Personal Stories of Women Living with HIV

Lee

Hi,

My name is lee, im 25 years old, and i am a mother to a beautiful 4 yr old boy.two days ago i found out that I have the HI Virus. and im scared, scared for me and my son... I dont know if  i will be around to raise him.
But sometimes this extreme sense of bravery and the will to live just overwhelmes me, and I tell myself that i will make it, i will fight this, this wont beat me...and other time i just cant even manage to get up in the morning.

I have not told any body yet because im scared of how they will react, there is such a bad stigma attached to this disease and people tend to make you feel so dirty and so low just because you are infected.
I have not even told my boyfriend yet- we have been dating for almost a month now- and we have always used protection, but iam scared, that he will not want to be asscociated with a dirty woman like me, a woman with THAT VIRUS.
even if I was to tell him, where would i start, what would i say, would he understand???
my friends, my family, my son, will be so incredibly dissappointed in me.what about having more children, getting married, does this mean that all those thing have to  be scrapped from my priority list????*screams*

I pray that god gives me the strength to carry me through this, because, i will make it through..
I am going to see  my doctor in a weeks time and he will tell me my cd4 count and i will do what needs to be done to survive..

THIS WONT BEAT ME

AVERT says: Want more information about some of the issues discussed in this story? Check out our dedicated pages on living with HIV and preventing mother-to-child transmission

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Gloria

Hi My name is Gloria and I am 26 yrs old and I was born Hiv postive and Hep C, I contracted the virus threw my mother because of her addiction to drugs which she also passed it on to my father as well, she passwed away a few months after I was born and father passed away when I was 7 but i was adopted by dads parents before he passed away. I am one of the babies who born with the HIV virus and Hep C back in the 1980's, But I took treatment for the Hep C so for now I am clear free from Hep C but I still deal with my HIV because there was a time where i took a break from medications, But I clearly do not recommend it at all to anyone to what I did. I did it out of anger because I was upset of how no one new I was born with Hep C until I was at least 17/18 yrs old when I moved from Chicago to upstate NY.

I was one lucky person and I have no idea how I did to survive but I did, But I am back on meds and I am undetictable still. I fought alot to be here right now and telling this strangers, but i am not scared to tell whom ever what i have. I have no fault so have no shame to who i am, nor should anyone else. I have showed many people on to be educated on what i have on to be protective on how not to be scared as well, I tell them there so much that schools cant teach and peopel tend to hide as well. But if there is anything I have learned always be  honest with people you know and care about, and most of all be completely honest truthful before getting to meet someone you know that you interest in or is trying to date or how ever the situation is. But never be dis honest, nor hide it, nor lie about, nor do something with another person if they do not know because eventually they will know one way or another. and trust me you will not like the outcome, so try to avoid the pain and suffering and lie and etc.. Before getting into a situation that you could avoided in the first place. I have seen lots in the all years I have experience and I dont like the outcome at times but I know I cant hide from how life is for me but just to think of my life as a daily challenge. Thats is how I stay so strong and keep healthy I don not let my stress nor my life come between my health. I keep faith strong in god and from there he takes care of there rest. Because I am survivor.  :) Keep your heads people because staying strong and keeping faith strong and doing whats best for health, well make you have a long lasting life to fight for for. <3 

AVERT says: Want more information about some of the issues discussed in this story? Check out our dedicated pages on living with HIV.

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Nandy

My name is Nandy & I was diagnosed with HIV in March 2012. I was pregnant, I told my boyfriend about it and he was hurt but said he was gonna support me & be there for me. He tested negetive. This made me very happy as I thought he was goin to leave me. A tragic happened after 3 weeks in knowing, he was cheating on me. I felt sick because how ciuld he say a positive thing but act negetively. This created a lot of fighting because I was angry,bitter, and confused why is he doing this to me. He was ready to marry me before we found out but he eventually didnt want to anymore.
I had the most difficult pregnancy because i was too much stressed and that made me suicidal. Now I have taken a decision to just be on ma own with my baby who tested negetive.

I need to talk to someone in order to get over, I have accepted my sickness, what kills me is the rejection i have to face each & every time I am with him. I am hurt beacaise this is the man who wanted to spend  a life with me but I know God will answer me one day and give me a man who will love me with this virus. I love him but I resent him a lot at the same even though he said he was sorry but the damage has been done.

