Stories of Sex Education

Dakota

Sex ed is very important. But the kind that is given is not always helpful.

I'm 21 years old and still have not had sex but have played around. Mostly I account that to my religion. Then I found out I'm lesbian. I wanted to wait to have sex with someone I love and who loves me. I have felt tremendous pressure to just have random sex to get it over with and because my friends have already lost their virginity.

I'm a shy girl. My parents never told me about sex. When I was 8 or 9, I found a book in the library and read it. It blew my mind. I actually understood it was talking about sex, eventhough I didn't know what sex was at that time. I was a very smart child. Then I went home and told my parents what I knew. They asked me if I had any questions and I said no because I had no idea what to ask. They didn't tell me anything.

My school showed puberty and sex ed tapes which were not very helpful. I started my period when I was 11 and they didn't show the puberty tape until I was 12 or 13. We had counselors come talk in the class, and all they said was dont do it and tried to scare us with pregnancy, STDS, and of course they said it hurt, and most people got no pleasure from it the first time. They were not helpful at all.

One thing they never told us is how to have sex. I learned from hearing other people talk. And of course I had high school and college anatomy courses that taught how sex works, but it was all from a biological standpoint. I never really knew what went on during sex until I saw a film with nudity and strong sexuality.

• Avert's comment:
  School-based sex education is one of the most effective HIV prevention methods. Unfortunately, Dakota's experience of finding it unhelpful is all too common. More about sex education can be found on AVERT's page 'Sex Education That Works'.

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Daniela

I am 17 years old and I have never been taught about sex. Everything I know has been from the television and friends at school. I believe I know alot more than some of my friends because when I don't know something, I research it online. That's as far as I've come to the topic of "sex." Here in my hometown, we do not have Sex Ed. or anything close to it. That is why our pregnancy status are rising. I've got a friend who got pregnant last year, and ended up aborting the baby. I am currently doing a project on how high school students should be taught about sexual intercourse. I've surveyed nearly 75 students, and about 40% of them said they didn't know how to put on a condom. This is probably the reason of why my friend got pregnant. I want for the school districts to start teaching us, the students about sexual intercourse to protect ourselves from consequences. Not alot of us are aware of them. In one of my surveys, the question asked, "Are you sexually active?" One girl asked me what that meant, and she is 16 years old. I think that by this age, we should know alot more about sex in order to prevent the spread of STD's and pregnancies leading to abortions. One of our city's school has a daycare right in front it. Unfortunately, they had to close down because too many teenagers were leaving their babies in that daycare. When will we get the education we need?

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Ruger

I believe that Sex Education should continue in schools because the program teaches young adults about some sexual things that parents would never talk about with their children. One of my friends had sex for the first time and that was in fifth grade and now she is a mother of twins living with her parents and the first thing she said she was going to do was talk to her child about sex. I teach about sex and I'm only 16 but i teach it because some teens will listen to their peers but not to adults about a touchy subject such as that and people always ask me if i get embarrassed and I said only the first few times but I got over it.

I have been educated in sex for about 6 years now and I still don't understand it all and people ask what "it" feels like and I have a great answer and that is "I don't know I've never done it i'm only 16 and still in school for another 2 years."

It was odd though when adults ask me about certain things and I have an answer that they didn't know. And that is why I do it.

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Anon

Okay so I've been private (Catholic) schooled all my life, and I'm 16. From the age of 2. My school no longer shows "the video" about sex ed. to the kids. In grade 5 they decided that they were no longer going to show it to us. The parents from my school also tend to be much more reserved in talking about sex with their children. Most of my friends didn't even know about their periods. They knew even less about sex. Only what we discussed in religion class: "Don't have sex. It's against the Catholic faith before you're married." That's all the teachers ever told us. The only other time it was mentioned was out of our science text book, and even that was only on how a baby forms. They teach us nothing, our parents don't tell us. They tell us, "Don't get pregnant girls." But when you're 11 and someone tells you that, thinking back it's like, "How do you not get pregnant?" Because if you don't know what not to do until after you do it, it's useless. So this is just me supporting the idea that schools need to bump up the amount of sex ed. they give their kids.

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M C

Through out my years at highschool, and primary school, we were taught sex ed in the vaguest sense possible. I went to catholic school for both, and my teachers could only teach the approved curriculum, which, as per the wishes of the Catholic Eduation Office were very limited. What i've learnt, didn't come from my parents who enjoy keeping their heads firmly stuck in the sand, and nor from my sister, because it's rather a wierd conversation to have, and niether of us would be comfortable having it. Rather, i've found the internet is a great way to answer questions. Also friends stories and experiences are a god way to learn.

