Stories From Around the World

Harrison

My name is Harrison,am 20.I tested Hiv+ in august 2012 when i wanted to join Nigerian Army,am very healthy and strong,i av passed all the screening exercises both the running of 3.5 km race and i came 7 out of 150 but during the blood medical test the doctor call me out and tell me dat am having Hiv,i was dumbfounded and dead inside of me,through out that week i was unable to sleep and eat,because my parents are negative.When i went to hospital 4 medication,my cd4 is high with 687 and the doctor gave me septrin and told me to come back on December to know my cd4 counts again so dat they will start to treat me.But i thank God for my mum bcos she is the only person that knows what am passing through,for her advices and words of encouragement.My advice is that everybody should purchase his or her own personal hairclipper because am thinking that that is the way i contacted the disease because am still a virgin boy.

AVERT says: Want more information about some of the issues discussed in this story? Check out our dedicated pages on living with HIV.

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George

I am a Kenyan and was diagnosed with HIV this year February.
I've worked against all odds to make the ends meet n finally I have a stable job.

It hasn't been easy telling of my condition to anyone not even my family but am looking for a wife of a similar status to take care of each other coz the conditions are at time hard n unbearable.

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Superstar

It has been a year since i found out that i was HIV+ but that did not stop me. I am 20 years old soon to be 21 I am a full-Time college student(junior) and i work a full-Time job. When i found out that i had it my Viral load was very high around 650,000 and my cd4 count was low. I started taking medication and now my Viral load is really low that it is UNDETECTABLE less that 48 meaning that it is no HIV showing up in my sample of blood at the point and time. I don't let HIV stop me for having fun. I still go out to parties and live my life like i don't have it. I just make sure if i am having sex that i practice safer sex. I have NEVER cried about it not one time because i know with these medication and prayer that i am gonna be okay. HIV is not in control of me i am in control of my HIV. I still plan on getting married one day and hope to have some healthy kids all of this is still possible even though i have HIV..I do a lot of research on HIV a lot..The more you know the better. I handle having HIV all by myself I have not told anyone in my family or any close friends. I have this one lady who is my caseworker who i just talk to about my situation... But i am Living my life to the fullest and so can you..Take care and remember that you are in control and not the HIV. Some day i can see myself speaking out to others about HIV in the near future.

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JP.

I was just diagnosed today, I know I had it, the symptoms said it all during Christmas holidays, I was just plain sick- feverish, sore throat, cold sweats, and mouth sores and yet I functioned well in the day I had taken cold medication day and night to ease the strains of the symptoms. However, I did not realize that my immune system was working trying to fight off the virus. When the clinics opened after the holidays I asked to be tested and it came back reactive and a second test was ordered for the confirmation and I received it today. I am fine with it now that I know the result and the doctors can treat my symptoms properly. And my family doctor of 15 years had decided that another doctor would start taking care of me and I asked which doctor and they did not know. I have decided that no one else needs to know, Right now I can not deal with the discrimination and deal with my illness at the same time. However, I have set up plans for my medical condition follow-up, and eventually I will have to deal with the emotional side of the illness in due time, in other words joining support group and telling my family and friends. I know life goes on but I have positive plans with the illness I live with now.

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Diamond

My name is diamond and im 27 years old i havent been tested yet but tomorrow is my day. i jus have heard rumors that someone i dealt with has it but i am so scared to go through with this and my reading alot of you all stories motivates me to do it but i know i wont have the same strength if it happen to me cuz i have four kids and i dnt want them to watch me suffer i just wanted end it for myself and get it over with cuz life hasnt been plesant at all for me and im tired of alot at this point im afraid to find out tomorrow i lay at night and cry myself to sleep im engaged and im lost on how to move on past this i will hate myself so i know everyone else will i will update this on my status but pray for me as i pray for you all as well much love!god bless you all

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Tina

Right now i am really scared, i need to write to someone because i feel so alone. i am positive and i found out my status in 2002. I do not from whom i contracted the virus but when i found out my doctor advised me if i do not know i must even stress myself about that. I lived with the virus until 2009 when i had pnuemonia, i was hspitalised for 2 weeks and reales on sick leave foe a month. Whilst at the hospital they also found out i had TB by doing a lung biobsy. My doctor has me on TB medication which i am stil on because she wanted me to do the course for 18months. Whilst in hospipal i also started meds. I am on espviranz and truvada. What scares me now is that i have had a relapse and i have lung infection that just wont get treated even with the antibiotic that i am on. I just needed to share that with you guys because you know where i am coming from. Most of my family do not know about my condition i especvially dont want to share because i know it would kill my mother who is also very sickly. I am also struggling to get support groups here in South Africa so i started surfing the net for other peoples stories.

