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My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 5 years and a half. As you may assume, it was a relationship full of ups and downs.
The biggest "down" of the relationship was happening two years ago. He was depressed at the time, and he had a huge drinking problem, being aggressive when drunk. He'd constantly pick fights, accuse me of some things I'd never done, threaten me.
The first time he hit me was after a fight over some guy that was texting me (not in a flirty way). We had a fight, and I called him an idiot for being jealous of him as there was not a single indication something was happening there, and he hit me.
Well, I didn't leave. There was apologizing the next morning, blah blah blah, and I was sure he would never do it again, so I let it go. However, after that, whenever he got drunk more than he could handle, he would be verbally and physically abusive. And every next morning, he would apologize.
After a few months of such behavior, after another one of his slaps, I decided to leave him, and I broke up. We were broken up for over a month, and during that month he was trying to get me back in all kinds of way.
And I decided to get back to him, as he promised to never even touch alcohol again, and I threatened I would leave if he ever drank again. The main reason for getting back to him was that the sober part of the relationship was very good, and we had great connection.
Well, now, it's two years later. He indeed doesn't drink anymore (at least not more than a glass of wine or beer). Everything is fine, just... I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed for what I'd let myself go through. I feel ashamed for being stupid and letting him physically abuse me, even though it's not happening anymore.
Now, a few nights ago, he proposed to me. At first, I was happy, but now I feel scared. I can't stop thinking about what was happening two years ago. I can't, because I know he was capable of it. It means he would again be capable of doing it, and if we get married, it's harder to 'get out'. But I do love him, I would love to spend the rest of my life with him, I'm just afraid he would turn to the alcohol at some point of his life.
I know all about the women who get killed by their husbands. I don't want to be one of them. I don't want to get beaten to death one day... but I love him, and the slaps aren't happening anymore. Should I talk to him about my concerns? Should I rethink about getting married to him?
tl;dr: Boyfriend had a drinking problem two years ago, when he was physically abusive. He stopped being abusive. Now he proposed to me, but I feel anxious about the future with him.