There are certain things that are common knowledge among people of my age bracket [i.e. 18-21], such as contraception on both the female and male's behalf, and the cautions about STI's. I do believe the older generations can underestimate what we know, and react badly when they find out what their children get up to. Which also explains why many children refuse to have the 'talk' with their parents. Especially those families who don't have such an open relationship. That's why the internet is a valuable resource in Sex Ed, and should be treated as such.

Whilst I do believe that the education system should play a bigger role in sex ed, people should be aware of the various ways they can get this information of their own accord, because it saves awkwardness, and prevents other people from nosing into situations that they have nothing to do with. If sites, reputable, medical and factual sites could be created, a person would have access to this information, and they wouldn't have to sit through the awkwardness that comes from asking someone else. At least, that's my belief.

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Lucy

My name is Lucy and I'm 14 years old.

I've been in two different education systems, because my family moved from New Zealand to the US when I was 7, and then we moved back again last year.

My mum told me how babies were made when I was about 4 or 5, because I had asked. She even went into details, and told me about penises and vaginas and stuff. I don't think many other kids my age knew about this, but she was very open. My dad was much more embarrassed about it, and he only recently told me that I shouldn't have sex too young, but that if I did ever get pregnant they would be entirely supportive.

At school in the US we had 2 lessons in 5th grade (age 10) about sex and puberty. They told us what was happening to our bodies, what sex was, and how we shouldn't have sex when we were teenagers. I think this was good because some kids were already started to date and stuff, and who knows what they would've wanted to experiment.

Then, I went to a catholic school for middle school. They only told us that it was wrong to have sex before marriage and that we could get pregnant. This was actually very effective, because most students thought it was very wrong to have sex before marriage, but I don't think that it was actually preparing us for the real world, where we probably would have sex before marriage.

When I moved back to New Zealand, I was in year 10. In Science, we learnt more exactly about how babies were made, which of course we all knew, but maybe hadn't thought about very much. We also had Health class once a week, which at one point covered Sexuality. They taught us quite graphically about STI's, Relationships, Contraception, etc. We even had to write down the steps to putting on a condom, and were shown pictures of people with disgusting STI's. Taking the class did make me feel much more comfortable about talking about sex.

Some people think that it isn't good to be taught this by 'strangers,' and that your parents should teach you, but I don't agree. Your parents don't teach you maths and science; you go to school to learn. There's a lot to learn about sexuality, and I'm not sure if your parents could actually teach you everything. Plus, just face it: not everyone's parents are going to talk to them about it. It wouldn't be fair to the children of those parents.

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Anon

Sex education is a strong factor in any ones life no matter how old or how young you are. It teaches not only preventive methods of pregnancy, but also condom usage (correctly), STD's (Sexually Transmitted Diseases), puberty, abstinence, and birth control. I think sex education should be taught from the age of 8 years and above. I don't think there should be a cut off limit for this subject, although it is a debatable one. Some kids have a tendency of knowing about when the appropriate age to begin sexual activities, but chooses to do so at their own despense. I taught my children about the risk factors of sex, having sex before marriage, STD's, pregnancy, menstrual cycles and more, but they chose to have sex on their own and at the age they did. I was unknown to me until they got older.

Now they are 17 and 18 years of age(boys). They haven't stopped having sex (I'm a hurt) but it is a natural part of life and I wish they would have waited. I don't think there is a such thing as too early to have this talk or being embarrassed, you would rather them learn it and hear it from you than go through peer pressure without knowing what to do and end up pregnant, having STD's, and even worse, HIV.

Parents, please talk to your children if you have not already, it is an on-going conversation and it doesn't start and stop at school nor with friends, parents of friends, neighbors, Grandmothers etc., It is never too late!

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Perry

I think children should be educated about sex because If a child gets pregnant they will, one, loose their virginity, and two pretty much loose their childhood. Children should have sex Ed classes. I am 14 and I have not lost my virginity. I do not plan on it ANY time soon. My mom and dad have talked to me about all of the diseases you can get and that you need to use protection. I can't believe some of the above stories. They lost their virginity at the age of twelve!!!!! And got pregnant REALLY young too!! I am ashamed that people would do that!! I am a good child and don't do dirty things or loose my virginity young. But children should always have sex ed. Even if children make fun of them (that is what happens.) I hope when you reAd this you get the point to not have sex young and not get pregnant young (you shouldnt get pregnant if you dont have sex.)Thanks.

