Personal Stories of Young People Living with HIV

T

Hello pple my name is T iam 18 year,iam one of the people who were born with hiv and I found out in february this year.it was really hard for me and my cd4 count is 115 and I will be starting my pills soon.it was really hard I wanted to commit suicide but thank God for my family they support me all the way.my only problem now is that will I ever fin d the man who will love me and marry,am I going to have children.I thank God for avert it has helped me with its stories

AVERT says: Want more information about some of the issues discussed in this story? Check out our dedicated pages on living with HIV and preventing mother-to-child transmission

back to top

Lala

hi, im 15 years old , on november 3 2011 i found out that i am HIV positive . there was rumors that this boy had it & iasked him & made me show me proof & he did idunnno how he made up these papers but he did .. the first time we had it i told him we have to use a condom because either way i didnt wanna end up pregnant. he used it for a little then he took it off And i made it clear he couldnt continue having sex with me until he put a condom back on but he didnt.

i went  & got tested recently & broke down .. people told me i should get tested because you could never know & also when i lived with him in summer his mom would always bring up you two will be together through sickness, & through everything else. i found it weird she would always bring that up & she once made a joke about them both being hiv positive .. wich scared me so he was born with it . when i found out he reAlly had it i was so sad & heart broken that he knew he had it & he would go giving it to people like nothing. he gave it to alooott of girls ! & i also feel bad for them sometimes i want to tell people so they can becareful or get tested .. but then that would put my reputation on the line.

i always wonder if people would accepted & love me if i told them ? but people are so ignorant you could never know.. but for the people out there who have it & are stressing .. hiv is like diabetes it isnt as bad just keep going to ur dr.appointments to see if your doing okay in your health . put everything in gods hands & god will make things good  for you . if you take care of urself your not gonna dye & theres gonna be supporters you just have to find the right ones . im still living a healthy normal life & this has made a big impact in my life in so many ways

back to top

Las Vegas

I was one of the many cases of children born with H.I.V in the 90s. i was on a breathing machine for the first few years of  my life. i was doing bad, the doctor told my mom i wasn't gonna live to see the age of three but for some reason im still here holding on at 20 years old.

With my 21st right round the corner, every year i thank god for letting me live through another tough year.

I feel god worked a miracle with my stuggling life.

back to top

B...

Hi,my name is B ,im 21years old.

I found out in June 2011 that i am hiv positive, my cd4 is 309, is this good or bad? I dont know.

My heart is heavy,im unsure of my life. Will i die tomorrow? All these qeustions! I feel like im going mad,but God seems to talk to me lately!

But still i dont know what to do with this disease. Ive told my bf, but he seems to be living in denial. I so want him to test, so we can both stay healthy.

At this moment im so negative,i had such big dreams. Finishing my degree, being independent, getting married,kids,growing old. Have all the joys of life.

I have no one to speak to. Ive decided not to disclose to my family or parents. I dont want to see the change of love in their eyes, that would break me. Im already broken, but somehow God is keeping me together. He is there, through HIV I have found my father.

At this moment i dont know how to live with this thing. Tears are burning my face, suicide have crossed my mind countless time. But by the power of God he seems to always comfort me. I talk to him everyday now. I know he lives. All i know right now, is that i need to stay healthy, not for myself but for the people that loves me.

In a weird way Hiv cured my soul from the evil of this world, and showed me the love that we as people can show. Im scared,i cry,sometimes i feel like doing something crazy. Like now, but then i get still, and i know he is God!

