A selection of stories sent to AVERT from people who have a friend or relative living with HIV.
Avert.org also has stories of men, women and young people living with HIV, as well as stories from around the world.
If you would like to add your personal story to this page, please
Candy
HI MY NAME IS CANDY, IM NOT HIV+ BUT MY OLDER SISTER IS, SHE'S ONLY 27YRS OLD WITHOUT A FAMILY, EVERY DAY I PRAY FOR HER, I PRAY 4 GOD 2 GIVE HER STRENGHT AND COURAGE 2 DEAL WITH THIS ILLNESS... SHE'S ALWAYS DEPRESSED AND ALWAYS IN PAIN AND IT HURTS ME SOMETIMES KNOWING THAT I CANNOT HELP HER... I TRY KEEPING A POSITIVE MIND 4 MY SIS AND I OFTEN READ THESE STORIES AND SEND THEM 2 HER, THESE STORIES ARE VERY MOTIVATING AND I HOPE 1 DAY SHE'LL SEE THAT ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD BECAUSE U ARE HIV+ BUT A NEW BEGINNING. I LOVE HER VERY MUCH AND I WOULD BE THERE 4 HER THROUGH IT ALL..
LIFE IS WHAT U MAKE IT AND I INTEND 2 MAKE HERS VERY HAPPY
AVERT says: Want more information about some of the issues discussed in
this story? Check out our dedicated pages on living with HIV,
including What is living with HIV? for more information.
Littledee
I grew up knowing she will alwais be dere but hei, i guess it happens sometimes. to me she was like my mum. She had been sick for sometime and didnt understand why nothing was helping her. She had been moved from one Hospital to another, from Traditional healers to the best Private doctors in our Country. Why is she so ill. I was only 15 at the time 2001. She was weak, pale, fluffy hair name all the symptoms. I knew HIV/AIDS was there but to associate it with my sister there was no wai and it was still a taboo to talk abt it. On that fateful dai i went to school, she was asleep whn i leave i never said gudbye. I come back in the evening and found the house quiete, it was just too quiete for my liking, i knew for a fact that something was wrong I asked them where is ausie Lipalesa? check the bedroom. i went there running to found my sister wrapped in a white sheet, she was dead. We cried together said a little prayer and was taken to a mogue. I slept early that nite partly because i was sad and because i wanted to ask the LORD God how can he be so cruel, He took away my mum when i was a toddler and now my loved sister. My sisters were talking amongst themselves saying they were praying for her to die because they know nothing would help her. I had to wake up and ask them sum questions. They told me she had HIV. Its been ten years now so much is known about the virus and the stigma is nolonger as bad as in those days. thanx to all who helped in the fight aginst hiv, although i lost my sister i n her memories i had to do something. Professional and otherwise. i work in a small Hospital Laboratory,at the end of the day i always smile knowing that i am helping somebody to live a healthy life. The journey of 30yrs to me has only been of 10yrs. To all those who lost the loved ones,its true that they are gone but there is something left for us to do. Rest in peace sister i will alwais alwais luv you. i know ur in a better place now and no virus will ever cum to you again.
HK
When Love and HIV collide
I am sure if you are reading this, no amount of online resource, or even actual support will be really enough to ease your nerves. This is especially true if you are really close to someone who has got HIV. My story starts way back in 2004. I met one of the most charming young girl around that time. Small talks led way to long conversation, the ones about stars and moonlights. Eventually I realized that I was completely in love with her. Eventually both of us confessed that we love each other. However she never agreed to take it any further. I had no clue why. Finally I got a mail saying " I have HIV". I was in office when I opened that mail. It has been 4 years after that, but I still remember how my world crumbled. This girl was everything to me. She was my best friend, my pillar of strength, the force inside me. I belong to a very decent, completely normal family, and to be very frank I have always been well protected by the dark side of life. So this was too much to take in for me. But my first reaction was to call her and tell her that it was okay. I knew that I couldn't leave her even if I wanted to. It was a chance of a lifetime to be with someone who loved me as much as I loved her.
I feel nice while recollecting every little moment I spent with her. It was
as fulfilling as I had dreamed of it. This story had everything, right from
moonlight dances, to mountain getaways, we had the time of our life.