Please pray with me fellow HIV suffers, i know together we will beat this

Thank you for sites like these

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Joey

I found out I was HIV Positive June 7, 2010. I am 37 years old. My longest relationship in my life has been only 5 months. It was my first test in almost 2 years with the last one being negative. I remember being so scared that time because I had unsafe sex with someone who I later found out was positive. It turned out I tested negative that time. One night my best friend urged me to get tested after a night out of drinking and having a good time. What started out as an amazing night with a great friend, turned into a nightmare. One that I have been living with for over 6 months now. I have an undetectable viral load and my cd4 count is over 450. I get my third blood test tomorrow. I've always taken care of myself physically. I eat well and I exercise 6 days a week. I take vitamins and everything. I meet all these wonderful people who want to know me, but I always push them away. I haven't let anyone get close to me. I haven't had sex since I found out. Lately, I've spent two months talking to one of the greatest people I've ever known. We talk at least twice a day on the phone. I think I love him. We will meet for the first time this week. I've never told him I have HIV. I'm so afraid. I feel like I'm living in a dream world. I'm so afraid that once I tell him, the fairytale will be over. His family will be here spending the holidays with him. He wants me to spend Christmas with him and his family. How can I possibly tell him I'm hiv positive without losing him? I mean if he truly cares about me, he will stand by me. After all, HIV is no longer the death sentence it once was when the world was scared of AIDS right?

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Kain

I've been positive for 14 years i am 34 now. I was very frightened when i first got the news i was dating a guy who i didn't really know and he was very callous and knew of his status; i think thats what messed me up in the head the most when i realized it was that guy who infected me. I was at university when i got the news and living away from home. I had to carry on regardless at uni although i think friends were concerned when i lost a lot of weight at one point. When i finished the course i came back to live at home, i went through a few years of being in denial, not even reading anything which discussed HIV in the gay press. I was going out and drinking a lot to escape the truth. Then there was a turning point a few years later and i re-evaluated my life, myself and HIV.

I took the step of going to a clinic, i started to go for regular check-ups and it wasn't long before i was on meds, CD4 at the time was about 160 viral load- not sure but was very high i'd also lost a lot of weight but because i was still in my 20's i just looked like your average slim guy (but i was really aware of it). I would still socialise with friends but take the meds in the toilet, never forgetting to take them. My social life has changed as i have got older and i dont like to stay out late so taking my meds is even less of a burden i also only drink on rare occasions as i have such a low alcohol tolerance and i hate feeling hungover!. My viral load is undetactable and CD4 stable and has been that way ofr several years now (about 10). I have leant a lot about myself since my diagnosis and how i deal with things; i have become more head strong and i don't give up very easily, I have always been private but because of the diagnosis i am even more private about things such as my health although i do talk to very close friends about it- its important to have at least one person who isn't a clinician that you can talk to although they are helpful. I work out, eat sensibly and work on maintaining my health through regular exercise.

The weight has come back on i dont have any facial or bodily muscle wasting and am please about that, it would really get me down if i had lipodystrophy or facial artophy. I never for one minute forget how my life changed and whilst i no longer dwell on the past i do have days when i feel depressed because of the whole situation but then i look at my life and the things i have achieved and that makes me feel better and more determined to do something with my life.

I have not been in a long term relationship because i guess i'm afraid of the reaction if i told the person, there have been short term relationships but i never feel i know the guy enough to tell them. Although saying that i did date a guy and he disclosed his status and we talked about our experiences- it was a nice change to feel i could talk openly about it. I do think about the future and what it holds but as long as i have good friends who i meet regardless of whether they know my status, thats the important thing. I do think as i get older i am more likely to tell a guy, i guess because i know my self on a deeper level and feel more comfortable in my skin, HIV is part of my life but it does not control my life.

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Mom, USA

I am the mother of 4 children. My oldest is Deaf. My youngest, 20 years younger than the oldest is what I believe to be transgendered. I realized he was not like my other two boys when he was nearly 3 years old. Now he is a teen. He is in a "Christian" school. It is difficult for him. It was his choice to be here. Now he is ready to leave. Why? Because it is lonely being him. He has only a few people he can talk to about his life that understand. Most people love his personality and he seems very popular. But behind all that is a young person hiding is secret and wondering who would reject him if they knew. Recently the administration has changed and in confiding with one of them whom he thought was understanding, they now turn out to believe they can "change" him into becoming "a man."

I don't know if this is genetic or not. I am NOT God. But this I do surmise- if you can be born deaf, or blind, or crippled. If you can be born with brown eyes, or blue, then you can be born transgendered. I don't like to use the word "gay" although my son considers himself that.

This is my opinion about sex. Young people should NOT be engaging in it whether heterosexual or homosexual. You should have lots of friends and be friends because of your likes and interests, not based on a physical relationship that robs you of closer intimacy later on with ONE person. I don't believe in multiple partners. Why? Because I myself have had more than one partner and I know the consequences of that.