AVERT says: we have some really useful resources on our Learning you are HIV positive page. If you would like some help finding support in your local area please email us: info@avert.org

back to top

Jay

i'm 19 years old and i found out i was HIV positive 2 months ago, i froze when the nurse told me.

so many thing were rushing through my mind, but the one thing i kept thinking was that i was going to die.

i have been reasured that i am not going to die, and im pretty healthy at the moment and i don't need to start taking meds for a few years.
but when i first got told i got depression, and i gave up at college.

i fell behind with college work for 3 months (ive caught up now and i have one more day at college)
i was planning to go to uni too this september, but when i found out i decided i wasnt going to go.
i had a talk with my tutor at college and told them everything they were very supportive and told me not to give up.
she gave me good advice and i have now decided i am going to go to uni.

i also have a boyfriend, i was with him 3 weeks when i found out about my HIV status, sooo i though he was going to end it and it wouldn't have surprised me. but through everything so far were still together 3 months later. and luckily all his tests have come back negative.

i am going to go to uni, i am going to stay with my boyfriend and i'm going to have an amazing future.

i need to stop getting depressed because having HIV isn't the end of the world, plus drugs and medication are always getting better so who knows maybe a cure in 3,5,10 years???

back to top

Cbiadi

I was born positive. my mom got it from my dad who was an army man.i found out when i was 6 and been under ART like 4ever .

i first felt like commiting suicide but thro talk from my doctor learnt i could live 4 100yrs if eat n take drugs well .

my dreams keep me moving

back to top

Cloe

Hi im Cloe a 21yr old now i found out i was HIV+ in 2008 i was a rebbile loved parting and drinking but i always had one guy when it came to dating. In 2009 I fell inlove with who now is the father of my 8month baby. He Left me shortly when my baby was unborn my baby is Negative and so is he by GOds glory I LOVE him and i doubt if i'll ever stop ive changed my ways and have been submissive to GOD i pray and i am new born in christ i havnt started my treatment as off yet becoz my CD4 count is high up but i have the hugest fear which all women here fear. I want to get married have my dream home and family those are the outmost important to me FAMILY becoz i never really had family my mom passed away wen i was 13 and  dad was just an ass whole so the feeling of having parents a mom a dad at home has always been what i have longed for as the only child now im scared im going to leave behind my daughter one day with no mom nor dad at home.histroy might just repeat it self i dont knw wat to do but i pray to GOD he will keep me out of this pain beacuse my heart cries so much and yearns for love.

back to top

amy

i found out i had hiv when i was pregnent at 16, was only with the lad 3 months and he didnt tell me he had it recieved a text when we broke up saying "go get tested in 3 months left u a little present" thought nothing of it until i found out i was pregnent then it all come together, at the moment, im getting numbers and advice i will get him put inside and notlet him do what he did to me to other girls, i will get money and i will live a good life with MY daughter, he has nothing to do with MY child i refuse to let a hopeless scum bag into her life..

I cried and cried for 2weeks then i sat there one day and i thought do i go through the rest of my life weeping or do i just live it to the fullest i wont let him or hiv ruin my life, its not a death sentence and ill be ok. Im healthy and ive met some amazing people since having it i look at life through a different light an appriate people around me so much more. I have an amazing boyfriend now who is hiv- but he accepts everything that comes with me and my daughter is the best thing to happen to me when ever i feel down i just look at her beautiful smile and think well if i didnt meet him i may not have hiv but i also wouldnt have this beautiful ray of light in my life.

back to top

Lynn

hi, my name is lynn.

i found out i had hiv when i was 17. just found out i was pregnant, i was so hurt .

i thought it was the end of the world but it isn't, its just a differnt way you got to live. i'm 34 now got two kids.

the guy knew he had it, never said a word. it is hard to talk about sometimes, you got to watch who you tell. peple are so ignorant been educashon on it.

guys want to be friends till you tell them then they turn there backs on you . i have had it happen three times now. it s crazy how peple are.

just hold your head. what gos around comes around..

back to top

Cam

Hello out there!

Im 29 years old. I found out that i was Hiv positive in Sept of 2008.

I dont know who I contacted the virus, but I have it. As I typing this it's Nov. of 2010. I would have never thought out of all these days i would have Hiv. I currently not on meds, my cd4 is around 310-350 and my viral load is less than 25000.

