Bey
Hi, Im Bey. I am now 17 years old an in college. My (lesbian) story started when I was in high school. The worst moments that ever happened to me back then revolved around a guy who broke my heart and my best friend (her name is Shelly). We fought with each other and I lost her when I listened to the guy rather than her, but I did everything to get her back. Just before our graduation, I knew time was running out and soon we won't be able to see each other more often. So we enjoyed the moments that we had and little did I know that I was falling for her. I knew I loved her and cared for her just before all those happened, but this time it was more than that. I look at her in the most different way I look at other people... as if she was the most beautiful thing in the world. I still remember how we went out at the mall with our friends and she was so quiet with me, I was wondering why so I asked her.. and she said she was shy. It was kind of sad to know because we used to be so loud and cheerful with one another. I figured out that she was feeling awkward being with me about the fight that we had, and so did I. I thought it would be a good thing to do what we missed.
When things got almost pretty normal between the both of us. We made a promise not to have boyfriends in college, but it turned out that we were fooling ourselves. I was like, "Why don't you just be my girlfriend so you can just focus on me and won't be tempted by guys?.." of course I was kidding but she thought it was a good idea, I wasn't expecting that.
One afternoon when she came by at our house, we were sitting in the Iiving room and cuddling. It felt so special, and there was the tension between us; I really could tell how much we wanted each other. I was licking her ears and I was surprised at how she didn't say anything, so I continued..deep down. She then turned to me and her face was so close to mine and then, she kissed my lips. It lasted for like 3 seconds and that was how I remembered it... what happened after, I had no idea. All I could recall was that we she texted me and I asked her "did you have any regrets about what happened earlier?".. and she said "No :)" and told me she wanted to do it again...
We dated for almost a year, and we really tried hard not to let people know about what we had...The most difficult thing was with our own family. For almost a year of hiding something from everyone, there were times that I nearly blew my cover and how I wished my parents would've just forgotten it.
We really loved each other, more than a normal couple would. I could never imagine being separated from her, she had my all and I had hers and I swear I could never love another person as much as I loved her. But some good things never last.. she decided to break up with me. I didn't stop her because I understood our situation, hiding and living with the lies that we tell people. I still had my expectations though, and that's what kept me from moving on. We talk with each other like nothing happened but things were a bit different, she doesn't say she loves me anymore and when I tell her I love her, she tries to talk about something else.
We fight more often and even the littlest thing would become the biggest problem. I knew I was the problem because I never wanted to break up with her in the first place, if it takes me to tell the truth to people about us then I would do it. I would still choose to be with her no matter what happens because I love her like that; but she wasn't thinking the same thing. The fear of people judging what we are caved into her. She can break up with me, but all I asked of her was not to replace me with someone...but ...
she did the worst thing that I could ever imagine.
She decided to date a guy.. (if you can recall, we promised each other not to have boyfriends in college, but still she did it). She knew how it breaks my heart to know that and she knows she would feel the same way if I ever did the same. It would probably not hurt as much if I knew that guy was someone who could love her more than I did, but no. The guy was 2 years younger than her and someone that couldn't possibly take her seriously. Of course, she still hides the fact from her family that she's dating someone but at least it's not me. I just couldn't understand why she had to break my heart twice, I knew she just wanted to get over me..but there are other ways, she knew there were.
It came to the time that I rarely communicate with her. She always tells me how she wanted to be best friends again, but she didn't even considered how I would feel about everything she did. She broke my heart in the best way that she can...
I've decided to get on with my life without her.. I know it will be hard along the way but it's the best thing to do. I just wanted to do something for myself. I know that the more I stay, the more I get hurt. I know things will be easier for the both of us once we stopped dealing with each other. Wondering how things would've turned out if we hadn't done all those things, I realized how one person can change you forever.
AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page on Coming Out
16 & curious
I'm 16, and female. For as long as I can remember, I've always felt different. I have had several crushes on guys, and several on girls, but I've never had an actual relationship.. I realized I wasnt the only girl in the world who thought about girls in that way when I was 12. Although I realized I liked girls too when I was 10. The first to really know about me being bi sexual, was a guy who happened to be gay himself, he just sort of guessed, and I didnt mind because he went to a different schkol, and I knew he wouldnt "out" me. Five days ago, I told another guy friend of mine, also gay. The day after that I told yet another gay guy friend, who was also very supportive. Two days later I told my best (girl) friend, who had what she calls a bi curious phase herself. I told her my story and she understood and let me know nothing in our friendship would change, because she knows just because I'm attracted to girls doesnt mean I'm attracted to her. I havent told my best friend yet.. Hes the best friend and closest I have ever had, he probably already knows...hes a bit curious himself, but I'm afraid that he'll look at me differently after I say the actual words.. Hes extreemely religious, and although hes curious too, I'm just worried about losing him, hes the best friend I could have asked for. I know I will tell him eventually. Anyway, I felt relief and fear when my first friend guessed, after telling those three other friends I felt immediate relief, and I feel extreemely liberated. I feel free, like I dont have to hide anymore, and I just feel amazing.. I'm still scared, but I do know that it will be okay! And to everyone else, stay strong, proud, open and beautiful, always.
AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page on Being Gay, Sexuality and Attraction
Kayley
Hi, my name is Kayley! I'm 12 years old and i'm bisexual.
I know its young for my age for being bi but i know how i'm feeling and i like girls and boys. Only a few of my friends know and when i did tell my best friend Lauren I liked her ,she stopped talking to me and wont even look at me and i really did like her. It hurts but i know i will be happy some day. I never have had a girlfriend before but I like my best friend Ezri. She dose not feel the same way. Its really hard for me to find somebody that I can be in a relationship with. I feel like I will never be happy... I look at my female class mates and think "Are they a lesbian?". I just want to be happy in a relationships! All I think about is being with that girl in my class with long brown hair and blue eyes! I feel more attacked to girls right now and all I want is to know more about her. Its really hard but I can get through!!
I told my sister and my mom. My sister supports me and for awhile she thought she was to! She always lets me spill about everything!! I love her so so so much!! My mom on the other hand thinks i'm just going through a phase and totally disregarded my feelings!! I love my mom but she can be really mean!
I just recentlly broke up with my Boyfriend because I didst feel attacked to him anymore. I'm turning 13 real soon so I hope things will get better!
AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page on Coming Out
12 years old & a lesbian
Hello, my name is anonymous (not really) and i am 12 years old in year 8 and i am a lesbian. I started having thoughts about girls when i was 10, but they were only tiny thoughts. When i changed schools in Year 6, those thoughts began to fade a bit. I dated a few guys, but they just weren't for me. But, in year 7, I met this beautiful girl in my class. Due to my crazy personality, we became friends really quickly. After that, my thoughts ff liking girls became stronger, and then i saw this website.
At the start of year 8, i finally told her i liked her. I felt completely fantastic!! But i think she has trouble accepting that i like her. And she said no.....and that she will stick to liking boys. We keep that little secret all to ourselves. We have to be really careful about what we do, because my dad was my teacher in year seven, and teaches the year 7s this year, too. I haven't come out to my mum or dad, considering that i don't know what they'll do to me if i tell them....so I'm scared....
My best friend and I have been keeping this a secret for a while now, and I don't know what will happen if i tell any of my classmates but i think i am gonna tell them soon. Even if they will hate me forever, I will always look up to my beautiful classmate.
AVERT Says: Coming out is not easy. But like the author or this story, you can feel a great sense of liberation upon doing so. For more information, please see our dedicated LGBT pages.
Sophie
My name is Sophie I am 15 years old and I am a lesbian.
I came to the conclusion I was a lesbian when I was 13 yeas old. I didnt know or didnt realize it fully until I turned 14. I was always one to have lots of boyfriends, Im very popular at my school. I dated a boy fro about a year but I know realize this was me trying to make myself straight. Over the last 2 years I came more to terms with the idea of being a lesbian. I first thought I might be bisexual because I hated making out or being touched by my boyfriend. I also started having crushes on my best friends and I thought back to when I was little and how I always wanted to kiss a girl. But I then went though time where I really hated the idea of being gay, it made me upset and mad. Lets all face it, it would be a lot easier if we could all be straight. But in all honesty, I'd never want to be anything but a lesbian now. I go to a youth center in my city that has gay kids there so we all can hang out. There are other femme girls like me there. Thats my best advice to you if you think you might be gay and don't know what to do. Find people who you think you might be. Just go on your computer and type in "LGBT Youth whatever your towns name is" I did and after a while of searching I found my people. I found friends and now i dont feel so alone. That was the worst part, feeling like there was no one to just talk too. Talk about your worries or your hopes or just someone to kind of be gay with. Its ok to feel like you need somebody. Were not made to do everything on our own
AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our pages on Coming Out and resources for LGBT.
