Stan helps Steve to go above and beyond on his history project, fearing Steve may be losing his smarts. Meanwhile, Klaus longs for a human body again someday.
Hayley experiences what pregnancy would be like after Roger agrees to give birth to Jeff so he can be human again. Snot's feelings are hurt when Steve secretly signs him up for a makeover.
The Smiths rescue Steve after he's kidnapped and taken to the North Pole, where Santa Claus is using children to mine for precious stones needed for an ancient ritual.
When Francine finds out that Stan is involved with slot car racing, she becomes less attracted to him. Meanwhile Roger becomes a stewardess and performs comedy routines on planes and gets mad when people find the other stewardess funnier.
Klaus gets transferred into the navigation system of Stan's car after Stan refuses to pay for a life-saving surgery. Steve and his friends prank Roger's Frank character and he terrorizes them for revenge.
Francine steals from the CIA and pretends to be a sexy supervillain to incite Stan to be more seductive. Roger tricks Hayley and Steve into trapping Jay Leno so he can take revenge on him.
Steve becomes the most hated person in town after he convinces the star quarterback player of the Bazooka Sharks to quit. Meanwhile Haley is force to become a cab driver to pay Rogers gambling debt.
Steve and Snot go to summer camp, but each wants something different out of the experience. Meanwhile, Roger organizes a "Burning Man" in the Smith's backyard for the anniversary of Hayley and Jeff. Stan and Francine get caught up in the celebration.
Roger runs off in disguise as a Julia Roberts character to a small town after Stan hurts his feelings. Steve plans a meeting when he finds out that Jeff and Barry have never met.
The family gathers to hear the results of Stan's annual physical. The doctor reveals that Stan is not taking care of himself and orders him to live a healthier life. Stan is stubborn, so Roger and Francine conspire to scare Stan with a near death experience. Stan becomes addicted to the near death experience when he watches his life flash before his eyes. Meanwhile, Klaus takes Steve on a tour of a university.
The Smith family is participating in televised race that takes them all over the globe. Stan and Hayley are frustrated that their teammates don't take the race seriously. Steve and Francine try to turn the race into a vacation, while Roger abandons the race to enjoy karaoke. Stan and Hayley abandon their teams and attempt to complete the race on their own. Meanwhile, Klaus watches the race as it unfolds on television.
Francine dreams of having a larger family and wonders if being adopted has affected her view of families. Hayley encourages Francine to track down her birth parents. Francine finds her family and attends a family reunion. At the union, the family patron decides to whittle his large family down by trapping them on the property and forcing them to fight each other. Meanwhile, Stan becomes obsessed with the TV show "American Pickers".
Roger is lonely and unhappy as he thinks everyone but him has a stable relationship. Roger tries online dating and ends up on a date with Klaus, who is also looking for love. Klaus and Roger begin a passionate and secret affair, but Roger wants a more serious commitment. Meanwhile, Steve tries to get out of taking the Presidential Fitness Test.
The Smith family receives a notice that Grandpa Jack's storage unit is being auctioned away. Stan forbids the family from visiting the storage unit but Steve wants to learn more about Grandpa. Steve discovers a garbage truck in the unit and brings it to Stan. Stan has a few good memories of the truck so he and Steve start running the old garbage route. Steve learns that the truck was part of a drug running business but hides this from Stan. Meanwhile, Roger takes Hayley on the competitive bumper pool circuit.
In an alternate reality where the characters are all people in the old west, Stan, while on the run from bounty hunters, finds himself in an Arizona town terrorized by Bullock and his clan.