I think we are way too judgmental when it comes to the "OTHER" guy (or gal). I am religious. I do believe in God and a loving savior. I think when you read Romans 1 and 2, most people read it wrong. Look at the beginning of Romans 2. It is referring back to Romans 1. It says to not be judgmental!

Growing up is hard enough as it is. Most of us don't come from "perfect" families. Well, maybe we don't realize that until we get older. But we need to be more understanding of others.

I love all my children in spite of their choices in life. I may be sad for the difficulties they go through because of their choices, but that is what God does. He gives us choices. It is NOT for me to judge!

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Bar

Hi All,

I was like a usual dude in his 20s. I drank alot during weekends and had sex around.
One day I had an unprotected sex with a prostitute. I realised the next day what a blunder I had done. I was totally depressed and scared of getting tested.

I didn't get tested for 6 months and all of a sudden i had a swollen gland in my armpit. I was depressed and had no option other than getting tested.

Trust me, those were the scariest times of my life.

I was waiting for the GP for my test results. My temperature was high and heart beat was rocking. I was expecting a YES from the doctor.

The Doc said, all is well and i was relaxed like a rebirth. I thanked God and I promised i would give a part of my salary to hiv infected people in the world from then.

I am doing it till now.

I would always say this " Never make alcohol overcome your life, so that you wont regret it later".

Also please get tested ASAP if you want to avoid unwanted stress and depressions.

Thanks
Bar

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Anon

I am a 20 year old and was recently diagnosed with HIV. I had received it from my current and only partner who I have been with for 2 years.

I coped with it pretty well because it was an on-going situation with the doctors trying to diagnose with what I had and I had prepared my self for the worse.

Unfortunately I was not told in the best way by my doctor but I was referred to a local clinic who have been 100% amazing and supportive to myself, my partner and my family. It also helped with my partner having it because we could go through it together.

All my family were told and they were supportive with it.

There is no point in looking back at how you got it, where you got it etc as it will just eat away at you - Just look towards the future and don't let it take over your life.

I do wish that I never had it, but the main reason for that would be the stigma attatched to HIV and that is the one thing which I find is the downfall when people get HIV because you can't really tell anyone about it because you don't know what they are going to think about it.

There is no point in letting it eat you up, just fight it and keep moving forward. If anything it has helped me aim to go further in life as you never know what could come around the corner.

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Soweto

I’m a 21 year old living in Soweto, i found out last year that I was positive well im not scared of the virus and I’m no different from any other people. I really want to start a family of my own one day but i don’t know if i should tell my partner about my status, couse I’m afraid I’ll lose him and i don’t want to loose him. I’m living a normal life but i don’t know whether I’ll live it to the fullest. Hope one day ill find the courage within me so that i can tell my partner and deal with the results there after.

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Icrowe

Today, I am a person living with many health issues. I also worry about the many obstacles that life has dealt me in the past and currently. I feel very deeply about my health, state of mind, and my outlook on life as I live it and see it.

I am HIV positive. I have known for about three years now, I also live with high blood pressure, anxiety, and depression. I am also in recovery from thirty plus years of drug and alcohol abuse. I have been drug and alcohol free for five years. Since then, I have found a better way of living.
It takes a lot of will power just to get through each day. Most importantly, I have to listen to my psychologists, my physician, my friends at NA meetings, and those that have worked with others whom suffer from some of the issues that I face on a daily basis.

By utilizing the resources that are available to me, I have learned to deal with my issues head on. I also had to learn to deal with life as it comes and just take things one day at a time. It is not easy by any means. My health issues sometimes make the simple things in life harder to deal with.

I have had alot of hurdles to cross in life. I am by no means better than anyone else, maybe not better, but certainly different...in so many ways! I am just a better person than what I use to be. In my opinion, anyone that wants to turn his or her life around can do so.

I could not do it alone. Every time I tried to deal with my issues alone, I failed. Each day, I continue to get support from those that love me and care about my well being. My road to recovery is not over, it will be a journey for the rest of my life.

I am looking forward to whatever challenges that life brings my way because; today I have faith in God! God had placed people in my life to help me get through my challenges. In turn, I have dedicated the rest of my life to reaching out to others in every way that I know how too. I think the best way for me to do that is by sharing my story with others. I also work daily at Heartland CARES, a non-profit, HIV clinic.

I don't have all the answers and I am not a doctor but, as a person overcoming a lot of obstacles and stigma, I have compassion and feel that I can reach out to others.

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True Star

It was like any regular day for me I was in school waiting for my classes to start. So I noticed that people were giving out free HIV test to people so I just looked at the booth and turned my head. I felt that I didn't need to take a test because I wasn't having sex at the time with no one. So just to let you guys know that this was in November of 2009, so I was walking pass and this lil old man stopped me and some others and said just take a minute to take a free test. So I said to myself what the heck just do it and tha's what I did.

