This article was originally published on Better After 50.
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes may be how you measure a year, but it feels like that's how much time I spend every year just on my hair. Worrying about it, fixing it, covering the gray, highlighting it, talking about it, cutting it, blow drying it, shampooing it, spritzing it, deep conditioning it, curling it, straightening it, putting it up in a pony, picking it out of the drain.
At 50-something, my hair still seems to be the bane of my existence, and I know I am not alone. Hair seems is big topic of conversation amongst women of all races, ethnicity, and age. But at midlife, there is a big part of me that wants to look in the mirror and say to my hair, "enough about you already!"
So what would you say if you could have a talk with your hair? Would you thank it? Would you tell it to calm down? Would you confess your obsession?
I had a few of my own ideas, but when I asked my friends, "If you could talk to your hair, what would you say?" they had plenty more. I hope you find these enlightening:
1. "What do you mean, 'if"-- of course I talk to my hair!"
2. "Lie still, would ya?"
3. "Why are you so good to me when we are home alone, yet so difficult when we go somewhere special?"
4. "You... in the back, sit down!"
5. "I'll try to find you hard water -- I know you don't do well in soft."
6. "I'm in charge, so get in place."
7. "I would say, 'Thank you for being this glowing, attractive crown on my head and helping turn other heads to look at me.' Then my hair would reply, 'thank you for learning to take care of me, eating well and not over blow drying or processing me, and by the way, I love the hair conditioning packs in the steam room twice a week for the last 35 years. You spoiled me, so I thought I should spoil you'."
8. "Do you think you could grab onto that color a little longer?"
9. "Why is it so easy for you to thin out, and the rest of me can't?"
10. "My hair and I don't like each other. It wouldn't be a pleasant conversation. We would probably both blame each other."
11. "Behave for once...please!"
12. "Please hang around!"
13. "Chill out and calm down."
14. "You totally rule me."
14. "You seem to get bigger as I get older. What's with that?"
15. "Undependable, good-for-nothing, ne'er-do-well, you!"
16. "FU. Really, FU."
17. "Stop falling out everywhere, you are littering my house up with your hairy selves."
18. "'I wish I could let you go gray.' Every time I go to the hairdresser to get you dyed and cut and blow dried, I think 'this is so boring, I'm never doing this again. Yet I do... and it's not like child birth -- I haven't forgotten the pain, I just can't surrender to aging."
19. "When did you get so kinky?"
20. "To my gray hairs which are much more brittle than my brown ones, I would say 'slow down', and to my natural curls I would say, 'loosen up.'
21. "Where the hell did you go?"
22. "I hope you are thankful that I found out I had a thyroid condition and got the proper treatment AND I went into menopause and got on the proper bio-identical HRT. That is why you are still here- thick and healthy!!"
23. "Why do you get frizzier as I get older?"
24. "Hair, what's with you? You used to be rich auburn brown but now you are salt and pepper drab. You used to be thick and actually cover my scalp. What's the deal?"
25. "I wrestle with you every day, I show you attention, I use lotions, potions and calming words to keep us in the same zip code, I take you to a professional every three weeks. I admit it... you are the boss of me."
26. "Hair, I want you to know that I don't really care for the silver wings at the temples look and I cannot afford to see Keith every time you do this. So...let's just stay blonde and stop reflecting my age and anxiety. Thanks. "
27. "Why don't you love me like you used to."
28. "I am very happy you are still here."
29. "I am so sorry. I should have never started with that straightening iron. I just couldn't help myself."
30. "I promise... I will wash you soon -- it's just that it was such an awesome blow dry and it's so hard to say goodbye."
31. "Men have it so easy. That's all I have to say."
32. "If you promise to be good, I will not go swimming tomorrow."
33. "What color are you really? I forget."
34. "You can thank my mom for the lousy hair genes."
34. "Looks like rain. Want to go curly?"
35. "Aren't you glad we are not part of Ringling Brother's circus hair dangling act?"
36. "Really? You expect me to take you out looking like THAT today?"
37. "Brittle is the new black."
38. "You actually look better in humidity. Let's move to New Orleans."
