friend who got hot overnight. So predictable. I had way, way too much to think about...and Casimir’s face started drifting across my mind’s eye and that made my heart beat even faster than thinking about Val’s shadows did.Right. Then stop fantasizing about his naked ass. Despite its claims, there is nothing that feels magical, nothing fantastic about reading this book. Please read one of Robin McKinley's older works; they are superior to this terrible novel. ...more |
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Oct 2013
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Nov 03, 2013
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Jul 10, 2013
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Hardcover
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061858532X
| 9780618585328
| 061858532X
| 3.84
| 19,846
| Sep 21, 2005
| Sep 21, 2005
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Jul 02, 2013
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1599908409
| 9781599908403
| 1599908409
| 3.44
| 1,896
| Jun 25, 2013
| Jun 25, 2013
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Jun 25, 2013
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0373210736
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| 0373210736
| 3.64
| 2,779
| Jul 30, 2013
| Jul 30, 2013
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it was ok
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Actual rating: 1.5 "I am Indelible Ink," he said. "My sister is Invisible Inq." He pronounced her name with a clipped "q" as he pushed off the doorfActual rating: 1.5 "I am Indelible Ink," he said. "My sister is Invisible Inq." He pronounced her name with a clipped "q" as he pushed off the doorframe. How do you even pronounce Inq with a clipped q? Ink-wuh? There was something about this book that felt really familiar to me, and it wasn't until the end that I realized what it was. Indelible is like a Hayao Mizayaki film without the quality, without the depth. For those lacking anime-fu, Hayao Mizayaki is an extremely well-known director of anime films; among his lauded repertoire are such works as Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, and of course, the much-beloved My Neighbor Totoro. This book mainly reminded me of his movies because of the creatures within. There are fantastically strange beings, flightful ideas, but ultimately nothing is well-executed and the book ends up completely fizzling out before it even had the chance to pop. Indelible is without a sensible or compelling plot, but overwrought with ostentatious ideas that are not even remotely compelling. It contains and grandiose speeches that are fundamentally unsupported, it is without character development or complexity, and is completely lacking any glue whatsoever that it needs to hold the book together. It is action-filled, there's danger, but the attempts just leave me cold and bored; I like blood and guts and intrigue as much as anyone, but I don't care enough about the plot or characters for the events in this book to hold my attention. I had to fight myself to finish this book, because I wanted to DNF it at 20%. There's ample amounts of fantasy, but there's no clear-world building of the concept of the Twixt, and the idea of the Signatura, of the Scribe, just don't make any sense. It doesn't really fill the reader with any sense of urgency, of excitement, of wanting to know what's to come. I had to go back and repeatedly read the concept of Ink and his sister, Inq, to try to get what they do. "We use signaturae to mark those who are ours the way the land was once ours, those who share a little bit of magic, identifying who is connected, who can be claimed and who is strictly off-limits. Our work safeguards our people from corruption and signifies that the chosen human is protected, formally claimed by one of the Folk...As Scribes, our job is to take orders from the Folk and make a mark in their stead. We are their instruments by proxy. Per procurationem. In absentia. In loco deus." Say what now? And I should care...why? Honestly, the concept of what they do and this entire book in general is so boring. The book did not hold my attention at all. The best part of the book: the creatures and how they are portrayed. There are no specific races, many types of absurd and bizarre monsters appear, and I enjoyed reading about their appearance above anything else. "Briarhook's eyes were piggy pinholes in its fat, fleshy face, all but hidden under massive quills, its striped porcupine hair pockmarked in leaves. Its cheeks sagged and its clothes hung in mealy rags. It might have looked pitiful if not for the cruel curl of its lip and the rusty meat cleaver it clutched in one hand. Hooked feet clawed through the earth and debris, dragging a sluggish tail behind it. Its voice was thick and scratchy as it folded over its belly." See where I get the Hayao Mizayaki feels? Yeah, the monsters definitely fit into his repertoire. The writing is nice, the descriptions are lovely and imaginative, but that's ultimately all there is. A lot of ideas, a lot of concepts woven together for a story that's just not there. I've had a really bad reading week, and I can't bring myself to go into another epic rage-filled rant. Frankly, I don't really care enough about any of the characters or events in this book to feel anything towards them besides apathy. Joy Malone, the main character, is your typical teenager. She's not the brightest candle in the chandelier, she's spiteful, she's bitter, she's got a lot of parental issues. Joy is majorly pissed off at her mother, she refuses to resume contact with her, calling her mother a "cougar" and criticizing her mother's choice to leave her family for a younger lover. Joy is passive-aggressive with her dad, making snide comments about his ever-expanding waistline due to stress-eating while apparently suffering some food issues of her own. Joy has her TSTL moments; she receives random text messages to Ink, that leads her to a strange address and an abandoned house. She visits it. On her own. Strange things start happening to her, a strange monster appears at her window, smashing it. Joy reports the case, but eventually ends up freaking out and destroying the evidence after the lead detective disappears. Yeah, she's not bright, but I'm not going to get angry and rant about her because like the other characters in this book and everything that happens to them...this book isn't compelling enough for me to give a fuck about anything in it. There's also terribly forced and unrealistic romance between her and Ink. A boy that tried to slash her eyes out. Okay then. "'You're stunning, like a statue or a photograph, or a photograph of a statue. A naked, old one. Like the Greeks..." She took a breath. 'It's not real and it's not fair. You're freaky and dangerous and I can't stop thinking about you.'" Ink is a Scribe, one of the Folk, but I believe he is actually Pinocchio. He wants to be a living, breathing boy!! Ink doesn't know what it's like to be human, his body isn't even accurately human. Ink's exploration of Joy's ears to see how they're constructed was meant to be erotic, I guess? I just found it awkward. Ink's sister, Inq, is totally creepy. She is portrayed as morally loose and hypersexual compared to the staid stiffness of her brother. They're twins, they don't appear to be too close, but Inq makes all sorts of squicky, gross comments about Ink's sex life, or lack thereof. "'Ink doesn't know chalk dust from chocolate,' Inq said, her lips caressing Nikolai's skin. 'He doesn't know the difference between a nip and a bite.' She playfully nipped his forefinger...'If he likes his first taste, he might gobble you up. Swallow you whole...And you might like it.'" Can I get a collective "EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW" here, guys? Book 1: nope. Not even going to touch the sequel. ...more |
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Aug 02, 2013
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Aug 05, 2013
