Maddie
I'm 17 and a junior in high school. For as long as I can remember I've felt like the black sheep. In my family, with my friends in any category. And I think it's because I never really have come to terms with who I am. I don't know who I am. I have an amazing boyfriend, who I care about immensely. And I'm physically attracted to him but when I'm with him I'm never fully satisfied. Or with any guy. I am more attracted to women and I'm so bi curious it hurts. My school isn't very accepting and I'm afraid to tell anyone. I kissed my best friend at a party once but it was only for 10 seconds and I don't really remember it. I tried to convince myself it was just a phase. But I fantasize and have dreams about girls all the time. Another one of my friends and I were joking about how we were 'in love' and she asked me if I wanted to actually try something sometime. I told her to stop messing with my head. I thought it was just for a laugh. But she was serious. That was a few days ago and I want to bring it up again. We both don't like each other that way, she's pretty but just my friend. So I can't see the harm in kissing her. I'd love to kiss her. My heart races when I think about it. But I am so afraid. However after reading everyone else's stories I feel even more compelled to do something about it. So I just wanted to thank everyone for being so open.
AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page on Coming Out
Stay Strong
I'm 19, in my 1st year of college and I came out to 2 friends for the first time (on Valentines day lol). It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my entire life. I wasn't sure what their reactions were going to be but I trusted them enough with my deepest secret. The topic came up because I had a date with a guy that I didn't really like but went out to dinner as a friend. As I was telling my friends about how I already knew that I was not going to like him as more than a friend, my friend Danielle asked why that was. We've known each other for about 6 years so I think she might of suspected that I could be bi or lesbian. She was telling me that I should be open about my feeling and take risks. That's why I thought she knew.
I was so nervous about telling them because I knew that this would be the moment that would change everything. For a couple of years prior to this, I was in denial about it because I knew my parents would never accept me and I would never have a normal life if I was gay. Even now, I still have trouble saying it out loud or writing it. So, as Danielle waited for me to explain, I decided to write it on my phone so that she could read it. My breathing was erratic and my gestures were all screaming fear and self-consciousness. By this point, I was a mental mess. It took all my willpower to give my phone over for her to read. She saw how nervous I was acting so her boyfriend, who I've known for 5 years, read the message first. I had my face in my hands as they read it out loud, "I don't like boys". Danielle looked at me and said, "That's it? From the way you were acting it looked like you were going to confess to a murder". I laughed out loud and let the tears stream down my face. They got up and gave me a hug and said that they loved me no matter what and that they were happy that I trusted them with something so important. This secret created a lot of stress in my life and I'm glad that I took the first step. They told me that they had suspected it for some time but never asked because it wasn't an issue. They comforted me and joked a bit about how my date was going to go. I was so relieved about how everything turned out.
After I told them, I decided to tell my best friend, Stacy, who went to a
different college. I tried telling her a couple of times my senior year in
high school but went it came down to it, I just made some stuff up about my
life that was bothering me. Stacy knew something was up, but she didn't
pry.
So, the same day I came out to my 2 friends, Stacy texts me and asks me how
my valentines day was going and I replied that it was interesting, scary,
and liberating. She asked how come and I sent her a huge message that
basically covered all the main things that I had wanted to tell her months
ago. I told her that she probably guessed that I was bi way back in
freshman year and that she deserved a better friend than me because while
she was trusting me with all her secrets, I had kept my biggest from her.
Stacy was supportive all the way. She sent back a message that said,
"I'm glad you told me, and I know you would of told me when you were
ready. This won't change our friendship because we've always been there for
each other and that's how it will always be". She even knew what I was
trying to tell her before in high school, but assumed that I just needed
time.
I never would of imagined that it would of being this liberating or easy, but I know I still have a long way to go. This first step with my friends was exactly what I needed and I could not of asked for better or more supportive friends. I'm not sure how it will go with my parents but I'm probably not going to tell them for a while, or until I get my undergraduate degree.
I hope this brought some hope and courage for those who are having doubts about coming out. I was in your exact spot not long ago reading other peoples coming out stories hoping for a better ending than what you're imagining.
Stay Strong
AVERT Says: Coming out is not easy. But like the author or this story, you can feel a great sense of liberation upon doing so. For more information, please see our dedicated LGBT pages.