AVERT says: Testing positive for HIV is an emotional experience, however there are people and support groups who can help, filling gaps that other people have left. Take a look at our page on Emotional Needs and Support for more information, and our Help and Advice page.

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Benny Rose

I unwilling had sex against my will. It left me in depression for two years. I was also given AIDS from the man. It was the worst experience of my life. I found a man like me in a relief AIDS group. We bounded and we now have a happy relationship. We both live with AIDS, and are not planning on having children. We are looking into adoption from China. My life is now happy and pure. Yes, it's not perfect. But it's okay. And we are both happy.

AVERT says: Want more information about some of the issues discussed in this story? Why not check out our pages on living with HIV. Also, have a look at our dedicated pages on preventing mother-to-child transmission, where you can learn how to avoid passing HIV to your child.

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MM

My name is MM. Im 25.. I recently moved to Atlanta, Georgia from Washington, D.C. because I got a great job opportunity after I graduated from Grad school. I had a boyfriend for over 7 years and I felt like such a strong person that could handle any of lifes obstacles.

I work in the health field so I have access to HIV tests. So, one morning my boyfriend and I were discussing getting another HIV test because we both have not been tested in 2 years.

I completed the test and did not think anything of it. I was doing my normal routine in the morning, getting ready for work, and talking to my boyfriend on my cellphone.

When I saw that my test was reactive I broke down and cried thinking how could this be happening. I was on the phone with my bf and all he could say was "Whats wrong baby". So when I told him that my test was reactive he just told me to calm down and go to the clinic. So I did as he said.

I had no idea I was HIV positive and I'm glad I tested myself because I would have never known. Fortunately my boyfriend is still with me and I am working and plan on going to get my PhD. Sometimes I get sad and cry but I still want to live and have alot of life experiences.

AVERT says: Testing positive for HIV is an emotional experience. Check out our dedicated pages on Living with HIV and Learning you are HIV positive for more information.

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K

Hi my name iz k I found out abt my status on de 22 of august 2012 I was shocked by the tym I found out and I did the tes t at school,my cd 4 count is 509 I'm worried that I can't have bby,I really want 2 hook up wt de person wt a same status lyk m,so dat I cn chat wt them. I wish I cn find some1 wt a same status who cn lv m,the person that affect m iz still lying to. Me all though people knw abt his status he keep lying to me,people try to warn m abt him bt it was 2late

AVERT says: Want more information about some of the issues discussed in this story? Check out our dedicated pages on living with HIV and preventing mother-to-child transmission

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Alive and Kicking

I am a 37 year old, separated ,single mom . Been with the same man that infected since I was 19 , been infected since my son was a baby. He is a healthy boy no matter mistakes I have made Ptl that God protected him. I remember going to get pray for my son .. Crying telling the Lord it does't  matter about me. He is now 15 way taller then me. I really thought this was a death sentence but, it is not I am undectable and my Cd4 is around 850 .  I think I stayed  with my hubby out of fear I wld never find anyone else that wld love me. He has addictive issues that he has never really let go. I grew up. Sometimes it feels Iike I don't have it, and I'm just normal. I have a lot of fear that a man will [not] look past this, see the other qualities I have to offer. I am finally divorcing my husband because I  am tried of having big bombs go off in my front yard. He never stays sober to long. So I am venting my fear. ALso letting you all know that have been recently diagnosed-  there is Hope, there is life after ... It will get better!!  There s do much t e thankful enjoy he journey ..l take areif yourself ! God bless u :)

AVERT says: Want more information about some of the issues discussed in this story? Check out our dedicated pages on living with HIV and preventing mother-to-child transmission

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28 and HIV positive

I'm 28 yrs and I discovered I was HIV+ a week ago 04/06/2012, whn the doctor told me I was + I went blank, funny enough I didn't even share a tear, I guess its bcoz I knew I was , whn we broke up my b/frnd hinted tht I should get tested. Yep he knew he was + lied abt it nd took medication behind my back.

How do u do tht to some1 u claim to luv, bitz me. Doctor informed tht I have to start treatment soon, so scared bcoz of all the stories nd symptoms I hear abt ARV's. Ill never marry nd ill never bear a child ever*teary eyez* its not easy but I'm determined to make it work if not 4 me atleast for my 5yr old son he needs me. God plz help me.