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Tom

In England and Wales, sex education is not compulsory in schools as parents can refuse to let their children take part in the lessons. The curriculum focuses on the reproductive system, fetal development, and the physical and emotional changes of adolescence, while information about contraception and safe sex is discretionary and discussion about relationships is often neglected. Britain has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Europe and sex education is a heated issue in government and media reports. In a 2000 study by the University of Brighton, many 14 to 15 year olds reported disappointment with the content of sex education lessons and felt that lack of confidentiality prevents teenagers from asking teachers about contraception. In a 2008 study conducted by YouGov for Channel 4 it was revealed that almost three in ten teenagers say they need more sex and relationships education.

I think the approach to sex education is to view it as necessary to reduce risk behaviours such as unprotected sex, and equip individuals to make informed decisions about their personal sexual activity.

I feel this because my Nan, who is 57, had my mother at the age of 17. After sex education lessons I asked my Nan if she would not mind answering some questions about teenage pregnancy.

She told me that she found out she was pregnant just after she had turned 17. when she told my grandfather he was so happy. Her parents were so disapointed in her that they forced her to get married to my grandfather and leave her education. When the baby was born my Nan was in labour for 18 hours and eventually my Mum was born. Within a year she had a divorce because she met another man who adopted my mum. She has found that although she loves us and would do anything for her family, she wished she had, had safe sex and had continued with her education. She now sits at home with nothing to do because she did not continue with education and she is in and out of debt.

I hope many of you realise now that a teenage pregnancy can cause you troubles up until you are 50.

So have sex but stay protected.

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Majiv

I don't think sex education should be taught in schools. I think that it should be the parents responsibility to talk to their kids about such a serious matter. Maybe, instead of having our kids sit under the instruction of complete strangers, we should step up to the plate and complete what we were called to do--and that is to ensure that our kids know the facts about sex. That yes, it is ok, but only when you are the appropriate age and when you are able to handle your decision.

AVERT.org believes that sex education is necessary in order for young people to have sexual facts at their disposal. The skill to negotiate with sexual partners is invaluable in preventing STDs and HIV. Parents should also take an active role in this education.

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Mitch

My name is Mitch and I'm 13. Keeping it short and simple we were told about puberty in grade 6. As my teacher discussed the matter we were all laughing. The main thing that thy skipped was how sex really happened. Sure they went into detail about the scientific way and all that but no one said anything about the fact u can do it at a young age and girls can actually become pregnant. All the girls I know at school can't wait for dating and things like that but when I asked them, do u really want to spend child years supporting a baby or working they all said no, I just want them to spend more time on how it can affect your life in school I thought that's what school is for. Also I feel bad for every one that have sacrificed their lives foot their children but I'm also happy to know the children are growing up in good conditions

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Jane

Well I'm 14 years of age and so far i have only had 2 sex-ed lessons. I go to an all girls school. And my first sex -ed lesson was when i was in grade 5 and everyone put up a fuss, the parents, and us children, the older grades had told us these frightening stories, and the teachers told us we could leave the lesson at anytimes due to complaints. So naturally everyone left, and we never got in trouble. And all the lesson was about puberty.

My parents had been pretty good. At around age 10, when I started watching M rated stuff, I had a lot of questions and my mum was willing to answer them. At times now when I ask a question she acts shocked about how I know a word or something, but she is still willing to answer.

My second sex-ed lesson was last year in grade 9. And the stuff they covered was basically all the stuff our bodies had been through. They also went into great detail about STD's (STI's) but not many people actually knew what it was, and how you caught them, and the teachers refused to answer any questions about anything else, so everyone sat there confused and then everyone started making stuff up.

Not many people in my grade know stuff about safe sex, and many people have done sexual acts, as if its an everyday act and people should be doing, and if their not, they literally outcast them. And in fact one of my mutual friends is now pregnant, and is being treated for HIV.

I seriously think the schools should be teaching us about sex, and puberty, because some kids are really deprived from this information, and seriously need to be taught.

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Vanessa

Hello my name is Vanessa and im seventeen years old. At school I first talked about sex and puberty when I was ten we were all shown a very old videotape of a man and woman walking about naked. It was a pointless video to watch and I don't think it taught me anything nor my classmates.