Leah
hey,am leah.. am a lesbian.last week i slept with a HIV + lady. i didnt know of her status at the time of intimacy. i found our 12hrs laters of her status..n immediately went on PEP arv treatment.i just pray to God that the treatment works n i turn negative.pple lets be careful n avoid casual sex
AVERT Says: Whether you are in a relationship or engage in casual sex, it is always important to know the risks and how to protect yourself. For more information see our page on Lesbians, Bisexual Women and Safe Sex
Anonymous
okay I'm 15 and when i was about 12 years old and younger i thought i have always thought that i liked them but since i turned 13 i started to actually think that girls were cute s i thought there was something wrong with me because my parents always told me that they want me to like guys and not girls but i am getting tired of guy's they broke my heart to many times that's when i decided to be lesbian but i still never told my parents r friends because I'm scared what they will think of me... :( and i want to feel normal around the world not have people avoiding me just because I'm lesbian it's just not right in my point of view... so i am trying to figure out when to actually tell my friends and parents i might when i move out.... I hate that there are no gay or lesbian people in my school there use to be until they gt made fun of to much so that's why I'm to scared to tell everyone i want to figure this out soon before my parents find out the hard way and even though I'm proud to be lesbian other people would not understand that.... :(
AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page on Coming Out
Kiley
Alright, so. My name is kiley.
I'm sixteen, and I've been living the life my dad wants me to live, all
along. Just to make him happy. But, I. Wasn't happy. I'm gay, and I
couldn't be myself because I thought it would disapoint my father.
I've grown up around gay and bisexual people. My mom is bisexual, and I was
always around her and her girlfriends and gay friends. My aunt is gay, and
I was always around her and her exwife, and all of her girlfriends.
I grew up knowing not to judge people. I grew up realizing and understand
that love doesn't have a gender. And I'm so thankful that I understand
that, because a lot of people just don't understand that.
Ever since sixth grade, I felt like I was gay. I had sensed it. But it
grossed me out. I didn't want to be gay. I wouldn't admit it to myself, or
others. Up until ninth grade, this was my life. A complete lie. A huge
secret. And then, I finally realised I was gay. And I started
admitting it to myself.
People say I say it just for attention. But, no. That's totally not true. You don't just wake up one day, and decide to be gay. You're born this way, and then after an amount of time, you finally realise it and start to admit it to yourself, then to others.
But, I've learned to deal with the hate. No matter who I am, or what I do, or how I live my life, I'm going to be judged. So why not be judged for who I really am?
I came out to my mom, first. Because I knew she would accept it. I knew she would be okay with it. And she was. She was more than happy for me. A lot of people in my family, had already guessed that I was going to be gay. They just knew it. So, then I came out to my aunt, and she was pretty happy. And then her exwife, found out, and was happy for me. Then her newer girlfriend at the moment found out, and was also happy for me.
Then.. I came out to my dad. Lots of crying. He figured it was a phase. But, no. Its not. He didn't accept it at first. But, he's getting used to it, and he is starting to accept it.
My friends accept it. But, I still have those people that hate me, and
think its disgusting. But that's okay. Ill always have those. But, also ill
always have my ffriends and family, that have my back.
I'm so happy, and unbelievably lucky to have an accepting family and
friends.
I like girls, and that's that.
Georgia
Hey, i'm Georgia and im 17!
I am bi - curious.
This year and the last few years, i've been through a lot of shit that has to do with my sexuality. I've always loved girls because they are so amazing, both sexually and emotionally.
I've had 3 intense crushes on girls, one in 2005, 2006, 2007 with my bestfriend of 3 years. The other one was on one of my new friends I met in 2009 and 2010, im still really close friends with her. But now I've had one since the start of this year, but this is totally different to the other ones.
I've known this girl since primary school since grade 5, and we've been friends ever since, but i didn't hang out with her very often. When I was invited to go into her group in grade 9, 2009 I started to get to know her even better.
This year she has been the most amazing friend, she has helped me so much dealing with this relationship, that wasn't even a relationship I had with this guy and i'm still having trouble getting over him, because of the amazing memories we've had last year and my first kiss with him earlier this year.
But she knew that i've been really hurt, by what he did so she made me delete and block him from my facebook account and all of my other accounts. She was always there for me when I felt alone. She was there for me when my younger sister, who is 15, was going through a depressive stage in her life earlier this year, she invited me over to her house when my mum was abusive and stressed and would abuse me, she was and still is the only friend I can tell things too, and trust with my whole heart.
