From toddlers to teens, ACT mums share a lifetime of love and lessons

Is there a difference between a brand-spanking-new mum or one whose babies are now young adults? Or do you just leave one battlefield for another - same war, different trenches?

The struggle to change a nappy on a toddler flipping like a floundering fish can morph into the familiar struggle to reign in an active teen, gasping for independant air, the right to be heard, and the keys to the family car.

Both will put just about anything into their mouths, busting to swallow random things that could endanger their life.

Both can cry and have meltdowns over seemingly nothing.

Both have enough newfound confidence and skill to expect independence, but neither have the wisdom to make all the right choices.

Is it a case of, "You think babies are hard? Just wait until they are teenagers"? Or could it be the opposite? "You think you're having fun now? Just wait until they are teenagers."

This Mother's Day, some of Canberra's more experienced mums tell their junior mum-self (and us) what they wish they had known, now that they know more.

The constant worry and second-guessing myself on how I was raising them. You will go mad listening to everyone's advice. At the end of the day you have to do what works for your family. Also, feeling as though each phase will last forever - it won't, you will get through it.

The biggest struggle with adult children is letting them make their own mistakes. When kids are young, they're living with you, you can talk with them, see how they're tracking emotionally. When they leave home, you don't have that constant access, which is healthy, but the potential for bigger problems are there and out of your hands to solve.

Watching your adult children choose their own adventure, and actually being friends with them and enjoying their company as adults. I will also become a 'Glam-ma' this year - we are very excited!

On your worst day, you're still doing a great job. And take lots of photos of your kids, but with you in them.

The pressure to breastfeed was ridiculous and I wish I hadn't felt so much pressure. As a wise mum once said, you really can't go into a kindergarten class and pick out which kids were breastfed and which kids were bottle-fed. I also wish I had appreciated the amount of sleep I could have before children, as sleep is still one of the most prized possessions in my life.

Enjoy all the moments - the happy, sad and scary ones.

Take lots of pictures. I find it very valuable to have them up around the house so when my teenagers are annoying the absolute hell out of me, I can look up and see their cute baby faces, and reset

Play with your children as much as possible. You never feel like you can justify it at the time - too many chores and "must dos", but it goes so quickly and when they're teenagers, if and how they want to play with you is extremely different!

Now with the teenagers, I get to be in it WITH them, rather than doing things FOR them. I get to share life with them. I absolutely love my girls and their wicked senses of humor.

When the kids were babies and toddlers, the biggest struggle was getting sleep, getting them clean, and making sure they were well-fed and happy. The biggest struggles now are looking after their mental health, making sure they're getting enough sleep, making sure they're clean, making sure they're well fed (on healthy food), and making sure they're happy!

I have three girls and they are very different - I called them my trio of trouble. I also say they are like chalk, cream and cheese. So my greatest joy is acknowledging each of them and their different personalities and interests in life and exploring the world with them through their eyes.

When I had my first child, at 38, with a capable and involved family around me, there was a girl in the government flats over the fence who had just had her first also. Unlike me, she had no help, she had no nice lounge room to retreat to when the baby was crying and, it seemed, no one to come and change a nappy, or cook dinner, or hang out a load of washing. Occasionally, a bloke would turn up and drink beer on the front step, but that seemed to be it.

To my shame, I did not go and help, didn't even stick my head over the fence and say hello. I thought I was too busy. We all know there's never enough time or enough sleep when they are tiny, but that passes. It is the support that makes the difference.

As they grow, it is tough getting the balance right on freedom and flexibility as they learn to do things themselves, ultimately form their own views, and learn from their own mistakes. Just keep going.

Watching our four - two stepchildren in their early 30s, and the girls in their late teens - grasp the world with both hands is such a joy. As is learning from them, as they grow.

My girls give me hope and frustration and joy and fear, sometimes all at the same time. They smell hypocrisy and lazy thinking a mile away and challenge you. All the time. On everything. They keep us up to the mark and we expect nothing less.

The one thing you have plenty of, as a new mum, is advice, when what you really need is lasagne you can eat with one hand and eight hours of unbroken sleep.

All you can really do is what my mum and sister told me, feed them and love them, and look after yourself. Ignore the "perfect lunchbox, perfect running gear, perfect mum" stuff. No one can do it. Don't waste time beating yourself up. No one is perfect, and your kids don't need or expect it.

My daughter was born just within two years of me coming to Australia. Having a child away from my home country was a little difficult. I returned to work when she was seven months old. It was also around the time she had started teething and had an ear infection. She wasn't sleeping much and as a result I had many, many sleepless nights. I still woke up every morning and went to work. It was tough.

When my second one was born, I was confident that I would be OK as I now had some experience with my first. I was wrong. My son was different to my daughter, so it was a new learning curve once again.

Time management was the biggest struggle then and is still the biggest struggle now. However, the difference is that my kids are older now, more understanding and help with everything at home. When they were little, I was worried about how I would keep them connected with their Indian heritage. Ever since they were young, they have been attending kids' assemblies and language classes at the BAPS temple. This has not only helped them understand our heritage, but also made it easier for me as a mother to ensure they remain connected to their culture.

They are not just my children; they are my confidants, my companions through both happy and tough times. Teaching them has been a learning journey for me, too, helping me relearn the virtues of patience and the importance of listening. I share a special bond with my kids, and we understand each other very well.

When kids are little, they may be fussy eaters, they may be mischievous, but remember that they are exploring the world and imitating you. So always do what you expect them to do and behave accordingly. Along with raising your kids, you can still pursue your dreams. When your kids see you doing this, it will inspire them and, believe me, they will turn out to be the most understanding teenagers.

The amount of time they take up out of your day. What you used to be able to get done in a day is impossible with babies because they take up a lot of your time and things also take longer to do. Also, adjusting to the sleepless nights. Having to wake up every couple of hours can be exhausting. Sometimes it felt like I had just gotten into a deep sleep and then I was awake again to feed my baby.

Finding the balance between being a parent that has their best interests at heart and deciding what they can and can't do to ensure they are happy and safe and what they think they are able to do. I think they are easily influenced by others and it is finding what works best for them and our family. Trying to make sure they dont hate me - haha - because of the decisions I make. I always like to say goodnight on good terms!

I love how independent they are and the relationship we have formed. I am their mum but I also feel like we are friends and can talk about anything together. I love watching them interact with others and see their personalities shine whatever environment they are in. I like seeing them get along and have a caring relationship with each other as well. Knowing I have raised good humans makes me happy.

Take the offers of help from people when they offer. I found that as a very independent person I thought I was capable of doing it all, but looking back at the offers of holding my baby, cooking meals or just spending time with me would have been a great help. It can be hard to say yes to help but when people are offering they are coming from a good place.

Also, let them explore more and make decisions. At times, I just wanted to keep them safe when they could have been exploring their environment.