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Jun 23, 2013
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Paperback
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3.82
| 4,105
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| Jun 08, 2013
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it was ok
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Wow, I don't quite know what to say. I'm not sure what I think of this one, actually. Surreal, scary, unreal; it's like looking at a René Magritte pai
Wow, I don't quite know what to say. I'm not sure what I think of this one, actually. Surreal, scary, unreal; it's like looking at a René Magritte painting. This book just wreaks havoc with my head. It features an unreliable narrator, and that's what took me for a spin. It was well-written, but there were problems with the plot that could have been solved by a few easy steps. I liked it, but I'm not sure if I loved it. The concept is interesting and original, the execution is somewhat flawed. It does a good job as a thriller; there were quite a few chilling moments and the terror felt by the characters were well-portrayed. The ending turned out to be a double twist, more conventional than I expected, and then...what I more or less expected. Does this sound vague? Confusing? So is the book. As I said, I'm not quite sure what to think, but I'll try to adequately sum it up. The plot: Parker is an average high schooler, he's got a geeky best friend, a crush on said-geeky-best-friend's newly maturing little sister, and he leans towards the popular side of the high school food chain due to his soccer-team status. All's good, but he's got a problem: he doesn't sleep and he hasn't slept for four years. Parker sleeps, but he doesn't go into deep REM sleep like the rest of us do when we get more than a couple hours, instead, when he closes his eyes, he dreams through the eyes of the last person with whom he made eye contact. It's been that way for a long time, and as anyone knows, a lack of sleep can literally kill you. They use that as torture in some countries. Then Parker crashes into Mia. Literally. Then he sleeps, and dreams of her, and then he sleeps. Unlike in other people's dreams, Parker is able to fall asleep in Mia's dreams; he just finds a nice, cozy little place in her dream setting and dozes off, and Parker is soon getting more rest than he has in a long time. Mia becomes a student at his school, and he goes out of his way to make eye contact with her at the end of every day. He is completely obsessed, completely nuts, he does everything he can to meet her, and he effectively becomes a stalker. Parker is first just a creepy kid who likes Mia, then he becomes the stalker who scares the hell out of Mia, so much that she becomes a shadow of herself. She jumps at the slightest movement, she becomes truly frightened of him, and scared for her life. His school life suffers too, as he becomes ostracized by his classmates because thankfully, everyone notices that he is a huge creep. Meanwhile, in real life, Mia is getting threatening messages from someone pretending to be Parker. In his dreams, Parker is increasingly becoming more violent. He has a darkness inside him. Is it Parker who's committing all these atrocities, is it his doppelganger? Or is it someone intent on framing him through his dreams? The narrator: Parker starts off as a troubled young man with whom we sympathize. Gradually, and the author does this so well, he becomes so ingrained with psychosis due to his lack of sleep and his obsession with Mia that he becomes an unreliable narrator. The frightening things he sees and does in dreams become vague. We're not sure if he is committing these acts or not. The author is female, but she writes a very convincing male voice; this is a first person narrative, and I never questioned the narrator's gender because of certain minor details that he notices. I gradually came to question his reliability as a narrator, due to his atrocious acts, and they are indeed abhorrent and obsessive. "I’d been doing things I’d never have done before Mia. I was out of control. All week, I couldn’t seem to think of anything but seeing her again. I couldn’t focus in my classes. I’d memorized her schedule, but needed to keep the crumpled paper in my pocket to feel secure. Nothing mattered if I couldn’t find a way to see her. Was this what addiction felt like?" He scares the hell out of Mia. She starts off being a friendly, athletic, confident girl. Over time, he turns her into a girl who jumps at every turn, who is scared of walking to her car at night, who carries around pepper spray. "I looked at Mia, at what my actions had caused. She was broken and it was my fault." On the one hand, he needs sleep. Parker is truly afraid he will die, and his instincts for survival kicks in. He is torn between scaring Mia, stalking her for that little bit of eye contact, but his survival instincts are battling to override his conscience. He even justifies it to himself. "No matter how much I hated myself for it, my life was still more important than her fear. She would live through being afraid sometimes." Parker's characterization and decline is well written and documented. I alternately pitied and hated him, doubted him and sympathized with him. The other characters were equally well-written. Mia's descent was believable, and as a fellow female, I truly felt bad for her. Finn and Addie were good characters and good friends, and I liked that there were no unnecessary love triangles. This book is a YA thriller/suspense first and foremost. The structure of the dreams were too smooth to be believable. We've all dreamed before; it's rarely a complete plot. We dream in surreal bits and chunks, moments of this, glimpses of that. It's not entirely untrue to call a dream surreal because it's in bits and pieces that never completely add up to an entire picture that makes sense. Parker's dreams and glimpses into other people's dreams are too plot-filled and unbroken to be realistically deemed dreams. They're more like short skits than anything. There were some plot holes I felt were easily solved that were left undone for no purpose than to fulfill the plot as the author wanted it to. In the beginning, Parker's mother and doctor accused him of being addicted to drugs, it could have been so much easier to just get a fricking drug test instead of merely protesting his innocence. Similarly, Finn's friends finally believed him when he could have easily proved his honesty from the very beginning. These plot holes didn't subtract from the story overall, but they were a few weak points in an otherwise solid story. ...more |
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1
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Jun 18, 2013
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Jun 21, 2013
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Jun 17, 2013
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Paperback
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0061284424
| 9780061284427
| 0061284424
| 3.78
| 28,345
| Mar 08, 2011
| Mar 08, 2011
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liked it
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Jun 12, 2013
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Hardcover
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0061284475
| 9780061284472
| 0061284475
| 3.78
| 44,817
| Mar 15, 2010
| Mar 09, 2010
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it was ok
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None
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Jun 12, 2013
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Hardcover
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0061284394
| 9780061284397
| 0061284394
| 3.65
| 80,881
| May 27, 2008
| May 27, 2008
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liked it
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Jun 12, 2013
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0062128051
