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Parenting

March 2023

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Oliver Keens Opinion Being an only child felt like a blessing – until I realised it wasn’t

In the days after my dad died, I noticed a woman around my age in my parent’s building on the Isle of Dogs in London (it’s the bit on the map of The Thames that looks like a testicle). She’d be wheeling her frail, elderly father into the lift; I’d be consoling my grief-stricken mother up the stairs. One afternoon, having each attended to the people who, decades before, attended to us, I saw her on the stairwell. “Only child, right?” I said. We sat, talking about the strange new realities of our lives. I definitely wanted to cry. I don’t remember if I actually did. But we hugged, then parted. I never saw her again.

Today FM DJ Alison Curtis with her daughter Joan. Photo: Steve Humphreys Today FM DJ Alison Curtis with her daughter Joan. Photo: Steve Humphreys

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Parents should ditch the expectations — it’s OK for our kids to be ‘average’ and happy

Average is OK. In fact, average is good. The reality is that roughly 80pc of the world population is “average”, so why has the idea of average shifted from the norm to meaning “not good enough”? As parents, if we are totally honest, many of us struggle with the idea that our children are “just” average in school, in sport or in music. We should be happy with average, but somewhere along the line a shift occurred and there is now pressure on parents and on our children to be above average in everything that they do.

February 2023

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‘They love the joy it brings’: Should parents give their children Valentine’s cards?

Valentine’s Day was like a popularity contest in my primary school. In the classroom, we had designated plastic trays to store our books and pencil cases, but on 14 February this tray would become Cupid’s postbox. Children would deliver anonymous cards to each other in the hope of securing a playground romance. It could be brutal, though. On Valentine’s Day morning, those with a secret admirer may score a shoddy hand-drawn card adorned in love hearts. Others may open their drawer to nothing.

One study found that rates of lie-telling peak in late childhood or early adolescence. Photo: Getty/picture posed One study found that rates of lie-telling peak in late childhood or early adolescence. Photo: Getty/picture posed

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‘My children tell lies all the time, what’s the best way to react or encourage them to tell the truth?’

People lie all the time, so it’s not surprising that children lie too. Behavioural and observational research has shown, consistently, that children start telling lies in their early pre-school years and that the lies increase in sophistication and frequency through childhood. One study found that rates of lie-telling peak in late childhood or early adolescence (with three to four lies a day being told) and then decrease over the course of adulthood to average at one to two lies per day.

January 2023

Acknowledging and appreciating kids’ efforts is better than paying them to do chores. Photo: Getty/picture posed Acknowledging and appreciating kids’ efforts is better than paying them to do chores. Photo: Getty/picture posed

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Dr David Coleman: What to do when punishments and rewards no longer work in encouraging good behaviour in kids

What do you do if your child laughs in your face, or doesn’t seem to care, every time he or she gets corrected or told to do something they don’t want to do? Another reader recently asked me this, and again it reminded me that I may not have addressed this here. Like this reader, many parents may feel that their child has become inured to every consequence or punishment that may previously have been effective in getting them to change their behaviour.

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