Personal Stories of Men Living with HIV

Austine

My name is austine. I have b living positive for 3years now. When i got to knw my status i thuoght that was my end point But today i m wiser and stronger than i was. Just live and clean life wit go and all take ur medication friends

AVERT says: Testing positive for HIV is an emotional experience. Check out our dedicated pages on Living with HIV and Learning you are HIV positive for more information.

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Dan

I m 25 and single, i just realised my status on 2 feb 2012, im now very lonely coz i don't want to make love with a negative person, i wish to meet a lady of any age and status.

AVERT says: Testing positive for HIV is an emotional experience. However it is possible to live a long and healthy life, and prevent your partners from contracting HIV. For more information, check out our pages on Living with HIV.

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Tyrone

I am a gay male, and I dated a guy who told me that he had it shortly after we started dating. I admired him for telling me, and I believed that he had a good spirit and that he was seriously committed to our relationship. Needless to say we kept dating for a while, and although we had our ups and downs I believed in him.

While we had protected sex, he would always want to push the boundaries. He would want to start without using a condom, and then put one on later on. He was convinced that that couldn't get me infected, and I was naive and believed him. Mind you, it worked at first, because I was still getting tested negative, so we kept doing it for a while. Then he would go longer without a condom, and I got very nervous, but still trusted him to know what he was doing. I was very nervous, and sometimes I blame myself to this day for not being more cautious and thinking long term, but I was young, in love, and considered our love to last the test of time.

I eventually tested positive, which didn't cause me to be depressed initially, because I felt I had him to support me like I supported him. However, after finding out and telling him, I felt him drift away from me. He wouldn't check on me, he was more evasive, and his whole persona just changed. I found myself re-evaluating our whole relationship, and found myself to be naive and too much in love to realize this is who he was the whole time. I was always manipulated into giving him what he wanted, and never getting what I wanted. My love for him made me shut reality and reason out, and now I live with that mistake every day.

At first I blamed myself, then I blamed him. Eventually I realized that I was angry at so many things and I needed to let go. It took a long time, but I was finally able to move on past him and it, and I found few others who are also positive that I am very close to. In fact, my knowledge has helped them, which in turn helped me. I was lucky for I had access to a good doctor from the start, and found out very early so that I am healthier than most people living with HIV (according to my doctor). I vowed that I will not die from this, and it will not stop me from living my life the way I want to.

Currently, I am dating someone who is negative, and I vowed never to put them in the same position that I am in. I revealed myself to them (late in the relationship, only because I was afraid), and they still accepted me. This is a rare thing to find in someone, but I learned that we shouldn't hide who we are because of what we have, for our stories are all different. As such, we should be careful who we open to, for the right person can help us become stronger and push us further, and may even help us find happiness again.

AVERT says: If you feel personally affected by some of the content of this story, please see our HIV Prevention and Living with HIV designated sections.

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AC

I always prided myself about being clean and how id never get any disease.  I was always the partying type. I have blacked out and had unprotected sex with many women but i was always clean and tested negative for every std until 3 months ago when i met a girl at a party. She told everyone she was clean (I don't really remember why), and she said that condoms were for wimps. That night I went home with her because I was intoxicated and in the morning i felt fine, but as the day went on i felt worse and worse. After one week i couldn't open my mouth because an absess had formed and the doctor said i had tonsilitis. I knew this couldn't be true, but i didn't want to tell him I had had unprotected sex because my mother was in the room. Long story short I decided to get tested because I was getting sick every month. I tested positive and broke down. I was heavily depressed and wondered how this girl could look e straight in the face and tell me she was clean. Anyways im still trying to get used to the fact that I have HIV. I'm fine with it now and i have realized that I will still live for at least another 10 years which is enough for me. The moral of my story is to never ever trust someone that says they are clean. Most of the time it's true, but it only takes one time. Please, everyone be careful.

