Young Bisexual and Gay Men: Personal Stories

Geoff

This story isnt about me coming out about being gay because i havent yet. I am 15 years old and live in Ireland. My name is Geoff. To be honest with you i havent come out yet becuase im scared what people will think of me. Im scared i will lose the few friends i have and im scared about what my family will think and how theyll  treat me. I am not very popular and if i came out in school i would lose my few friends. I have a friend thats lesbian and she feels the same way. I really want to come out so i can enjoy life and stop living this lie but in Ireland bein gay is hard. there is not that many gay people in ireland. does anyone know any good websites that give good advice or that i can talk to people who feel the same?

AVERT says: Coming out is not easy, especially if you feel you live in a society that does not accept same-sex relations. Take a look at our designated page on Resources for those that are lesbian, gay, bisexual or unsure for further information, support and advice. 

back to top

Wesley

Hey guys my name is Wesley, I am almost 15, and I'm gay

I realized I was gay about 3 or 4 years ago when I was in 5th grade. I went through kind of a phase shift from just getting feelings towards this one guy, to be being confused and feeling kind of bi, to now where I'm completely gay. I've had kind of a rough time, especially with my mom who found out rather than me telling her, which I was hoping for neither.....

Lately though, I've started coming out to some of my best friends and it's been fantastic. I have people I can talk to openly and ask for advice and I really want to come out completely.

My only problem is that I'm a Boy Scout and they have a no gay policy. I just got my Life rank and in February I will be able to get my Eagle scout. Once I get that, I will leave the troop and finally be able to come out.

This year I also happened to meet a guy, Evan. He's in the grade below me and is absolutely perfect. We started going out about a month ago but we started talking in like, January. I couldn't be happier.

All I have to say is, just do what makes you the happiest. Whether that's staying in the closet, or being proud and coming out and standing up for what's right, it's totally up to you.

AVERT Says: Coming out is not easy. But like the author or this story, you can feel a great sense of liberation upon doing so. For more information, please see our dedicated LGBT pages

back to top

Wojtek

Hi. My name is Wojtek and I am gay.

When I was 14 I started feeling strangely towards other boys. Soon later,I developed a crush on one of them. By then I was sure I am gay. We were never very close friends but everytime I was near him I had a great feeling. I wrote him a note, but made the mistake of telling another friend about my sexual orientation. He told the boy I had a crush on. It turned out he wasn't gay like me, all my friends started making fun of me, because I was gay. Soon later they accepted me for who I am. My crush accepted me too, and was sometimes akward around me, but not always.
 
If you are gay, remember to stay strong and express your feelings! Maybe it will work out for you :)

AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page on Being Gay at School

back to top

Kabelo

Hello, my name is Kabelo and I'm a 17 year old gay guy.

I've known this for as long as I can remember but I only mustered up enough courage to admit it to myself 3years ago. I really took for granted as to how dificulta that can be.
I have told a friend or two, and both times They too told me that They were Either bi or gay themselves. I have never been attracted to girls, never even tried to date a girl ever. I think I'm coming to terms with being gay and the only reason I don't want to come out is because I don't want to be ostracized for

I have had  sexual encounters with a few guys growing up but I think those have deep roots in psychological issues that I have about acceptance.
I think everybody knows I'm gay but no one wants to say it. Which is okay with me for now. I just went to say to any other guy that is struggling with his sexuality, thank to someone you trust, someone Who is open minded or do what I did....Let the internet help you...speak to counsillors or chat to strangers that are going through the exact same thing as you are going through.

Stay Blessed....God loves us all.

AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page on Coming Out.

back to top

Igor

Hello, my name is Igor. I am 25 and I'd like to tell you about my life.

I was eighteen when I lost my virginity. It was a boy I slept with, not a girl. I was a teenager of about 13 or 14 years old when I realized that I was attracted to men and I liked the feeling like this. I've even never kissed or slept with a woman nor wished her to be my lover. Though, I have a lot of female friends. It was my best female friend I came out to and she accepted me as I am. I accepted my homosexual sexuality a long time ago and now I have no shame or things like that. But there is one thing that makes me feel really upset and unhappy and that is I live in Russia.

