“Hey Julia…since you’re going out of town, why don’t you let me write a column for you?”
This came from my husband Marty and I was immediately suspicious. He often remarks on my columns after they come out but he’s never been upset about anything I’ve written about him. At least not to my knowledge. I’m going to Italy for ten days so I have to write my next column early. Apparently he wanted to help.
“Well Marty…I’m not sure how that would work…any particular reason you want to write it?”
“Nooo…not really,” he answered. “I just thought it would be a kick to have my side out there for a change.”
“Do you think I misrepresent you in my writing Marty? I didn’t know we HAD ‘sides’ to anything.” I was becoming wary.
“Well nooooo Julia… .we don’t have ‘sides’ exactly…but you always get to tell your side of everything…I just thought maybe hearing from me might be fun for your readers…you know…like all the silly things we’ve argued about that you put in the paper.”
“Uh-huh…silly arguments huh? Like what?” I was wondering where he was going with this.
“Well…like those stupid deer you brought home that Christmas… remember? They came in PIECES! I had to PUT THEM TOGETHER!”
“Marty they were hardly in pieces…the entire deer was standing right there.” These were some extremely cute wire-formed holiday deer that came with a mechanism that moved their heads at different times. From the road it looked like a family of deer grazing on our lawn. Well, except for the lights but still…they were DARLING!
“Yeah Julia…the BODY of the deer was one piece but you just HAD to have the moving heads and all of THAT came in a box. A box with about 200 pieces! Don’t you remember how long it took me to put them all together? It took FOREVER!”
It was sort of coming back to me now…I do remember him being in a really bad mood the day the deer arrived. I had forgotten about the intricate mechanical work he had to do so the herd’s heads would move. But I had NOT forgotten what he did with them after he got them all working.
“I just remember how you sat them on lawn Marty…it’s a wonder you didn’t get arrested and we didn’t get kicked out of the HOA!”
He guffawed at the memory.
“If you could have seen your face when you saw those deer…oh man!” He was laughing heartily now. I had come home that evening from a CHURCH function to find my sweet little deer all MATING in my front yard! And their lights were on and their heads were moving. It was eerily real.
But it was funny, too. I had to give him that.
“Ok…we can write about that…that’s a good story. But I’ve told it before you know.”
“Yes but in your version, you never mentioned the bazillion pieces I had to deal with,” he retorted. “Everyone thought I was grumpy because I hate the holidays and that wasn’t it at all…it was that box of tiny little screws and nuts and bolts!”
“But Marty…you DON’T like the holidays… you start complaining in early October every year.”
“It’s not the HOLIDAYS Julia….It’s all the STUFF you buy that I have to DEAL with!”
“Like WHAT Marty?” I was indignant. My “stuff” was always cute little seasonal items that added quite a bit to whatever season we were in.
“Like all those battery operated PUMPKINS and skeletons…and GHOSTS you buy at Halloween or all the hundreds of strings of lights you always want me to hang at Christmas and don’t even get me STARTED about the Easter crap!”
“CRAP? Those Easter things are adorable Marty! The KIDS LOVE them!” I do have an abundance of Easter toys that all need batteries every year and for years I did put out dozens of battery operated Halloween light-up pumpkins, ghosts, and skeletons. I could see where Marty possibly had a point.
“OK…l’ll give you that Marty…I know putting batteries in all that stuff is time-consuming and I do appreciate your time. I’ll help this year.” I said this knowing full well I wouldn’t be helping him at all because I hate doing the batteries…which is why I always ask him to do it.
“Oh the batteries are a piece of cake. It’s those darned SCREWS that are a pain. WHY do you INSIST on buying all this battery operated stuff that has to be UNSCREWED with those teeny little screws?”
“I don’t CHECK them Marty! If I think they’re cute, I’ll get them! I figure you’ll know how to do the batteries…you’re a genius!” Mama always said you could catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. A little flattery couldn’t hurt.
“Yeah…that’s just it…you don’t look at the ASSEMBLY part of those things you buy! Then I have to deal with it! So how about it…can I write the column?”
“I think you just did Sweet Cheeks…you just did.”