37 & Bi
I'm 37 year old and realize two years ago that I'm bi. For years, I couldn't figure out why I couldn't keep a relationship with the guy. Two years ago, I met the love of my life. I had never really felt like this about anyone. I couldn't even admit I loved her until one day she was in front of me and texted me, "want to kiss you". The thing is I met her at work 7 years ago and we became bff's. she's married but is lesbian and told me she liked girls. She asked me if I like girls and I immediately refused. Through the years being so close to her I just couldn't deny my feelings anymore. When she texted me, I want to kiss you. I texted back me too. We started an affair, one thing lead to another and I told her I loved her and se said she didn't. It broke my heart to pieces. It almost killed me.
I have never told anyone in my family I'm bi or about this affair. Imagine finding out at 35 your bi in love with your BFF and have no one to tell it to. I'm dying inside and no one the wiser. My family is very old fashioned and will never accept that I like girls. Life isn't fair I guess. I guess I was always bi but was to afraid to accept it.
AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page on Coming Out
Rook
Hola. My name is Rook (yes, it really is) and I am a fifteen year old male.
I figured out that I was bisexual, leaning towards gay, at the age of twelve.. Because I'm just awesome like that.
Despite how understanding, loving, and cool my mother is, it took me a couple of months for me to tell her. Honestly, this had quite a bit to do with the fact that I was coming to terms with it myself. At first I denied it. Because really? Being bi/gay sounded really hard. I had heard all of the negative stigma that had been attached to this role in life, and I did not want to have to deal with that. But then, after a lot of deep soul-searching and thinking, I managed to accept it.
However, my reluctance brought up another question. Did I REALLY need to tell anyone? What did it matter? I wasn't at the point where I had any serious crushes on anyone yet or anything, so why did I need to share this? You know, it might just even be one of those 'experimenting' phases, and it was just puberty kicking at me, and it would all just blow over.
But I felt restricted. And I felt weighted down, and it was like life had its hands around my neck. It's an awful feeling... One which I found that I wanted to do away with as quickly as possible.
So, with the blind,wild courage that only a young teenager (or near enough) could have, I went and confessed it all to my mother.
And do you know what she did? I remember it as clearly as if it were five minutes ago...
My mother had taken off her hat, and looked me straight in the eyes.
"Rook," she said. "I love you. I will always love you. You like guys... Well, so do I!"
And then 'woosh'! I felt lighter! It honestly works like that, people... My mother's reaction was the only one that I was truly worried about, and she had just filled me up with undeniable relief and love.
:) Your family may not accept you, but believe me when I say that you really need to tell SOMEONE and have them accept you. It's honestly amazing how wonderful this will make you feel...
Rook ...
Oh yeah, and shortly after that, I told my older brother. He slung his arm over my shoulders, and was like, 'So you're a LIBERAL?" And he smirked at me!
AVERT Says: Coming out is not easy. But like the author or this story, you can feel a great sense of liberation upon doing so. For more information, please see our dedicated LGBT pages.
Finally free
Im a Lesbian im 20 and I came out today to my parents . I was so scared
because I honestly didnt know how they would react... But thankfully they
accepted me for who I am. After tears , hugs , laughter and more tears I
finally felt free. Ive known I was a lesbian since I was 7 years old . I
never had the courage to come out as a teenager for fear of rejection .
Finally I realized that Ive got to live my life . I know how hard it is to
keep it to yourself . I just want everyone to know that it does get easier.
The fear holds you back but you should know that there is NOTHING wrong
with being Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or transgender!!. Be yourself :) Dont
worry about what people may think or say most of the time people will
accept you for you but if anyone says something hurtfull remember people
are only afraid of something they dont understand . And some people are
ignorant or insecure about themselves . Live your life dont let who you are
hold you back . And remember you are NOT
alone!
By the way when I told my sister her reply was " so what I don't care I love you , you are my sister . I wish you told me earlier!"
AVERT Says: Coming out is not easy. But like the author of this story, you can feel a great sense of liberation upon doing so. For more information, please see our dedicated LGBT pages.
Rebbeca
Hi My Name is Rebbeca . I'm 12 going on 13 . (:
I'm Bisexual . But no one knows . It's hard cause if my mom found out I'm
affraid she wont look at me the same . & My dad I love him to much I
can't tell him . He's over protected !
When I first liked a girl it was my sisters Bestfriend she was in the 6th
grade and I was in the 4th . She was so beautiful ! But I didn't know I
liked her like that I didn't even know what was Bi and Lesbian ! But I went
to school the next day and a new girl came . This boy liked her but she
didn't like him but I never talked to her . Like a few months later she
moved . & one day my friend was talking about her do I was listening
and one of my friends said she was Bi and I didn't know what that ment so I
got home and looked it up on google . I found out that it ment you liked
girls and guys and lesbians was you just liked girls . I thought to myself
I liked my sisters best friend but no I couldn't be Bi cause I would like
other girls .