A few months ago she and I had a massive discussion about a million different things and I told her that i'm bi - curious and i've had a massive crush on our close friend, and she was amazingly fine with it. Ever since then I've thought about her and I making out to see if I am bi sexual, or a lesbian. But personally, I am sooooo scared of telling her because I know she's never experienced love before and she's never kissed a guy or a girl in her entire life and she love her own personal space, which is really worrying for me (i've even wrote down what I wanna say to her!). I really really wanna make out with her because firstly i've never kissed a girl and secondly i've always loved girls. Though, I am sooo scared of losing our friendship that we've had for 7 years and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.
I'm excited but afraid at the same time :/
AVERT says: If you feel personally affected by some of the content of this story, please see our Help and Advice page for further information and details of organisations who can help.
Jess
Im 14. I've known I was a lesbian since I was 11, guys didn't even phase me. I really wanna come out to my family. Ive come out to my friends and they're cool with it. They actually said they were happy that we weren't lying to each other anymore. Even the lady I babysit for for free tutoring knows and she still let's me around her daughter. I thought it would be really hard to tell my friends but they were like, "so. That doesn't change you." and we just went on being friends Like always. The only people who don't know are my family. I have a gay brother and when he came my mom just said "I loved you yesterday. Why wouldn't I love you today? Youre still the same person." but she's told me on countless occasions that if I were to be lesbian or bisexual then she wouldnt be able to deal with me. It really confused me. You will love your gay son for who he is, but you can use the same logic for your lesbian daughter? I haven't told her yet. And it will probably be a long time before I can, considering I want to be able to afford to live by myself in case she kicks me out. I think it's really sad, that while all my friends and people I know can accept me, my mother, of all people, who accepted her gay son, will never accept me. I will come out to her. Eventually.
Jasmine
I am a 15 year old lesbian who has been hiding her sexuality because i am afraid of what people may say. I have dated boys in the past but it has never felt right. I know this admazing bi girl and we once agreed that we would make out just to see what it was like. it was incredible. i want her to be mine so badly it hurts. she came into my life and i dont want her to go. she knows how i feel as i told her one night and we slept together that night and i have never felt so good in all my life. hopefully we will get togeher , she is the best thing ever. do not be afraid to admit your true feelings for people as they may turn out okay.
Amy
Hi my names Amy and I'm bisexual. I am currently in a relationship with a boy but I'm more attractive to girls (I always have been).
There's this girl and she's everything but I'm scared because she's lesbian and fully out to the world and well I'm not, I'm scared of telling my parents and siblings, I'm scared of school if anyone found out there it would spread like wild fire and I'm scared of being out in the world, holding a girls hand, kissing a girl, just being involved in a girl in public scares me so much; there are bad people in the world and some don't take to kindly to lesbians and gay people.
I don't think my parents would take kindly to me if I came out bisexual, my sister would be fine with it I know that but I think she'd still joke about it. My family think it's too soon in my life to be making choices like this but I can't help it, I am who I am and they can't and will knot change me!
When I think of being with girls it makes me feel all...well you know, sexual. But when I think of being with a boy (e.g my boyfriend) I don't know I do feel sexual just it doesn't give off that spark that full pleasure feeling. I have had sex with a girl but sadly that was a mistake although it was full pleasure.
Maybe it's true that you can 'only like one or the other'.
Thanks for reading I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me knowing I'm not the only one out there.
April
Hey, I'm 14 years old and I have feelings for such an amazing girl.
I'm year 9/going into year10 and I have liked this girl since year 7....for 3 years.
All my friends know and so does the girl I like, but she doesn't like me back. She isn't lesbian/bisexual. I'm finding it very hard to deal with.
I keep telling myself I'll be okay, but then it hits me. I'm a lesbian.
I kind of had doubts about my sexuality in primary (silly as it sounds) but I found girls atractive. However I never thought anything of it because I was young and I thought maybe every girl at my age goes through it. I fully understood what a lesbian was due to my nieghboors who were a lesbian couple. I have never been against lesbians in my life because I've always known it's normal. But I can't seem to deal with it myself. It's really killing me.
I guess now that the girl who I like knows I like her has gotten closer to me as like a friend. We're not bestfriends but I want to get closer to her. Not like going out but I honestly really care for her. I'd do anything for her.
I have trouble with nerves and I get nervous doing alot of things. I have trouble eating infront of my bestfriend because of my nerves but she said do it for the girl you like. I ate. That's one of the hardest things for me in life to eat in front of people. But I did it for her and also my best friend.