I am new at trying to deal with this condition and trying not to let it get the best out of me. I havent told my family for various reason. I am not involved in any support groups. I trying to deal with it on my own and know now from reading others stories that i can not do it alone. I was recently doing just fine coping with it until i told my doctor that i wanted to start on meds, when i later found out that the meds cost so much to afford. i currently work but no health insurance is available at this time. I been up for pass few weeks stress about this issue cuz i want to have a normal life. I cant finish typing, please pray for me....

back to top

Mcdoogle

Well i'm 15 going on 16. i was born with HIV, my dad gave it to my mom after he got back from the army.i found out i have a brother the same age as me just 2 weeks older but he was lucky and didn't get it but his mom did....

my dad died in 2001 from AIDS when i was 5.

i had been taking meds since like 4eva. nobody ever told me untill i was 8 and me and my mom were on our way to my aunts house and she said "Mcdoogle what if i told you we had HIV”. I said “cry” ..she said “why?” and started crying.. I shook my head no.. yes she said i didnt know what to do. all I did was cry.i just went numb.

my mom took me to the doctor (i go every12 weeks) and we talked about it. my doctor told me i am just like every body else and as long as i take my meds eat good and take care of myself i can live a long health life.

back to top

Anon

The New Start people came to my college to conduct free counselling and testing and i decided to go. Anyway it turns out that I was HIV positive.

They gave me that referral letter to take to the doctor and i kept it for about a month. I decided that i needed to know my CD4 count after reading the stories that are on here. Needless to say it was under 150 and a high viral load. My doc said that she was surprised i wasnt sick.

So now I am on ART and I am worried about telling my boyfriend cause i really like him and we just started dating. The thing is i really want him to know and yet a part of me is afraid that he will leave me. But I have decided that if he can't accept me the way that I am then maybe he is not the one. So will tell him this weekend.

Wish me luck.

back to top

Kathy

Hi im Kathy 12 i was born with HIV.. i dont know how many meds i have taken in my life... i was adopted when i was like 3 or 2....I dont really remember how my mom told me that i had HIV or anything... people tell me that people like me shouldn't even be on this earth but i dont care what they say im a human being and i deserved to be heard.. Im really scared to have a boyfriend because I know that i can give other people HIV.... I want to be married with 3 kids and i don't want to grow up 2 be a loner but.. how can i do all of that and im HIV i started to think is there anything that i can do...

Well i dont know but... Im happy to have people just like me who were born with it.. It makes me a little mad when i see things on T.V about HIV but then again there trying to help people so they dont end up like me or make a child like me i guess that kinda good... some times it feels like no body gets me but then there trying to help me so i cant really get mad at them.. but it really dose hurt sometimes

I just wanna be normal. like all the other girls you know have a crush get a first kiss without thinking about it... But i will Never regret who i am and what i have its made me who i am and i guess thats whatz important... I really dont like the meds they give me one word Nasty.. :-).. my mom makes me laugh about it or she trys... its crazy that I had to be me the only one in my family to have it .. well guess thats what i get 4 being borin last haha.... But it would be nice to have someone 2 really talk bout it with cant really trust my friends except my best friend who has the same thing. but i'll be 13 November ..23.. 2010 ... so ready....HIV is apart of me and im not really sure i want to get rid of it itz in my blood i was born with it.. u know i just couldnt do it .. thanks for reading ... bout me hope i hear for some of u ........... LATERZ

back to top

J.O

My initials are J.O and I was born with HIV. For people who were born with it can you remember the first time being told? Not me I feel I was born knowing this. When I was born I was born a very sick child. Lived in an incubator for a week or two and was fed from a tube. I was also adopted and as a child I heard lots of stories about my mother and the family, which I wish I could meet to get more undiscovered answer.