Needless to say, every time we were having too much of fun, she would back
off and start crying. I felt completely helpless. It was the greatest pain
anyone could have given me. But I knew that this was worth it. A lot of
people wonder how a magnetic couple is able to enjoy sex life. Believe me,
I am sure there is never going to be better intimacy that the kind I had
with her. For two years we were together, we never had penetrative sex,
however there was a lot of mutual satisfaction. It was enough for us. Every
time she tried breaking up with me, I would tell her that we were unique,
made for each other. While others have routine love life, we were special,
because of our situation. I would tell her how special she was to me. It
was love like no other. Every time I managed to convince her. Finally one
fine day she told me that she had found someone else who was just as
'fucked up'. She told me that there was no need for me to be with her
anymore. Of course I tried to persuade her otherwise in every way
imaginable. But she did this just before going on a long trip abroad. That
meant no communication with her whatsoever. After she came back, I spoke
with her a couple of times. But I was never able to cope up with the
situation, and would usually burst with anger. I attempted suicide. There
was nothing worse than the life I had. Worst part is, that I knew she was
going through a lot of problems as well. She wasn't seeping well, smoking
too much, wasting away. I could't see it anymore.
Now my life is almost back to normal, and it has been an year since our break up. But I still cannot think of anyone else. I love her too much, perhaps I am obsessed, as my friends tell me. But I have no choice. I wanted to share this so that it could probably help someone. I don't know how. Maybe if you have HIV, and have someone who loves you, give it a chance. I know people who are negative can never quite understand what it is to go through all the trauma.. However that is no reason to deprive them of that chance. We have only one go at life, and chances of finding that special someone do not come again. It's foolish to waste such opportunities over HIV. If you are in love with someone who has HIV, I would say that no matter how good it looks, you should always look out for emotional needs of your partner. I failed to notice this, because we were so good with each other, there were no fights at all! So perhaps you need to be on toes for emotional needs. In the end I would say, I have no regrets of ever dating her. If I had chance to do it all over again, knowing she is going to dump me, I would still do it. It was no doubt highly charged, but too beautiful time of my life. I would miss her, and think of her all my life. I wish her well in life, wish she gets joy. I would remember you till my death. See you someday. Sayonara.
No name
My boyfriend has been having fever for almost a week. At first, the doctors suspected that it could be dengue virus. But there were no rashes.
They suggested doing a HIV test and today it came out positive. I know that my boyfriend regretted what he had done in the past and he now worries about the future.
But I will not leave him to face what lies ahead alone.
We will do it together.
Net
i just wanted to share my story after reading stories from ladies that test postive for hiv.
I am a true believer for god. i met this nice young man in very repectable loving in kind gentlemen. well, i always end up in bad relationship so i was waiting for my king. god had for me a great man. i mean a man every woman will love to have.
so i said this must me the guy. but i check with the lord in god show be me a sign not to. to sleep with him but i got vulberable in fall short of god's glory... for a second in had unprotected sex with this man. i felt something was wrong with him . i pray ask god to forgive in protect me. in show me .
about a week later .he just stated to me one day they having a aids clinic testing going on at the mall for free and he want to go get tested. so i look at him in said why u want to be test.he stated oh i just wanted to check myself. so i drove him there to be test and left him to be tested. not knowing he really wanted to be test because the ex-grilfrend stated to him in a phone call she will be leaving you will see.(me) .after he told her the relationship was over after she was trying to get him back.he not knowing she was postive with hiv. he belived something was wrong with her so he got tested.
It came back postive for hiv. he didint tell me, he had the clinic to call me because he didnt know how to break the news to me. My test came negative. he was happy for me. but for his test shock and hurt because hes not the type of man that run around with different woman. his exgrifriend exactly didint tell him and wanted him to give it to me. so they will be together.its sad to say how some people are. she has call his cell phone looking for him to come to be with him now that he know.she told him am goin to leave because i tested negative.am in the medical field of hospice.
i believe god allowed him to be in my life to help him .this share come to past.
sometimes i get misable because i wondering why it had to be this way i been marry my exhusband was a cheating with other womans. this man is very faithful to me.