AVERT Says: Learning you are HIV positive is not easy. However, living an enriching and healthy life is entirely possible, for more information please see our pages on living with HIV.

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6 months pregnant & HIV positive

I am currently 6mnths pregnant I am 25 and found out that I have hiv when I went to my first obgyn appointment . I just got married a mnth prior to the man of my dreams. When they told us my whole world stopped I couldn't breath. I looked at my husband and my eyes filled with tears. I was petrified. For my life and the life of my unborn child. My husband immediately held me close while I cried. He asked to be tested as well. His test came back negative Thank god! But then I thought for sure he was going to leave me... And I wouldn't blame him. How could this happen to me I am 25 year old white women... U hear that this only happens to African American and gay people . But that is not true at all hiv does not discriminate. I went to the infectious desease doctor and found out that I have had hiv for 7 yrs. Meaning I got it when I was 17yrs old and that my counts came back that I had aids.

If I wouldn't have became pregnant right when I did and found out I was positive ... I would be dead by next year... This baby saved my life and I am so greatful for that. My husband did not leave me..our relationship is so strong now because of this. I appreciate my family and everyone and thing so much more.. I appreciate a beautiful day and a wet kiss from my dog. My biggest fear is that my baby will be born positve . I am on medications to prevent it. So hopefully the baby will be healthy. I do feel like an outcast. I ask myself why me everyday . I rack my brain wondering who could have given it to me... I guess I will never know and I have to look ahead and be thankful for my husband and my baby on the way.

AVERT says: Want more information about some of the issues discussed in this story? Check out our dedicated pages on living with HIV and preventing mother-to-child transmission

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Ghogho

I found out in 2008 that i was HIV positive and i denied, i was in denial for two years then while in tis process ifell inluv with a very handsome and loving men. we started using a condom until he refused to use it anymore. im sorry but i could not tell him my status coz i was scared i would loose him and his ex girlfriend was HIV but still i just could nit tell him. 2011 i felt pregnant yoooo i was so stressed i tested again for the second time and +, i told him , he said "baby if you going to drink pills, where are mine then" i laughed and said i was joking. guilty conscience was really eating me inside. i had a miscarriage because of stress.

April 2012 i fell pregnant again, i went to the clinic, i found a very friendly nurse it told him the reason for my last miscarry and she asked me why i have not been taking my ARVs and i told her i was afraid my boyfriend would ask questions about it because we leave together. She told me to ask my bf to come to the clinic. yooooo stress again but one day i came back from work and i told him we had to talk. We sat down i told him the nurse at the clinic called me and told me i was HIV positive, i started crying, i could see the hurt in his eyes its like he did not believe what he was hearing he cried and said what are going to do now, there i was re-leaved i told him we could still have a negative baby only if i took ARVs coz my cd4 count is less than 350. Hev agreed we went together to the clinic and he tested negative i thought he was going to leave me since Hz not infected. He promised he wont leave me and we are getting married very soon, he has sent his parents to my parents for Lobola negotiants. I am so lucky to have him and i have been very strong to get the support i get from him.

HIV is not a death sentence, take your meds as told and everything will be fine dont wait until its too late. I am four months pregnant and cannot wait to deliver my baby. All we neeed is support not people who will question how and why what happen. this thing is like a car accident coz you will not know when the car will hit u, and ince it has you just have to accept it. I love you all and pray that God will keep you strong and always know that you are not alone.

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Shab

Hi i am 31years and hiv+. I discovered this after delivering my son in january. he too is +ve. We didnt know of this until when i was not improving from child birth. I decided to retake the test and viola there it was.
I dont want to blame my husband for it in as much as he is responsible, i have seeked for treatment and i baby and I are doing great, i managed to gain back 10kgs that i had lost in just 3months,
hiv is scary but it is not a death sentence with the right attitude and discipline, it can be put on check and thats what i intend to do,
I adhere to my medication and that of my son and follow all the necessary instructions, i no longer engage in sex and have no apologies. I am living for my babies, thats greater than any body pleasure, stay positive and vigilant for life has to continue and we are the drivers to our destiny.
God provides inner peace and comfort and he will always watch over us.

