Party political broadcasts should start 'oh go on, imagine it, it would be such a laugh', and in these unpredictable times, they’ll be ahead in the polls by Sunday

You might criticise Blair for having hobnobbed with the Assads, but you can see how it happened. Tony put his arm round him and said, ‘Here, Assad mate, fancy coming back to mine for a few tins? I’ll get the Queen up, she can make us beans on toast.’ Then a couple of days later Cherie looked him up on Google and what an embarrassment, it turns out he’s a mass murderer