I had an older sister so I learnt most of the puberty stuff from her and my mother also told me what happens etc. I can't recall however her telling me to practice safe sex though e.g. condoms, properly because she was older then most mothers and I was young at the time maybe she thought I didn’t need to no all that just yet.

I was told however that when I started my period I would be put on the pill, which happened. And my dad gave me some good advice which I do think helped he told me "Boys are only after one thing and that is to get into you're pants"

Its funny looking back but he was right that is what most boys want especially at that age. And the other thing that I supposed stopped me from sleeping around without anything was his threat that if I came back pregnant I would be on my own. It sounds harsh but I don't think he would of stuck to it but that threat worked and I always made sure I was careful.

My dad would always check up on us about where we were going and who with so I guess that is the reason im not pregnant to this day because I was taught not to let my parents down and have respect for myself by not sleeping about.

I think because my dad spoke to me I listened more as he was talking from a teenage boy point of view and knew what they would be thinking.
School did give some more talks when I was fourteen about what to use like condoms etc but I think its better coming from you're parents at school people tend to mess around especially in front of their mates.

So overall I was pretty lucky to have my parents I think nowadays people need to speak to their children more and know where they are going and what they are doing. Make sure their girls are on the pill or something send there boys out with condoms and maybe even let them meet some teenagers that have got STI s or pregnant so they know the danger of unprotected sex.

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Delilah

Hi! my name is Delilah and I am 14 years old. My parents started telling me about sex when i was 9 and every so often they would add a little bit as I got older, and when I was 13 I decided that it sounded like fun an I wanted to give it a try, so i asked my friend Max and he was interested too. So we did it one evening when my parents weren't home, it was fantastic, my parents had told me it wasn't great the first time, but i guess everyone is different, it hurt a little at first but then it got really good. We used a condom, but I got pregnant anyway. I now have 2 little girls named Colleen and Mylene. Max and I are still together, our parents are Catholic so they threw us out of their houses, we moved into a council house in an estate, it isn't the best place to raise children but we are managing I am staying in school and Max is going part time to school. Neither of us got any sex ed. in school and I think that is the reason I got pregnant, even though my parents taught me a lot. I don't talk to my parents but Max's parents occasionally talk to us and send money to us each month, which I am very grateful for. Max and I believe we are meant for each other and when we are 18 we will marry, I am on the pill and we use a condom now when we have sex. I regret having sex at such a young age but I don't regret having our girls.

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Christine

O.K, I feel that there are some things that need to be said before people get the wrong idea. Im 16 years old, and let me tell you to, im a mom to a 1year old baby boy. i admit what i did was wrong (except for having my child). But why didn't i realize this sooner, it was because i didn’t know about sex until I was 13, and I lost my virginity at age 12. i have a strong feeling that all children should learn and have a sex education between the ages of 11-13years. With having sex education involved teens will soon relize the cause of their life could be at risk. Parents are scared to tell their teens, let me say, they shouldn't. if they were true parents, they teach their children about sex, and fight about having sex education in school.

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Anon

I am 17 years old since November 2009. My school didnt provide me with any type of sex ed from K - 10th. My parents had me calling the vaginia a "what's it" until i was 14 and a boy who i was with told me that isnt what its called.

I think its pathetic schools don't provide the common sense, at least, that many children are lacking.

At 15 years old I got pregnant I now have a ten month old daughter who I love more than anything in this world. She is not a mistake nor a regret, she is my world. I no longer go out, I do not get free time, I dont relax, and I am definatly not healthy from all this stress. I recieved my drivers license about a year ago now, I am not like every other teenager cruising around doing what ever they want enjoying the freedom, I drive to daycare, school, work, and home. I don't waste anytime or have spare time since my life is dedicated to her. I work 2 jobs 5 or 6 days a week trying to support us.

Her father is involved, but also has 2 other children (we went to the same high school he graduated 2 years before me and also was not educated on sex). We are together and he works as much as possiable. Yet still it is hard to live off of hardly anything. We do not live off welfare or collect any type of money from others taxs. It was our decision to have this baby we will provide for her.

She has everything she needs, diapers, formula, toys, babyfood, lots of clothes, nice things a beautiful crib, but we as parents gave up all the things we wanted and some things that we needed so she could have what ever child deserves. and i am not looking for a medle most parents give up many things for their children. All I am trying to get across is babies are dependent on you. You are no longer a child if you need to raise one. I love my life, but I gave my childhood so my daughter could be raised correctly. If I had one wish it would be for my school to have properly educated me and all my classmates about sex, and contraceptives.

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