When I came back for my results I was told it was positive and I knew that I had got it from a previous partner. First thing that came to my mind is that I'm going to die slowly. But my care provider helped me out alot and let me know that this donesn't change my life. I recently wanted my family to know so I had told them in the beginning week of Christmas. Ever since I told them thy have been very supportive and tell me constantly that we will get through this.

I am still very healthy and happy right now but I do get my down times where I may feel depressed by thinking about it. When I told my ex who was the last one I had sex with he said he didn't know. But I didn't blame him because it wasn't his fault I just took responsibility for my actions. We always used condoms but one day it broke and that was the one time it took. Right now I'm talking to someone that I'm very open with and they know I've HIV but they don't let that stop them from getting to know me. All I cansay is think positive and just live your life all yuo have to do is take yo meds and do teh right things for you. We all can beat this and become survivors because I know I will.

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TT...

Hai, dont know where to start.I am a 29 year old health care provider living with HIV for past six months now. I can remember the day I got infected because before then I had been a very careful person. Met a guy and it only took one night for my life to be turned upside down. My CD4 count is still high at above 800, n viral load of 80000, so m still fairly healthy.

What I find scarry the most is diagnosing myself everytime I have a cough, headache and or blister, everything turns into an AIDS defining illness for me. But the journey is long, n m only at begining n not about to give up on it.

I am sorrounded by a group of wonderful frends who have seen me through it all, n m forever greatful to them. havent been able to tell my parents, but my brothers n uncle know, n the support I have from them is also unimaginable. I love them more day by day.

I also havent felt much rejection, but sometimes one needs to give people space to get used to the condition , n that could easily be confused with rejection. I have loved one person in my life, and he tries to support me as much as he can, but sometimes I think m too much for him, but the key is he didnt run away after i told him.

My Strenghthas come from God, throughout all the strugles He has continously showed his Love and care for me... He carried me when I could not walk, and He is still right beside me. I have been reborn, and m living a healthy fulfilling life. my aim is to keep healthy and my CD4 up, V/L down, for as long as I can without ARVs.

Life is great....

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Sa.

I am 26 yeas old. I was diagnosed Sept 10, 2009. The last time I was tested before that was in the summer of 2004. Between then and now I have had maybe ten sexual partners and of those, two unprotected. The first, an exchange student in college, and the second the man that infected me. Please understand I spent at least three of those five years celibate.

I had lost my job earlier in the year and spent a lot of my time traveling and visiting friends and family. I spent a month or so visiting a few friends out of town. One evening, an old acquaintance pays a visit to my friends house where I am staying. As we are catching up on old times, there is a bit of chemistry that sparked between us. For the few days that he is in town visiting we mess around. He was a great top and I am an amazing versatile. The second time we had intercourse I noticed that he came inside me. I was pissed because I gave him a condom to put on. I didn't trip too much over it because the sex was good. I will admit I did allow him to penetrate me another time without protection.

Maybe a few days later, I was deathly ill. It started with a fever and aching back which spread to my whole body. I went back to my friends house to take a nap thinking that when I woke up I would feel better. I woke up and it was worse. I took myself to urgent care. I was only told I had a viral infection and given a handful of prescriptions. Three weeks later, I could finally eat solid foods and regained enough strength to make the 7 hour drive home. Several weeks after that I felt well enough to get back out and socialize.

I went to the local bathhouse one Wednesday evening and noticed posters on the walls offering free HIV testing that night at the bathhouse. I saw this as my opportunity. The nurse drew my blood and he told me when to call for my results. The following week I called early in the morning and he told me to come into the office. As I made my way into the office, I knew I was HIV positive. As he went through the routine of informing me and the ridiculously intrusive paper work involved, I just wanted to go back home and cry. I got very silent and withdrew from the conversation. He asked me a series of questions. The one that struck me was when he asked me if I expected the test results that I received. HELL NO!!!! If I had a clue that fool had HIV, I wouldn't have shook his hand let alone a 4 day fling.

The irony for me is I never saw any of this coming. I spent 9 months in 2004 and 2005 caring for my maternal uncle who was HIV positive and died May 10, 2005 of AIDS. I figured I gave my time to this awful disease and now I must give my life. Unlike my uncle I did not give up on life the day I was diagnosed. Everyday after that he attended his funeral, waiting to be put in the ground.

I choose life, there are so many things I have yet to accomplish and I don't plan to stop living until I have. I choose not to hate the man that infected me and I choose not to seek revenge, life will get him in ways I couldn't begin to imagine. I want to live and I can't have a good time when I hold hate and resentment in my heart. Each day I have to face the sobering reality of my condition and each day I let it motivate me to keep pressing forward.

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