But I am asking god to help me to endure in give me the wisdom in knowledge to stand by his side.i love him and care for him, i always pray for a good man in my life and that's what i got.i know he has a good heart. i will go get tested again in a couple of months . i believe god will carry me in him thru without a doubt.amen!!!! by god stripes god bless
Sandy
I have a wonderful, tall, handsome 22 year old son who has HIV. He
found out he had it after he committed a petty crime at 18 and was
sentenced to do time in a correctional facility. I have watched this
vivacious once full of the life human being be reduced to being scarred,
confused and so, so depressed. His 4 year relationship with a girl
who they share a 3 year old son has now come to an end, I think she was
afraid of catching HIV upon his release so she has taken their son and gone
on with her life. I have never seen him so low. As a
mother my heart breaks. It seems everyone has left him now and he is
totally alone to deal with all the prospects and stigma this disease
brings. I pray for him all day every day and for all the other young people
who are faced with this reality. I try so hard to keep him encouraged
and hopeful for the future, but after all I am Mom and he needs people his
own age that totally identify with his plight. If there is anyone out
there that would like to simply correspond, encourage, perhaps shed light
on things he does not know, talk freely about what he has and how a person
deals with it, I would be forever grateful. I love this young man he
is my son. I only want for him to be at peace, happy and have that
zest back for the future and its endless possibilities. He doesn't
see any right now. I know the mind is a powerful organ and
somehow someway I would like to see him get that fight back. That thought
of "maybe I am not alone" would be so helpful. Please help me to
help him. If you have the heart to simply write to someone who can use your
knowledge and friendship please contact me. Thank you for reading
this.
a hurt mom
I found out this week my son is HIV positive i haven't even gotten comfortable with the thought of him being gay my heart hurts so bad I'm 38 my son 23 I've been a mother since I was 15 we grew up together I'm trying to be strong for my son because he stressed he knew I was the emotional type and worry to much and I don't want him worrying about me this is to much to handle for a 23yr old it feels like I'm on an emotional roller coaster my heart is in mourning I've been questioning God loosening my faith I can't deal I wish it was me instead of him I love him so much and there's nothing I can do to save him its hard to stop crying I have other children I have to be strong for and take care of its hard when I can't focus this is taking over my mind
Alicia
My relationship with my father has always been strained because he was never there when I was growing up. Last summer I finally saw him only to discover he was HIV+.
I have spent so many years hating my father but I now I'm scared he's going to die
CC.
I have a story of the most loving brother-in-law. My brother-in-law was 11 when I met him. Silly. Funny. Always had to have the opposite opinion in politics and religion. Still, it is too late to help him. He never let us know how ill he was. He never asked for help. He was severely depressed because he felt he couldn't tell his mom and dad about who he was. I am so angry with his parents for not realizing he needed help. The last time I saw him healthy was in May of '08. He went into the hospital shortly thereafter and died a few months later of Aids-related primary central nervous system lymphoma. His partner couldn't even stay in the room while he was taken off the ventilator and watch him die. I guess some people can't. To this day I miss him more than life itself. I would give anything to go back a few years and tell him every day how much I loved him. My granddaughter even knows him by his picture and says his name. She is one and he won't get the chance to know her. God has him in His arms now and I know that he is happy. I want people to know that AIDS can touch any family at any time. Please don't shut them out of your life. You will miss them painfully one day. He was 34 and 1/2 when he died. Your only brother is lost without you. Your niece and nephew have a hole in their hearts. And, your sister-in-law loves you and misses you. I know that you can walk now. I know that you have no more pain. I will see you again.
candice
Im a 39 year old woman who is taking care of my mother who found out she had hiv 12 yrs ago . My mom got it from her boyfriend who has passed and everyday she suffers for her mistakes. I also suffer with her i hate to see my mom in such pain . I try to deal with her mood swings and sometimes her anger about life but it gets to me . My mom takes her medicine but now her nervous system is shutting down she used to be so independent . Driving around for herself but now she has to depend on me and its killing her and its hurts me too!!!! She cant walk and she needs a walker she lossed mad weight and i see her dyeing in front of my eyes slowly . Im the only child and my mother was a single parent and she was very strong woman working 37 years for New York City human resources. I want my mother to know i love her and to stay strong!!!!
Loving Relative
My brother who is 35 yrs. old has recently found out about him having HIV. it took a toll on me very hard. I kinda knew that he had it from some of the sypmtoms he was having and the illnesses back and forth in the hopsitals. He was recently hospitalized for pneumonia. On the Thursday before Chrismas eve of 2010 he took a turn for the worst and then I was told. I didnt realize that i would take it the way I did. My borther and I havent been real close all out lives. Hes always been in and out of jail dine he was 14 yrs. old. He lost about 100lbs. in less than a year. he wasnt taking medication or nothing. he never really liked hospitals.
I never questioned him about how, when, where, or with who. he my brother and i live him very much. the damage is done he just have to learn how to live with it. he wanted to give up because he thought about how long he could have had this disease and who he could have infected and who's lives he might have ruined. I think that he's coming along with the situation now because he never thought that our mother and i would except him for whats going on.
He thought that maybe it could have been jail house needles or maybe just having sex with the wrong female. but on GOD knows. We will continue to show our support and let him know that he's never alone.
Thank You for those who have shared their stories and i will show it to him and let him know that it's not the end of the world and that he's not alone.