I don't have anybody to talk to who's in my situation. I have my bestfriend yes but she doesn't know what I'm feeling. She try to understand but she could never say I know how you feel. None of the people who I know can say that. I just need someone in my situation where the feel that their feelings are so strong for a girl they would do anything. I need someone to talk too who's in my shoes.
AVERT says: on our website we have a list of resources for those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or unsure.
Aurora
Ever since 4th grade I have had lesbian thoughts and feelings because all of my male role-models in my life have been abusive to my mom and I. I'm almost 14 now and I have had a major crush on my BFF for 3 years now. I haven't opened up to anyone about it yet, but the first person I want to tell is her. She may not understand how I feel and our friendship might be hurt but I know it's the right thing to do because I always think about her no matter where I am or what I'm doing. Both of us have talked about our sexual feelings before, but it tends to get very awkward so we stop. We have always told each other everything so it feels wrong to not admit it.
Recently, it has been really hard to prevent myself from doing something stupid when I'm with her. We have messed around before, but it has never been anything serious. Now all I need to do is sum up some bravery and wait for the right moment to tell her...
I was really reluctant to tel my story at first, but then I read the other stories and I could tell it helped them. I am really thankful that I found Avert...
Stephanie
I am 17, and though i have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, i know i am bisexual.
While i have always been supportive of gay rights, as have all my friends and most of my family, i always just liked guys for a long time. But once i started REALLY noticing people in that way, i started noticing girls too. I would notice girls i thought were hot or pretty, but i always assumed it was nothing, just normal, straight observations. But the more i thought about it, and talked to my friends about it, the more i started thinking maybe i was bi. Maybe i have a slight preference towards men, but i am definitely open to girls too. I was unsure for a while, but now fully accept myself as bi.
I haven't told any of my close friends yet, i think i am just waiting for the right moment. At least that's what i tell myself. I am nervous even though i know they'll accept it. I just don't know how to bring it up after all this time. But at a summer camp type thing, i told a friend i made there, since i saw it as a chance to sort of start over, because they knew nothing about me. She was completely accepting and it really boosted my self confidence.
I'm now considering ways to tell my friends, but i am not so scared anymore, and it feels good :)
Icy
People who I've know as a child and have lost contact with usually ask me, when did you become a lesbian, and at time I ask myself the same question, I ask how it happened or when did it happen. Usually a reply with a look that saids 'are you stupid' and say in an indifferent tone, I don't know. I'm not really out, I'm like halfway in the closet, if that makes sense, I've told people who matter to me, eight people in total, and they've all been very awesome and supportive about it but I don't think I'm gonna to tell my parents till I'm going off to college. I just don't have it in me, I don't have to the strength to fight against their wrath, a lot has happened this past year and with my sexuality to go on top of it I'm completely and utterly exhausted.
If they ask, when, then he is what I'm gonna tell them, I don't know when, I've never been that interested in guys anyways, I've always looked for people to accept me, I'm a strange person by heart and therefore a bit rejected by my peers most of my childhood, I was looking for anyway to fit into this little unit at school without being alone. I was never thinking about romance, in fact my bestfriend was my niece and well let's just say we were very close. But again I never thought anything of it because it felt good and we were both in that state of mind.... the only difference was that she grew out of it and I didn't. I never liked guys, I wanted to be their friends, badly because it seemed like fun but kissing them hugging them, the thought was alway repulsive to me. Not like full on throw but a small ew and disinterest, and though I ignored it most of the time when I looked at a couple my eyes always went to the girl first. I didn't think about it, I never put it together, maybe because I was alway a black sheep of my family and didn't want to make it worse by being gay. I watched a lot of videos of girls kissing each other, again I never thought anything of it, when I watched porn I was always looking at the girl and how the guy must be feeling touching her soft curves.
I don't know how it started or theres something wrong but I'm gonna tell you this and I'm gonna tell you straight, I didn't choose anything, there was no point in my mind that I choose this, there was no point that I wanted this to add to my already impressive pile of f* up stress. So theres the best explanation I can give you at the moment, it quite detailed if I do say so myself and I hope this gives a better understanding because when I was younger I though sexuality was simple, that you knew from a young age and this isn't true, it's complicated and it's hard to deal with and it's confusing but once you get through it your on top of the world.
A selection of stories about being young and lesbian or bisexual, written by different people from all around the world and sent to AVERT.
Avert.org also has information about resources, youth groups, helplines etc. for those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or unsure.
If you would like to add your personal story to this page, please