| 9780062128058
| 0062128051
| 3.93
| 7,824
| Jan 28, 2014
| Jan 28, 2014
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it was amazing
| “Compassion?” he hissed. “Why would you have sympathy for a monster?”*minor spoilers for the first 1/3 of “Compassion?” he hissed. “Why would you have sympathy for a monster?”*minor spoilers for the first 1/3 of the book* [image] The main character makes some dangerous, questionable choices. She is desperate for answers. She makes some extremely risky decisions. There is romance. There is a love triangle. I REGRET NOTHING. NOTHING, YOU HEAR ME?! Call me a hypocrite. I don't care. I freaking loved this book. The writing is fantastic. The characters are wonderful. The mystery kept me guessing. This would be one of those situations in which enjoyment trumps sense. This is by no means a perfect book, but I loved it, anyway. What can I say? It's chemistry. Sometimes it just strikes. If the previous book in this series was a retelling of The Island of Dr. Moreau, this book is a retelling of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I could barely put this book down. It was packed with action from the first moment to the last. This book has a Jack the Ripper-type murder in an awesomely creepy Victorian gaslamp era setting. The main character is strong, she makes mistakes, but she is strong, she is determined, and I am solidly on her side. There is an awesome supporting cast of characters, including strong female friendships. There is no girl-on-girl hate in this book. Can I get a motherfucking yeah? YEAH. I know there are people who hated this book because of the love triangle, because of the sometimes TSTL actions of the main character. I know that, I recognize that, but it did not affect my enjoyment of this book. I regret nothing. The Summary: It is a year after Juliet left her mad scientist father's island, the island with the creatures, crafted from bits and pieces of other creatures---Frankensteins, if you will. Edward is presumed dead, Montgomery has abandoned her. Her father is dead, she is alone in the world. Her new life is a good one. It is far beyond what she could have ever hoped. She is now a proper young Victorian lady, living a sheltered life. By a twist of fate, her father's childhood friend, Professor von Stein heard about her plight. He takes her in, acts as a guardian. He is a gentle, quiet, compassionate man. Professor von Stein is the father Juliet wishes that she had. It is a good life, but unbeknownst to the professor and all who know her, Juliet is leading a double life. By night, she sneaks out of the house to a suite which she rents with her own hard-earned money grafting flowers. She uses her alternate home to conduct experiments to save her own life. Juliet is sick---she has the symptoms of diabetes, gout. She suffers from shakes, pain. The serum that her father made her has decreased in its efficacy as she has grown older. Juliet is desperately trying to create a new serum that will save her life. It really is not a bad life at all, until Juliet's past comes roaring back to the present. People have been getting murdered on the streets of London. The murders appear to be connected. The bodies have been shredded to pieces by what looks like claws." "They’re calling him the Wolf of Whitechapel on account of how he carves up the bodies. One of them had a purse on him and a gold watch, but the murderer didn’t touch it. Wasn’t interested in anything but tearing that man apart like an animal.”There's something strange about the murders. The murderer has left a tropical flower on every body he kills. But Juliet knows there's something more to the murders, something that connects her to them. Four. I knew all four victims.The victims all had wronged Juliet at one time or another in the past. It is Edward. Only it is not Edward. Edward has a duel personality, himself, and what he calls The Beast. Edward is a gentle, kind man. The Beast kills. The Beast writhed on the floor, caught somewhere between man and creature in the midst of a transformation. He was doubled over in pain as claws slid into his bloody joints and then out again. His back buckled and strained as the two sides of him fought for control. In one instant he was the Beast, snarling and furious; in the next he was Edward, reaching out a hand toward me and trying to form words, and then back again.Edward's Beast is getting harder and harder to control. He is no longer able to hold back his need to kill. Edward needs Juliet's help to find a cure, and she is sympathetic to his cause, for she knows the feeling of desperation. Of loneliness. “We’ll find the missing ingredient, and we’ll get rid of the Beast.” I realized how desperate my voice sounded. Desperate for him, or desperate for me, now that I had someone in my life who shared my secrets?But Edward's secret is not all that's at stake. Old friends, old lovers come back into her life. Her father's past comes to haunt her; Juliet has more enemies than she knows. The Characters: Juliet is not perfect, I would venture to say she is TSTL at times, but I found her to be such a convincing, sympathetic person. She is desperate. We hear that over and over, and I understand it. She is so lonely, she carries so many secrets from the past that she can share with no one, because really, would anyone believe her? "Hi, my name is Juliet, my father is a mad scientist/Dr. Frankenstein wannabe who craft humanoid creatures from animal parts on a deserted island." Not exactly the sort of stuff you go telling people about at tea parties, is it? She holds so many secrets, and it is those secrets and her loneliness that drives her to sympathize with the monster that is Edward/The Beast. She knows perfectly well that Edward is a monster, but she sympathizes with him anyway. She sometimes feels like she is a monster herself. Juliet sometimes has urges...but unlike Edward, she keeps those violent tendencies bottled up. This is what had fascinated me about him—monster and man sharing the same breath—and now it terrified me.Juliet is fucking dumb sometimes, but she realizes it. Her stupid choices are made out of desperation, and sympathy for Edward, and I forgive her for it. I leaned my head back against the worn wood of the stairwell, eyes closed, uncertain if I was making the biggest mistake of my life by helping a murderer, or if I had found the one person in the world who understood me.She is strong, and she is willing to do what it takes to rid London of a murderer, even if it goes against her nature. If we couldn’t strangle the Beast out of him, if there was no way to separate the two, then I’d kill him myself.Edward himself was such a well-rounded character, his split personalities well-drawn. The jealous, murderous, raging, seductive Beast versus the gentle creature who wants nothing more than to be a man. You’ve always had that animal inside you, stirring, since you were an infant. It’s been more of a friend to you than any of those girls who titter behind their fans in church. You’re afraid that if you rid yourself of it, you’ll be hollow. A shell of a person content to let the days pass in boredom and chores, never really feeling, never truly living. Not like how I live."I loved the supporting characters in the book. They feel real to me; I understand them and I like them. There are other female characters in the book besides Juliet, and both Lucy (her best friend from the first book) and Elizabeth are very well-rounded, strong female supporters. I loved that about this book. There is no hate on any of the female characters. The Setting: Dark, dank Victorian-era setting. We are caught between upper-middle-class tea parties and the slums, as Juliet lives her other life. It is a beautiful setting, just detailed enough not to be intrusive, and I really loved it. There were some inconsistencies and some unbelievable parts in the book, like the use of fingerprints, and the shipment of flowers from other countries (come on, this is Victorian England). But other than that, the setting felt fitting for the atmosphere of the book. The Romance: Love triangle. It was well-done, I felt that the love triangle played a good role in the plot, and dare I say, I enjoyed it? [image] It really did play a part in the plot. Edward's jealousy, more specifically, The Beast's jealousy, was vital in the plot. "I won’t let anything, or anyone, come between us."Seriously, I regret nothing. ...more |
