Ever since viewing the pilot for “American Horror Story“, I’ve had the same conversation about it over and over again. So instead of crafting the observations from those various interactions into a standard review/warning, I’ll just transcribe a version of it for you.
So, the new fall shows. You’ve seen them, right?
Yup.
(At this point, the questioner gets an excited gleam in his/her eye.)
Have you seen “American Horror Story”?
(Long pause.)…..Yes.
And?
(Me, convulsing): GaaaaaaaaAAAAAAugh. It’s not good. Really not good. That’s an understatement. Watching it was like being punched in the face by a crazed gorilla.
Too bad. I was really looking forward to that one.
Understandable. After all, Ryan Murphy and FX are experts at building hype. Those sly, apparently-meaningless clips slowly being released on to the Internet, those shots of eerie dolls and the pregnant figure in an patent-leather S&M get-up… freakadelic, right? It all seemed to hint at something SO unusual and weird and fabulous. Plus, in spite of a few one-season-and-out series (we still love you, “Terriers“!), FX has a fine track record.
But everybody whiffs it at some point and this thing? Hoo wee, what a whiff. P to the U!
Huh. So what you’re saying is, I shouldn’t watch it.
Oh, I’m not saying that. You should definitely check out the first episode.
I…I don’t understand. You said it’s terrible.
Yes. Not “Charlie’s Angels” terrible, mind you. It’s not pointless, vapid drivel. Rather, it’s terrible in the same way a pretty girl ruining a perfectly good outfit by piling on far too many accessories, and a fascinator, and a scarf, and a belt, and rhinestone-encrusted Uggs, is terrible. It hurts to look at the poor dear, but you can’t help staring.
Wow.
Indeed. Tonight, you will meet the Harmon family, which is recovering from father Ben’s infidelity (Dylan McDermott). Dad’s sin has left him saddled with a distrustful wife, Vivien (Connie Britton), and Violet, their grumpy teen daughter (Taissa Farmiga), all fine ingredients to create high tension. Jam the family into a murder house. Add one blithely cruel bigot of a next door neighbor, brilliantly played by Jessica Lange…fine. We’re on board.
But then Murphy and his co-creator Brad Falchuk bombard the family with a splatter-shot of garden variety weird, including a limping (but spry when he needs to be!) burn victim, an emotionally disconnected girl with Down Syndrome, a crazed adolescent suitor for the grumpy teen daughter, parts in jars, a creepy basement, a creepy attic, a creepy maid, creepy wallpaper, blahblahblah BLAH. Taking all that in at once is like having a bucket of toxic stew funneled down your throat. And by the way: We didn’t even include the full list of supposed “horrors” here.
There could have been a great show underneath all the cliches force-fed into that opening hour, but I have absolutely zero faith that we’ll ever see it.
Why do you say that?
Well, for one thing, I’ve seen episodes two and three. There’s barely any emotional development for these characters, and the choices that they make are simply ludicrous…and not in a fun “don’t go into the basement” kind of way. Each development is tedious, and only serves bring us to a string of scenes tailored to add TV-MA appropriate splatter injected into largely dull chapters.
In better hands, one gets the sense “American Horror Story” could have worked as something of an anthology series, with the house being the only member of the cast with any job security. That would help the whole enterprise make more sense, especially given that you’re likely to find the Harmons and their problems to be lethally boring by the end of that third episode. It would be nice to get a few new families in there and see what the house does to them. But alas, it doesn’t look like anyone is going anywhere until the finale. Which, admittedly, we’ll probably watch for the glee of seeing this stupid family get what it richly deserves for staying in a murder house for a full season.
Sooooo…..why should I watch again?
Because “American Horror Story” is a failure on a grandly fabulous level – it is uniquely bad, the best worst television you’ll likely to see in a long time. Oh, and don’t look for any real scares in that first hour; rather, approach it as a work of high camp. It might also help to imagine that began its life as a theatrical production by a comedy troupe like the Upright Citizens Brigade.
Well…maybe you’re just not a horror fan. If you were a horror fan, you might understand what they’re trying to accomplish –
I promise you, that’s not it. I enjoy greatly horror movies. I went through my Lucio Fulci phase; I have spent many a rainy weekend with the likes of Rosemary’s Baby and Don’t Look Now and The Shining – all cited as influences of Murphy’s and Falchuk’s; I even sang the praises of Rob Zombie‘s Woolite commercial to friends of mine. My horror fandom has taken me to high and low places on Netflix’s ratings system, so trust me when I say that this does not do much justice to the horror genre. Or, for that matter, the psychological thriller genre. Even its camp value dies out by week two.
