2014’s films ranked

“Under gag order” means I’ve seen the film but I’m not allowed to talk about it yet. It means I’m under embargo.

Yes, I will see The Wind Rises.

It’s explained at the top. I’m going by the awards year, which is the year as determined by the Academy Awards (which is what the two voting groups I’m a member of also use). Festival showings don’t count as “released.” When films were released in New York/Los Angeles count. I saw Filth and Summer in the UK in 2013 (which is when they were released), but for award purposes they’re 2014 films, because that’s when they opened in the US. (I should probably delete them from the 2013 list, but that’s really low on my list of administrative chores that need to be done here.) Nymphomanic is NOT technically or not technically a 2013 film — it’s a 2014 film. This year is when it will be eligible for the Oscars, and for awards from my critics’ groups. Same with Only Lovers.

If it all seems arbitrary, blame AMPAS. I started this list because I needed it for my own awards-voting purposes.

Book Thief is under gag order (which just lifted today) because the studio I have to deal with in London says it is. I don’t think it makes any sense either, but shit like this happens all the time.

I wouldn’t mind doing a review of *Spring Breakers* — or any other film I haven’t reviewed yet. But I don’t know when I’ll find the time to do so.

I noticed you reviewed Labor Day but its not in the ranking?

Try using the search function if you’re looking for mentions of particular films. It works great.

Garth Sundem wrote a very entertaining book called Geek Logik (http://www.workman.com/products/9780761140214/). It uses math equations to solve your personal problems. You plug data from your life into a math formula, and you get an answer to a personal question: “Should I get a tattoo?” or “Do I have a snowball’s chance in hell with her?” or “Is it time to see a therapist?”

I love the book. It’s hilarious, and his reasoning is both sensible and clearly explained. The only problem is, the math doesn’t work. If you take the equations seriously, you’ll get really terrible advice on how to live your life, and you may even alienate your friends and co-workers.

Film reviews aren’t any more logical than personal problems, and they’re not any easier to explain with mathematics. I’ll take your word that Raze is a terrible film, but it won’t get any better if MaryAnn gives it a 3.79 score instead of a 3.76. If you’re a fan of Nymphomaniac, you won’t like it any less because it’s at the bottom of a list somewhere on the Internet.

It would be nice if mathematics could solve the problems of the world, but they haven’t up till now. There’s a certain value in saying, “This film is better than that film,” but criticism doesn’t get more precise than that, and a numbered list is certainly not going to settle arguments over something as subjective as film reviews.

The Hungarian judge gives it a 4.

Cause Raze sucks. So don’t watch it, but watch it so you can motivate others to avoid it as well.

I’ve now reviewed it… and I didn’t love it:

http://www.flickfilosopher.com/2014/02/wind-rises-review-jiro-dreams-flying.html

It’s in the 2013 ranking, since that’s when it was eligible for the Oscars.

She reviewed Nymphomaniac just now:

http://www.flickfilosopher.com/2014/03/nymphomaniac-review-behold-alien-woman.html

You can get an idea what she thinks about Under the Skin if you read the comments section here:

http://www.flickfilosopher.com/2014/03/skin-trailer-thumb.html

She hasn’t reviewed Tom Hiddleston’s ass, but this comes pretty close:

http://www.flickfilosopher.com/2011/08/female-gazing-at-tom-hiddleston.html

His ass is pretty skinny. I give it a yellow light. But he gets a green as a package deal.

You constantly confound me. Why is it great news that I find Tom Hiddleston attractive?

As long as she’s following the rules of the site, and has something interesting to say, it shouldn’t matter whether she’s Cupcakes or Edward de Vere, Earl of Oxford. Later scholars can determine the authorship.

It matters in the sense that Cupcakes got hirself banned (in part for her suggestion as to what I should do with myself). Rianna, who seems to share of number of Cupcakes’s idiosyncrasies and isn’t really contributing much more than odd demands on MAJ, appeared immediately after Cupcakes’s ban. And a sock-puppet is no better, and in some ways even worse, than a troll.