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1
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Jan 28, 2014
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Jan 29, 2014
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Jun 10, 2013
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Hardcover
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B00BE24VIU
| 3.62
| 484
| Jan 01, 2013
| Aug 06, 2013
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liked it
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Actual rating: 2.5 I have to admit, I had an ulterior motive in reading this book: I was hoping to get my fill of an awesome, kick-ass, take-no-prisone Actual rating: 2.5 I have to admit, I had an ulterior motive in reading this book: I was hoping to get my fill of an awesome, kick-ass, take-no-prisoner Asian heroine. That was what initially attracted me to this book. The cover. It's a pretty cover. The heroine is obviously Asian, and the instance I saw it, I quite literally squeaked for joy. It wasn't a kawaii sound, but I digress. Let's face it, multicultural characters in YA fiction...in Western fiction, period, is an absolute rarity. With the rare exception, when they do appear, they're often: a) stereotypically portrayed b) written using the knowledge gleaned from a Wikipedia article on anime c) tries too hard and end up tossing around often-used phrases and pop culture references in an effort to appeal to their audience (oppa!!! saranghaeyo!!1!) I am glad to say that none of the above problem exists in this book. This character may be Asian, but that isn't really integral to the plot. She's just Asian, like I happen to be female. Let's not make a big deal out of it. She was born and raised in England, so was her mother, and her race really isn't a major plot device at all. In fact, this book is pleasantly multicultural. The setting is the present-day UK, British slang and terminology is used, but it's not a barrier to comprehension. You don't need to have a genius-level IQ to eventually figure out what an "Oyster card" does or what a slang like "manky" means. Now, onto the bad. The book itself just isn't that great. The main character is uninteresting and contrary, the supporting characters are...shall we say...assholes? The romance was absolutely forced, and there is a decided lack of character development. The plot is pretty standard for an YA PNR. Girl sees ghost, girl chases ghost, girl is ostracized by peers, girl solves mystery of [fill in the blank here], girl falls in love with some asshat or another along the way. Taylor is half-Asian, she's been seeing ghosts and chasing down murderers and Marking them since she was 10. Her mom is dead (her family curse has this annoying quality of eventually killing off the affected family members or instilling them into a mental institution at a young age), her father thinks she's insane like her mother, and has a disease that gives her the Mark on her skin, and is feverishly hunting down the cure. Due to her abnormality of seeing ghosts and the Mark on her skin, as well as the ability of transferring the Mark to whomever she touches, even if that person is not the actual murderer, Taylor is not the most popular character at school (understatement). She misses school a lot, due to her "work," and is subjected to a considerable amount of bullying by her peers. I felt so bad for Taylor initially. She's got a dad who thinks she's insane, and the amount of bullying by her former friends that she faces was painful to read. Especially when she's taunted with names like "Lucy Liu," "Godzilla," and "China." The first third of this book had me cringing and wanting to give Taylor a hug due to all the crap she's facing in her life. Aside from my sympathy with Taylor due to her curse, I didn't really find her a good character. Maybe it's due to her back-up wall of defense, but Taylor's prickliness really made her a hard character to love. I am tempted to label her TSTL, due to the situations that she sometimes put herself into, but I don't know if that's a correct label for her. It's due to this curse that she absolutely has to fulfill or die trying. Is it TSTL if she rushes headfirst into danger when trying to accomplish her mission and save her own life in the progress? Because if she doesn't transfer the Mark onto someone else (hopefully the true murderer), she will die of it herself. Now, the curse. It's a combination of family history + some conjured up version of King Tut's curse. Two hundred years ago, an ancestor of the Oh family went on a The victim, Justin, is a real freaking winner. He is one of Taylor's former friends turned enemies, and he is among the ones who bullied her and made her life so miserable. I had zero sympathy for him initially and his reaction to his own death combined with his reluctance to assist Taylor with finding his murderer so that she can save both their asses does not endear him to me any further. That's among the reasons why the romance between them felt so ridiculously forced. The mystery in this book didn't really ring true to me, and the major plot twist in this book just left me flabbergasted...not in a good way. It felt like the book took a completely different turn from its initial plot. The mystery was not well-written and not well-explained, in my opinion; it just felt like things happened out of nowhere, with zero explanation, and Taylor's behavior during the latter third of the book was so contradictory with the prickly, survival-minded, purpose-driven girl we initially met. She didn't evolve as a character at all, nor did Justin. A boy who succumbs that easily to peer pressure is not worth it. He didn't change; it is a character defect to me that Taylor even thinks about him romantically. Justin is a tool and a fool. The book is readable, but the writing is not remarkable in its own merit, and there is no character development to speak of. The grand mystery of the Oh family is a far stretch of the imagination, and overall, this book just left me confused and cold. I received this book as an advanced review copy from Netgalley. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Jun 11, 2013
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Jul 10, 2013
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Jun 09, 2013
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Kindle Edition
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0765317974
| 9780765317971
| 0765317974
| 4.06
| 2,008
| Feb 2009
| Feb 03, 2009
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it was amazing