AVERT says: If you feel personally affected by some of the content of this story, please see our Help and Advice page for further information and details of organisations who can help

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Eric

Hi my name is Eric and I'm HIV positive I was diagnosed on August 20,2010. I honestly didn't believe it I was laughing smiling etc in disbelief I wad alone when the doctor left the room and left me the piece of paper that stated my diagnosis I stared at it for a long time reading every work twice tears just started rolling down my face and on to the paper and i felt a sickening feeling I've never hurt anyone I've always been bullied I've always been humiliated because I'm gay and i knew who did it I trusted that person and they betrayed me I felt my life ruined no hope no anything all that kept me alive and going was my family my mother specially she never left my side your family will always love you no matter what no friend no partner no one in this life will ever love you more than your mother and that is all i got from my mom. Here it us not a sad story it isn't a story to frightenyou my lifeit's no longer that i found a great man whom till this day respects me and loves me no matter my status you are not alone i am not an advisory our a councilor I'm a human a real one and life weather sick or healthy is not easy life always beats you up with no remorse but to fix it it is not crying and making yourself miserable it is to keep going I'm now accepting of my status i know i have to be healthy i take this as a warning from God to do the right thing i love you all i don't know you but i love you all with all my heart it us only by readingstories like the ones  i found here that really also helped me keep going i live you guys and girls please be healthy please look at life in a positive way don't let your sadness bring you down be happy live happy live life i didn't organize this story in a perfect easy because I iwrote it out of impulse but it is all from my heart I'm Eric I'm HIV positive and I'm happy happier than I've ever been in my life if i died tomorrow i wouldn't worry because i am happy and that is how you should all look on life with positively happy attitude..

AVERT says: Want more information about some of the issues discussed in this story? Check out our dedicated pages on living with HIV and our Help and Advice page for further information and details of organisations who can help

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Steven

My name is Steven, I'm 24 and was converted HIV+ in 2009. Ive read a few of these and decided to share my story and message in hopes it may help some people. My story starts when I was 22, I met a guy that I fell in love with and over time we began dating. When we started to talk about sex, he said he did not like to use condoms so i told him to go get tested and I would do the same. Keep in my mind we had been dating for 6 months by this time. My test came back negative, and next time we met he showed me a test and it also said negative. I started to get sick often, and the doctors thought id was simply a flu, needless to say I was converted hiv+. I confronted my boyfriend, and at first he denied it, but as i continually hounded for the truth he finally came clean. The test he showed me was old and he had been hiv+ since 2006 (before we met). He was also cheating on me the entire time we dated, spreading this diease to others. Today my T-cell count are very high, I take my meds everyday ontime and take care of myself. My message is this- If you have HIV and your partner does not...please disclose to them its our responsibility as hiv+ people to make sure the dieases ends with us. GO TO A DOCTOR!!!! AND GET MEDS!!!, there are county clinics that can help you for free example ADAP. IF you dont know your status go find out WITH your partner!! and always use condoms! Disclosing can be very scary pick the people you tell carefully some will be o.k. others wont know how to react. Go to the doctors frequently just to make sure your om and find out your t cells. Hope this helps Steven

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Salim

hii every one,am HIV positive and i came to know my status after i got married to my current wife of who after realizing that i had known what she knew alone she was bed ridden and she was pregnant at that time thank to  God since He gave me courage and i took care of the bed ridden wife whom i loved that much until she regained back on track and gave birth to a baby boy.
it is 13 years down the line with 2 baby boys one 8 years and the other 4 months old .HIV is not a death penalty it is a challenge to us to have courage and determination to achieve what we had not achieved earlier live positively ,and do any other thing in life positively.my family looks me as a role model for the stigmatized and discriminated persons  out of there status.i advocate on behalf of my fellow positive brothers and sisters and fight for there rights whenever i am.am proud to be living with HIV/AIDS.
NB .all those in need of our support to over come stigma and discrimination should always count on SALIM.

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Happier

I am a man aged 33 and happily living with HIV. i discovered this about 7 years ago when my health started failing me and i started ART after checking my CDF was 221. I was however not courageous enough as i had to stop the drug after i started experiencing strange side effects. Sadly i lost my lovely wife that gave me a lovely son soon after she discovered she was positive. I was devastated but have since picked up the pieces and restarted my ART and now am more heatheir than the healthy and i believe i will live my normal life till i die from natural causes. HIV is indeed not a death sentence as i have seen the health die and leave me.

