Furious 6 (2013)

I walked into the cinema expecting to write something about this being the must see film for the weekend, remembering the nostalgia of the original and the progressively worse but still kinda cool sequels (except for that abortion Tokyo Drift we'd all like to forget we saw) and the redeeming previous installment Fast Five that somehow redeemed and reinvented the franchise introducing 'The Rock' as a kick-ass anti-hero and started the franchise on a remarkably cool path with fast paced action that was grounded with a great balance of realism and "plausible" suspension of belief.

What I walked away with was having my mind raped by the worse script (CENSORED) It is near impossible to believe this is the same writer and director duo from Fast Five - but then they were also responsible for Tokyo Drift.

Firstly, for some reason they have dropped all of the iconic moments that we have come to love and expect. There is no action packed opening scene filled with car chases and metal carnage. Instead we are treated to being teased with a quick race where nothing happens and shown the aftermath of what must've been an incredible heist, and then, when we eventually do get to see some car chase scenes we quickly realize that they have also done away with those camera shots that weave in and out of the cars putting you in the center of the action.

Gone is the great balance of realism and "plausible" suspension of belief and instead Furious 6 was written with absolutely no regard to physics or common sense. It's one thing to have cars flipped over by driving head first into them with a ramp attached to the car, its another thing entirely to have bobbies keeping pace with a super fast custom F1 type of thing and almost overtaking it. But that's small compared to the crap they actually came up with for this movie. Think super fast chase scenes with a tank (oxymoronic) and people flying through the air superman style like neo catching a damsel in distress mid air after being flung from... I'm just gonna stop there. Have your eyes raped spoiler free but don't blame me for the loss of reasoning skills as you're trying to forget to think all together just so you can soak up the visual aspects of this redonculous spectacle.

It's actually infuriating to watch a movie with some cool bits while realizing the absurdity of what you are expected to swallow.

At one point there's this huge cargo plane landing on a runway but keeps cruising so it can take off again and this 20min action scene develops with cars driving into the cargo hold of the plane and fighting erupting everywhere, in the plane, around the plane and it never runs out of runway, for over 20 minutes. Now call me crazy but at some point everyone in the cinema turned to each other and said this is ridiculous, we all as a unit got up and refused to have our intelligence mocked while expecting to sit through this crap and we burned the place to the ground.

Here's some math: a typical airliner cruises at about 160mph for takeoff. 160 ÷ 60 x 20 = a 53.3 mile long runway.

The best thing about the movie was the fighting between the female characters. That's probably because they cast MMA star Gina Carano opposite Michelle Rodriguez.

Will this be one of those movies you love to hate or is it simply too mind numbingly $#*&?