| "We must not let the other family have such power over the future. We must make those children ours.” "We must not let the other family have such power over the future. We must make those children ours.”This book is epic in every sense of the word. I am pleased that upon a second reading, it was just as good as I had remembered. It's got: Terrifyingly intelligent, yet spectacularly dorky and awkward 15-year old main characters An awesome, complex relationship between twin siblings Terrifyingly dangerous familial relationships where your beloved cousin might be plotting to kill you and eat your siblings A battle between An interesting spin on demonic mythology A series of tests, in the form of trials and temptations And the cherry on the cupcake...refreshingly little romance Sometimes a book just clicks. This book was just what I needed to refresh my mind in between the terrible books that seem to enjoy bombarding itself at me. The Summary: Eliot Post and his sister, Fiona, would be fifteen tomorrow and nothing interesting had ever happened to them.Eliot and Fiona are the most socially stunted 15-year old twins in the entire world. And it's all thanks to their grandmother. They are orphans, parents mysteriously dead, oh, somewhere, somehow. The only family they've got now is a terrifying grandmother who is more military commander than cuddly old cookie-baking grandma. It was Grandmother always. It was never Audrey or Gram, or any other pet name like they used with Cecilia. Not that it was forbidden, but Grandmother was the only thing they ever thought to call her. It was the only title that carried the authority her presence demanded.And a cookie-baking great-grandma who seriously can't cook anything for shit. They've been home-schooled their entire lives. Their lives are dominated by rules, ranging from NO LISTENING TO MUSIC to NO READING BOOKS DEALING WITH MAGIC. Seriously, their grandmother has a fucking list of rules for them. They've been forced to work hard their entire lives, there's no easy ride for them. From cleaning the apartment unit when they were young, to working their asses off doing menial labor in a horrible pizza shop, Eliot and Fiona's life can only be described as miserable. They can't even have candy. Even a half-eaten piece of chocolate, found in the trash, is considered a special treat. They wear homemade clothes (ugly ones). They never, ever go out. They have no friends but each other. He and Fiona might as well have been corked inside a bottle, sailing nowhere on a tiny balsa-wood ship.But all is not as it seems. Eliot and Fiona...surprisingly...caught someone's attention. Someone who recognizes their potential, through the altogether normal appearance. Yes, the boy’s eyes, the slender but strong bridge of the girl’s nose, the high cheekbones and arching brows on both. How could she have missed it? Whoever had camouflaged them had done a masterful job: they had transformed divine into dull.And with that, the dam bursts. No shit, they're not who they seem. Neither is their grandmother. They have a newfound extended family they know nothing about. A family that's all sort of magical, but not altogether friendly. Eliot and Fiona might get killed just for being born. Unless they pass The Test. “Let the record show,” Aunt Lucia declared, “that we shall test the children’s potentials with three heroic trials. This will illuminate their characters and determine their lineage. It will prove their possible worth to remain alive.”But that's not the only family they have to be concerned about. As bad as these relatives seem...there's the other side of the family...a side that may be even worse. Meanwhile she had to prepare for the gathering of the Board. There were weapons to sharpen and armor to mend. Eliot and Fiona will fight for their lives. They will face tests, temptations. Crocodiles and chocolates. Yes, you read that correctly. They will face attempts at seduction, they will discover powers they never knew they had. Challenges abound. They will learn that there is so much more to them and their families than they ever knew. Will they conquer their challenges? Will they fall? Will they succumb to the light? Ok, the slightly shadowy...or will they fall to the darkness? Above all else...they have to trust each other. They have to stick together. She gently pushed them away. Tears were in her old eyes. “Be brave,” she whispered. “Do no let them separate you. You are stronger together.”Together, they are strong. May the best side win. The Families: Eliot stared into the darkness and wondered about his father’s side of the family. Why was no one talking about them? Uncle Henry, Aunt Lucia, and possibly Grandmother had murdered. Could the other family be somehow … worse?This book takes a number of mythologies and gave it an exceedingly interesting spin. There are demonic creatures from Christian mythology and other legends who come to life...and who become other characters here. It is half the fun guessing who the characters are. From the "dark" side, we have characters like the seductress Seeliah, the deadly beauty with a secret soft side, a fighter and a queen in her own rights. On the "good" side, we have characters like the beautiful, deadly Lucia. The charming and conniving Henry Mimes. Good and bad are all relative here, no pun intended, because good or bad, each side is out for their own best interest, and no game is too dirty to play. With families like these...who needs enemies? Familial love: I absolutely love the portrayal of complex family relationships in this book. It is a battlefield, but above all else, there is loyalty. One may want to kill one's sister at times...but blood ties stand above all. It is a rather "Mafia"-like relationship. You wouldn't ever want to turn your back on a relative...but when it counts, you know they've got your back. Sibling Love: Fiona might have tried to drive him crazy, dreamed up the worst insults in the world to throw at him, but she’d never in a million years have snitched on him....Slash hate. I absolutely love Eliot and Fiona's relationships. They have only ever had each other. They have never had friends. They don't always get along...in fact, they hardly ever get along...but they're fiercely loyal to each other because of that fact. When you have lived your entire life a step up from abject misery, forbidden to have friends, forbidden to go to school, to be with your peers...you feel closest to the one who knows what you're going through. They have an...interesting relationship. There is a considerable and constant amount of rivalry with each other, academically. There's seriously NOTHING else they can do to keep themselves entertained but to fight with each other. They compete by playing word games...seeing who can best insult each other using the most obscure words. Hey, we all have to get our fun somewhere. As much as they claim to hate each other, Eliot and Fiona know they can rely on each other. Fiona is fiercely protective of her brother. An image of Eliot, beaten and bloodied, flashed through her imagination—and her only thought was to protect him.Eliot, in turn, knows to be there for his sister when she needs him most, even if she seemingly doesn't want him there. They have an unspoken YOU ARE SO GROSS I HATE YOU DON'T EVER TOUCH ME pact. A pact that is broken when they need each other most. She grabbed Eliot’s hand.I absolutely adore a good sibling relationship, and they don't come any better than this book, but that's not to say the twins themselves aren't excellent characters, alone. Fiona: She wanted to be Fiona Post … whatever that was … shy and awkward … scared … but herself.The older twin, the wiser, more cynical twin. The warrior to her brother's poetic soul. Fiona is awkward, unsure of herself, wishing, like most teenaged girls often do, that she could be stronger, more confident, more beautiful. Fiona would have given anything to be as confident. Every time she had to talk to strangers, her heart pounded so hard she could barely hear her own mouse voice as it tried to squeak out something clever.Throughout the book, we see her bloom. From a shy, stammering girl afraid of everything to a warrior goddess who stands up to challenges, who is capable of killing when she needs to, who finds strength to stand up against the most powerful of temptations. What I love about Fiona is that she is not perfect. That she is bitchy on occasion, but she has a tremendous amount of loyalty and love for her brother and her family. That is a main character I can stand behind. Eliot: “I’m here,” he whispered. “I’ll always be here for you.”The gentle, soft poet. The musician who doesn't know what he's capable of. He is more compassionate than Fiona, weaker than Fiona, but at the same time, stubborn and strong in his own way. He, too, grows from a spineless boy who's all-too-conscious of being smaller, weaker than his twin, into someone who finds strength and power in a skill he never knew he had. This is one of my all-time favorite book. It is a long book, but I assure you, it's so worth the time investment. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Jul 24, 2014