Then I got into Jr. High . I was in the 6th grade & I finally told myself I liked girls and a lot of other girls were Bi over at my school so I just left it like that but no one knew I was bi . Till one day I got on Facebook and my Bestfriend was writing on a girls wall I love you babe and she did this date rate thing on here status so I looked at what she wrote on girls walls and she would write " Date , Mhmmm ? " So that's how I found out she was Bi she liked me but I never noticed it . & I kinda liked her to then one day she got with a girl at our school and it spreded all over the school and people were happy for them as well as I. Then this one bi girl really liked me and one of my friends was like you should go out with her just for fun but she didn't know I was Bi so I did then right after that period I told her it was over . Then my bestFriends girlfriend was talking to me about something and I forgot she didn't know I was Bi and it came out I told her " I went out with that girl " & she was shocked cause I told her she was like omg you're Bi . I was like dang it I forgot you didn't know . But I felt comfortable with it so I started telling my closes friends and they accepted ! But then I moved to a small town ! Where if you kissed a boy everyone knew at that exact moment ! So I couldn't tell no one I was Bi ! My parents or Sibilings don't know I'm Bi ive dated a few guys but it didn't feel right so I dated two Bi girls and they felt right but we broke up ! :'/
I Feel Uncomfertable with being Bi but then again I don't ! But all I'm
saying is be yourself and if you don't want to say anything about it then
it's okay wait of the right moment ! Be yourself and be proud ! (:
#Team Bi / Lesbian ! (: <3
AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page on Coming Out
Alex
Hey my names Alex, 16, currently A Lesbian, and my family knows my secret.
Growing up I didn't really care what other people thought and I didn't
really know who I liked until I turned 14 that's when I considered liking
girls so far any relationship I've been in with a guy usually ended pretty
quickly and what's sad I wasn't sad or heartbroken when they ended, but
when I fell for one of my closest friends I tried to hold it in trying to
convince myself that could never happen and we wouldve broken our friend
ship. So I holded it in for a few months till I finally broke and told her
how a felt but it turned out to be how I imagined she didn't feel the same
way and I couldn't be around her without crying.. i havnt come out in
school at all I'm too scared how people would treat me and I would lose all
of my friends... I've yet to wonder if I'll ever find a girl I could fall
in so much in love with like the love stories u heard when u were a child.
Kirsten
My name is Kirsten. I am 18 years old. My first crush was in Kindergarten on a girl named Erica. At the time, and for many years to come, I thought nothing of it. Since then I've had crushes on males, but I can never seem to attach to them emotionally or feel as if I could really connect with them beyond basic biological urges. I suppose that makes me, technically, bisexual, although I dont necessarily like the title. I identify as lesbian. If i ever end up in a lasting and meaningful relationship, it will be with a girl. I only admitted all of this to myself in full force a few months ago. My current attachment is to my best friend. She knows how I feel about her and is somewhat bisexual herself. She had a crush on me in the past, but i was too blind and scared to see it, and, true to fate, I missed out. We still maintain a relationship as strong as ever, though, and I couldnt ask for a better friend. She is one of three people who know about my sexuality. I cannot come out to my family. My mother is extremely Catholic and is outspokenly against homosexuality. My father was not religious, but he comitted suicide two months ago. He was the only person I had considered coming clean to within the family. The area in which I live is very Christian. People are very openly against homosexuality and I fear how I would be treated if people knew. I am in the top of my graduating class. Straight A's. Going into either Geo or Astrophysics and Anthropology. I do not see a way to live both lives openly, and so, at least for now, i will remain silent.
Laura
I'm 16 years old and i think i am a lesbian. I've had boyfriends in the past but i've never been with a girl. The thing is that i think I'm in denial. I've kept trying to tell myself that I am not a lesbian. When i see a man i don't go "ohhh he's hot!" I go "Why do you think he's hot. you don't even know him." I don't get attracted to guys but i accept almost every date I'm asked on. I haven't told anybody. I have fantasies sometimes. I found out a few years ago that my uncle was gay and soon he had a boyfriend. My family was completely supportive of him, but i just can't imagine them supporting me at all.
The last time i came out to my parents about something (It was the fact
that i wasn't a Christian like them) they laughed and said i was too young
to even by thinking about a choice like that. They still tell people I am a
Christian.