39. "Please don't leave me."
40. "Why is it always about YOU?"
41. "I don't just love you for your body."
42. "It's a bad YOU day."
43. "Please come back. All is forgiven."
What would you say to your hair if you had the chance?
A huge big thank you to all the BA50 writers, friends and my wonderful class members from the Brown University class of '80 who submitted their ideas for this post.
Read more from Better After 50:
6 Things You Need To Know To Go Gray Gracefully
Win One of These Great Books! Summer Book Suggestions From BA50
Updating My Hairstyle
Hey, Sister- Was That Your AARP Card You Just Trashed?
Earlier on Huff/Post50:
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The actress told Huff/Post50 that with age has come more clarity and focus -- attributes she said she didn't necessarily have in her 20s and 30s.
"I think it gets more difficult as you get older because you're facing the end and endings are ... unbearable. Our lives are basically about facing that tragedy. And I think the sooner we face that we're going to die, the easier it is to appreciate the moments in life... When we realize that our lives will end, we take less for granted. That is what I've learned from loss. The whole thing is a fantastic mystery so all we can do is appreciate each moment."
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When it comes to aging and beauty, Sarandon takes an admirable "to-each-their-own" mentality, telling The Independent she would never weigh-in on what people do to make themselves happy.
Her best advice?
Sarandon has said: "The only thing I'd say is that learning how to forgive yourself for not being perfect is probably a really positive step."
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The legendary crooner has a straightforward, make-no-apologies take on age.
"That number doesn't mean a thing," she told Oprah in 2008. "It just doesn't."
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"I think you have to enjoy getting older. That's the most important factor. If you sit around and think, 'Well, at 21, I was doing this,' or 'at 31' -- or what have you ..." Eastwood told CBS news back in 1997.
"A lot of people maybe do their best work when they're 40 and then tail off. But I think that's a mental attitude. I've done my best work, I think, now," he said.
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Modesty and a healthy dose of humor are keys to Mirren aging so gracefully. When a gym recently gave her Body of the Year, she told the women of The View that she just sucked in her stomach.
"It was a beautiful thing that these fitness people did, I have to say," she said. "I think it was recognition of the fact that you don't have to be perfect."
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The cancer survivor told Health.com that she is enjoying the aging process:
"I definitely am embracing aging. When you shoot your face with Botox and stuff, you rob yourself of your ability to have youthful expressions, and that's why sometimes people look a lot older."
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In addition to maintaining a healthy love life with his wife Trudie Styler, the musician throws himself into yoga and embraces a positive outlook on life, telling USA Today:
"When you reach a certain age, you realize that life is finite. You can be depressed by that, or you can say, 'I'm going to appreciate every minute to its maximum potential.'"
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"I consider 50 to be young. People are living so much longer, and besides, I don't think I look 50. I take really great care of myself," the actress told BlackBook magazine.
Which is not to say Cattrall's afraid of her wrinkles. According to BlackBook,when the actress was asked if she wanted to have some photos heavily retouched she said, "F*** it. Leave it all in."
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When it comes to aging well, the stunning supermodel embraces kindness in its many forms.
"For me, skin care rituals are a form of meditation -- they keep me balanced. I am kind to my skin. I remove my makeup as soon as I get home and I apply moisturizer," she told O, The Oprah Magazine.
"But just as important as being kind to my skin is being kind to younger women," she continued. "Kindness is a lovely quality to nurture as you get older. It makes you feel good about yourself."
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Often known as the great actress, Streep has embraced her age -- and recently being a rom-com leading lady -- with admirable glee.
"I'm 60, and I'm playing the romantic lead! Bette Davis is rolling over in her grave!" she joked with Vanity Fair in 2009.
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Julianne Moore is a natural beauty, and plans to remain one. When asked about Botox, Moore told Allure magazine that she, herself, is not a fan.
"I hate to condemn people for doing it, but I don't believe it makes people look better. I think it just makes them look like they had something done to their face," she told the magazine. "When you look at somebody who's had their face altered in some way, it just looks weird."
