Sexual healing
Sex advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a US-based psychotherapist specialising in sexual disorders. Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online and in print. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.
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It has been eight months since I gave birth, but I don’t miss sex
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At 64, I just don’t get the same sensation with a condom, and manual stimulation during intercourse is uncomfortable for her
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He says he has a fear of intimacy. Will therapy help him past these feelings, or should we give up and live as friends?
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Now I have met a nice guy and would like to find my orgasm with him, but don’t know how to approach it
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We love each other but I am not sure I can role-play what she wants
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My libido has been low recently and he had been drinking, so I let it happen. Now, I blame myself for not taking control of the situation
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I have a boyfriend, but when it comes to sex, I get terrified and almost on the verge of tears
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I didn’t even realise and now she is worried that I don’t find her attractive
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I tried to assist with her post-pregnancy weight loss, but when that didn’t work, I avoided intercourse. I’ve since tried to get back to normal, but she runs away from me
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I hate intimacy and can only tolerate partners who are not ‘lovey dovey’. What is wrong with me?
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Our sex life has been underwhelming. I wonder if what happened to her as a child could be to blame
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I fantasise about intimacy and romance every day, but it always stays a fantasy
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She has MS and is registered blind, and I cannot physically connect with her. A counsellor suggested I masturbate, but I feel guilty doing so
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Even though he would do anything to make me climax, I don’t get turned on enough
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Is it OK to refuse to answer or lie – or should I always tell the truth? I’m a sexually active woman in my mid-20s
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He’s insecure and says he ejaculates too quickly, and I think he’s depressed. I’m trying to support him, but I’m frequently away for work
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He only kisses me when he ‘sleep sexes’
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He enjoys it but I just lie there wishing it was over. Am I wrong to feel that way?
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We have a good sex life, but it’s hopeless when my wife wants me on top
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We have introduced toys to arouse him, but he now says I am making it all about me
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I was brought up when homosexuality was against the law, and was traumatised by a dread of Aids in the 80s. How can I overcome this fear?
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While my partner hasn’t rejected me, she feels feet are inherently unhygienic and won’t let me worship her as I would like. Are there any ways I can change her mind?
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After experiencing an intense sex life, when we experimented with toys and had sexy weekends away, the thrill has gone
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I have never reached orgasm, and I avoided sexual intercourse in my last relationship. Is anxiety to blame?
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I was sexually abused as a child and now my partner and I are in therapy, which has left me feeling very frustrated
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She enjoys sex, but never orgasms from it, which leaves me feeling unsatisfied
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I enjoy being sexually assertive, but want to feel passion from him
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I feel devastated by her physical rejection of me and have tried to get her to talk about it or go to see a counsellor, but she refuses
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I rarely had oppportunities to be dominant and now my boyfriend wants me to be. Trouble is, I am just so bad at it
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I used to be quite proud of being sexually assertive, and found it exciting, but now the repetition has become boring
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Since puberty I have had fantasies that horrify and dismay me: rape, bondage and other worrying things. Should I get help?
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He doesn’t come as often as I do during sex, and is stressed at work – might his night-time orgasms be related to this?
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I’ve just been diagnosed and I don’t know what to expect in the future
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I’m having plenty of fun, but I really hope for commitment and a partner
I’ve lost all interest in sex – although I still find women attractive