Russia is negatively famous for its homophobic attitudes towards homosexuality. The Russians consider gay people miserable, mental disabled and the most disgusting beings on earth. It's very dangerous to be a gay in this country like Russia. If you are a gay you have two ways to live. The first one is to come out and then to become an outcast and the second one to hide your homosexuality and live with fear that someone will learn about you. The most Russian gays follow the second way. Despite this sad fact there can always be some exceptions as everything depends on people. I know some gay men that came out to their families and friends and got as much support and love as their loved ones were able to give. Anyway the majority of gay people prefer to keep silence because of fear. As for me I'm of the same opinion and can explain why. Firstly, I know what it's like when people you love and expect them to be more understandable and sensible to you instead turn their back away on you. My cousins found out about me by chance while I was visiting them. They didn't say anything but when I went away they stopped to communicate with me. Secondly, I was beaten by two guys. I chatted with one of them on the Internet. He said he was a gay, gave me his cellphone number and suggested to meet but instead there appeared two types in front of me and hit me and took away my money and cellphone, insulted me because of my homosexuality and it was the main reason why they attacked me they said when the police found them out.

In spite of this I have stayed the way I was. Nothing will be able to stop me. I am a gay and I can confess that I am proud of it and can't imagine another life. Now I'm lonely but I hope that one day I'll found someone special I'll fall in love with and be able to make him the happiest man in the world no matter what people say or think about it.

Love, Igor

AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page: Resources for those who are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Unsure.

back to top

Jeffrey

hey my name is jeffrey, 16, deaf, and i am asexual. it is very rare, and in america, there are only 1% asexuals. Anyway, i knew that i was different when i was little. I just knew. When i became freshman in highschool, i started to have those feelings about men. I tried to resist it by not thinking about it. But i couldnt... Those thoughts kept on coming back to me. My family is strongly against homosexuals. They are christians. so i went through struggle between homosexuality and religion. I eventually finally found my true identity. It takes time and a lot of patience to find your true identity.

if you are going through struggle, keep going through it. Eventually, you would break the struggle. My teacher once said, "struggle is good." I always found that quote stupid, but i eventually understood what she meant. it takes time.

if the bullies are in the way, move around them. Eventually, they will realize that youre amazing person no matter who you are.

i love you all.

AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page on Coming Out

back to top

Benny

Hi, I'm Benny and I'm gay. But that's not just who I am. I am also happy and sometimes sad; comical and sometimes bland; outgoing and sometimes reserved, but in the end I'm still Benny. If I don't have to come out about being happy or sad, then why do I have to come out and say, "I'm gay"? Most of the time people can tell when I'm in either a happy or sad mood so why do I have to tell them myself? The same thing happened for me being gay. Most people could already tell I was gay, so my "coming out" was not so much of a surprise after all. This is just a personal occurance though. For some people there may not even be signs hinting at someone being gay. Regardless of how outward you are about being gay, it is not your right to have to tell people you are gay. If you do feel the urge to tell them though, you could go right ahead.
 
Personally, for me, being gay and holding it inside myself started to eat away at my family life. I would constantly yell at my parents for multiple reasons, secretly because my anger of no one knowing was eating away at my insides. If holding back and not telling anyone results in a situation like this, I would tell someone. This could help get your emotions out. I know it's difficult, but it could possibly be the best way to handle it.
 
This was six months ago for me. Today though, all my friends know and most of my family knows: my parents and my sister, not my two brothers! But anyways, life has been so loving and everyone has responded to kowing about my sexuality with such joy. I truly am a happier person knowing my secret is no longer a secret, but just my life.
 
I hope once you finish reading this you understand that your sexuality is just a little part of your huge life. Sexuality, along with all the other aspects of your life and self make up you. If people ask about your sexuality and you feel comfortable telling them, that's amazing! But if you still feel like you're not ready for the world to know, time will be on your side, there's no need to rush! Just know you are loved. You are set on this earth to do great things and your sexuality is only a miniscule part of your total package.
 
Love,
Benny

back to top

Joshua

Hey everyone, my name is josh and im 16. Ive known i was gay since the beginning of my life(where my memories started). Im living in the closet and it does suck but i am fortunate that they're brave people who are out and fighting for our rights. Hopefully one day i can join them and protest with them.  My family are homophobic, but i still love them , they are just not exposed and educated on this stuff. I hope that if anyone is reading this i just want to let you know you can win and overcome hate. I go through it and i know it makes you sad, humilated , angry but just remember the more you give your attention to them the more you hurt yourself. If someone says something hateful smile and tell them thank you for making me a stronger person:)  we can all go through this! Hold hands , hug, smile and spread love! Love overcomes all as corny as that sounds its true! My name is joshua and one day i will come out and i am , will be a proud gay human being!

back to top

Dan

hello, my name is dan.

i am 21 years old and a graduating college student . i have this confusing experience when i was just 2nd year high school i meet a friend, he become my best friend. Since high school we often go out for a hiking every week end then suddenly i felt something peculiar the way we treat each other and i just felt-off that i'm in love with him and at the same time i discovered that i'm a gay.

at first i can't accept it because they say being gay is sin and i don't want to go hell.