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B

Hi, it's me B again. Its been a few months now, almost 6 months since i found out that i am hiv positive. Its been a few hard months. Going through all of the emotions, not knowing. I think that is the scariest  part for  me. Well a lot has happened.I have not told my family ye, i do not think i can bring myself to that as yet. Me and my ex bf broke up, the guy tHAT i got it from. found out that he was still fooling around with other girls. But i dont care, i met anamazing guy, he is not hiv positive. I told him, he  knows.He has been very supportive if it hasnt been for him, i dont know if ill even be able to type this message today. But i am, so i believe God has bigger plans for me, than i had for myself. My new bf is amazing. Sometimes i get scared, that i might infect him. If that ever happens i dont know if ill be able to live with myself. He has been my strenght on this earth. At times i find myself getting mad at myself. For the fact that i didnt save myself for a man like him. He is everything. They  say you should see Gods eyes in his, and i do. before him i thought i will never be happy again. I still cry,  mostly because i am scared. But his love makes me strong.

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Neha

I am a woman of 28yrs, i discovered my status when my husband was diagnosed in 2008.I was afraid to test but i ended testing and as i thought i was positive, i cried until de were no tears anymore. Then i remembered the is a cure for my sufferering n pain n that is God.

I engaged him in my life and ask him for strength and long healthy life,n like a gracious God he is he answered me rite then n there.I started my treatment in 2009 when my CD4 count was 250,i was sceptical of it bcos of the stigma around ARV'S but God was with me. I didn't suffer from any side effects until now i have never been sick n my CD4 count is way up high.

So to all of you who are HIV positive Trust in GOD, n dont ask him why, just ask him for guidance n strength.   

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Katie

Hello my name is Katie and I'm 19 years old and I currently live in the U.K.  I am of African decent and I found out I was HIV positive when I was eleven years old do to my mother giving birth to me in Africa, and somehow at the hospital they didn't sterilise the needles properly.  It has been a hard seven years or so with treatment and I think as I get older it only becomes harder because I understand it more, and dating as well its also hard but I have gotten use to it now and it just something we all have to live with.  It wasn't by choice but I guess it was what god had planned for us, no doubt my experience has only made me stronger and I shall carry on with my treatment and everything else should hopefully fall into place for me in the future! Do hope they find a cure soon though .

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K.K.

Hi, I'm 21 yrs old and I'm HIV+ I was told this awful news on feb 4, 2011. When I was 5 mths pregnant with my first child. I don't know how I contracted the disease due to me being with my baby's father for 2.5 yrs. He turned out to be negative!  So i must have got it frm a previous partner. I felt ashamed, guilty for allowing someone to ruin my life like this! I lost my Virginty when I was 18 so I wasn't even promiscuous; it's not fair that this has happen to me. I was under so much stress that I had my bby 3 mths early and he was born a 2 lb premie THANK GOD! he is negative and now weighs 16lbs:) his father left me shortly after we found out the horrible news. I feel like I've lost my soulmate:(

My family loves me but they are in denial. They don't acknowledge what I have. They just pretend its not true and it hurts because I have to basically go though this alone and raise my infant son. I'm afraid that I won't be able to see him grow into a man and have kids of his own. I afraid of not being able to find love again and not get married and expand my family. This disease has brought many doubts to my future and my life but I have to be strong for my bby. He's depending on me regrardless of what I have and I know he loves me unconditionally if no one else does:) although Im not required to go on meds because my cd4 is 1000 and my VL is 2500 which is very good I'm still afraid of whats to come with this lifelong incurable disease. I truly hope and pray that they will come up with a cure for me and those who are in the same situation. They have recieve great success with the Berlin patient:) so GOD, my son and being hopeful that a cure may soon be within our reach is the only thing that keeps me sane!!

Sincerely
K.K

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No Name

I am a 20 year old female. I found out I had HIV when I was 15. I have had a wonderful life and am going to continue living a beautiful happy life. I have had one baby boy by the grace of god, he is healthy and HIV-. I have had the same boyfriend for the past 6 years and HIV is not a death sentence. I hope that more people read positive things about HIV disease because it's not as bad as everybody makes it out to be. You can still live a long healthy life as long as you stay healthy. Exercise eat healthy, and make good decisions about your body. I'm also going to add that I have no symptoms of HIV/aids and my viral load is undetectable meaning less than 40 copies, I haven't had to take one pill except for the safety of my son while I was pregnant. My immune system is fine. Don't give up hope. I often forget I
even dealing with it:) bless everyone who reads this.

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