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Jul 31, 2014
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Jun 03, 2013
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Paperback
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0316253391
| 9780316253390
| 0316253391
| 3.77
| 7,044
| Sep 24, 2013
| Sep 24, 2013
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liked it
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Actual rating: 3.5 There are tens of thousands of people, all around you, maybe hundreds of thousands, who at some point have experienced sometActual rating: 3.5 There are tens of thousands of people, all around you, maybe hundreds of thousands, who at some point have experienced something that they can’t explain. And these people are silent. They are ashamed. They are afraid. They are convinced that they are the only ones, and so they say nothing. That is the real reason the Pax Arcana is so powerful. Rationality is king, and your emperor isn’t wearing any clothes.This was a fast read, a well-explained but very traditional version of a paranormal world existing besides our own. The characters and their personalities are nothing complex, but the main character is funny and snarky without crossing the line into annoying territory, and his narrative voice made the book a lot of fun. This book doesn't break any mold, but it's still a good one. John Charming looks like your average bartender...until a statuesque blonde and a vampire walks into his bar. I mean, "pub." We then learn about his Deep, Dark Secret. He is a rare breed, indeed. Half werewolf, half Knight Templar. Half monster, half dedicated to an order dedicated to eradicating such misbehaving monsters from the world. Let's face it, have you ever heard of a well-mannered werewolf when the moon comes around? Nuh uh. It's like a calorie-free chocolate bar. Theoretically perfect, but doesn't exist. Said statuesque blonde is Sig, a Valkyrie, a kick-ass woman in her own rights (with plenty of emotional and physical baggage). John gets reluctantly pulled into her oddball group of hangers-on; together they fight off the big, bad things that go bump in the night. Well, not really. Just a group of rogue vampires, led by a 17-year old teenaged mastermind who "wears cheap perfume that smells like a peach barfed on a lilac." (As a fan of perfumery, I found that passage particularly amusing.) Here's The Good, The Somewhat Bad, and The Bad. I honestly cannot title my list The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, because there's really nothing that stands out as being ugly in this book. The good The setting and world-building: Modern-day rural United States, with a paranormal twist. The setting is well-described, without being overly wordy, without being too far out of place for a book of this character, with a male narrator who is observant (he's trained to be), but doesn't feel overly effeminate in his scrunity (*cough* Ethan Wates). The paranormal aspect doesn't destroy any boundaries, it is a very traditional one. We have vampires, we have werewolves, we have geists, we have nagas. We have humans with skills beyond that of the ordinary, due to family inheritance, or due to religious beliefs. What I love are the explanations. We get a clear history of myths, of beliefs, and how they came about. Ordinary myths, like that of vampires fearing mirrors, are given a historical background, and explained; the explanations are clear, succinct, and never feels textbook-y, or out of character with the narrator's voice. That’s one of the things that sucks about magic: it moves molecules around; and when molecules move, electrons shift; and when electrons shift, the air becomes electromagnetically charged. This is why all of those reality shows about ghost hunters basically amount to a bunch of guys with science degrees getting excited while they talk about energy readings, and you’re just sitting there bored watching a TV screen fill up with fuzz and static before the cameras go off-line.Some things are given a historical explanation, other things have a more scientific-based background, some myths regarding the paranormal are based on a basic human instinct. The paranormal aspects of the story are so well-written, and I truly enjoyed reading about them. The writing & The narrative: “I’m involved with somebody else.”This book and the narrator's voice was a joy to read. The writing is, frankly, awesome. The narrator is disctinctly male, but not annoyingly so. I have to admit that I have a problem with male narrators in paranormal fiction. More often than not, they come off as either a) so downtrodden as to make doormats ashamed of sharing their name b) woefully emo, with a hipster-like pretentiousness that screams Holden Caulfield-wannabe c) an asshat I hereby declare John Charming to be one of the 2 (ok, technically, it's 1.75) male narrators in a paranormal whose narrative I actually loved. He is awesome. John is hilariously witty, he is snarky at times, without ever crossing the line into the territory where I wanted to take one of his own wisecracking jokes and shove it up his ass. John, for me, is my male equivalent of Georgina Kincaid, of Succubus Blues fame. Whatever there is wrong about this book, the writing and the spectacular narrative are not among its faults. Fine, I admit that I'm a little juvenile and a little frat-boy-ish when it comes to humor, but guys, this book was hilarious. The woman set Sig’s chocolate orgy out in front of her and deposited my steak on the table.Between John and Sig (buxom blonde Valkyrie)'s sexual-tension-laden banter, the whole book just flew by for me. The Somewhat Bad Main Character Building: I do like the characters, they're wonderfully written, but they could use a little more complexity and development. We are given an explanation into John's character (well, no shit, he's narrating the book in first-person POV), but I never feel like his despair, his existentialist suffering, was real. I laughed with him more than I cried with him. John's debacle and internal conflict between his wolf-self and his templar self, and his struggle with fulfilling his geas (or quest, to put it simply) was well-explained, but it just lacked a certain something that would make me empathize with him. I loved his personality, I like that he is respectful, I like that he admits his feelings, I like that he gives Sig her personal space when he asks for it, I like his determination; John is the perfect gentleman, he truly is a Prince Charming, if this were a fairy tale. But as a human, as a believable character, he leaves much to be desired. Sig was pretty kick-ass, as one would expect of a Valkyrie. She is beautiful, but she can seriously defend herself. She takes no bullshit. She has her flaws, and I loved her at first, but man...eventually she started grating on my nerves, and I know why. Despite the fact that Sig is not the main character...she is kind of a Mary Sue. She is too fucking perfect. A buxom, 6 foot tall blonde, descended from Nordic mythology, with serious fighting skills (and an admirable set of tits). She can put away impossible amounts of food without gaining weight. Men fall for her left and right. She's got a sad past...etc. Yes, her flaws are there, her past is mentioned, but the development of her character beyond her perfection is too brief to make an impression. Her wishy-washyness regarding romance and her unwavering loyalty to someone who is clearly wrong eventually got the better of me. I fell for Sig as much as John did, when we first met her. Unlike John, my good impression of her did not last. The Side Characters: Cute, but way too kitschy to be believable. We have a large, intimidating black man, with the terrifying name of Choo. We have Molly, small, cute, chubby woman who plays holiday music all the time and dresses like she's in the middle of Winter Wonderland because it makes her happy. We have the