i did hide my feelings for him for how many years until we reach college we both stay at the same dormitory and same room and everything happen, since there are no others in our room its just me and him i begun sleeping in his arms but he just let me. i even grab his hand and hold it and i did kiss him but still he has no violent reaction with what i'm doing.

is it a sign that he has feeling for me too? i really can't understand him.

i did confess everything to him and he replied "yuck' hehehehe.. i guess he is hiding something.

i guess he can't accept to himself that we're both the same but i understand him that way because both of our parents are strict. and here in our country gays are not totally accepted.

back to top

Brandin

I think I've been gay for awhile. I've always been just a little on the girly side, but a lot was going on in my life at that time, so I never really had the time/interest to sit down and think the facts through. But, once I got over the small initial shock, I had nothing Against it.

My first open gay crush was a guy named L, at the RV/Beach Resort my family visits during most summers. I had my own golf cart, and it wasn't rare for me to go on drives lasting an hour or more, so I'd just head over to his camper and hang. We both knew there was something between us, and he accepted it. We dated for two years, till I was 15, when we both realised we were tired of being tied down. We broke it off last month, and he's still one of my best friends.

But, back to the story, I came out to my friends and selective family members at 14, and they were all very supportive. Point of the story: If you're afraid to come out, just tell your closest people. You're gonna have haters, but who the Hell doesn't? 

back to top

Jay

My name is Jay and have been staying in australia for 4 years.

My curiosity about my sexual preferences begin when i was 15. I always wanted to have sex with man and at the same I'm attracted to woman. This mixed feeling has been going on for 6 years untill i came to australia and met some gay friends who share their stories and constantly giving me advise..

My mates told me that I'm bisexual, and I accepted it. Most of my mates knew that I'm bi and we are still hanging out now and then.

I have never intended to come out to my parents because they are very conservative nor my siblings because they look up to me and I dont want to dissapoint em, although i know that they will eventually find out.

My last relationship was a year ago. I had relationships with woman at first and man after that. I prefer straight/musculine-acting gay guys and attractive woman with personality. I have always dream of having a normal family with a woman and have kids and all that. But i know i cant unless I'm straight. The thing is I enjoy being bi and I dont see anything wrong as long as im honest to myself and to my partner. I'm not sure if coming out to my  family is necessary anymore, because in the end i'm the one who will decide how to live my life.

There is always someone out there who understand us, so we are not alone. The important thing is just be yourself and stay happy. :D

back to top

Andrew

My name is Andrew, im 17 and i'm gay.

I first started to realise I was attracted to men when I was in year 9 at secondary school. For about 2 years I kept telling myself that it was just a phase and I tried to make myself attracted to girls which didn't work.

In my final year at school I was 100% positive that I was gay. It killed me every day knowing that I couldn't tell people or be myself. It was so horrible having to pretend to be attracted to girls when in reality I was finding men attractive. I knew I would never be able to change my sexuality.

I was so scared every day. I didn't know what to do. I thought I would be unhappy for the rest of my life and that my life was over. After school, I started college and a few months before I was due to finish my first year I told a very good friend of mine. She told me not to worry and that people would be shocked but eventually they would accept it. She said I should tell my parents but the thought of telling them terrified me. After that I told about 4 or 5 close friends.

Just before I finished my first year at college, I went to a party. I got very drunk at the party and when I got home I wasn't thinking straight. I told everyone I was gay over the internet. The next day was like hell, my parents found out and were furious.

However, I sat down with them and calmly talked to them about it. All of my friends accepted it and I had no trouble from any of them. My parents were very shocked at first but they told me they still loved me because being their son is all that matters. My parents arent mad anymore.

I've been out for a few months now and I had my very first boyfriend. It ended after a few weeks- but on good terms. My life has completly changed for the better now that people know. Now I am truly happy in life and i'm so excited because my life is finally moving forward.

I would advise everyone who is gay, lesbian, bi etc to come out because once you do, you will feel so much happier in life.

Good luck and have a happy life <3

back to top

Silent One

When I was young, I didn't want to be a gay, but at the same time, I just didn't know how to get along with boys. I just didn't know how to relate with them. But when it comes to girls, I'm always very happy and it's like I can talk about anything. And I remember in my sixth grade, I liked boys in our classroom. Most of the time they believe I'm straight, some do have their doubts, but since I tend to hide my real self then everyone ends up believing i'm straight. I remember when I was in high school, miraculously, I had a friend. He was a guy. And I was surprised because we were having a good time talking with one another, not until I had a crush on him, after which he just stayed away from me. But when I moved to another high school and visited that high school a year later, I asked him and he told me he never really was mad at me for that.