Love Big Sister
My positive dad
This story is actually about my dad who was diagnosed w aid in 1995. He was only 34 when he found out he was positive w Aids and kept it to himself for about 5yrs. When we did find out It was sadest day ever i love my dad very much and only wanted to see him happy in wht ever he did, unfortunitly the actions he took w his life werent very smart..He started using drugs at a very young age, it started w smking weed and progressed to stronger drugs eventually he started using heroin. the cycle of useing heroin lasted most of my childhood, he was in and out of every prison for as long as i can remember.The drugs really just took over all of him and left me and my bro n sister w/o a dad.. He was soo deeply lost w this drug tht he started sharing needles and having unprotected sex w random females who would either supply the drug or give him $ to buy the drug for both of there pleasures.. It was bad enough to have one parent w aids then to find out a few years dwn the line tht he had given it to my mom she was HIV pos.
SAD :( my dad died in 2003 and my mom followed in 2004.. VERY SAD :( :(
so for everyone out there: Plz protect urself ALWAYS.. ur not the only ones who will suffer from ur mistakes..
jojo
I lost my beloved brother to Aids He was my Hero, and its one month now but its hard to believe that he''s really gone. I knew he was sick back in 1996 and for some reason he was such a strong man and he accepted and founght with this disease like it was nothing to worry about. Its me who was worried all the time and instead he started getting pple to talk to me. The day he passed away, He wanted to stay indoors and started sending txt msgs to every contact in his phone, encouraging messages, love etc. when I came back from work, he was very jolly and started jokes as he loved to joke with everybody,,, I told him I was tired and he advised me to go and rest on the sofa which i did, after about 20min. I just workup in a panic that i didnt understand,, went to his bedroom where he was sending txt msgs to friends, he was long gone with his phone in his hands, he was surely peaceful. I dont know if i should thank God to take him in such a manner or to ask Him why he never gave me chance or let me know that he was going
Ashley
Decmber 3 2008 was a day that changed mine and my little sisters lives forever. December 3 was the day our father passed away from AIDS. He was only forty-seven years old, and he loved me and my sister very much. When we were kids me and my sister remember how much dad loved to work, whether it was out in the yard or whether it was his job. He always tried to be the tough guy but considering me and my sister were both taller then our father no one really took him serious. He was a brain. The samartest person you could ever meet, just by having a conservation with him. He had a big heart, he didnt like people seeeing it that much but me and my sister seen in everyday. I guess you could say was a dork, he used to have huge glasses that he would duke tape in the middle when they broke. The best part of all he was our father. Everyday feels like a battle cause this person that I describe is no longer with us, and thats a callenge we face everyday. Holding his hand as he took his last breathe I begged for more time with him, and I kept asking why him over and over. And then he went. AIDS is something that effects people everyday whether you have it or you know someone with it, but what I wish I could change that I didnt realize at the time is I would have told my father that no matter what I'm here for you. I miss you dad and I know your looking down on me and Brittany. Everything we do we do for you dad. Always and Forever. RIP DAD 12-3-2008.
Proud Husband
Hi, I am 35 and married for 4 years now. I found out that my wife is HIV positive when she was pregnant with our first child.
At first I thought the world was falling on us; never did it EVER cross my mind on switching the blame but i was worried about her and the child. I went to several HIV tests ever since and mine always come negative.
I’m just thankful that our child is now 3 years old and negative. I love my wife and I will never desert her because of her status.
We have a great sex life and although she is a person that hides her feeling; I tried my level best to support her and now she registered for a degree and we going on with our lives.
It’s kinda difficult to live with someone who is HIV positive because you never know whats going on their minds sometimes. The best thing I do is to shower her with love and assure her that everything is gonna be alright.
.A.
My name is A i live in Kenya. I dont have the virus but my older sister has it she is only 28years and dont have a family. I dont know what to do or say to her to make her feel better, the man who gave her the virus is long gone to a different country. She is all alone in a city and far from me and family. Am soooo worried since i am not there to support her.
I now know she is devasted and stressed out since she complains of headaches and rashes which ooozess blood, she complains a lot and that worries me so very much. I usually comfort her over the pone but i feel its not enough. I dont know which stage she is since she is yet to find out.
I have a family who i havent shared with the news since i dont know how they will take it. am sooo stressed out and my work progress is very down especially when i remember my sister.
Please people who live with the disease take heart, God doesnt forsake anyone during there times in need. My only wish is that my sister to be strong since its not the end of the world.
I love her to much and will keep on praying for her each and every day.