paunchy, ill-mannered, wisecracking cop. We have the surly Eastern European dudes who can barely grunt out a few words of English and who prefers to communicate with their fist and their sniper rifles. We have the Slavic boyfriend who is perpetually grumpy and inexplicably rude. We have the Indian Tech Guy. It gets a little too clichéd at times. I mean, I enjoyed their characters...but I would have appreciated some originality. Really? Why do all the grumpy guys have to be Eastern European. It's just too predictable. The Bad ...And...here we go. I'll give you 2 guesses. That's right! Insta-Love: People, people, these are fucking ADULTS we're talking about. Reasonable adults with extended lifespans (remember, John has been alive for almost a century) SHOULD NOT FALL IN LOVE THIS QUICKLY. And in the middle of a huge mess of an investigation, no less. I'm glad Sig pointed out the ridiculousness of it, but John, get your head together, man! The Love Triangle: Or rather, the love square. Because it seems like every guy (and a few girls) in this book just adoooooooooores Sig. But geez, there's so much conflict between Sig's suitor and current boyfriend. The two guys act like two little kids fighting over a toy they both want. The macho tension practically oozed from the page. I half expected either of them to pee on Sig's leg to mark their territory at various points during the book. Overall: recommended, for a fun, fast, lighthearted paranormal fantasy with a great narrator. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Oct 07, 2013
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Oct 10, 2013
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Jun 01, 2013
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Paperback
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1442436646
| 9781442436640
| 1442436646
| 4.12
| 43,523
| Oct 01, 2012
| Oct 02, 2012
|
did not like it
|
I did not finish this book...there were several things towards the beginning of the story that just had me laughing, it was so ludicrous. For example,
I did not finish this book...there were several things towards the beginning of the story that just had me laughing, it was so ludicrous. For example, the Big Bad Cajun Motorcycle Gang (also known as the Sharks and the Jets...oh, wrong story). They speak in heavily-accented Cajun patois, they have bikes with stolen, mismatched parts! They wear motorcycle jackets, their hair falls in greasy locks over their eyes! They rumble up to their new school in a crowd of big, bad, wolfery and start chatting up and soliciting all the pretty girls. Aside from the dirt-poor, uneducated, rude Cajun stereotyping and the clichéd bad boys, nevertheless, I could have tolerated the minor absurdity if there had been some promise to a compelling story, but no. I'm not going to waste my time. Here are a few quotes very early on in the story that made up my mind for me. "Beside him was a couple on a bike—a kid in camo pants and a girl in a pleather miniskirt. The big boy helped her off the bike, easily swinging her up— 'Wheh-hell,' Catherine said, 'good to know her panties are hot pink. Shocked she’s wearing them, actually. Classy with a capital K.' Mel nodded thoughtfully. 'I finally understand who buys vajazzling kits.' I foresee slut-shaming in the future. Not a fan. "Then Weasel zeroed in on me with a smirk. 'Ain’t you dat jolie girl in dat Porsha?' His Cajun accent was as thick as any I’d ever heard. 'Turn around, you, and hike up dat dress, so I can tell for true.'" ...really? REALLY? "'You’re laughing at me?' He clenched those big, taped fists like he was just dying to hit something. Most likely my face. 'Tu p’tee pute,' he sneered to my face. You little bitch." The above quotes came from the projected love interest. A violent, misogynistic asshole. No. No. I'm just not going to bother. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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May 25, 2013
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May 26, 2013
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May 25, 2013
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Hardcover
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0316213101
| 9780316213103
| 0316213101
| 3.84
| 72,993
| Sep 03, 2013
| Sep 03, 2013
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it was ok
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[image] Stop being stupid, [Tana] told herself, even though it was much too late for that. She’d been a hundred kinds of stupid already.I mean, I c [image] Stop being stupid, [Tana] told herself, even though it was much too late for that. She’d been a hundred kinds of stupid already.I mean, I can hardly be accused of being excessively judgmental on a character's idiocy when she repeatedly realizes she's being dumb, right? :| I know that Twilight is standard for the vampire book we love to hate. It's often been the butt of my jokes, and I often find myself mocking Bella Swan for her stupidity. With that said, I would read the Twilight series three times over before reaching for this book again. Yes, I mock Twilight, but at least it has a plot (however simplistic) that is rational and easy to follow. The writing is nothing special, but it is easy to read and easy to understand. Above all, however we tend to mock Bella, she is at best naive, foolish, completely and utterly clueless and without personality---but at least she's smarter than the incomprehensible pile of TSTL poop that is Tana. I cannot find any sympathy, I cannot find any respect, I cannot find any enjoyment, and I cannot find myself liking a character who behaves in such an astoundingly foolish manner. Bella may be inactive. Bella is immobile. She is catatonic. Bella waits, while the world revolves around her. However boring Bella is, however irrelevant her character, Bella's actions are still more tolerable than the main character in this book, who, at every turn, has the urge to run headfirst into death. The best thing about this book is the writing. Holly Black is a good writer, the writing in this book is poetic...it runs excessively so at times, but I enjoy that sort of writing, so it didn't bother me too much. What did not work was the plot, and the excessiveness of the book. This book was overly long for the material that it contained. You could have easily removed a good 25% of this book without losing relevant, without losing much of the plot. There was too much needless introspection, too many flashbacks, and memories, and characters' POVs that felt largely irrelevant to the main part of the story. The concept of Coldtown was interesting at first, but ended up being a mess with a lot of holes and inconsistencies that my mind could not comprehend. This book's type of vampirism does not break any mold, but it was well-conceived enough. Overall, the reason why I disliked this story is because of the characters. I either hated or disliked every single character, with the majority of my loathing directed towards the main character and her incomprehensible stupidity: Tana Bach. The vampires in this book were uninspired, they're a mix between goth-punk-wannabes, or exaggeratedly suave and evil Lestat/Louis-types of Anne Rice's Interview With a Vampire fame. Setting: Roughly 10 years ago, the world discovered vampirism because an idiotic vampire's mission to just drink blood from his victims, and not kill them. I think we know enough from zombie movies to know that things don't turn out the way he planned. There's no such thing as a little bite. Before he knew it, hundreds of new (and uncontrollable) baby vampires were formed, who then in turned infected thousands more, and well...in short: tons of people died, and vampires are now a presence in the world. Within the US, there are six Coldtowns, populated by vampire and humans, and those who are Cold (bitten by a vampire but not yet turned, with a ferocious desire for human blood). The concept of Coldtown is a mess, and the existence of vampires as both villains and celebrities