This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: June 19, 2020
June 14
This is called grooming pic.twitter.com/nOc1yoTPRq
— scrotum phillips (@mustachetoilet) June 14, 2020
Historian here: tearing down a statue is not erasing history. Putting up a statue on land whose original caretakers you can't name is.
— Nick Estes (@nick_w_estes) June 14, 2020
I don't understand how COVID is worse than ever after we've tried everything from pretending it's over to pretending it never happened
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) June 14, 2020
Joe Rogan is what happens when a person mistakes having thoughts for being smart.
— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) June 15, 2020
Wait, is this THEE Ted Cruz? Holy shit man! Is this the same guy let little Donnie call his wife A dog and his father an assassin and now kisses his ass? Yo, can I get your autograph man? https://t.co/6QDwCaEkpv
— Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) June 15, 2020
June 15
Trump tweeted that he did a good job walking down a ramp & then Ted Cruz did a tweet challenging an actor to fight another man. Raw masculine power.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) June 15, 2020
I'm challenging Ted Cruz, right now - to a 3-point contest — with Reggie Miller.
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) June 16, 2020
I can't stop laughing at the reasoning for Twister's PG-13 rating pic.twitter.com/SdIZtVuRyH
— Blake Wexler (@BlakeWexler) June 15, 2020
— Kevin T. Porter (@KevinTPorter) June 15, 2018
The three stages of quarantine:
— taylor hughes brogan (@thbrogan) June 16, 2020
- depression
- bread
- revolution
My 72 year-old mother just informed me she is going to her first "sex party" and doesn't know what to bring.
— Balm Threat (@balmthreat) June 15, 2020
After some delicate questioning, "Gender Reveal, Mom. It's called a Gender Reveal."
June 16
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/t3KaKH80hn
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) June 17, 2020
Hillary isn't going to prison. There is no ObamaGate. There is no border wall. There is no migrant, terrorist caravan. Beautiful healthcare didn't arrive. North Korea still has nuclear weapons. The tax cut was for the rich. The coronavirus didn't go down to zero.
— Trent Capelli 🇨🇦 (@TrentCapelli) June 17, 2020
He is a fraud.
Imagine if Shake Shack actually did poison those milkshakes. And then the government was like, "please don't do that." And then they did it again and killed 1000 ppl every year for roughly 50 years. And then when ppl got upset and were like, maybe we should abolish Shake Shack
— Jean-Pierre (@jpm0031) June 17, 2020
Every marriage has one person who doom scrolls and reads headlines out loud pre-coffee, and another person who is begging them to stop
— Anna Kissed Alice (@Almost_Anna) June 16, 2020
hunting for apartments and nowhere in the unit description do they address the refrigerator painted to look like Stewie from Family Guy? pic.twitter.com/ItxI8wFBOo
— Donate to Black Trans Charities (@Diet_Hellboy) June 16, 2020
June 17
My favorite thing ever is when people say that college brainwashes you into being liberal. It's almost as if....education...gives you perspective you otherwise wouldn't have...and teaches you to think in different ways...and see things from other people's shoes???
— Al (@alexandreashea) June 18, 2020
I wear a mask because if the experts are correct, I could potentially prevent someone from getting sick and dying. If the experts are wrong, the most I'm out is the inconvenience of wearing a piece of fabric on my face.
— Scott Charles (@TheScottCharles) June 17, 2020
I often wonder who raised some of y'all.
the bad news is that police are waging a coordinated misinformation campaign to portray themselves as victims. the good news is they're so fucking stupid that the best they can come up with is "my mcmuffin was late"
— Law Boy, Esq. (@The_Law_Boy) June 17, 2020
June 18
"We're listening and we're learning" is 100% the new "thoughts and prayers"
— SnozzElectronica (@snozztastic) June 18, 2020
EDDIE VEDDER: I'm getting cancelled
— Corkus Fuck12suth (@CorkusBucksuth) June 18, 2020
CHRIS CORNELL (four octaves up): I'm getting cancelled
Ever notice how a 16 year old is a "little girl" when she lobbies for political change but a "young woman" when she's sexually assaulted?
— Cooper (@Cooperstreaming) June 18, 2020
June 19
Had a dream where Juneteenth got gentrified Cinco de Mayo style and white frat guys were wearing dashikis to bar hop and drunkenly singing stuff like "wade in the water."
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) June 19, 2020
Is this how idiots acted when seatbelts were invented? They protested over their right to die in a crash? My god. WEAR THE MASK.
— Allie Goertz (@AllieGoertz) June 19, 2020
look, I may not agree with the way our president is threatening peaceful protesters, but he is our leader and I will defend to the death his right to be impeached, removed from office, arrested, stripped of his wealth, tried for his crimes and thrown straight the fuck into prison
— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) June 19, 2020