Since i discovered i was positive, there is something i have always strived to do and God is my witness - NOT to infect any other person. I want to marry a beautiful lady again that has accepted her status and ready to live as normally as i do...

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Har.t

Hi frnds, I am Har.t.

i live with HIV possitive Virus.

One Year ago(2010), I doneted my blood in collage blood donation camp & after 15 days, Doctor called me

"you are HIV Possitive, , , , " So, i am feel very sad.

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Raj

i'm bisexual and didn't had much friends in college.

i found that finding a gay is very easy rather than finding a girl.i started meeting more and more guys from the age of 20.

I was a carrer oriented guy then,in spite of being highly educated and updated,i done sex with guys without protection.I never bothered much.

The bad news came to me,when i was selected for a fantastic job offer from abroad and i had to undergo a medical test to get VISA. i was very confidant of getting VISA, the news that shocked me is the call from clinic that my all tests are clear except,HIV test for which i was tested positive. i denied it and went to other hospitals for checkup.After 3 consecutive test,it was confirmed that i have HIV positive.

My weight started reducing gradually and i was feeling tired most f times.

My ambitions,my dreams,my carrer all ended with this incident,its been a month but still i'm in trauma.
i cannot face my parents,although they knew it and are supportive, but still.

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Marco

I broke up with my girlfriend half year ago and i was depressed for several weeks. I drank a lot since that day and used to have sex with anyone who want to have sex. I didn't even care if i might be infected with HIV, I even wanted to see how HIV look like. Then, I was diagnosed with HIV + a month ago.

I did have protected sex but i don't know how i got it. Perhaps the girls tried to infect it to me? I drank more from that day and couldn't sleep. I was stupid but accept my destiny. God bless me and everyone who live with HIV and those who is HIV negative, don't ever try. When you were down, don't be alone, share with your love one.

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Chukwu

The Year was 2006 when I decided to seek medical attention for some anal warts I had had for some time. As part of a number of investigations, the doctor included an HIV screening. Well, sad thing--it came out positive. And I felt horrible--like I had gotten my death sentence. I am gay and HIV positive--a bad combination especially in a country like Nigeria where either has great social and civil stigmata associated with it.

I confided in my family who were very supportive and have since then treated me like the weak sheep who needs tender loving care. I have been on ARVs since June 2008 when my CD4 fell to 191cells/dl. Now I have a CD4 of 760cells/dl. My anti-HIV drugs are an important part of my life.

The Healthworkers at the Health facility are also very nice and encouraging, and inspire me to comply with my meds.

I am presently 24 years and the healthworkers at the facility are constantly educating me on safe sex practices because they know I'm that age of sexual activity and adventure, but I cannot share my sexual preferences with them because I fear what their reaction would be: horror, I presume.

I am sorry if my being gay offends you, and then you probably think : 'serves him right', but that's ok, I've faced far too great discrimination both actually and emotionally that I wouldn't mind that at all. I only wish there was some form of arrangement where I could meet persons who share my sexual and 'retroviral' profile, so that I can at least have some chance at a happy, satisfying union.

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Seattle

I was diagnosed a little over 0ne year ago. I was and am still very angry but the problem is, who can I be angry at? I know where I contracted the virus. The sex was amazing and always protected. The last time he and I were intimate, I was the bottom and after he got off he pulled out and his face turned white, and he just stared down at his dick. I asked him wha was wrong and he said nothing and went to the bathroom. He came out freshly showered and smiling, we made lunch, sat together at the table, enjoyed the company of each other. After we were doing the dishes together and he started telling me a story of a boyfriend from the past. Long story short, he loved this man for 8 years and that man loved many others too in those 8 years! He then told me that he is HIV+, has been for 10 years. WHAT!!! I was so shocked! Shocked he chose to be intimate with somebody without disclosing his status! Shocked because he then told me that after he came, he pulled out, that the condom had broke and he ejaculated inside of me! 3 months later I was checked in at the ICU with a Macrobiotic infection, and Pneumonia. The next day was given a blood test looking for different things I suppose. Later that night the nurse came in with a stack of papers and a very sad look on her face. I asked about my test results and she said that my HIV test came back positive. I am only 27. The saddest part is, he went on as if nothing happened, opened up his coffee shop, its turned out to be very successful. Never an apology, never a word from him. Still to this day I haven't heard a word from him.