doesn't quite work for me. It's the equivalent of having hundreds of thousands of people killed by terrorists, and then watching a reality show titled "The Real Housewives of Osama Bin Laden." This world glorifies vampires, who are murderers, at the same time it glorifies the people who hunt vampires (Hemlok: Vampire Bounty Hunter is a popular reality show). Vampires have their own reality show feeds directly from Coldtowns, the world gathers to watch vampires party, dance, go to raves, suck on other people's bloods, chill out in sumptuous beds and making out with each other, dressed in glorious velvet clothes soaked through in blood. It doesn't make any fucking sense. Coldtown's population and its rules for entrance and exit are inconsistent and again, nonsensical. It is an interesting concept, poorly executed. Death is meaningless in this book, because there is so much of it. There is no emotion in seeing a character die, at all. Summary: Tana Bach wakes up from a party, hung over, in a bathtub, and finds herself surrounded by the corpses of her friends. The tan carpet was stiff and black with stripes of dried blood, spattered like a Jackson Pollock canvas. The walls were streaked with it, handprints smearing their dingy beige surfaces. And the bodies. Dozens of bodies. People she’d seen every day since kindergarten, people whom she’d played tag with and cried over and kissed were lying at odd angles, their bodies pale and cold, their eyes staring like rows of dolls in a shop window.Tana is no stranger to vampires. Her mother was bitten and turned Cold before little 10-year old Tana decides it was a good idea to free her crazy mother from her chains in the basement: result, dead mother, scarred-for-life-but-not-much-the-wiser-from-the-experience 17-year old Tana. The corpses were clearly victims of vampires: they all have puncture wounds. There are blood everywhere. Tana herself might have been bitten. What should she do? Call the police? I mean, THERE ARE A TON OF CORPSES. Call her dad? Run away screaming for help? I would understand if she were to run away screaming for help. According to the government: if you do come into physical contact with a vampire, you are legally obligated to report yourself to the authorities. Do not attempt to wait to see if you’ve become infected. Do not attempt to self-quarantine. Call 911, explain the nature of the attack, and wait for further instructions.What does Tana do? Tana started giggling, which was bad, she knew, and put her hands over her mouth to smother the sound. It wasn’t okay to laugh in front of dead people. That was like laughing at a funeral.Ok, fine. She laughs. It's ok, hysteria is fine. I can understand that. BUT THEN. BUT THEN. Tana runs into a chained vampire (who might have been the murderer), and her douche of an ex-boyfriend, who has clearly been bitten and is now Cold. What does she do? Why, FREE THEM BOTH. It's of no importance whatsoever that the vampire (Gavriel) might have been the murderer. It's of no importance at all that the ex (Aidan) may spring on her to suck her blood any minute (which he does, repeatedly). Aaaaaaaaaand off we go to Coldtown! And along the way, let's just pick up a couple of twins goth web celebrities with a vampire-centric blog who are just dying (no pun intended) to go to Coldtown and become vampires themselves. They conduct video interviews! They ask Tana about her experience as a survivor of the now-deemed Sundown Tragedy. Tana is going to be Youtube sensation! And we only have 200 pages to go. Fuck me. The Characters: On a scale of marry-me to you-need-to-be-drawn-and-quartered-and-burned-and-not-necessarily-in-that-order, the characters in this book range from I-want-to-punch-you-in-the-balls to kill-it-with-fire. All kidding aside, there is not a single main or relevant side character in this book whom I would like, whom I would befriend. I've said it before, I've said it many times before in many books, and I will say it again: I cannot understand how the main character in this book can be so mind-numbingly dumb. Tana KNOWS how dangerous a Cold person is. Her mother literally RIPS her arms apart when little 10-year old Tana somehow felt the urge to be a do-gooder and free her mother from her chains in the basement. Being Cold, having a thirst for blood is like an cocaine addict needing a fix, only 10 times worse because you might actually kill a person and rip their throat out in your desperate need and thirst for human blood. It doesn't matter whom. A Cold person's bloodthirst transcends friendship, love, rationality. Tana KNOWS this. She IGNORES it yet again when it happens. Not only does she choose to trust the vampire Gavriel, knowing nothing about him, despite his veiled threats and warnings for her NOT to trust him, she tags along with him and rescue him from his chains anyway. When she learns his true identity, she STILL trusts him. Tana's foolishness, impetuousness, idiotic decision making never, ever stops, and I could not enjoy this book considering she is the main character. Not to mention this particularly foolish moment: YOU WANT TSTL? YOU GOT TSTL. LET'S JUST DELIBERATELY BAIT A HUNGRY VAMPIRE WITH BLOOD. He bent helplessly toward her.NO! NO! NO! Aidan is, as Tana admitted, the worst boyfriend ever. He is also the worst ex-boyfriend ever. As a human, he is a waste of air. As her boyfriend, he cheated on her, he flaunts his open flirtation with her, and he doesn't discriminate. Boys, girls, he kisses them all. More than one, more than once. He is a master at mind games. He is a smooth talker, a smooth charmer. Aidan has been bitten by a vampire. Aidan is cold. Tana doesn't learn from her lesson. Aidan is now not just a douchebag, he is a dangerously bloodthirsty douchebag. Before their journey, during their journey, after their journey, Aidan makes repeated attempts to rip out Tana's throat. Tana does nothing but admonish him. All Aidan has to do is smile, say something charming and wittily clever, and Tana will forget all his past wrongs. Tana is a fucking doormat on top of being an idiot. And then we have Gavriel. The powerful, stunningly beautiful ages-old vampire who inexplicably, suddenly falls for Tana. His reason: she saved him. Gavriel has a penchant for overdramatization. He does not speak so much as make a statement. He opens his mouth to spout such gems of wisdom as: “Fine, fine, everyone’s fine,” said the vampire, a mad gleam in his red eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as Bela Lugosi did in black-and-white films. “Fine as scattered pieces of sand.” “You bid me to bide, but if I’m to burn, then surely you will let me put that fire to some use.” "I promise I will repay you. [With] jewels, lies, slips of paper, dried flowers, memories of things long past, useless quotations, idle hands, beads, buttons, and mischief.” Screw you. Gavriel is at best, pretentious. At worse, a Louis/Lestat combination that never entirely works. There a a pair of Goth Vampire-wannabe web celebrities and video bloggers who aren't even worth mentioning because they're just so fucking random. The twins, Winter and Midnight (real name Jack and Jen) serve no purpose other than to make Tana into a fucking Youtube sensation. The Romance: There's a hint at a love triangle, and the romance doesn't quite work for me. Beyond the incomprehensible fact that Tana would feel anything towards the waste of air that is her ex, Aidan, her romance with Gavriel is equally implausible. And then there is this. “Allow me to explain how my whole life has prepared me for this moment. I am used to girls screaming, and your screams—your screams will be sweeter than another’s cries of love.”How about you go fuck yourself, Gavriel? ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Nov 17, 2013
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Nov 19, 2013
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May 20, 2013
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Hardcover
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