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The actor has been refreshingly candid about both his accomplishments and his struggles as he ages. When Reader's Digest asked him what one thing he'd change about himself, he answered:
"My weight! Mind, body and spirit. It's a discipline, and the body has been lagging. Mind's really good right now. Spirit is strong, but body's been lagging. And the body helps the mind. I feel better today having worked out."
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Pfeiffer is measured, but honest about how growing older makes her feel.
"Honestly, there's certainly a mourning that takes place," told the Los Angeles Times in 2009. "I mourn the young girl, but I think that what replaces that is a kind of a liberation, sort of letting go of having to hold on to that. Everyone knows you're 50. So you don't have to worry about not trying to look 50."
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"This great fear of laugh lines and wrinkles and getting old is really unnatural. It happens to the best of us -- what are we going to do? It's a matter of whether you want to go to war with that and have surgery," the actress told iVillage UK.
"Ultimately it's a slippery slope. I think you wind up looking like a thing rather than a younger version of yourself. I think you have to make peace with what you have and keep it all in order," she continued.
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After being dropped as James Bond because, according to some reports, he was "too old" for the role, the actor had a positive take on things -- embracing the unknown with gusto.
"Oh, it turned out very lucky," he told Parade. "Within the space of the punch and the pain of being passed over or rejected or the bottom of your world falling out, within that same breath came this liberation of, 'I'm free. I can do anything I want.' It's up to me to have the guts to make the next stage of my career as interesting and as exciting and unexpected as possible."
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"Actors' faces have to move," Weaver once told ABC, weighing in on cosmetic surgery. "It's a personal choice. It depends on what you want. Yes, we probably want to see perfect people, too, but we also want to see people who look like us. It's just about skin care to me and maybe exercise."
And her laugh lines? "I've earned them," Weaver said.
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AARP magazine put The Boss on its cover when he turned 60 a few years back, because the editors believed he exemplified aging well.
"He's one of these crop of 50-plus and 60-plus celebrities who are busier than ever in their older years and doing some of their best work," editor Nancy Perry Graham told The New York Times. "The message with Bruce Springsteen is that 60 rocks."
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According to The Telegraph, the beauty loves her changing beauty, believing it reflects a rich life.
"Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life," she said. "They are what we have been through and who we want to be."
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The British actress has said that she, personally, is all about aging naturally.
"I'm not fiddling about with myself," she told The Telegraph. "We're in this awful youth-driven thing now where everybody needs to look 30 at 60."
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The actress has been open about embracing her age-related changes, famously posing for a magazine shoot sans clothes and sans Photoshop. But she's equally candid about how building self-confidence is a gradual process -- one that's gotten easier as she has aged.
"I feel much more authentic," she once told More magazine. "I'm not saying I'm a spiritually perfect person. I'm flawed and contradictory and fraught in many areas. But I'm better. I'm growing, and that's all I really want.
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"In interviews, the first question I get in America is always: 'What do you do to stay young?'" Rossellini told O, The Oprah Magazine. "I do nothing. I don't think aging is a problem ... I'm so surprised that the emphasis on aging here is on physical decay, when aging brings such incredible freedom. Now what I want most is laughs. I don't want to hurt anybody by laughing -- there is no meanness to it. I just want to laugh."
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Lane told Glamour magazine that aging has given her welcome perspective.
"I wouldn't go back to being 20. Because here's the thing ... there is something wonderful about coming to terms with time -- that it is finite," she said. "You want to have as much joy in your life as possible, and you take responsibility for your own joy."
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"I do yoga every morning, then I run for half an hour and take a sauna," the actor told AARP magazine of his healthy-aging routine. "And I eat properly. I drink a lot of white tea -- it's a very powerful antioxidant.
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Though people look to her as one of the top models of aging well, the actress said she's never given it much thought.
"I never thought about age much," Betty told AARP magazine. "I learned that at my mother's knee. Age was not important. It was where your head was."
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The writer-director of The Kids Are All Right said she cast Bening in part because she wanted someone who was real and who would not shy away from showing her age on screen.
"We never had a wrinkle conversation," she told The Wrap. "I just said, 'I want the make-up to be super-modest,' and that was the end of it."