Comprehensive reviews of the three high-profile Pakistani releases

 

The Pakistan film industry released three high profile films over the past month or so. I am sure very few of The Horizontal Column readers would have seen all three of them. This assumption is primarily because we do not have regular readers.

In any case we have decided to review all three of them for you here, so that you can decide whether or not you should go and see them. O21 and Na Maloom Afraad are still being showed in a multitude of cinemas all over Pakistan. *Spoiler Alert*

Here are the reviews:

Dukhtar

Dukhtar is the story of a mother and daughter who collectively decide to defame their family, tribe, region and country. Their plan can be dubbed a conspiracy against the Muslim world and hence their actions are sort of Zionist.

The two Zionists escape from a halaal wedding, forcing all the ghairat mand baraatis to go after them. The Zionists find a RAW agent who is pretending to be a truck driver. And of course the RAW agent dutifully helps the Zionists.

The anti-Pakistan elements travel from somewhere in the Northern Areas to somewhere in Lahore, to defame Pakistan. The trip, food, fuel, living expenses, photography tools, entertainment allowance and the TADA was all Mossad and CIA funded.

Dukhtar can also be seen as an excuse to take lots of nice pictures in the mountains. Think of the last time you went to the Northern Areas. Do you remember the tiring journey back home? That’s basically Dukhtar.

Na Maloom Afraad

The movie has been produced, directed and written by na maloom afraad. It has a na maloom script and na maloom purpose. And so ten out of ten for coming up with the name of the movie.

Na Maloom Afraad, like many other films in the past, tries to convince you that hard work is pointless, and you should look for shortcuts to earn money. And most of these shortcuts penetrate the jurisdiction of crime.

However, Na Maloom Afraad gives you the easiest and the safest crime idea known to cinema, and possibly mankind.

This is a movie for budding criminals, perpetual procrastinators and people who are generally looking to make excuses for failure. If you are one of these people, buy the ticket right now and go check out the movie.

Ten years down the line you’ll be the author of tens of career counselling books.

021

Shaan plays his Waar role again. There are reports that he has promised to keep playing the same role till he perfects it. He did the same thing with all those gujjar and gandaasa roles.

O21 is just like those gujjar and gandaasa movies in many ways. Replace Punjabi with Persian, buffaloes with CIA officials and the agricultural lands with the Af-Pak region.

There is a global conspiracy to take all the money away from the two richest countries in the world: Afghanistan and Pakistan. Both these countries have created a chip that resembles a SIM card. The CIA is running after this chip like everyone used to run after SIM cards when they were first introduced. It’s because the chip reveals how rich both Pakistan and Afghanistan are.

And the best bit about the movie is that despite the trailers showing otherwise, Shaan is probably the 17^th most important person in this movie.

In case you have missed out on any of these movies we would strongly recommend that you make full use of piracy and watch any of them absolutely free online. Buy a packet of popcorns and a bag of chips and your cinematic experience is complete.

The writer has not seen any of the movies that have been reviewed in this column. All side effects of reading The Horizontal Column are the readers’ headache.