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Mark

I was just diagnosed being HIV positive a few days ago, after I decided to go for a blood test at the pharmacy. Wow,I almost fainted,when the nurse gave me my result, I said ''do it again''

It was positive, I was devastated, I cried..........I was so emotional. I thought, why God? Why did you do this to me? I felt robbed of my life, I thought of death. I am still trying to cope with the fact, that I have the virus, just been diagnosed a few days ago.

How do I feel, depressed, sad, l, lonely. But God will be my ANCHOR, and my family!!! I need all the support I can get..

My longtime girlfriend, will be tested this week,and I don’t know how I am going to deal with that outcome, I feel as if I have betrayed her, I love her, and her mom and dad were cross in the beginning.

i am going to the Doctor today, to do more blood tests, I want to live my life!!! I am only 41 I am trying to be positive, this is all new for me!!

God bless you all

Mark

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Charles,

hi there my name is Charles, im an African guy who came to England in 2008, i found out about my status wen i came to this country as i was supposed to go for all blood tests, i had never b4 had 1 in ma life, to my surprise the results came back positive, i was so worried and confused as me and my girlfriend had just had a beautiful young baby boy in 2007, apparently my girlfriend went for tests wen she was pregnant and the results came negative so i was so shocked, i haven’t told my family for fear of the stigma surrounding HIV in the African people. i have learned to deal and accept my condition im now on meds as my cd4 count was very low, but i refuse to let disease take control of my life, i wanna live my life 2 da fullest and work hard for da better future of ma son coz he is da only thing i dearly love!!! thanx to the UK government for making the HIV meds available i have never been ill although sometimes im so emotional and think why me, but to all those with this disease lets pull together and fight it!!!! we can be what we wanna be with or without it!!!

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RORO

Hi Guys everyone who can read this amazing story.

My name is Manolo I am a latin guy who has been enjoying hos life since I discovered I was HIV positive. I am 29 years old When I got tested I was in shock to know that my life will be destroy for being positive. I felt so horrible to know that my plans for the future will no be achieved. But i was wrong .In the begging for everyone is difficult but I have to tell you that this is a big lesson for all of us who has been having a no good sexual life. We all learn from our experiences. But I am here working hard and being very optimistic. My life wont be over since My doctor told me that I dont need the treatment which made me feel so good Since my CD4 was very high. My boyfriend is HIV negative and I am HIV positive. I have to say that for him and for my family I am being very strong and very happy. If you have this virus in your body dont feel sad come one guys this is no the end of the world. Look at around you there are people who still need you people who love you who want to see you smiling. I think the same way. God knows why things happen but remember He just want to see how strong you are, when God sees that He will make you much stronger in your life. Dont let the HIV you make you SAD no guys say this as I always say this virus wont destroy my life I am strong enough and there are people aroung me who need me. The best drugs for our treatment is this smile be optimistic grateful to God and happy to see your family and eat well and no have to stress . We are all still amazing people no matter if we have HIV its no the end of the world remember that.


I know I have HIV but i always says this everyday today is another amazing day and I will be happy for the rest of my life and I will make more plans for my future since nothing will make me feel sad. I wont let HIV destroy my life I will fight with this virus EVERYDAY BY BEING HAPPY AND TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME THEY NEED ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE


GOD BLESS ALL YOU GUYS AND WHEN YOU FEEL SAD TALK TO GOD AND TALK TO YOURSELF I AM STILL ALIVE AND I WILL BE ALIVE FOREVER

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