Don’t you worry, though. Like so many “controversial” TV shows, “American Horror Story” will have its diehard fans who will be enthralled by the premiere and intrigued enough by the murder house to see the Harmons through every episode. That’s why you should make it a point to turn to FX tonight at 10pm. You might be one of those people.
If you’re not, well…can’t say I didn’t warn you.
Review: “Bent” Not Broken, But…
March 21st, 2012 | Posted by Melanie McFarland in Commentary | Review | TV Review - (Comments Off)Lately it seems that a number TV comedies have coasted farther on charm and chemistry that they would have in the past.
Charm and chemistry aren’t sins, mind you. Many producers and their casts strain to bring them into their work. But when a comedy’s cast has more charm and chemistry than the show has scenes that effortlessly induce laughter…well, what you get is a show like NBC’s “Bent,” which premieres tonight with back-to-back episodes at 9pm and 9:30pm.
“Bent’s” premise is cozily familiar, with Amanda Peet playing the no-nonsense woman, a recently divorced lawyer named Alex, and the adorably puckish David Walton playing the scruffy-faced contractor guy she’s trying oh-so-hard not to fall for.
Having recently ended her marriage to a white-collar criminal, Alex is starting over in a smaller house near the beach with her adorable 10-year-old daughter Charlie (Joey King). The house needs a lot of work — for that matter, so does Alex’s desert of a love life — and luckily the cure for at least one of those ills appears to be Pete.
Pete adopts a rather lackadaisical approach to his existence and his work. He’s always there to make a wisecrack or interfere in Alex’s personal life, and yet appears to get just as much work done as it takes to not get fired. The resulting physical gags and banter are the mortar that holds the first couple of episodes together. Pete, a recovering gambling addict, is nursing his own deep-seated wounds and has his own failed love story to tell, although his womanizing ways and good-natured grin cover the pain fairly well.
Alex and Pete are supported by a group of oddball characters who fill in the cracks with enough humor and shenanigans to keep each half-hour moving along. Foremost is Pete’s dad Walt (Jeffrey Tambor) who, late in life, is still struggling to launch an acting career and steeped too deeply in his bloated but easily bruised ego to give up.
JB Smoove, one of those actors who has the odd ability to be entertaining simply by opening his mouth, also adds a welcome dose of levity as Clem, Pete’s right-hand man on his construction squad. “Friday Night Lights” fans will be pleasantly surprised to see Jesse Plemons play the heavily-hazed newbie on the squad, Gary — although this show doesn’t give his acting range nearly as much of a workout as his previous job.
The main draw, though, are Peet and Walton and the subtle electricity arcing between them. Their onscreen presence is kind that other comedy leads wish they had. Perhaps that isn’t surprising; Peet’s girl-next-door likability is her career’s foundation, and Walton is one of guys that you know that you’ve seen before, and you like, even if you can’t remember where you’ve seen him or why you like him. (Was it his role in “The Loop“? “Cracking Up,” maybe? Or “Quarterlife“?)
The thing is, you’ve seen this kind of romantic comedy before. If “Bent” were a movie, it would be directed by Garry Marshall and probably would star Ginnifer Goodwin. This is not a derogatory statement; there are good, bankable reasons all of those films got made in the first place, and we can count on seeing many more like them in the future. People love light-as-air romances and welcome gently digestible escapism.
But they’re also more forgettable in the long-run, too.
Thus “Bent’s” great challenge as it debuts this late point in the season is to be something more than charming: to be memorable. Lots of luck to the cast in that department. Not only are tonight’s premiere episodes facing off against ABC’s “Modern Family” and “Happy Endings,” but NBC is burning through “Bent’s” six episodes in three weeks.
But who knows? Maybe Peet and Walton’s chemistry and charm are enough to launch “Bent.” Maybe a super-dose of the series over the next few weeks is just what it needs to take off. Goodness knows that there are a number of comedies airing in their second and even third seasons that are working with far weaker material than this show.
Our best advice? Just watch, and try not to forget.