Says you. Here are some quotes from Cupcakes and some quotes from you, all mixed up. Let’s see if folks can tell who’s who.

Do you believe the director deserved to win best director at cannes? So this kindda reminded me of Blue Is The Warmest Color cause of the sex. Which one did you like more and what do you give each on a scale of 0-10?

Hi :D I’m new here and i’m kindda confused cause i found this site from rottentomatoes. okay so I saw that you gave this a Rotten which means you say it’s bad. but in this site it’s yellow and that means “worth seeing, but wait for DVD” so that means you kindda/sorta liked it? also why is it Rotten if majority of this review is positive? I also want to know what you give this movie from a scale of 1-10. I just find this site confusing. :)

Maryann found this movie entertaining! Now you HAVE to review Showgirls. you just HAVE too! I sooooo wanna know what your opinion of that classic will be!! :D

True, time is of the essence. I’m also looking forward to your review of Byzantium. I was kindda surprised it’s at the top of the list since it was kinda predictable and, not much stood out to be but hey, maybe you saw something that I didn’t. :) excited to read :)

I still kindda find it confusing that this is in the 2013 list and it’s smack in the middle above Warm Bodies and The Frozen Ground which got a Fresh on RT? Does is mean you liked this more than those? Do those also get 4/10?

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck…

Also, your comment about it being “ALWAYS the SAME people commenting on this site”? Thanks for confirming that you’re “Andrea Quimbao” as well.

You’re clearly sockpuppeting, and badly. I’m not the site administrator and I have no idea what MaryAnn wants to do about it, but you should know that you’re being pretty transparent.

Cupcakes, Rianna, Andrea do fuck yourselves damn it! I’ve proved it already so stop fucking insisting you bitch. Look, MaryAnn will BAN you all damn fucking cunts! This website isn’t made for shitfaces cocksucking bitches who complain and make fucking demands, go suck a cock you fucking bimbos!

Hint: it’s not just the “excitement.”

I’m just establishing that you’re the same person using a lot of different covers. When you get upset about it and try to sockpuppet as ME (as you do a few comments down) and try to make people think I say all those vile things (totally not consistent with my long commenting history, by the way), you’re just demonstrating what got you banned as “Cupcakes” in the first place.

Keep digging that hole.

I can ban you. Which I’ve done. Don’t even try to post comments here again.

Its just a matter of time before this website shuts down. What the hell kind of website (besides porn sites) requires payment before access?

I have not seen a thousand movies. And I haven’t seen all of these films since New Year’s Day — some I saw at festivals last year, and some had UK releases last year, with their North American releases coming this year.

Yes, I often see multiple films in a day. Mostly I see films at press screenings — which are in cinemas or private screening rooms. Some films I watch on DVD or on demand. Some films we critics get private links to stream. I mostly don’t pay for films, but sometimes, if I wasn’t invited to a screening or I couldn’t make it to a screening, I will buy a ticket.

This is how professional critics work.

How does one become a “professional critic”? For instance how did you start? Do you have to be recognized by someone/register somewhere? Or rather, be discovered by a reputable source? (I don’t know where else to ask this, it wasn’t mentioned in your bio) why did they refuse to let you into the Divergent screening? Do you have any biases pro/con towards the film?

Oh I see Divergent got a green. I very much enjoyed the film so I’m excited to see your review.

Here in Ireland, E-One are probably the nicest studio to deal with. It’s Universal that winds us up.

In Your Eyes doesnt seem to be on the list, Fruitvale Station seems to be on the wrong list, and, have you seen Oculus yet? When does your embargo for Blended expire?

Looks like 2014 will no longer have a hard time topping *T.S. Spivet* I guess you take back you tweet then? Looking forward to your Boyhood review.

That’s on my list of films to see.