SMH COLUMN 8
Contact: Column8@smh.com.au
Column 8
John Derum, the actor, has sent us an SOS. It seems he is in urgent need of a poster of the swimmer Clare Dennis, who won gold for Australia at the 1932 Los Angeles Olympics, but is now largely forgotten.
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Some strange decisions are made in compiling broadcasting schedules. ''ABC3 kids' channel closes at 9pm each night,'' writes Iolanda Grey, of Ryde, ''yet at 1am it has a one minute 'ABC News Update', after which it closes once again, to restart programming at 6am. I know this happens, because I taped it recently to make sure I wasn't imagining anything. For one week, there in my Sun-Herald TV guide, it actually listed the one minute news item - that's how I noticed that it was on.''
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We have an update on the search for Billy Blue's Cottage (Column 8, Saturday), from Tony Buckley, of Point Clare: ''I hope your inquiry stirs things up so we find out what happened to that beautiful cottage. It was given to Billy Blue, 'The Commodore', by Governor Macquarie. Harry Seidler promised to re-erect it at his expense. I don't expect the film I shot of each stone being numbered and taken down still exists, but a council architect and historian were on hand supervising the whole operation.''
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Today's column is very wordy and ''definitional'', if such a word exists (we apologise if it doesn't, or maybe it does now, simply by virtue of appearing here). Anyway, there is a heaving backlog of such matters to attend to, so here we go …
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Many readers will be pleased to hear that our threatened stoush/yo-yo challenge with James Jeffery of the The Australian has been put on hold, at least for the time being. He seems to have run away.
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''In the same way that '9am this morning' is annoying,'' writes Olga Pasfield, of Northbridge (Column 8, Thursday), ''I cringe whenever I drive through the Harbour Tunnel and hear the announcement referring to 'drivers travelling southbound'.
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''I am getting in early to ensure I am the first to wish Column 8 a happy birthday for Saturday,'' enthuses Allan Gibson, of Cherrybrook, and while we thank him for his kind thoughts, as a granny, and a grand dame, we hesitate to mention dates and so reveal our age. Suffice it to say that World War II was well and truly done and dusted when we first rolled off the presses and on to the breakfast tables of NSW, and we like to think we still scrub up OK.
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This is an outrage! James Jeffrey, a junior employee of the imploding Murdoch media enterprise, somewhere in the rat-infested back-blocks of Surry Hills, has responded to our gentlemanly offer of a quiet game of yo-yo, hula hoop and tumblebug-down-the-fire-escape by insisting, in Thursday's rather pointless edition of The Australian (oh, the ink!), that we front up for ''a duel involving pogo sticks and jousting poles'' (the columnist's challenge, Column 8, all week).
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A research update, from our Whatever Happened To? desk (Huckle's diorama, Column 8, Monday). ''Yes, I know exactly what happened to the diorama,'' reports Philip Hammon, who swears he is the ''director, Scenic World (retired)''.
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''Bob Doepel cannot understand why there is an ever-increasing trend to use the word 'sans','' reminds Paul Roberts, C8PhD of Lake Cathie (sans v without, Column 8, Saturday).
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The question of how to best pronounce the Christian name of the Russian President has been answered definitively by three readers (Column 8, Friday). Let there be no further confusion. ''You stress the middle syllable - 'Vla-DEE-meer','' advises Barrie Smillie, of Duffy, ACT. ''The correct pronunciation of Vladimir is 'Vlad-i-MIR'. It means literally 'rule the world','' insists Gerry Kay, of Holder, ACT. Wendy, of Canberra, tells us that ''one of my favourite hobby horses is getting miffed about people who can't pronounce Vladimir correctly. It's simple, boys and girls. Vlad-i-mere.''
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''Regarding the poor design of forms,'' writes David Rose, of Hamilton, (Column 8, Friday), ''what I find more irksome is having to print out a form or receipt that has white lettering embedded inside a big block of colour. It looks fine, but I suspect the form designer is not giving much consideration to the computer owner who has their ink supply used up for no good purpose.'' This may, of course, be because the people who design forms don't have to pay for their own ink.
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''I share Roseanne Schneider's disdain at the nonsensical use of the word 'conversation','' concurs Bob McKeowen, of Dubbo (Column 8, Saturday). ''Discussions usually produce a conclusion and a plan of action - conversations produce nothing. We can assume that in 2014 our politicians will spearhead the fall of the discussion and the rise of the conversation.'' We didn't have to wait long, Bob. The Prime Minister used the word, rather ambiguously too, on New Year's Day.
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''With the resurgence of Australian cricket,'' writes Ruth Turner, of Grays Point, ''I was reminded of the old record The Gospel According to Cricket, in which we 'smote the Pommyites' and it was 'woeful unto Woodfull'. Does anyone else remember this, and is it possible to get a recording now?'' We know not, but somebody will. In the meantime, let the smiting continue apace today …
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While 99.9 per cent of Sydney revellers had a wonderful New Year's celebration, the stories of mindless boozy violence throw their inevitable wet blanket over proceedings. Now, Column 8 can't re-educate brawling thugs and make them solid, sensible citizens, but we do know a thing or two about words. So as a New Year present to the forces of niceness, can readers please come up with a better term for cowardly, unprovoked assault than ''king-hit''? It sounds like something you would be praised for achieving in sport, rather than the act of a gutless lout who can't hold his liquor and wants to impress his ''mates''.
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Welcome to 2014. To set the tone for the new year, we may as well jump in the deep end and review progress in our quest for dodgy chemistry/fruit humour (Avogadro/avocado jokes please!, Column 8, since Saturday). ''The avocado paradox states,'' according to the redoubtable Christopher J. Woods, of Mt Victoria, ''that an avocado for sale won't be ready to eat for several days, therefore you must buy one several days before you have the desire to eat one.'' Meanwhile, ''whilst sitting on the SCG hill in the early 70s, watching John Snow terrorise our batsmen, I yelled out 'Avogadro, ya mug!' '' recalls Greg Leisner, of Newtown. ''Stacky [Keith Stackpole] smacked the next ball for six. I concluded that he was a physicist.''
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''The guest completing a crossword puzzle in Saturday's Column 8 reminded me of a Services Club in London in the 1950s,'' recalls Keith Ridler-Dutton, of Killara. ''An RAF type used to sit in the bar every morning and ostentatiously complete the Times crossword in about 10 minutes. With a 'That's it,' he would take the paper and leave. One morning he was called to the phone, leaving the paper on his chair. This was picked up by another guest who, to the amusement of all present, announced that the paper was yesterday's edition.''
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''Could someone please tell me why all the sails on the maxi yachts in the Sydney to Hobart yacht race were black?'' asks Randa Loupis, of Turramurra. ''Is black the new fashion? Is there a scientific reason? Or is it just that all the boats bought their sails from the one sailmaker, and all he had was black cloth? Why is it so?''
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''I am calling on the considerable combined talents of Column8ers to help me research a TV series of the late 1950s or early 1960s, entitled Spoiled Darlings,'' pleads Peter Noone, of Lane Cove North. ''It was a serialised dramatisation of the life and times of Governor Darling and I have a strong recollection of watching it together with my family, yet no one I now speak to from my generation admits to having any knowledge of it. I have checked ABC TV archives and also the National Film and Sound Archive, always drawing a blank. Can someone out there please confirm that I have not dreamt the whole thing?'' It may well have all been a dream, Peter. But hey, it's not a bad idea for a TV series.
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''Regarding Thursday's item about RTA computers and identity,'' writes Brad Elliott, of North Rocks, ''the RTA used my mother's passport as ID before issuing her with an identity card, but misspelled her name.