I guess that experience makes me think that they wouldn't support me. I
don't know.
AVERT says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, please see our Resources for Those Who Are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Unsure page.
Jane
Hi my name is Jane and I'm an ordinary South African girl. I've recently admitted to myself that I'm a lesbian but it wasn't easy doing so. I remember always being attracted to girls from a young age; I would even chase after the girls during kissing catches but I never understood why I did that. At the age of four, I told my mom that I wanted to marry a girl and she didn't exactly react well to that [...] After the age of ten I became this reserved, quiet person who would fight with people at various moments during the year. Needless to say, I didn't gain many friends. It was a pattern that formed until this year when I just had a moment when I realised I'm not this person who's so serious and quiet and reserved. I began uncovering many painful things from my past which I kept hidden: you see my family is one which is obsessed with maintaining the perfect image even if it's to the detriment of various family members. I cut out various family members- including my father from my life and I began changing my circle of friends as well. I also decided to stop being a Christian because I never really related to Christianity and I decided to become very spiritual. I remember one moment during meditation where my inner voice you could say said to me "you're gay!". At first I tried to deny it and I told myself that I'm either pan- or bisexual; anything instead of being a lesbian. It took me a while but then I realised that I've never really been attracted to guys- except for fleeting obsessions which I would make up myself- but I've always dreamt about kissing my friends and being intimate with a girl. At first I called myself gay since lesbian sounded like such a harsh word but I've now accepted that I'm a lesbian and I'm proud of it! I've come out to my friends and my cousins but not to my mom yet. I suspect that she knows but I don't want to confirm it for her as yet: the last thing I want to hear is someone telling me it's just a phase. I've also developed strong feelings for a girl I've always subconsciously like: I suspect that she feels the same way but either it's subconscious for her or she's also in denial about it. I'm willing to wait and see what happens though. I feel as though I've made more friends since I've come out and I'm really coming out of my shell at an alarming rate: I overwhelm myself at times as to how big my personality really is but I feel as though I'm being true to myself. It helps that I've got a few friends who are also lesbian/ bisexual. I've also learnt that love just happens and you start to have a great ife once you begin to remain true to yourself.
Ryan
Hay guys my name is Ryan today i am going to tell you my story how i come out.
This is how it goes, when i was in year 8 i fancied someone in my year [...] someone in my class said to me that he is gay, and then we were seeing each other. Then everyone in my year was calling me gay and i was getting abused. I had that going on for 3 years and when i got into year 10, I was inspired by glee and waterloo road to just tell everyone that i am gay. It was in the half team that i said i was gay, when we got back to school i have a lot of name call, but by the end of the week everyone accepted me for who i am. Still now i am getting name calling at me, but i just didn't say nothing back to him because that is who I am so just accepted it. After a few months I had someone eles come to me and said that he is gay too. I asked him why u telling me? why don't you tell everyone else? Then he said back, because I want to tell you, you have come out to everyone and I want you to help me do it- So I did help him.
But then he asked me out I said yes, we went out for 2 years then he dumped me. That day he dumped me I was going to kill myself, but my best friend saw then my letter I sent to my mum, and he said to himself that he know's which place I was going to kill myself. He told me that it will be fine, but I said to him, it will not be fine, he mean's a lot to me.
When I went back to school I had everyone coming up to me and asking "why did u do that?", I said because he meant a lot to me and I had no life left. But now I have a new boyfriend that is nice to me he will help me when I ask him to. But the one I went out with for 2 Years he was the best one I had, but now he has got a new bf and when I see him in the streets he look at me every time we see each other, and now the bf that I have will say with me for ever...
AVERT.org: If you have experienced anything mentioned in this story, please take a look at our Help and Advice page for further details of organisations who can help: http://www.avert.org/help.htm
Kaylie
I am 23 [...] and a lesbian,
I have always thought of myself strait until i was about14, then i started watching lesbian porn movies. i would watch strait porn and even gay porn but both ideas not only NOT turn me on, they made me sick. then i started to look at girls passing me at walmart and in the hallways at school and they turned me on. once i came clean with myself, i realized i had a crush on my best friend. every day that passed the passion grew stronger untill i was in love i decided to tell her one night at a sleepover. it was just me and her at my house. i looked her in the eye and told her i loved her. her face lite up and she told me she felt the same way. i was so happy. the next day i told my parents. they were a little shocked but accepted me and loved me. then together we told our closest friends and they were nothing but supportive. i then lead a very happy and fulfilling live and she is still my girlfriend i love her so much because even through i cant walk she loves me and helps me with any thing and every thing.