Another thing I remember from high school was that, on my first year, I used to hang out with really straight guys. The sort of bullies in the campus, and I hang out with them since we enjoy computer games together. And I really liked one of them so much, that I really told him how I felt, and it ruined the entire group hahaha! Now I'm another place and whenever we recall it (since we're still quite connected in facebook), we just laugh ourselves out.

When I stepped into college, same thing happened. I liked this guy, and another one, and another one, all was kept secret except the first one who was kinda like the campus crush. Hey I forgot to mention I also liked girls, in fact some tease and match me up with some girls ahahahh.. I would love to have a family one day, when I get mature and stable already, but when I think of guys it's like I go crazy. During my third year in college I had a girlfriend. She's a wonderful woman, and when news spread out about the two of us having a relationship all the guys got really shocked. I loved her so much to the point I was willing to go to a certain university to teach just to be able to stay in the same city with her. However, I knew she knew and we even talked about my past when I used to like guys (and even during our relationship). She just accepted me, that's why I loved her so much. But later on, we got into sex so much we decided to break up because that was very much against our christian upbringing (we were going to the same church and I was the one who invited her to join that church).

When we broke up I really got messed up, and I think that's one reason I'm now who I am. I'm outwardly bi. I like girls and guys. But i'm more feminine than masculine. Sometimes when I meet those who knew me before, I tend to act masculine ahahah.. And now I'm working, I'm starting to like another guy whom I know he knows how I feel. I really didn't care if get anything in return, but I just don't wanna be hurt by him in any way, may it be with gay jokes or what. I told my mom, but my mom just told me she just don't know how to help me not to be a gay. However she never despised me for it.

Now i'm not into any relationship, but all I want is to be single. Maybe part of the reason is that I was badly hurt with my previous relationship. If ever I get another girlfriend, or a boyfriend(?), my point in having one is to get into a satisfying relationship, wherein I can express myself, and just love my partner and be loved for who I am. I've never been this me, and now I'm in the stage of accepting myself for who I am, because all of my life I really had a problem accepting my own imperfections. But now I'm better. Because I'm out.

back to top

Duma

i am a 25 year old gay man living in South Africa. I will not come out 2 anyone. I have been called gay, fag, stabane, sophy, caroline, the list is endless, 4 as long as i can remember. So i believe that most people know who i am. 

I believe i am completely normal in my sexual feelings 4 other men.

I have religious friends who believe i am going 2 hell because i am a Lady Gaga fan. I don't care what they think about gay people. I keep them around because the are funny and i respect their honesty in religion. They keep me around because i am charitable. Symbiosis.

Most gay men i have met are feminine n i am not attracted 2 them. I am into the smelly type of men.

I am happy with who i am. I have met people who hate n have no respect 4 gay men. I've also met people who treated me with respect. U do not have 2 defend ur gayness 2 anyone.

The sad part of my story is that i have friends and family but i am still lonely because i respect that they are homophobic and religious so i  can't  say things like, '' Wow! I also think that guy is hot.''

back to top

Jack

I'm 21 year old. that was the year i realize i am a gay. But i never told anybody because in our location, most people are christian and i used to be a good christian.

Inspite of being a gay i dont want to tell someone about my reality. But i have face many problems since i clarify myself.

I need a gay friend, someone to part with.. But i can't, since iam a christian and being a christian family, even i'm active in youth department. But something urge me from inside. I often wonder if Jesus forgive me or i am really guilty.

AVERT says: Coming to terms with your sexuality and deciding who you can tell can be really difficult. Read more on coming out and see our pages specially designed for gay and lesbian people.

back to top

Joe

Well I suppose I was about 14, started thinking men were attractive, but I thought this was completely normal, it wasn't until later I found out and said wait a minute, i think about men, and I don't find women all that attractive at all.

I began hating myself, thinking I was wrong, that I was dirty in some way, and when i started watching pornography that feeling grew, id sit there after and cry over what id done.

I struggled with this hatred of myself for a long time, lashing out at jokes people made about being gay even though they were just jokes, no-one knew about what I was going through, they were just your average teenager jokes, but they stuck with me,

After a while I realised, I'm gay aren't I, I'm going to have to accept it or I will hate myself forever. and although it was difficult i resolved my complex feelings about being gay.

Its hard to cope with, especially when there's no gay people around you to talk to and discuss your feelings with.

Ive probably waffled on far too much, Im just saying what i remember of my time.

I remember coming out to friends, one still wont talk to me anymore but a friend who does that isn't a friend at all.

remember you are not alone, there's many people out there who will understand your feelings.

I still haven't told my parents yet, im still really nervous about that subject, but in public Everyone knows, because I'm proud of who I am.

<3 good luck everyone xxx and don't hate yourself. ever

back to top