I was told that my mother was a drug addict and while pregnant with me she did these drugs. I was also told that doing drugs was probably the way she got infected and probably infected other including me. I was also told that this is why I was so sick as a baby. My family told me that my biological mother A would call and ask "is she dead yet" and my adopted mother said she would hang up the phone.

Growing up with HIV I didn't understand why me. I also didn't understand why I had to take so much medication at the time. So at on point I stopped taking my medication. I would hide it under plants and things of that sort. My Levels were high, very high and if didn't move with my sister in law and brother I would be very very sick or even possibly dead. I struggle with it because I'm 19 and dating would seem very hard for me because I know one day I would have to tell them and I could possibly not go well.

I don't really except it but I have to live with it. If I could tell something to people of any age who has HIV or even AIDS I’d say; ‘living with HIV/AIDS is the easy part you just can't let it consume you as a person, physically mentally because we're in control, not the virus’.

back to top

Ruthy

I am currently a full month away from being 21 years old. I am HIV +. I was born with it, but i didn't know what was wrong with me till i was 15 years old.

The way that i found out was that something was first wrong with me was when i was six years old and i got blind after getting very sick and taking twice as long as the other kids to get better.

When i was 15 years old i got my very first boy/friend. My father saw that we were already together for a year and he took me on vacation to Ecuador to tell me the truth i didn't know anything.

I trusted my parents. I didn't question them on anything. He told me there in Ecuador in a doctor's office that i had HIV and that i was born with it, it was the reason for my meds, doctor visits, blindness, and much more.

I didn't say anything, but i was destroyed inside. I felt for a lack for a better word dirty, lied to, and hopeless.

My boy/friend at the time Carmine, broke up with me over it. I felt it wasn't fair not to share something this important with him. And he freaked.

Kids in school made fun of me because a week later he told them. I had to switch schools.

I have gone a long way since then and am fine with it now even though it still bothers me. I only wish i had met other people with it. Parents if your reading this please don't wait to long to tell your kids, if at all. Teach them to handle it. Because it was the hardest thing in my life learning how to deal with people who had a problem with it.

back to top

Lily

I'm Lilly and I’ve just been given my diagnosis a couple of months ago. I'm 20 years old and I don't know exactly how or when I got the virus as I have never had any distinctive symptoms or conversion illnesses however I have my suspicions on my first love boyfriend when I was 15. I have been with my current partner for over 3 years and until now had never used protection, I feel grateful that he is still testing negative.
My initial reaction to the diagnosis was complete and utter shock...how could I get HIV? How could this happen to me? I am going to die! Although I was reassured by my health advisor that there has been progress and I would live hopefully a \'normal\' life, visions of AIDS patients did not stop crossing my mind. I cried non-stop for the next few weeks, my appetite disappeared, I was not able to sleep, I did not want to go out, got severe headaches and basically wanted to end it there and then.
My partner has been great in helping me get through this time, I have not told my parents as yet out of fear that they will disown me, or worse, making their life a living hell. Although I still get times when I break down and cry, I am beginning to feel slightly stronger and more couragous. I have joined a few support groups and have realised I am not alone, and this illness does not fit any stereotype- everyone is at risk, not just MSM, injecting drug users or people of colour.
I am not on medications as yet as my CD4 is still slightly above 350 and my viral load is relatively low. Every night I pray to God that they may find a cure to this terrible disease, but I must also acknowledge that yes, medications have come a long way and some doctors go as far as to claim that under the right circumstances ( adherence to treatment, time of diagnosis etc) one may expect to live a normal life expectancy. I cannot speak for all people who are positive as I have not experienced the medications yet, however for someone who has just been diagnosed I would say, calm down first of all and do your homework, make sure you learn as much as possible about the illness and choose the right doctor. For females, make sure you request a cervical smear as HPV is very common with HIV infected females and if caught early, the abnormal cells can be removed safely.
I believe God is giving me the strength to carry on and I will continue to better my lifestyle in order to minimise the chances of me getting sick.

back to top