Advice for others, the sooner you come clean the sooner you will get the chance to love and be happy.
Mo
Hey I am nearing 30 and I decided to write this story because I was looking up useful websites for young people to access when thinking about their sexuality (I work in a Support Centre). The stories on this website inspired me to tell my own.
Looking back I always thought I was different, I was a complete tomboy and totally disinterested in boys. I went to university and had a couple of short relationships with boys before I met my boyfriend. He made me mostly happy for 5 years (I used to go out and kiss girls blame it on the drink and apologise) and when he proposed I said yes, thinking that the unsettledness I was feeling was because I wanted to get married. We moved into our own flat and started planning the wedding.
7 months before the big day I went on holiday, a week in France, snowboarding. that was when I first saw her... she was amazing. I had to come home and face the truth I am gay and I could not marry the boy no matter how much I love and respect him. The next weekend I went through to my parents and spent a long time with my mum explaining why I felt I was gay and how I could not go through with the wedding, she kept asking if I was sure and I was and I am! My dad asked me what was wrong and I said I couldn't go through with it because I was gay, he said Gosh and hugged me to let me know it was alright. My friends were thankfully all really great about it, my brother had the best reaction ‚ Ah! that explains the girls rugby!‚LOL.
Telling my fiance was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It felt like I could see his heart breaking and mine broke with it. We ended on good terms and he is happy with his new girlfriend.
Fast forward two and a half years from meeting the most amazing girl in the world and I have moved across the country, bought a flat, and married her. It has been 3 months since I married my soul mate and I could not be happier! Coming out was the hardest and most painful thing I have ever done but the benefits outweigh the initial suffering. I admit I was lucky my mates all said they knew already when I told them, and I thought I was subtle, ooops.
Go for it guys and girls find what is right for you and make yourself happy no one else can do it for you... :)
Britttney
Hey my name is Brittney.
I have always be around people that are gay or bi. It never dawned on me that i might be one of those. I have always had a attraction towards girls, but i have been dening it my whole life. Cause i have been around people who hate homosexuality.
I realized that i was a lesbian when i was talking with my best friend from like 1st grade, and she started talking about how she was confused as well. I did not think anything of it until the day after that when we were talking about a time back in elementary school. We were alone in a little log think and i had the feeling of kissing her, but of course i did not want to freak her out. Well it turns out she had the exact same feeling. I knew then that i have loved her for a very long time.
It was hard to come out, I have only came out to a current few. My cousin, my sister, my parents, and then the best friend. Even though, i have come out to them i was still unhappy cause i was still dening the fact that i was a lesbian. i even tried to get into a relationship with a guy. Being with him made me realize that i have no attraction towards guys at all. So today i am thinking about coming out to a small group of my friends about what i am.
It has been a struggle for a while now, but i feel like i am finally getting through it
Jake
I'm a senior man, who has lived a lie all his life. Married (love the wife) and conceived 2 children who are now grown up into fine citizens! Wife and I continue to get intimate occasionally! Have had a few intimate male encounters in my life and always have the itch for more! But never want to hurt all the people who I love and depend on me!
On one hand it has been very a satisfying life raising children and being a family man. Love being a Grandpa and if I would have taken the other road I would have missed all that experience.
I know it is a very difficult decision for everyone to make. I think I made the right one. But the desire to be with a man has always been there and still continues so in my senior years.
Gabe
I am Gabe i live in Germany. I moved here from England and before that i lived in Iceland. My dad is in the military.
I am 13 and i found out i was gay a long time ago. It wasn't until i was 12 i let my self believe it. And since then i have been very alone and sad i would cry so hard that everyone got really worried i was about to kill myself because my eyes would always be blood shot. I like to act and cheer. I am a guy so you can see how much i would get made fun of because of it the sad part was that none of them would ever watch me act and the ones who did were amazed on how good i was.
I just came out to my friends and they wouldn't talk to me for weeks and the girls actually cried and i felt horrible. at that point i felt more alone then ever i came really quite close to killing myself until one of them came out to me that he was bi. he honestly saved my life. Now i am doing just fine and the ones who wouldn't talk to me are now more closer to me then ever.
A selection of stories about coming out, written by different people from all around the world and sent to AVERT.
Avert.org also has information about resources, youth groups, helplines etc. for those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or unsure.
If you would like to add your personal story to this page, please