I’m (Marty’s) just saying…
Marty speaks
I’m just saying...By columbiastar | on September 26, 2019
Julia Rogers Hookjrhook@thecolumbiastar.com
“Hey Julia…since you’re going out of town, why don’t you let me write a column for you?”
This came from my husband Marty and I was immediately suspicious. He often remarks on my columns after they come out but he’s never been upset about anything I’ve written about him. At least not to my knowledge. I’m going to Italy for ten days so I have to write my next column early. Apparently he wanted to help.
“Well Marty…I’m not sure how that would work…any particular reason you want to write it?”
“Nooo…not really,” he answered. “I just thought it would be a kick to have my side out there for a change.”
“Do you think I misrepresent you in my writing Marty? I didn’t know we HAD ‘sides’ to anything.” I was becoming wary.
“Well nooooo Julia… .we don’t have ‘sides’ exactly…but you always get to tell your side of everything…I just thought maybe hearing from me might be fun for your readers…you know…like all the silly things we’ve argued about that you put in the paper.”
“Uh-huh…silly arguments huh? Like what?” I was wondering where he was going with this.
“Well…like those stupid deer you brought home that Christmas… remember? They came in PIECES! I had to PUT THEM TOGETHER!”
“Marty they were hardly in pieces…the entire deer was standing right there.” These were some extremely cute wire-formed holiday deer that came with a mechanism that moved their heads at different times. From the road it looked like a family of deer grazing on our lawn. Well, except for the lights but still…they were DARLING!
“Yeah Julia…the BODY of the deer was one piece but you just HAD to have the moving heads and all of THAT came in a box. A box with about 200 pieces! Don’t you remember how long it took me to put them all together? It took FOREVER!”
It was sort of coming back to me now…I do remember him being in a really bad mood the day the deer arrived. I had forgotten about the intricate mechanical work he had to do so the herd’s heads would move. But I had NOT forgotten what he did with them after he got them all working.
“I just remember how you sat them on lawn Marty…it’s a wonder you didn’t get arrested and we didn’t get kicked out of the HOA!”
He guffawed at the memory.
“If you could have seen your face when you saw those deer…oh man!” He was laughing heartily now. I had come home that evening from a CHURCH function to find my sweet little deer all MATING in my front yard! And their lights were on and their heads were moving. It was eerily real.
But it was funny, too. I had to give him that.
“Ok…we can write about that…that’s a good story. But I’ve told it before you know.”
“Yes but in your version, you never mentioned the bazillion pieces I had to deal with,” he retorted. “Everyone thought I was grumpy because I hate the holidays and that wasn’t it at all…it was that box of tiny little screws and nuts and bolts!”
“But Marty…you DON’T like the holidays… you start complaining in early October every year.”
“It’s not the HOLIDAYS Julia….It’s all the STUFF you buy that I have to DEAL with!”
“Like WHAT Marty?” I was indignant. My “stuff” was always cute little seasonal items that added quite a bit to whatever season we were in.
“Like all those battery operated PUMPKINS and skeletons…and GHOSTS you buy at Halloween or all the hundreds of strings of lights you always want me to hang at Christmas and don’t even get me STARTED about the Easter crap!”
“CRAP? Those Easter things are adorable Marty! The KIDS LOVE them!” I do have an abundance of Easter toys that all need batteries every year and for years I did put out dozens of battery operated Halloween light-up pumpkins, ghosts, and skeletons. I could see where Marty possibly had a point.
“OK…l’ll give you that Marty…I know putting batteries in all that stuff is time-consuming and I do appreciate your time. I’ll help this year.” I said this knowing full well I wouldn’t be helping him at all because I hate doing the batteries…which is why I always ask him to do it.
“Oh the batteries are a piece of cake. It’s those darned SCREWS that are a pain. WHY do you INSIST on buying all this battery operated stuff that has to be UNSCREWED with those teeny little screws?”
“I don’t CHECK them Marty! If I think they’re cute, I’ll get them! I figure you’ll know how to do the batteries…you’re a genius!” Mama always said you could catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. A little flattery couldn’t hurt.
“Yeah…that’s just it…you don’t look at the ASSEMBLY part of those things you buy! Then I have to deal with it! So how about it…can I write the column?”
“I think you just did Sweet Cheeks…you just did.”
I’m (Marty’s) just saying…
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